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Addison kissed him for the first time in the operating room, when they'd been the two interns chosen for a particularly dangerous surgery that went well. Derek hadn't killed the woman, which she'd expected, and neither had she, and it was so crazy and exciting that she kissed him, on the lips, right there. And upstairs, everyone started applauding, and that was the first time she realized anyone saw, but she just kept on kissing him, and when she pulled back they were both smirking up at the cheering crowd.
He'd seemed perfect, then. And the kiss had been good.
Addison knew that kissing Webber was a mistake about ten minutes after it happened. She hadn't meant for it to happen at all, but other people kept finding each other, and she was still alone on every night that she wasn't on call.
It was New Year's Eve, and she was the only intern besides Derek on call. They all watched the ball falling while standing on either side of a sleeping patient, and Derek said "Well, you know what you're supposed to do," and Addison said yes and kissed Webber.
Which was a mistake, clearly. But also worth it.
Addison kissed Mark for the first time the night she slept with him, which was the night they got caught, which was right when Derek said everything fell apart. If you asked her, everything had been falling apart for a while, and this was just the first time that he noticed, and that was indicative of the problems to begin with.
But when she kissed Mark, she could forget that, for a minute, and just be Addison. Which was why she kissed Mark to begin with.
It wasn't to get back at Derek. It was to get back to herself.
Kissing Meredith was to get back at Derek. If it were for her, it would have been Izzie, all blonde and pretty and competent. Izzie who reminded her of Savvy, who reminded her of herself. The girl she would have picked if she, like everyone else on staff, felt compelled to date one of the interns.
Meredith was angles and bones, and seemed so brittle she might break. Addison knew she could break Derek without a word.
So Addison kissed her, a warm kiss on the lips. The kind of kiss that changed lives.
She hoped it would change Derek's.
The last time she kissed him was in the operating room. She liked parallels like that.
They both knew he'd choose Meredith. They both knew she wasn't interested anymore.
It was much better than she had expected. Their lips barely brushed against each other, and then they were both laughing.
"It was always going to be her, wasn't it?" she asked him.
"I loved you too," he said.
"I know," she said, and she did.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"Better than I've been in a long time," she said. She was surprised to realize it was the truth.
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