DISCLAIMER: "Stargate SG-1" and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, SciFi Channel, Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. "The Outer Limits" is property of MGM/UA and Daystar-Villa de Stefano Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.
SPOILERS: For "Heroes". Slight spoilers for "The Pegasus Project".
CHALLENGE: Written for the first International Day of Femslash.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
WEBSITE: http://www.asstr.org/~John_OConnor/

Ascending Angel
By John O'Connor

Alan Maxwell: Do you have life?

Andromedan: Not the same. You are carbon cycle, we are nitrogen cycle.

Alan Maxwell: Where you are…do you have death?

Andromedan: Repeat.

Alan Maxwell: We have end of being. We stop moving, stop breathing. No thoughts, nothing. We call it death.

Andromedan: Death is property of carbon cycle in three dimensions. No death in our dimension. Electromagnetic waves go on to infinity.

Alan Maxwell: Do my brainwaves go on?

Andromedan: Yes.

Alan Maxwell: What about God? Do you have a god?

Andromedan: Explain.

Alan Maxwell: An all-powerful being. A force underlying everything.

Andromedan: Electromagnetic forces underlying all.

Alan Maxwell: No, I mean an intelligent force. God.

Andromedan: Electromagnetic force intelligent. Matter, space, time – all the same.

Alan Maxwell: All the same…

Andromedan: Different name. Infinity. Infinity is God. God infinity. All the same.

Alan Maxwell: All the same…

- "The Galaxy Being" by Leslie Stevens

"The Outer Limits" (first aired 9/16/63)

"Don't leave me! Please!!!"

The soldiers and airmen continued to race by her, firing blindly into the smoke-laced trees. They were oblivious to her calls.

She turned around in circles trying to get someone's attention as the trees around her exploded from weapons fire. Death gliders and Lantash shot by overhead, blaster fire and percussion bombs exploded around her.

A recall sounded over one of the dead soldiers' radio as the remaining troops began to fall back, still firing blindly but behind them this time. Even after the troops faded into more smoke, a radio squawked. Looking down toward the noise, she felt horror like she'd never experienced. Bone-numbing terror flowed through her as she looked at the corpse at her feet.

There…on the ground…was her body. There was a blackened, smoking hole where the left side of her chest had been.

Am I dead? Is this death?

Or worse than death?

All those times she had to deal with death, it was all too often an abstraction. Someone else, often someone she barely knew, was the victim and, while it always pained her deeply, she never felt this...fear.

"Janet."

A soft voice spoke her name. She turned and saw a blinding light. She'd seen it before. A tendril of light reached out to her and the voice spoke again, "Janet. Don't be afraid."

The light touched her as the voice spoke and she was suddenly calm.

"Janet Fraiser, I am here to offer you a gift. Come, let us leave this place."

Before the light grew and absorbed her, she saw the smoke and...atoms?...stream back into the wound as her…corpse began to flow up into the glow.

"Who… What are..."

"...you?"

Janet looked around. She was in a diner with a lovely brunette holding her hand gently. She had a somewhat familiar face…

"What...? Where...?"

The other woman led her to a booth. "Please. Sit and I'll explain."

"Y-you're one of the...Ascended?"

The woman smiled, a warm smile, and nodded. "Yes. To you we are ascended. To us, this is our life."

Janet couldn't help but laugh, "A diner? Your life is a diner?"

"No. I took a familiar scene to make the transition easier."

"Is this where you brought Daniel?"

"No, everyone experiences this differently. Oma took him further more quickly."

"This looks like the set of Dead Like Me." Janet looked around, half-expecting to see Mandy Patankin passing out post-its to his corps of reapers.

"One of your more recent television shows, I presume. But you are not dead, nor are you quite like me."

Janet wasn't sure if the woman, who was now sitting across from her, was joking or not.

"Your people knew me as Morgan le Fay. I am Ganos Lal. I am an Alteran. Specifically I am a Lantian. One of what your people call the Ancients."

Looking at the woman, Janet shook her head. This was not what she expected an Ancient to look like. This was a seemingly typical North American Caucasian woman in her late twenties or early thirties in a casual dress. Her short, dark hair hung loose to her shoulders. High cheekbones and wide, dark eyes were prominent as was her smile. The woman had what appeared to be a light touch of makeup around her eyes and on her lips.

She was very familiar to Janet but...how could that be? And that name...

"Ganos... Morgan... You're one of the Ancients? Like Ayiana? Or Oma De Sala?"

"Yes. And like Oma, myself and others feel it is important to assist those worthy of ascension.

"My appearance is not what you expected, is it Janet?"

Janet shook her head as she wondered. Can she read my mind?

"To a point, yes. But that is only because this is all so new to you."

Squashing another thought, Janet moved on. But the small smile on Morgan's face told her the woman knew what she had begun to think.

"Am I ascended?"

"Not exactly. With my assistance, you have taken the first step but you have a choice. Just as your friend Daniel had. However, he had time to consider it before his body was lost. In your case, I...intercepted you after your body failed but before your spirit left." Morgan smiled warmly again.

"Why?"

"To make you the same offer as we made to Daniel. You can be one with us for...near-eternity. If you wish."

Janet shook her head, this was too much. "And if I don't wish it?"

"Your spirit will continue its journey to...whatever lies beyond this plane."

"So you're not an angel? This isn't Heaven or Purgatory? Or..."

"No, this is a mental construct of mine based on a loose association with the afterlife from your mind. We exist outside the boundaries of the four dimensions. Time and space are not impediments to us. But this is not beyond life."

"What is?"

Morgan shrugged, a typical human shrug. "We do not know. One of us tried to find out eons ago, as your people consider time, and was never heard from again. Did he go on to a higher existence? Or did he simply cease to be? We do not know."

Janet shook her head again, "So you don't know what... Never mind. I believe there is more to life than...even this. I believe there is a soul that journeys on after death."

"Well, that is the choice you have now. You can see if you are correct in your faith. Or you can stay with us and learn the secrets of existence."

"Secrets? I don't care about any secrets. The only secret I care about is how I get my life back. I want to see my daughter. Tell her I love her. Tell Sam..." Janet's voice trailed off as tears started to blur her vision.

"Please be at peace, Janet. You can see them. You can see how they will grow and progress. And, if the Fates are kind, you can be with them again at the end of their mortal lives."

"You mean they'll ascend too?"

Morgan smiled but shook her head. "Not necessarily. Samantha Carter and her friends have accomplished much in a short time. Enough to be worthy of consideration for ascension. Cassandra Fraiser is an uncommon woman and is destined for greatness. This destiny could bring her into consideration as well.

"In Sam's case, I saw how tortured she was when she was forced to leave Cassandra in that old bunker. And when she disobeyed orders to be with that terrified little girl, I knew why you and she were together.

"You both have great empathy"

"But she has killed…"

"And you threatened a system lord. You are both scientists but also warriors defending your world, your people. And you are willing to try and work around the often easier, more violent solution to look at other alternatives.

"True warriors do not seek combat. They do not desire it but they are prepared should force be required."

"And Cassandra?"

"I cannot foretell what will happen but we can read portents. She has the potential for greatness. If she fulfills that potential, she would be offered ascension."

"And if she doesn't? If Sam…"

"Then, if your belief is true, you will see them at the end of this existence."

"Do you believe in the afterlife?"

"I believe we are more than the sum of our lives. How much more? No one can really say…"

This whole discussion seemed very familiar to Janet. It was as if she'd had this kind of discussion before. With Cassie? Sam? Or with...?

"Helen! Helen Da Vinci!"

Morgan smiled, "You do remember."

"Of course. At Saint Louis U. You were my roommate my sophomore year. You were taking philosophy and we had long, long discussions at least once a week. Ever since we saw that one Outer Limits show." Janet laughed, "Usually after having a few drinks..."

Morgan's face seemed alter slightly. The years dropped away and her hair shortened into a soft, spikey 'do - a typical '80s hair style. Now Janet knew it was her old roomie.

"What...why? Why did you just disappear? What..."

"My time on your plane was finished. I had…I have duties in one of our ancient cities."

Janet looked at Morgan again. She again resumed her slightly older appearance. Was...?

"Yes. This is my real appearance. Or rather it was when I ascended."

"But there was so much..." Janet stopped. She had never really admitted it even to herself but when Helen...Morgan had kissed her... When they made love...

"I knew Janet. I felt it too."

"I think I fell in love with you. And whenever you kissed me. It was so...wonderful. Our lives were... Then you didn't come back after the summer break and I felt...

"I tried to find you, you know. I called the town you claimed to be from and no one knew anyone named Da Vinci there. I even went there one weekend and..."

Janet sobbed once then shook her head. "I never really forgot you. Even when Sam and I...

"Damn you! Damn you Helen! Or Morgan! Or whatever the FUCK I should call you!"

Janet walked away and sat in an empty booth. She had expected to have all eyes on her but no one was paying her any attention.

Thank God for small favors, she thought as she shredded a paper napkin.

A soft hand settled over hers. Janet looked up and saw Morgan was already sitting across from her with a look of concern in her eyes. She smiled and, in a soft voice, said "I am sorry Janet. I wanted to be with you from the beginning but..."

Tearing her hands away angrily, Janet voice dripped with sarcasm, "But you're ascended! You know these things. You probably knew before I did that I wanted you!"

"I did but, as you said, you didn't. I wouldn't force that on anyone, least of all someone I care for."

Had cared for? Or still cares for? Janet felt tears burning her eyes again as she realized that she had hoped Helen still... It would've been a consolation to this...whatever the hell it was.

"Janet, when we take mortal form again, we are severely limited in what we can do. And, to be honest, the temptation to use our abilities while mortal is too great.

"When we live as mortals, we are prone to mortal weaknesses and desires. Fortunately we retain enough of our self-awareness to avoid creating problems when we are there to help."

"Well, you certainly helped yourself!" And me… she didn't add.

"Janet, look at me. Janet..." Janet slowly raised her eyes to meet Morgan's. "I never took advantage of you. What we did, we both wanted. But I was also there to correct a...situation. I was there to help you."

"Why me? What did I need help with?"

"You didn't know what you wanted to do. You were just in college to get out of that small - shit-box I believe you called it – small, shit-box town near the fort where the Army had transferred your father."

"Well, I was going to be a vet."

Morgan smiled, "And a photographer. A reporter. An explorer. A housewife. A corporate executive. A senator. Need I go on?"

Janet laughed for the first time. "No. But I always wanted to be a doctor. Where did you..."

"You had lost interest in medicine. You really didn't have much interest in anything when I met you."

"So you're saying I was destined to be a doctor?"

Morgan smiled. "You are a healer. It was always your destiny."

"A healer?"

"Yes. And a special one. You have always put yourself second to any charge. Even a mortal enemy like Anubis. In our eyes, that alone would have made you worthy of ascension."

"But why did you leave without a word?"

"There really was nothing to say to ease the pain. For both of us."

"Nothing? Do you know what I went through?"

Morgan smiled sadly and nodded. "Of course. I never stopped watching over you."

"My very own guardian angel," Janet said in a slightly bitter voice. "So you saw my whole post-Helen life of denial, a bad marriage, failed relationships and..."

"And your finding your one true love and happiness. A family of your own. The trials you experienced made you ready for what came later. It hurt me to see you go through that but I knew it was necessary. As for what we had…"

"It wasn't real! None of it! You weren't…you aren't Helen!"

"Janet, look at me." Janet gazed into large enthralling eyes. "Except for my name, I never lied to you. I was Helen. I am Helen. The name was only an…alias. The persona was me. And it still is."

Janet nodded and looked up, "Did you... After, when I joined the SGC, did you…?"

Morgan, for the first time, looked away. Her dark eyes gazed towards the counter and the kitchen beyond for a long moment before answering.

"I did nothing. You and Samantha were together of your own choosing. And unhappy circumstances brought Cassandra in your lives."

Janet detected something in the other woman's voice. "Did it hurt you to see me with Sam?"

"Yes and no. I wished it could be me but I know you were happy and that made me happy."

"I'm sorry. Even with the pain your leaving caused, I'd never wish you any pain."

"I know Janet. Just know that you didn't." Then Morgan finally looked at her old lover again with a big smile, "And I did help keep your secret."

"Huh? What..."

"You and Sam were...having a passionate moment after one of SG-1's missions. Her team had been gone for quite a long time and were possibly lost. Your relief at finding Sam was safe..."

Janet blushed, "I...remember. After the second encounter with that... With Hathor."

Morgan nodded, "After the physicals, you had dragged Sam into your office but the door wasn't locked. Jack O'Neill opened the door and saw you...pleasuring Sam."

"Oh my God!" Janet's face burned as her blush increased.