DISCLAIMER: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and its characters are the propert of James Cameron and Fox. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Written for likeadeuce for Femslash Ficathon 2009. If you like it, please give feedback.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
"Shut up!" Cameron snapped before turning around and promptly storming out of the kitchen.
Sarah barely avoided getting run over by an obviously furious terminator by quickly throwing herself flat against the opposite wall. She watched apprehensively as the Tin Miss stomped her way up the stairs, down the corridor and listened for the requisite slam of her bedroom door. It was almost the perfect picture of a typical teenage tantrum. Only Sarah knew Cameron was not a teenager and she should not - could not - therefore be able to throw tantrums. Sarah carefully picked herself off of the wall and started for the kitchen where she had been headed for initially. "What was that all about?" Sarah asked cautiously, confused and more than a little scared.
John had his back to her and he was leaning heavily against the kitchen door. His shoulders shook and when he suddenly fell to his knees, Sarah rushed forward in concern. He waved aside her fretful inquiries and instead gestured animatedly at the general direction of Cameron's bedroom. "She - date," he whispered breathlessly, looking up finally. Tears streaked his cheeks liberally, his face was flushed, but he was grinning.
"What?" Sarah asked, feeling even more confused than she was before - if that was possible.
"She has a date," John said more slowly.
"Who?" Sarah's eyebrows knitted together and she could not help but feel like she was missing something big.
"Cameron," John clarified, his eyes wide as he shot her a meaningful look - as if, by will alone, Sarah would understand all that he had meant to convey.
"She has a date?" Sarah repeated to John, frowning.
"Cameron has a date," John affirmed, his head nodding vigorously.
Sarah shook her head, as if trying to clear away cobwebs. She was discussing the love life of a terminator with her son, who so happened to be the same son responsible for sending the terminator in question back in time to protect him - and her by extension. "Why is she dating anyway?! She is supposed to be protecting you! She has a mission, she -"
"Mom, please," John interrupted gently, "we have been in this town far longer than we have been anywhere else. We haven't had any good leads for close to three months now. We deserve a break. She deserves a break."
Sarah sighed. She hated it when she was wrong and she hated it even more when even her own son could see that she was wrong. "Fine." She offered him a small smile. "Who's the lucky boy then?"
John's grin returned in full force. "It's not a boy."
"Oh," was all the answer Sarah could manage.
Sarah stopped in front of Cameron's bedroom door. She had been meaning to speak to Cameron all day, but she just could not seem to bring herself to do it. It was now nearly midnight and she had finished just about every single little chore she could find around the house. She supposed she could not avoid having the talk for any longer. That was of course if she wanted to have the talk with Cameron in the first place. She sighed. She might as well just stop worrying and actually set about getting it over and done with. Sarah brought her hand up to knock, but was saved the trouble when the door suddenly swung open.
"Hello, Sarah," Cameron greeted her in that monotone of hers. She did not seem at all surprised to find Sarah hovering outside of her door at a time when most normal human beings could be expected to already be in bed.
"Hey," Sarah offered lamely in response. Feeling more than a little thrown off the pace she had desperately wanted to set for herself, Sarah posed awkwardly, "Mind if I come in?"
"Please," Cameron answered, stepping to the side and holding the door open.
Sarah crossed the threshold and noted distractedly that Cameron was dressed in practically next to nothing: a skimpy tank top and a pair of threadbare shorts. Then again Cameron gravitated decidedly toward the skimpier end of the fashion spectrum. She had been in Cameron's bedroom before when they first moved in, but had not been there since. Sarah did not know what sort of tastes the terminator had in decorating and, admittedly, she could not care too much how the terminator should even choose to decorate her bedroom. However, taking a quick look around and taking in the way Cameron's clothes were haphazardly strewn all over the bedroom, Sarah decided that what looked for all the world like an entire closet imploding on itself was not very Cameron-like. "Are you - redecorating?" she asked tentatively, toeing at a discarded shoebox. Sarah knew for a fact that Cameron was normally neat to a fault. It was in her programming to be so. The mess, quite improbably, threw her off even more than the news of her date.
"No," Cameron replied shortly as she closed the door behind her. She picked her way through the mess easily - a pre-determined route most likely, Sarah thought to herself and joined Sarah in the middle of the room. "I'm trying to decide on what to wear for my date tomorrow night."
"Right, your date. That's actually what I came to talk to you about." Sarah looked at the assortment of clothes and asked carefully, "Where exactly are you going for this date of yours?" The clothes ranged from formal to casual and it was downright confusing for Sarah to figure out where Cameron was headed for her date.
"Alex is taking me to a movie," Cameron supplied promptly.
"Is that her name?"
"Alex. Is Alex your date?"
"Yes." There was a pause as Cameron seemed to consider something. "Alex is a girl."
Sarah snorted. "I'm not homophobic."
"I did not think so. In the future, John told me he suspected you might play for "
Sarah held up a hand quickly to stop Cameron from telling her what her son in the future, but her son nonetheless suspected she might play for. "I only came," she said quickly and loudly, "to wish you good luck. And to remind you to be nice." There was a short silence as Cameron waited quietly for her to say more. "And I suppose I was a little curious."
"Yeah, this is the first time you've accepted to go on a date." Sarah looked at her with a small frown. "You weren't programmed to be gay, were you?"
"I find Alex to be," Cameron's eyebrows knitted together and Sarah could imagine the gears in Cameron's head working to locate the appropriate words to describe what she found Alex to be, "aesthetically appealing."
"And the others were not?"
"No. It is simply that Alex appeals to me, whereas the others do not."
"Okay," Sarah drawled out. "How does she look like anyway?"
Cameron stopped making eye contact and stared at a spot a few inches to the left of Sarah's head. "It is not relevant."
"Aww, come on," Sarah urged, her inner child coaxed out of hiding by Cameron's strange unwillingness to divulge information, "I'd rather hear how this mysterious Alex looks like from you, but if you won't tell me, you do realise John will. Actually, I'm pretty sure he can't wait to tell."
Cameron sounded small and, if Sarah did not know any better, a little shy when she finally spoke again, "She looks a lot like you."
"I'm sorry?" Sarah asked quizzically.
"Her hair," Cameron said slowly, her voice taking on a dreamy quality as she suddenly stepped into Sarah's personal space and reached out to tuck a loose strand of Sarah's hair behind one ear, "is the same colour as yours." Cameron's eyes tracked across to meet Sarah's and she offered a smile that looked almost wistful to the older woman. "Her eyes are very much like yours." Those very same eyes dimmed a little with an emotion Sarah refused to identify and she refused to believe Cameron could feel, only she also knew her own powers of denial could only go so far as Cameron glanced down at Sarah's lips. "I would like to imagine," she whispered, hovering the pad of her thumb over Sarah's bottom lip, "that her lips would feel and taste like yours."
"Cameron," Sarah rasped. Her mouth felt dry and her body felt like burning. She tried to find the willpower to move, but Cameron's eyes held her captive and she said instead in a voice close to breaking, "You promised " Memories flashed unbidden across Sarah's mind: and she was reminded anew of the taste of what passed for sweat for Cameron, of the way Cameron shuddered as Sarah's arms wrapped around her waist and her fingers tightened inside, of the heat and the need of Cameron's moans. "You promised not to "
Cameron sighed raggedly and the sound was so human that Sarah had to stop herself from comforting the girl-robot. "I know," Cameron murmured, her voice pained as it caressed Sarah's cheek in passing. Cameron did not stop gazing at the older woman, her eyes trying to express all that she felt inside, and Sarah almost, almost gave in.
Sarah cleared her throat softly and stepped back, away from Cameron. She needed to put some distance between the two of them. "I have to go," she whispered and it was now Sarah's turn to look away.
"Good night, Sarah," Cameron murmured as Sarah brushed past her.
The date, Cameron decided, could be considered satisfactory. While she would have appreciated a more confident woman as a date, Cameron had to admit that Alex had tried her best to do all the right things. She had even brought her flowers when she came to pick Cameron up - fifteen minutes early. John had been present to tease, Derek had snorted in disgust before quickly leaving and Sarah - Sarah had locked herself in the garage. Cameron could pick up the sounds of Sarah's fists making contact with the beat-up punching bag as Alex's car pulled out of the driveway and she spent a good portion of the movie worrying about Sarah.
Dinner had been pleasant enough by Cameron's standard. Though she was aware that conversation was rather stunted. Alex was so nervous and she was not really paying attention. She could keep up her end of the conversation well enough, but it felt more like a mission than an actual date: she was being who Alex expected her to be and definitely not who she really was.
When Alex finally offered to drive her home, Cameron was more than happy to accept. She allowed Alex to walk her to the front door and, when Alex shuffled her feet to muster up the courage to kiss her, Cameron leaned in and pressed her lips gently against Alex's. It was a chaste kiss, but Alex's giddy expression told Cameron she was happy enough with it.
"Good night, Alex," Cameron told her neutrally, giving her a small smile as she placed a hand on the doorknob.
"Good night, Cameron," Alex said, blushing.
Cameron thought it was sweet of her to wait for Cameron to enter before leaving, but she could not help but find faults in her or compare her to Sarah - as she had done throughout the evening. Alex's lips felt and tasted nothing like Sarah's; and while her eyes might be hue, Alex's had none of the fire Cameron had always found so attractive in Sarah's eyes.
"How was the date?"
Cameron looked up to see Sarah watching her from the top of the stairs, an inscrutable expression on her face. "It was satisfactory."
"She seems nice."
"She is nice." Cameron sighed. "She is simply not you."
There was a sharp intake of breath. "Cameron, don't go there -"
"I am not." A pause. "I am simply stating a fact." Cameron started up the stairs. "I gave her a kiss."
"Yeah?" Sarah's voice took on an unfamiliar, high pitch. Whether in fear or in something else, Cameron could not decide.
"It - was bland." Cameron stopped one step in front of Sarah so that the older woman was given a slight height advantage. "She did not make me feel like I am overheating." Cameron was pleased to see that Sarah had not moved away from her. The fact that it was possibly because she was too shocked to move was irrelevant.
"Cameron, John -"
"John is sleeping with his headphones on." Cameron's eyes pointedly dropped to Sarah's lips.
"Derek is more than likely passed out from too much alcohol." Sarah's lips parted a little and Cameron could see the tip of Sarah's tongue peeking out to wet a bit of her bottom lip. "I cannot compare Alex to you, Sarah," she whispered almost reverently, taking one of Sarah's hands carefully into hers. "I cannot compare anyone else to you." She brought Sarah's hand up, but stopped short of bringing the back of it to her lips. "I cannot compare the feelings you evoke in me."
"You can't feel," Sarah tried and even her own argument sounded weak to her ears. "I can't do this. We can't do this. Not again," she whispered and her hand shook hard in Cameron's.
"I can feel," Cameron said fervently. "I feel, Sarah." She closed her eyes and opened them again. "You make me feel so much, too much and I cannot even properly describe these - feelings running rampant in my system." The ache was so openly displayed in Cameron's eyes. "I do not know what to call them. But I know for sure that it is only for you that I feel this strongly. It is only for you that I even feel." She placed Sarah's hand on her cheek and closed her eyes as she merely enjoyed the contact. "So please do not tell me that we cannot do this."
"I am so fucked up," Sarah whispered and pushed herself into Cameron. Cameron might be a terminator, but her declaration - of something - was the sweetest and most sincere she had ever heard and she was so very tired of pretending nothing had ever happened between them. "So fucking messed up," she whispered against Cameron's lips, cupping Cameron's face in her hands and feeling wetness underneath her palms.
It was dark and the wall grated hard against her back. Her knees threatened to buckle underneath her and she tasted the hint of spearmint on Cameron's lips - a flavour she knew Cameron was not personally fond of and must therefore be the one on Alex's lips - mingling with the stronger impression of Cameron and that strawberry lip-gloss she was always wearing. Every random kiss on what patch of skin she imagined could see but really could not tasted a little of salt and she was reminded once again that Cameron had actually cried when they finally kissed.
They eventually made it into Sarah's bedroom and stopped only when the sun broke through and into the sky.
"You have school tomorrow," Sarah whispered, kissing Cameron's exposed shoulder.
"I have school today," Cameron corrected, moaning softly as Sarah's teeth grazed against a sensitive spot.
"Oh yeah," Sarah murmured. "Shall I write you a note?"
"I can't very well let you go to school with hickeys all over you like that!"
"The kids at school would simply think Alex got lucky last night."
Sarah chuckled. "Only she didn't. I did." She waited a beat. "What are you going to tell her?"
"The truth," Cameron answered immediately. "She never stood a chance. I was already yours. I have always been yours."
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