Wedding # 2
"I now pronounce you husband and wife," said the Captain, her smile radiant as she watched the once shy and demure Tal Celes practically pounce on her poor defenceless husband of two seconds and kiss his face off.
At the back of the room, behind a sea of 'Ahhh'ing crew members, B'Elanna and Seven exchanged a look of barely contained revulsion. Weddings were bad enough, but hormonally charged displays of affection, in front of the captain no less, were downright nauseating.
As the kiss lingered and Tal Celes' hands appeared to wander Seven began to worry. She knew of seventy-two species where the bonding ceremony culminated in a mass orgy, and although none of those species currently resided on Voyager, she began to fear that her somewhat flighty assistant may have chosen to emulate the customs of one of those species. "Are we required to copulate?" she asked B'Elanna, her voice unusually timid and tinged in dread.
B'Elanna's eyes, which had been in mid-roll as she watched the antics at the front of the room, suddenly bulged from their sockets. "What!" Several heads turned as B'Elanna simply stared at the former Borg, her palms beginning to sweat and a look of terror on her face. "Why would... What made... How do... Huh?" she finished succinctly.
"Does the ceremony culminate in mass copulation?" Seven asked in a rational manner. "Or are we merely required to observe the consummation of the marriage?"
At the front of the room, Captain Janeway gave a discrete cough but, unfortunately, it was too discrete to interrupt young Celes' ardent display of affection.
If anyone else had asked that particular question, B'Elanna would have known they were joking, but when it came to Seven, she had learnt to take things literally. "Neither, I hope." The relief on the other woman's face was palpable. "Why, have you never been to an orgy before?" she teased.
"I am unpractised in the art of copulation," Seven said seriously.
The statement caught B'Elanna off-guard. She'd never given Seven's sex life a second thought, well, except for that one time, and she'd blamed that on the wine, but if she had, it would stand to reason that the woman was still a virgin. "I'm sure Tom has a holo-program that could help you, erm, practice," she whispered, red tingeing her cheeks. "If you wanted to."
Seven gave the matter some thought, but before she could form a reply, a cheer went up as the Captain managed to separate the kissing newlyweds and everyone was finally free to leave for the reception.
Kathryn quickly made her way towards the back of the room. "Please tell me I didn't make that much of a scene when I got married," she begged.
"Don't worry," said B'Elanna, laughter in her voice, "you were very restrained."
"Your kiss with former Ambassador G'ra'cho lasted 0.8 seconds and, although superfluous, did not create a scene."
"Thank you, Seven, but you know you can call him John." Kathryn quickly looped her arm between both B'Elanna's and Seven's and began to lead them towards the mess hall and the wedding reception, knowing full well they would both slink away to engineering if left to their own devices. "So, how did you enjoy the wedding? Didn't Celes look beautiful?"
B'Elanna murmured something suitable and Seven kept tactfully silent until they had reached the mess hall and were finally free of Kathryn's death-grip on their arms.
Once free, Seven decided that a formal offer of congratulations to the newlyweds would afford her the earliest escape, and therefore, began to make her farewells. "If you will excuse me, Captain, I should speak to Tal Celes." She turned to B'Elanna. "And thank you for offering to help me practice copulation, Lieutenant, I shall give the matter some thought."
As Seven left, Kathryn turned a look of deadly force on her chief engineer, the likes of which had never been seen outside of Unimatrix Zero.
"It's not what you think!"
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