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Worth the Wait
Her hands are everywhere, on my skin, hot and sure. My mind is spinning, whirling with factoids and measurements and miscellaneous readings on top of the direct physical feedback I'm experiencing from her touch. Honestly, I don't really need the heat signature readout to know she's hot for me. I can tell that just by looking at her.
Ruth feels so much, I know it, I can sense it like a current running between us. Still she says nothing, no need to speak when her eyes saying everything and nothing. My heart speeds up, and I shut down my feed to Berkut. No need for the boys in the computer lab to get cheap thrills.
Her hazel eyes flicker to my lip and I know a small trickle of blood has started. I move to wipe it away with my thumb but she's beaten me to it. Her touch is intimate, tender, and caring. She looks up at me, our eyes locking once more.
"Thank you. I don't need teasing from Nathan today." Her voice is low and sensual, like a caress and my body reacts, clenching and throbbing. I'm just happy that I'm leaning against the door since she's still touching me, burning her presence, her essence into my senses.
I simply smile and cock my head, pleased that she's pleased. Neither of us wants the watchers to know about us, but it's my reality, a problem we constantly deal with. Between our various assignments and my real life with Becca, Ruth and I have so little time together as it is. It seems like we're always waiting, but I want all of her now. I'm tired of waiting.
Ruth is easy to talk to but hard to get to know, difficult for her to really open herself up to you. It's the therapist in her, and I get that but sometimes I just want to shake her, to tell me what she's really thinking. It's just as effortless to fall into bed with her, to fuck each other senseless, as wonderful and amazing as that is, but what I truly want is to make love. I want to make slow, intense and passionate love, accepting all the responsibility and consequences to our lives that that will entail. I'm beginning to realize that I need more than the occasional itch scratched. I want to break through her walls, peek behind the masks, to know what she's really thinking and feeling. No more games, I want the real flesh and blood woman standing before me. I want to share our lives with each other.
Oh Ruth, what the hell have you done to me?
Her finger tips have found their way to my lips, tracing my lower one before tickling down to my chin. Her fingers move up to follow my dark eyebrows and then slide into my hair. Her hazel eyes bleed to warm grey and I know she needs me, wants me as much as I want her.
I can't resist any longer. I move in to taste her oh so soft mouth, pressing gently and then when finally granted access, I explore the heat of her mouth. I hunger for more, and so does she, I can feel it in the tension of her back and shoulders. I break the kiss and smirk, recognizing the tell tale signs of my lover's body. I don't need multi-million dollar equipment to read Ruth's desire.
"Jonas has me on a flight to Madrid in half an hour. I needed to see you before I go." Ruth glances away, still uncomfortable with sharing her feelings with me. I want to break through, press on, taking this sliver of an opportunity to move us forward.
Us. Damn, I like the sound of that.
"I'm glad you did." I grab her hand before she can escape too far from me. My thumb plays across her knuckles, abstract patterns on her skin.
"I should be back in two days, but there will be a communication black out. I don't want you to worry " Ruth stared at our entwined fingers, and then looked back up at me. "I can't discuss the mission, but I'll be safe."
"I understand." And I do. I trust in her years of experience both in and out of the field. I am thrilled that she wanted to say goodbye and that she didn't want me to worry. My heart is full, and I don't know that I can keep it in much longer. Maybe it is time to speak my mind after all.
"I'll be here when you get home." I whisper, leaning in to kiss her sweet mouth one more time. Finally breaking apart, I don't want to let her go and just hold her close, both of us needing the comfort and contact. Ruth reluctantly moves to open the door, hand on the door knob. I grasp for the last vestiges of my Ruth, soft and tender, before she slips back into work mode.
"Be careful. I love you." I can't believe I finally said it. Apparently neither can she.
Ruth turns and looks at me, one of those naked genuine expressions, her eyes saying everything in a split second. A crack in the wall has appeared, her mask slipped and I can see her standing there, open and vulnerable, trusting me.
"I love you too." And then Ruth smiles, a big watery tremendous smile and my world shifts and tilts, as if a piece of my soul has slid back into place. Ruth squeezes my hand one last time, before stepping out into the busy hallway, sure in the knowledge that I'll be here when she comes home.
And I will be. I'll wait for as long as it takes, because she's more than worth it. We both are.
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