DISCLAIMER: Los Hombres De Paco and its characters are the property of Antena 3. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: A lot of this is directly from the episode, but I needed to examine the feelings behind the actions. I usually connect more with Silvia, but for some reason I had to write this from Pepa's POV. Unbetaed, sorry.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SPOILERS: Through episode 82.
When Pepa walked in the room there was only one thing she saw. Silvia had her arms crossed so tight that it looked like her little redhead was trying to protect herself from the world. From me, Pepa thought, bitterly. She felt the piercing stab of that thought go through her heart. She could feel all of their eyes on her. All of them but the ones she wanted. Pepa couldn't stop staring. Her eyes were begging for her love to return the look. She was afraid of what she might see in those eyes she'd come to know so well, but this loss of connection hurt more than anything she'd ever felt before, and she desperately needed something from Silvia.
She was vaguely aware that Mariano was speaking, but she still couldn't pry her eyes away from her princesa to even pretend like she was listening. She was also aware that she hadn't moved since she had entered the room. She wanted scream. She wanted to cry. She wanted to grab Silvia, push her up against the wall, and make her see her. Make her see that she's not running away. She wanted to kiss away all the doubt and pain that she could see Silvia was barely holding in. Doesn't she know I'd do anything for her?
When Sara came in, Pepa knew she was crossing a line by hugging her at the same time as Silvia, but she couldn't help it. She needed to be close to Silvia. She needed to breathe her in, if only for a moment. Pepa knew that there was no way she could make it through another day without it. When her pelirroja pulled away with something like disgust evident in her demeanor Pepa nearly lost it.
All she could do was run after her. "Silvia, listen to me, please. Please listen to me," she pleaded. She knew she was saying things all wrong, but Silvia was looking at her for the first time in what felt like weeks. The sting of the slap across her face wasn't even fully processed before she realized she had responded with a slap of her own. The throb of her hand was soon replaced by the thumps she was taking, and she spun away, trying to protect herself without causing more hurt.
Pepa would have collapsed to the ground if it weren't for the arms around her when she saw the way Silvia ran away. She managed to remove herself from Aitor's grasp, and felt her coffee from the morning creeping its way back up. She rushed to the bathroom just in time for her stomach to empty itself in the nearest stall. She crumpled to the cold tile floor, tears streaming down her face.
When Sara came in, she helped Pepa to her feet and splashed some cold water on her face. They made their way to the lab, and Pepa was surprised to see Silvia looking eerily calm as Rita tended to her split lip. She looked like she wasn't even there. Pepa felt her stomach roil again, but she knew there was nothing left for it to dispel.
She allowed Sara to steer her past her lover, and she was pushed back as her niece took care of cleaning up her face. Pepa saw the confusion on Sara's face. Of course she would be surprised by this turn of events. When she had left with Lucas everything had been fine.
Pepa allowed her mind to wander as Montoya gave them a verbal lashing. There was nothing he could say to make her regret what happened anymore than she already did. He was crazy if he thought that she was under the impression that it was acceptable. She glanced over at Silvia after their punishment had been handed down, and saw the redhead almost smile at her. Pepa knew that she had shut down, but the smile was haunting. It was like she was daring Pepa to try and hurt her again. With that parting look, Silvia walked out on her. Rita followed her out, and Pepa was left alone with her niece once more.
As she bared her soul to Sara she allowed herself to think of what could be, if she could only show Silvia. She heard Sara's words as the smaller girl told her that her words were beautiful, but she needed to tell Silvia what she had just told her. Pepa knew she was trying to help, but she also knew what had happened when she had tried to talk to Silvia just minutes earlier. No. She was going to give her princess a baby. She knew that was the only thing she could do at this point. Silvia obviously didn't believe her.
Later, as Sara's punches landed on her already weakened body, she embraced the physical pain. It was so much better than the sickness that was eating her up inside. What the hell did her niece know, anyway? Wasn't she the one who years ago allowed Lucas to hurt Silvia? She would lecture Pepa about family? She couldn't stand it. She knew the words she was throwing back at Sara were brutal, but she couldn't stop them from coming. All of her own doubts were being vocalized, and she needed to fight back.
When she went to the apartment she shared with Silvia, the redhead was silent. Pepa watched as Silvia walked quietly to the closet, took her jacket, and moved past her through the front door. She couldn't look as she heard the front door click shut behind her. The brunette shook her head to try and clear it through the pain, and walked determinedly to the bedroom. She had to pick up some clothes before heading back to Maca's. She was grateful that her friend was allowing her to stay on the couch while she worked things out.
She opened a drawer to the dresser, and took a halting breath as she realized the picture that normally sat on top of the piece of furniture was missing. The picture of the two of them at the beach was her favorite. In it Silvia was a little pinker than usual, having gotten too much sun, but she was smiling so honestly and effortlessly that she looked positively radiant. They were sitting on a towel shortly before sunset, Pepa's arms wrapped lightly around Silvia from behind, and Silvia was leaning gently back against her.
It was one of her favorite memories from the previous summer. Sara had told Silvia that the beach that she and Lucas had stayed on was quiet and secluded, and the four of them decided to take a weekend trip to relax.
What really made the picture Pepa's favorite was the knowledge that just five minutes earlier the two of them had made love in a little cove they had come across nearby. Pepa could still see Silvia, a sheen of salty water on her skin, arching her back and moaning as Pepa's fingers entered her over and over again. Pepa had taken her time, whispering words of love between kisses until the smaller woman had come apart in her arms.
Pepa's felt the tears threatening as a lump formed in her throat. She swallowed hard, and she looked to the corner of the room. In the waste basket lay the picture, the glass in the frame broken. Pepa picked it up gingerly, pausing to take in the sight of Silvia so relaxed and genuinely happy. Her eyes flicked to her own visage. She could see the hint of the knowing smirk there, but what was most evident was her own joy. She knew how content she had been in that moment. When Sara had taken the picture, Pepa had leaned in and whispered in Silvia's ear, "Thank you, pelirroja. Thank you for this beautiful day."
Silvia had turned towards her and kissed her tenderly. Sara had snapped another picture of that.
Pepa remembered teasing Silvia that they should frame that one and give it to her father for Christmas. Silvia had giggled, snorted, and said "No, I'm just going to put it on my desk at work." And she had.
Pepa sighed heavily, and carefully laid the picture in her small duffel bag. She grabbed a couple of outfits, and as she turned to leave the room she saw Silvia's oversized t-shirt she wore to bed. She picked it up and buried her face in it. As she breathed deeply, she felt the calm come over her. She would fix things. She stuffed the night shirt in her bag, and walked out.
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