DISCLAIMER: Madam Vastra, Jenny Flint and Strax all belong to whomever owns the rights to Doctor Who, of course. Not sure who that might be right now, but BBC for sure at least. Thank you Moffat and co for creating the sword-slinging Silurian Detective and her lovely wife, now please give them their own little mini-series... pretty please? :P
AUTHOR'S NOTE: And oh yeah, this one has mention of the Doctor/River Song, sort of in passing.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
FEEDBACK: To rosmari.karlssonfaltin[at]telia.com
An Evening Visit
By Carola "Ryûchan" Eriksson
It started out as such an ordinary day on Paternoster row. Not even the Great Detective had cases all the time, so on this particular day Vastra, Jenny and Strax were enjoying some peaceful time at home, all gathered in front of Vastra's favourite fireplace.
The most adventurous thing that had happened so far that day was that when Jenny entered the room she found Vastra fully engaged in her latest fashion attempt wearing spectacles while she read. It was not that she needed them, oh no, Vastra had perfect Silurian vision, far superior to that of any mammal, she merely thought they might make her look more elegant while engaged in a book in front of the fire.
Vastra did not, however, have ears to hang the delicate golden contraption from.
After growing tired of watching her wife struggle with the spectacles, Jenny finally told Vastra that she was being a silly old lizard, removed the glasses and gave them to Strax. Before her wife could begin to pout and be upset, Jenny then sat in her lap and proceeded to tell her of all the many ways in which Vastra was elegant and beautiful all in her own self, and how she needed no enhancing trinkets to show that. This, interspersed with kisses and giggles, carried on for quite some time.
Strax paid it no mind, used to such behaviour from the two women by now, and instead inspected the glasses thoroughly before removing the lenses, twisting and reshaping the frame into something else before reattaching the lenses. With a satisfied nod he then lumbered up the stairs with his new creation, to continue his latest crafting project in his own room where he had a box of similarly reworked supplies his loot, as Jenny called it. All manner of bits and bobs ended up there, to either be remade into simple and often unfinished weaponry, or into small figures and resources for his strategy board.
One never knew when they might need one, Strax figured, for unplanned declarations of war or conquest. In the meantime he practiced strategies on it, only to be better prepared when the day came, of course.
When she found out about it Jenny had taken to giving Strax little things for his strategy board every once in a while. It pleased him that she understood and approved of the need to be prepared. For the holiday of Crisis-mass Strax had even received from her an entire box of tiny tin soldiers, perfect for creating human armies with. And once she saw the painted wooden crocodile in a doll dress that Strax used to represent Vastra with, Jenny took great care and effort into making small representations of herself, Vastra and Strax to give him. The crocodile she threw into the fireplace and made Strax promise to never tell Vastra about.
It was into this tableau, with Strax tinkering away in his room and Vastra and Jenny snuggling on the couch, that the Tardis silently materialised.
Vastra and Jenny barely had the time turn to stare at the blue construction that suddenly appeared in the corner of the room, before the door was flung open and the Doctor hurled himself through to a multitude of whistling, hooting and jingling.
"Vastra! Jenny!" He cheered loudly, flinging his arms out and blowing once again on the strange contraption hung around his neck that hooted and whistled. "Congratulations!" He tossed the instrument over his shoulder and peered around at the room. "Am I early?"
"No matter!" Grinning wildly he scurried back and pulled out a trolley overloaded with things from inside the Tardis. "See, I brought supplies!"
He undid the strings to a pair of pink balloons and bounded over to Vastra, who was too stunned to do anything but stand there obediently as he placed one balloon in each of her hands, and then he hugged her.
"Always the dark horse, you old rogue!" He laughed and clasped her shoulder in camaraderie, and managed to fasten a shiny purple party hat, complete with tiny stars and tinsel, upon her head before stepping back. "Always doing the impossible."
"And you..." He turned to Jenny and took her face in both hands as both his voice and his expression gentled. "Bless." He murmured and kissed the top of her head.
As Jenny twitched slightly in confusion yet still did her best to put on a brave smile and Vastra glared at the Doctor for taking liberties with her wife the happy man spun about and placed a matching set of pink balloons into Jenny's hands, and a sparkly pink hat on her head.
"There!" He declared, admiring his handiwork. "Now the two of you look the part, at least." He pulled the trolley forward a bit, gesturing to it with pride. "I brought all the decorations needed, and party hats to go around. Oh, and wait 'til you see the cake!" He waved back at the open Tardis door. "It is just the coolest."
He pranced around until he could lay an arm around each of their shoulders before continuing with great enthusiasm. "I've gotten bubbly that really bubbles and fizzy drinks that really fizzle, and a pudding that dances the Macarena!" He released them and rubbed his hands. "It is rainbow chocolate and toffee flavoured."
"Oh, almost forgot!" He dashed back to the cart and rummaged around in one of the boxes. "Aha! There." He came back over to Jenny and, while hiding something in one hand, gently cupped one of hers with the other. "I got this for the lady of the hour."
Into Jenny's hand he placed a palm-sized green egg made from some rubbery material. It tinkled slightly as it was jostled, a tiny bell-like sound.
Jenny and Vastra both stared at it with round eyes. As the moment grew long and neither woman spoke or outwardly reacted, the Doctor's wide grin began to falter, and he fidgeted.
"Well," He tried and scratched his head. "it's just a little toy. It wobbles. And there's this... sound."
"Um, Doctor?" Jenny asked meekly, still holding the little toy egg as if it was something fragile.
"There will be presents of course, real prezzies, a bit later." His cheerfulness picked back up.
"Doctor?" Vastra tried instead.
"River is supposed to bring 'em. In fact..." He frowned a little and looked around. "I thought she'd be here by now."
He took a closer look at Jenny. "Say, you certainly slimmed up fast." Appearing to realize that he might just have blundered into a sensitive subject he started to grimace and wave his hands about. "I mean, not that you were big before... at least not that big..."
"What! Yes! What?" He all but snapped to attention at Vastra's bellow, but just as quickly relaxed his posture again, looking at them in confusion.
"Wha... why..." Vastra sighed and tried to gather herself. "What is going on here?"
He looked at them, tilted his head to the side and scratched at it again. "Your baby shower, of course. Or, hatchling shower. Or... egg shower, no that sounds bad the celebration of your baby soon being in the world... thingy."
The women in the room blinked slowly while the Doctor waited, unusually patient for him, in silence for them to speak.
"Doctor..." Jenny managed after a while, speaking slowly and carefully. "'ave you 'it your 'ead recently? What baby?"
"Yours and Vastra's, of course."
"But... you know that's not possible." Jenny looked at Vastra, bewildered. "'E knows that's not possible, right?"
"Hey, it's not like I had anything to do with it." He protested mildly. "You two did your... humanly silurianly... thingy, and some time later, out pops little Eggwardine and I'm an uncle, and..."
Jenny mouthed 'Eggwardine' with a touch of horror, while Vastra snorted a bit in frustration.
"Doctor, you know that Jenny and I cannot have a child together." She sounded a bit testy, but the slight, not all human, twitching movement she did with her head betrayed that the subject was one that pained her. "Silurians and humans are completely different species, for one."
"Pishposh, oooh, nice word that, pishposh, I'll have to use that more often..." He gave Vastra his widest grin. "Bottom line is, human-Silurian hybrids have been born before. Certainly not often, what with humans and Silurians usually being far too busy killing one another to get with the... baby-making thingies... but it has happened before."
"And since when has the impossible ever stopped you before?" He gave her a double thumbs up.
These news stunned Vastra into silent immobility, so Jenny tried to take it from there. "What about the fact that we're both... of the female persuasion?"
"Ha!" He waved that off like the answer was obvious. "I'm not surprised that doesn't stop a Silurian female, and it certainly didn't stop old Vastra here from getting you preggers, now did it?" He paused suddenly. "Hey wait a minute..."
"You know all this. We've talked about all of this before." He blinked at them. "What time is this?"
"Honestly, sweetie..." A fourth voice broke in, exasperated. "I can't let you out of my sight for a moment, can I?"
The Doctor winced and Jenny jumped as River Song walked in from somewhere to the side, dressed for a party. Only Vastra did not react as River strode up to the Doctor and grabbed him by the ear.
"Ow!" He made a sheepish face towards Vastra and Jenny. "Oops. Sorry girls." River turned him around and gave him a slight push towards the trolley. "I'll just be leaving now."
River rolled her eyes a bit and smirked at Vastra and Jenny. "The only thing in creation that is truly impossible is that husband of mine." She sighed a little, but it was an affectionate sound. "Right then, you two... remember to tell me about all this when the time comes, and to have me give him twenty minutes."
"You'll know when." River added when Jenny was about to ask. "See you later then."
With that she turned and marched into the Tardis while shouting. "I'll drive this time!"
The blue door closed behind her, and all was silence for a moment. Then the door flung open again and the Doctor came rushing out.
"Sorry," He looked apologetic as he took their balloons and little party hats away. "but you'll get them right back! In, uhm, in a bit."
Another mad dash into the Tardis, and this time the great blue box soundlessly shimmered out of existence.
Leaving Jenny and Vastra standing there, staring at a corner of the room in silence, until a tiny tinkle drew their attention. As one their eyes turned to the wobbly green egg in Jenny's hand.
Jenny blushed, hard.
From Vastra there was a tiny noise, and then the tall, proud warrior simply fainted, sliding to the floor in a boneless heap while her wife yelped in surprise.
Strax stuck his head through the doorway to stare at them. "Did I miss anything?"
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