DISCLAIMER: Gossip Girl and its characters are the property of Cecily von Ziegesar and Warner Bros. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
FEEDBACK: To mysensitiveside[at]yahoo.com
Almost Is Just Enough
By mysensitiveside
As first kisses go (and Serena has had a lot of first kisses, so she knows what she's talking about), it actually isn't that spectacular. She doesn't get goosebumps, her toes don't curl, her breath isn't taken away. It's just a kiss. Nothing more or less.
But of course, it isn't really "just a kiss." Because it's Blair, and nothing is simple when it comes to Miss Blair Waldorf.
Still, the alcohol wears off, and the night turns into day; a first kiss is just that (there's no second kiss, of course), and before too long Serena has almost forgotten that it ever happened.
Almost.
Most people wouldn't know it by looking at her, but Blair is seriously freaking out. Blair likes a good tantrum as much as anyone, but not this time. Because if Blaire were to have the outward freak-out that she's just itching to have, then people would ask why, and Blaire simply doesn't have a good enough answer for that.
Somehow, 'Serena and I kissed and even though I'm trying not to, I've been thinking about maybe doing it again, and that is just not an acceptable option' doesn't feel like something she's ready to announce to the world just yet. Or ever.
So instead of throwing the fit that she'd like to, Blair holds it all inside, and no one would ever guess the kinds of thoughts running through her head. Blair decides that she'll just pretend the kiss never happened, avoid Serena whenever possible, and that'll be that; problem solved. It almost works, too.
Almost.
"B, why are you avoiding me?"
Blair thinks about pretending that she didn't hear, but her step has already faltered, and really, Serena said it loud enough that there's no way for her to go unheard.
So with a calculated sigh of annoyance, Blair slowly turns around to face her blonde friend.
"Don't know what you're talking about, S," she responds with a sweet, innocent smile.
Serena clearly isn't buying it. "Don't even bother with pretending, okay? Remember that I know you better than anyone, you can't just smile and nod and send me on my way."
They haven't really seen much of each other in weeks. Even though Serena had been angry when she first saw Blair and decided to confront her, now she just feels herself deflate, and she's unable to hide the hurt that she feels. Something clearly went wrong in their friendship, but for the life of her, Serena can't seem to figure it out.
Blair eyes her unfeelingly for a long moment, before she too loses the cold edge. "I'm not... avoiding you," she begins haltingly. At the roll of Serena's eyes, she corrects herself. "Fine, maybe I am."
"But why?"
Blair stiffens. The question that she'd been dreading, and she has no better an answer now than she did weeks ago.
"I..." Blair can't help it, as her eyes dart around to the other students around them; all trying (and mostly failing) to look like they're not paying attention.
Serena understands immediately that this is not the way to get any honest answers out of Blair. Not out in the open, where anyone can listen in. Without wasting another moment, Serena simply grabs Blair by the hand and pulls the surprisingly willing brunette behind her into the nearest empty bathroom, locking the door behind them. Not the most atmospheric location, but it'll have to do.
Now that she and Serena are alone, Blair can't quite decide whether she feels relieved, or trapped. She clears her throat, breaking eye contact from Serena's expectant look.
Serena doesn't let her off easy, though, stepping forward and loosely grabbing hold of Blair's chin, forcing her gaze back upwards.
Her expression is tender, though, as she softly pleads, "Talk to me, B. Please."
"I... I just..." Blair can't think of the words to say, and with Serena so close, she feels her control slipping helplessly away. Before she can stop herself, Blair leans in, capturing Serena's lips in a gentle kiss.
It can't be more than a second before Blair pulls back, horrified with herself, but Serena maintains her hold, anchoring Blair in place.
Even though she'd tried not to think about it, some deep-down level of Serena knew that this was where things were going. Sought it out, even. She doesn't let Blair escape, but instead presses forward and brings their lips back together.
Their first kiss wasn't that great, Serena has to admit, but this one... Goosebumps rise, toes curl, and Serena's breath is instantly gone.
Serena realizes that this is the real first kiss. Not that drunken, sloppy didn't-really-mean-it one that came before. This is the first kiss that Serena knows she'll never forget.
They eventually pull apart, with flushed faces, bruised lips, and panting chests. Blair is embarrassed enough to want to look away, but mesmerized enough that she can't.
Neither one knows what this means. Not really. But they know they can't just ignore each other and hope that the fluttering in their chests goes away.
It seems totally crazy, this thought of actually figuring out what it all means, figuring out what they could truly be together. Seems almost too crazy to be possible.
Almost.
The End