DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns them all, honest guv. I own a Star Trek captains clock which has stopped telling the time due to a flat battery and a packet of Milkybar Buttons, which I had to eat after being upset by the mere mention of coffee flavoured Revels *grimaces*
NOTES: This is dedicated to our distinguished captain, who I suspect has been traumatized due to too many run-ins with those coffee flavoured revels, and a hyperactive Klingon muse. Hope this raises a giggle, or at least a little smile? *s* Because, I should warn you Cap'n, you're responsible for my sugar hyperactivity right now…I was so upset for you and your Revels (Yuck! Yuck!) that I…er…accidentally ate rather a lot of M&M's as well, in addition to the Buttons I had earlier. This was supposed to be a small dialogue piece, but it's turned out a little differently than I imagined *G* ;)

An Unusual Holiday

By Quew

B'Elanna was roused by the insistent ringing of her door chime, pulling her from a comfortable sleep and urging her to drag her tired body from her warm bed, across her cold quarters and to the offending portal.

'What?' She growled before the doors had fully opened. 'What, what, what?! Who the hell is-'

She stopped dead, her jaw dropping open and her eyes wide.

'Trick or Treat,' Seven said in her Borg monotone.

B'Elanna didn't answer, her eyes brown pools of disbelief…this has to be a dream…this is all a dream…I'm asleep…this isn't happening.

'Trick or Treat, Lieutenant,' Seven repeated, a tiny hint of frustration creeping into her flat voice.

'Seven,' B'Elanna choked, dragging her gaze up from the ex-drones chest area. 'You…do you…you're…oh my…' She started to fan herself desperately as her face flushed a deep red. 'Do you know you're Naked?????' She cried eventually, suddenly remembering herself and closing her eyes.

Seven looked down at her unclothed body, then back at the engineer, who'd begun to pant somewhat. 'Yes, I believe I am aware of my state of undress,' Seven said coolly.

B'Elanna slapped her hands across her eyes so hard she stumbled back a step as the urge to peek got almost too hard to resist. She swallowed hard and then said, 'Why?' In a high, strangled voice most unlike the proud half-Klingon.

Seven sighed heavily and B'Elanna's mind went haywire imagining which parts of the blonde were going up and down with that sigh. 'I was forced to take part in this pointless endeavour by the Captain. She said I must partake of human holidays and their customs.'

'And she made you go naked?'

'No, that was my own decision. I could not decide on a costume, and since I had heard that the point of the costume was to shock…'

'You decided to go naked.'


'You're naked.'


'Really, really naked.'

'Yes. You seem to have trouble grasping this concept, Lieutenant. Would you like to take another look to confirm?'

'Well, okay, just a litt- I mean, no!'

'I…understand,' Seven said. 'Trick or treat.'

It took a few moments for B'Elanna's brain to catch up with her ears. 'You're trick or treating?'

'Yes,' Seven ground out, annoyed with B'Elanna's penchant for repetition. 'So far I have collected three candy bars, several oranges and seventeen offers of 'Hot Monkey Sex'. However, I do not understand what overheated primate copulation has to do with the traditional Halloween holiday. I shall research this phrase when I have finished trick or treating. Perhaps it is some sort of primitive spectator sport, like cock fighting. Lieutenant, are you alright?'

B'Elanna regained her breath, having managed to turn her shocked laughter into a frantic coughing fit at the last minute. 'Fine,' she wheezed, 'Fine. Let me see if I have some candy or something. Come in.'

Even with her eyes shut, B'Elanna could sense Seven's hesitation, and she waved her in. She heard the door close and backed away, keeping her eyes shut even as she caught the back of her knees on the couch and went head over heels backwards, flinging her arms and legs out as she went.

'Ooofff!' She gasped, hitting the edge of her coffee table with a jolt that knocked most of the wind out of her.

'Lieutenant!' Seven called, at her side almost before she'd stopped falling.

Reflexively, B'Elanna's eyes had popped open as she hit the table, and the first thing that came into focus was a pendulous breast heading toward her as Seven crouched next to her, reaching out to help.

With a squeal, she shut her eyes and froze up, trying to ignore her Klingon side as Seven helped her upright. In some ways, having her eyes shut made it worse…was the skin brushing up against her arm part of Sevens' torso, an arm or…something else?

With an agility that she didn't know she had possessed, she jumped out of Sevens helping hands, fell over the coffee table again, leapt upright, tripped over her armchair, smacked into the wall, rolled backwards, found her feet, stumbled into a lamp, fell over the back of the sofa and stopped in roughly the same position she'd started in, all with her eyes shut.

Once again, Seven helped her upright, but once the lieutenant was on her feet, Seven turned to leave.

'I am sorry to have caused you such discomfort,' the ex-drone said, heading for the door. 'I didn't realize that my 'costume' would have such an adverse affect on your co-ordination and motor skills.'

'Wha-?' B'Elanna managed, her brain still several steps behind the conversation and still dazed from her tumble. 'But you haven't had your candy yet,' she said, confused.

'I believe I shall manage without a glucose product at this time, Lieutenant,' Seven said.

'Wait!' B'Elanna said, shaking her head to clear it and bring herself up to speed. Something about the ex-drones' manner putting her on edge even with her eyes closed. For once, she felt the unfamiliar fire of concern burning in her stomach, making her nervous and unsure. 'Won't you put some clothes on? Are you seriously ok with people seeing you naked?'

'I am fine with people seeing me unclothed,' Seven replied sharply. 'But they are not.'

'I don't…' B'Elanna swallowed, fighting her urge not to help the arrogant blonde. 'I don't understand.'

'Your reaction, B'Elanna, is typical of many of the crew.'

'Well, yeah,' the brunette replied, slightly surprised. 'It's not polite to stare at someone who's unclothed without permission.'

'I would have thought permission would have been inherent in the act,' Seven countered. 'If I did not mean for people to look, I would have worn clothes.'

'Why didn't you? I mean, you could've worn anything, anything at all, even a sheet over your head with holes cut out for eyes, and you chose to go naked. Why?'

'Why I choose to do such things is none of your concern,' Seven said, her voice loud and arrogant.

B'Elanna took a chance and opened her eyes as she heard the door swish open, running across the room and grabbing the blondes elbow before she could leave. Making sure to keep her gaze on Seven's face, B'Elanna pulled her back enough for the doors to shut. For a moment, she truly thought Seven would struggle as a cloud of emotion passed over the usually un-expressive features of the other woman, but Seven allowed the contact and the pull.

'Why, Seven,' B'Elanna repeated softly.

Seven's mask came back suddenly, her eyes hard and her mouth a thin line of discontent. 'I had deduced that Halloween was a holiday where people were to indulge in as many frightening experiences as possible. I could not find a costume that I deemed frightening enough, so I decided that since most crewmembers find the Borg repulsive and frightening, I would show them my… myself.'

For a moment, B'Elanna was swamped with pity and compassion, but she did not let it show. She knew that she and Seven were too similar, and that pity would not go down well with the ex-drone. Searching for a different tack to address the issue and realizing she didn't know squat about counselling or diplomacy, she decided to go balls out and just do it her own way.

She took a step back and held Seven at arms length, letting her eyes go very obviously and determinedly from top to bottom and back again.

'I'm sorry, Seven,' she said, struggling to keep her eyes focused on Seven's own and not anything further down. 'But that isn't why people reacted to you so strangely. You're hot.'

'I am…hot? I beg to differ, Lieutenant, my temperature is perfectly reasonable.'

'That's not what I meant, Seven,' B'Elanna said, desperately trying not to look as flustered and distracted by the ex-drones' body as she felt. Licking dry lips, she continued. 'I meant that when crewmembers look at you, they are not seeing a reminder of the Borg - they are seeing two very nice breasts, a fine pair of legs and a very attractive-'

'I believe I get the idea, lieutenant,' Seven said, and B'Elanna noted with glee that Seven was in the throes of a full body blush.

Hiding a toothy grin and enjoying herself more every minute, B'Elanna tried again. 'Do you, Seven? Or do you perhaps think I'm saying this just to make you feel better?'

'I am…unsure as to your motives,' Seven admitted. 'You are not a person I can conceivably see helping me.'

B'Elanna nodded. 'But I am, because it's true, and no-one with a body like yours deserves to be ashamed of it.'

'I do not understand.'

'You are, aren't you? You're ashamed of what people see when they look at you,' B'Elanna said, seeing the truth in Sevens' face and wondering how she could have missed it before. 'You have nothing to be ashamed of.'

'You don't believe that.'

'You have the best legs that I've ever seen, do you know that? Well, no I guess not, because I never told you, but still…' B'Elanna trailed off as Seven touched a small implant that sat on the skin of her upper thigh. B'Elanna shook her head. 'No, that doesn't bother me. It's just…a part of you… like these,' she picked up Seven's hand and drew it down her ridges, ignoring the feeling that her skin was on fire after Sevens' touch had passed, 'are a part of me. It took a long time for me to accept that.'

'You…are right,' Seven whispered, raising her hand and tracing the ridges of her own accord. 'And I…'

'Went round half the ship naked?' B'Elanna asked, humour colouring her tone slightly.

'Yes,' Seven agreed, lowering her hand. Immediately B'Elanna missed the contact. 'I do not believe I will…'live this down' tomorrow.'

'It can't be that bad,' B'Elanna said, lying through her teeth - she knew as well as Seven did what the rumour mill of Voyager could do.

'Mr Paris will make it that bad…when he regains consciousness. He passed out when I appeared on his doorstep naked, asking for candy.'

For a moment, B'Elanna could think of nothing to say, and then of it's own violation a burst of laughter erupted from her, making her squeeze her eyes shut as she imagined Tom's face.

She laughed for a good minute, only to open her eyes and find Seven bent double, laughing herself. That was enough to set B'Elanna off again, and they shared a moment of humour, drawing deep breaths and avoiding eye contact lest they should start again.

'C'mon,' B'Elanna said suddenly, grabbing the blondes' hand. She led her over to the replicator and eyed her up and down quickly, sizing her up. She turned and started tapping commands into the replicator, mumbling as she did so. 'You know, Seven, I can't help thinking you've missed the point here… Halloween can be scary, sure, but it can also be fun…'

'Fun…?' Seven echoed, pulling a face that was part disdain, part trepidation. 'Fun is irrelevant.'

'Uh uh,' B'Elanna admonished. 'We have a saying. 'Don't knock it till you've tried it.' I think you should try it.' She turned, grinning, and held out an object to Seven.

Hesitantly, Seven reached out and took the replicated object, looking at B'Elanna, whose grin was growing by the minute. 'I do not think I wish to partake in this activity,' she said, returning to her old stance and her old arrogance to hide her anxiety.

B'Elanna grinned. 'Oh, come on Seven, loosen up. I tell you what; just try this, please? Sometimes all adults need a chance to be a kid again. I'll…I'll… ' B'Elanna searched desperately for an incentive. 'I'll cook you dinner when we get back? You must be hungry, what with all that naked trick or treating you've been doing.'

'I do not require nutr…' Seven paused, and then nodded almost imperceptibly.

Captain Janeway groaned as the door chime roused her from her deliciously coffee flavoured dreams and into the cold, dark reality of her quarters.

'Lights,' she groaned, and when they hummed into life she pulled herself out of bed and toward the door. 'This had better be good,' she murmured, 'Or I am going to kick some serious ass, Starfleet be damned.' Raising her voice, she called for the doors to open and then stood there, mouth open and eyes agog, as B'Elanna and Seven giggled at each other and made what they thought were perfectly normal ghost movements, but since neither of them had ever seen a ghost, they made do with wiggly arms and torsos and the occasional, 'WooooooooOOOOooooooo!'

'Trick or Treat!' Seven said eventually, remembering they were there for a reason.

'Trick…or…wha-?' Janeway said, watching as her Chief of Engineering and her Astrometrics officer cavorted around the corridor, chasing each other and making ghost noises as they ran around with the white sheets on their heads with big, badly drawn smiley faces and two different sized, badly cut holes for eyes.

'Treat!' B'Elanna laughed as Seven tried to discreetly get her attention.

'Oh?' Janeway's eyebrows tried to migrate to the back of her head, but finding they didn't have the right passports they had to make do with a short holiday in her hairline. She searched her memory for the right diplomatic protocol for the situation and ended up saying, 'You want candy?'

'Or fruit,' Seven said, still tugging on B'Elanna's arm for her attention, 'although offers of 'Hot Monkey Sex' will be politely declined.' Captain Janeway swayed and gasped, blinking furiously at the mention of hot monkey sex. Seven finally succeeded in getting the engineers attention, turning to the shorter woman and saying, 'B'Elanna, these costumes are functional for their purpose, but because am I naked and because of the way they are fastened, I am experiencing uncomfortable friction on my-'

Despite her extreme amusement at the situation, B'Elanna had enough sense to launch into another diplomatically placed coughing fit as Janeway went pale, staring at her ex-drone crewmember.


'Naked?' B'Elanna helpfully supplied, unable to stop herself.

Janeway nodded jerkily and opened her mouth to speak, but she seemed unable to create a coherent sentence, little keening noises escaping from her throat as she swayed as if caught in a breeze.

'I think you're right, B'Elanna,' Seven said, glancing at the Captain. 'Perhaps I did not need to be clothed to shock people.'

Captain Janeway stared at Seven and then fainted gently, the word 'naked' still on her lips.

B'Elanna grabbed Seven's hand and they started down the corridor, laughing, ready to trick or treat someone else.

The End

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