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Awakenings
By Laura
Rhoda watched as Mary licked the last drop of ice cream from her spoon and couldn't stop the ideas her mind suddenly wandered to. This wasn't the first time she'd thought about it and she was afraid one day she'd try to do something about it. Rhoda averted her eyes as Mary looked up at her and pretended to be extremely interested in the chocolate sauce on her ice cream. She'd been friends with Mary for three years and the last thing she wanted to do was jeopardize that friendship. It meant more to her than anything else in the world, but she couldn't stop the ideas her mind was coming up with and the feelings Mary now often stirred inside her.
She knew Mary would never be interested; she was strictly straight. Then again, Rhoda had thought she was straight too until that night six months ago... It was a Friday night; Mary had called from work and asked Rhoda if she'd be interested in having a girl's night, renting a movie, having some popcorn, order a pizza, maybe have a few drinks. Rhoda readily agreed, she certainly had nothing planned. She was sick and tired of all the losers she'd been dating recently and had already declared that weekend "man free". In fact she'd thought about calling Mary and asking if she wanted to go out to a movie but decided not to as Mary usually had a date Friday night. But now Mary had asked so Rhoda went down to the video store, grabbed a couple movies and decided to stop off at the grocery store and make dinner for Mary instead of having pizza.
Two hours later Mary arrived home to the smell of chicken parmigiana and the table set with a bottle of wine on ice. After showering Rhoda with thanks and enthusing how fantastic the meal was they settled on the couch to watch the movie. Before they knew it the first movie was over, as was the bottle of wine. Mary offered to take another from the fridge and Rhoda laughed as Mary stood up and swayed slightly. The girl could never hold much alcohol without it going straight to her head. But they were both having a fantastic time and sat down to watch the second movie, "Rosemary's Baby." It had taken some convincing to get Mary to watch it and as the movie went on Mary kept squirming closer and closer to Rhoda every time something in the movie scared her. Forty-five minutes into it Mary was nearly on top of her, clutching her arm and hiding her head in her shoulder. At first Rhoda had just laughed, it was hysterical watching a half drunk Mary hiding her head and peeking out at the movie between her fingers but then something happened. The alcohol must have gone to Rhoda's head more than she thought because she started to notice things about Mary she never really had before... or at least not in the way she was now.
Her skin started to get hot where Mary was pressed up against her. She noticed the peaches and cream smell of Mary's shampoo and the light yet somehow suddenly intoxicating scent of her perfume. Before she knew what she was doing she'd turned her head and nuzzled her nose into Mary's hair, breathing in her scent. Shifting her body slightly toward Mary she began to slide her hand down her back when the other woman jumped. Quickly coming back to reality Rhoda righted herself and brought her eyes and attention back to the movie. A few minutes later Mary asked her if she was ok, Rhoda inquired as to why Mary would ask and Mary pointed out that Rhoda had become very tense. Rhoda tried to make herself relax but found it nearly impossible, all she could keep thinking about was what she'd done and what she would have done had Mary not jumped in fear from the movie at that moment.
Since that night Rhoda tried to dismiss her feelings as something induced by drinking too much but she found she began to notice Mary even when she wasn't under the influence. She couldn't understand it, she'd never felt this way about a woman before. Never. It just wasn't something she'd ever even remotely considered. God, the subject was never even talked about in her family and if it was it was discussed as a joke or something that happened to someone, like a disease. Personally Rhoda had always disagreed with her parents' view on the matter thinking it perfectly acceptable for a woman to love a woman or a man to love a man. To her love was love and as long as you were happy then what else really mattered if you weren't hurting anyone? But she kept her opinions to herself not wanting to cause squabbles in her family for no reason. Now she started to wonder how Mary felt about such things. It never came up in any of their late night chats, why would it? Neither of them knew anyone who was gay or even knew anyone who knew anyone that was gay. At least not that she was aware of. Every time she thought about asking Mary how she felt about it she would chicken out. Besides, even if Mary was ok with gay people, she wasn't a lesbian so Rhoda convinced herself to just forget the whole crazy idea.
In theory it was a fine idea. Forget it and move on. Mary was her friend, nothing else was going to come of it and really, did she honestly want anything to come of her new feelings for the woman? Was being a lesbian something she could handle? It sure as hell wouldn't be easy to live a lesbian life together. Maybe someday in the future such things would be more acceptable but in 1973 it wasn't looked very well on. Not to mention what her parents would think... god, what her mother would say! Just the idea made her sick to her stomach. So Rhoda convinced herself she was just as straight as she'd always been; what had happened with Mary that night was just an aberration... but she found when she was alone at night with only her thoughts for company, her mind again strayed to Mary and her newly awoken feelings for her.
What had made her be with men all her life? She was brought up to like men, she was taught from as far back as she could remember that men and women went together... women together were never something that was suggested to her as possible. The media showed men and women together, her friends, her family, the culture around her...it was all men and women. Rhoda realized she'd never even thought about finding women attractive in that way. So, one night, she decided to start looking at women differently, to see if it was just Mary or if Mary was just the catalyst for something that had always been within her but was never given attention.
It had been quite an eye opening day. Walking through downtown Minneapolis she discovered if she opened her mind to the idea she did indeed find women attractive in that way. Maybe this explained why she never found sex with men enjoyable. She just accepted that sex wasn't enjoyable for all women that some women just weren't turned on by sex... yet the idea of sleeping with a woman... that did turn her on... especially when that woman was Mary.
So after six months of soul searching Rhoda had come to terms with a number of things about herself; the two most important being she couldn't choose whether or not to be a lesbian, she just was and she was in love with her best friend. And now here she sat with Mary on Friday night for another girl's night. They'd just finished desert, had already polished off half a bottle of wine and Rhoda was desperately wrestling with her attraction for Mary. She knew she should stop drinking but every time her glass was empty Mary would refill it and Rhoda just kept drinking. Rhoda had a combination of dread and anticipation curling in her stomach about the night ahead. She kept hoping the alcohol would kill off both feelings.
"Thanks for dinner again, Rhoda, it was just fantastic," Mary said, complimenting the meal for the fifth time that night.
"It wasn't a problem, Mare, really. I got off work early tonight and remembered how much you liked it last time so why not," Rhoda responded, trying to down play the gesture.
Mary smiled widely and clasped Rhoda's hand on the table, "you're such a great friend to me."
Rhoda found herself falling into the smile, that one that lit up Mary's entire face and made her feel like she was the most important person in the world, so she gently pulled her hand away before she fell too far and replied offhandedly, "really, it's no problem kid." Standing up she nearly smacked her knee on the table as she rushed her dirty plate and bowl into the kitchen. Turning on the kitchen tap she started to do the dishes when she felt Mary's hand on her arm.
"Oh Rhoda, don't do those now, I'll do them later or tomorrow. Let's just go watch the movie. I want to enjoy our girl's night! It's been so long since we've had one!"
Trying to ignore the warmth left on her arm by Mary's hand Rhoda reluctantly turned the tap off and went into the living room where Mary nearly pushed her onto the couch and told her to relax. Now Rhoda was left to watch as Mary opened the fridge door and bent over to retrieve another bottle of wine. Why oh why does she have to be wearing that dress! Rhoda thought to herself. It was dark blue, just above knee length and hugged her body in all the right places.
"Did you see anything you like?" Mary asked as she came back into the room with a fresh bottle of wine and sat down next to a now dumbstruck Rhoda.
"I... uh...," Rhoda stammered.
"Did you get another horror movie?" Mary teased, picking up the videos.
Rhoda let out a breath she didn't even realize she was holding and laughed with relief.
"You know me, couldn't resist!"
"I don't know why I let you talk me into watching these things!"
"Secretly you must enjoy them, Mare," Rhoda teased causing Mary to laugh.
"So how did your blind date with James go last night?" Mary asked as they waited for the opening ads to finish on the video.
"Ah, you know, as soon as he saw me he left his condolences with some flowers and took off," Rhoda answered with typical self deprecating humour, "How about you?" she asked, wanting to get attention off herself. In reality she hadn't had a date for months by choice.
"Rhoda! Why do you do that! You know I hate when you talk down about yourself! You are a beautiful, desirable woman!" Mary exclaimed.
The shorter woman smiled, but brushed off the taller woman's comments. "Ok Mare, now what about you?" she repeated.
Mary glared at her for a few moments but relented and answering, "no one special. There was one guy, Mark... I think you met him."
Rhoda shook her head in the affirmative. She remembered the sleaze. She'd disliked him on sight.
"Well, I thought things were going well with him but one night he tried to take things a little too far and I kicked him out," Mary explained, shrugging her shoulders.
Rhoda felt her nails digging into her palm at the thought of Mary being manhandled by some oaf. This was another thing that she'd had to get used to, jealously. It wasn't pretty.
"Well, he's a fool, Mare, and a slime ball."
"Yeah...I guess," Mary half-heartedly agreed. Rhoda knew she didn't agree at all. In typical Mary fashion she would blame herself and nothing Rhoda said would convince her otherwise.
The movie chose that moment to begin so both women settled into their seats getting comfortable. Inevitably, only twenty minutes into the movie, Mary started squirming closer to Rhoda. Before Rhoda knew it the same scene from six months ago was playing itself out again, only this time Rhoda had drank even more than she did last time and let her hand slide down Mary's back to hold her closer. Rhoda guessed the scene must be pretty scary with the way Mary was pressing up against her and hiding so much in her neck but Rhoda was too busy breathing Mary in to notice. Since Mary didn't seem to notice Rhoda's hand she felt daring and slipped it down her back a bit further to rest just above her hip bone. She told herself she needed to stop there, to just enjoy the closeness they were sharing now because it couldn't go any farther. Then Mary shifted her body, her breast now resting against Rhoda, the dark brunette couldn't help a small gasp at the contact. Yet the lighter brunette didn't seem to notice. Rhoda was practically squirming in her seat from the heat she felt radiating from the lithe body pressed against her. She felt she'd go insane if she didn't do something about it but she didn't. She gritted her teeth and tried not to move through the rest of the movie.
When the movie was over Mary was yawning and Rhoda had finished the bottle of wine. She'd needed something to do with her hands besides try to come up with more covert ways to touch Mary.
"Well, I better get going, kiddo, it's really late and I can see how tired you are. Not to mention I'm pretty tipsy, think it's bedtime for me too." Rhoda explained wanting to get the hell out of there before she did something she could never take back.
"Why don't you stay the night? My bed is big enough, don't want you to hurt yourself going up the stairs," Mary joked.
Rhoda tried to dislodge her tongue from her throat. "Uh, I think I can make it. See you in the morning, Mare."
"Rhoda wait!" Mary almost shouted. "Um, the movie really creeped me out; I don't really want to stay here alone tonight."
Rhoda raised her eyebrow, showing her doubt at the flimsy statement.
"Come on Rhoda, it will be fun! An old-fashioned girls night with sleep over inclusive," Mary tried to convince.
Looking into those pleading liquid brown eyes Rhoda knew she couldn't say no.
"Yeah, ok, sure, let me go upstairs and get my pyjamas."
"Ok, but if you're not back in five minutes I'll come up to get you," Mary threatened, eyes glinting playfully.
Rhoda laughed as she left the apartment. When the door shut behind her she took a few deep breaths and headed up to get her things. On her way back down she gave herself a pep talk.
Ok Rhoda, you need to be on your best behaviour! No touching, no cuddling, don't even hug her for god sake! The state you're in you'd probably explode! Just remember, she is your best friend, the best friend you've ever had. You touch her in one inappropriate way and you'll lose her altogether. She is straight; she has no interest in your advances. Hell she doesn't even know you want to make an advance. So hands off!
Taking a deep breath she entered Mary's apartment and headed to the bathroom to change. That was when Mary walked out and Rhoda stopped in her tracks, struggling not to stare and losing the battle. Mary had changed into a purple satin chemise that barely covered below her thighs.
Oh my god! Rhoda could think nothing else until Mary's question penetrated the fog her brain was now wrapped in.
"Is something wrong Rhoda?"
"Huh? Oh! No, no, nothing at all! I'll just go change and be right out!" she responded a little too hurriedly.
Closing the bathroom door behind her Rhoda took a deep breath and stared at herself in the mirror. That woman is going to be the death of me! Quickly she took off her clothes and pulled on her sweat pants and t-shirt, quite a contrast to Mary's chemise. Coming out of the bathroom she noticed all the lights were already off and Mary was curled up in bed. Breathing a sigh of relief she turned off the bathroom light and made her way over to the bed, climbing in carefully and sliding as far away from Mary as possible. This wasn't far enough for Rhoda's liking but since Mary had positioned herself practically in the middle of the bed Rhoda could do little about it. She was too afraid to ask Mary to move over, how would she explain that!
"Night, Rhoda," Mary mumbled sleepily.
"Night, Mare."
Thirty minutes later Rhoda was nearly asleep when she felt the bed move. Then she felt a leg slide across the bed and softly touch her own. Tensing up Rhoda lay ramrod straight and teetered on the edge of the bed trying to stay away from Mary. However the taller woman didn't have the same idea. Soon Rhoda felt a warm body press up against her and an arm sling over her side. Rhoda held her breath, praying Mary didn't move again. After another ten minutes she stealthily slid out of bed and moved around to the other side that was now empty. She briefly considered just going home but she told Mary she would stay and didn't want to lie to her friend. Besides, Mary seemed quite settled now on that side.
Settling into bed Rhoda found herself quite tired now and promptly fell asleep... only to be woken an hour later by an arm wrapping around her waist and a slim leg wrapped around her own.
Oh. My. God. Mary was practically naked and draped all over her body. The heat from her skin made Rhoda feel like she was on fire. The scent of her left the darker brunette feeling more intoxicated than the alcohol had earlier. Mary's breath whispering across her neck caused her nipples to hurt in the most pleasurable way. Rhoda could never remember being more aroused than she was at this moment. She couldn't help herself any longer; she had to touch her, needed to touch her.
Slowly and even more gently she softly laid her hand on Mary's back and couldn't help the sigh that escaped her lips as Mary moved impossibly closer and pressed her breasts against her. Carefully she slid her hand up Mary's back and into her hair, enjoying the softness between her fingers, then just as carefully she slid it down again, stopping just short of caressing the firm backside. Mary's leg moved, wedging itself further between Rhoda's own legs and sliding ever closer to the area she wanted to feel it against most. Then she felt Mary's hand move and rest against her bare stomach causing it to quiver slightly with pleasure. She hadn't even known her shirt was half way up until then. That's also when she noticed Mary's chemise had ridden half way up Mary's body.
Oh god, oh god, oh god, how am I supposed to resist this! She couldn't, she knew she couldn't. Maybe if I just hold her it will be enough. It has to be.
Wrapping her arms around the warm woman on top of her Rhoda felt almost complete, yet she also felt as if she were doing something very wrong, especially as she couldn't keep her hands still and they kept tracing lines on Mary's back, then into her hair, then back again until the inevitable happened and she gently caressed the lighter brunette's backside, which was only covered by a thin pair of silk underwear and even they didn't cover much. She could feel the taunt skin beneath her fingers and couldn't help but gently massage it as her other hand joined in and began to caress the smooth, partially nude hip.
Oh god, what am I doing! I need to stop, I'm getting out of control and I'm burning up! Not to mention my heavy breathing is bound to wake her.
Steeling her resolve she began to move her hands away only to be shocked into stillness when a soft voice said, "don't stop." Rhoda could scarcely believe the words she just heard came from Mary's lips but then she noticed for the first time that Mary's breathing had also become heavier. Still not able to move, not willing to believe what she heard she continued to lay frozen until Mary shifted herself upward and pressed her lips to Rhoda's own.
Rhoda felt as if she was free falling and she hoped the feeling would never end. Her head swam as incredibly soft, warm lips touched her own. Now able to clearly feel the desire Mary had for her she wrapped her arms around her and held the taller woman tightly as their lips explored each other for the first time. No longer able to hold back her feelings for this woman Rhoda let herself go. Her hands slid down to cup Mary's backside, squeezing firmly, urging Mary to slide the rest of the way on top of her. The dark brunette couldn't contain a moan when Mary obliged and wrapped one arm around Rhoda, her free hand tangling in her hair.
What are you doing! This is going to ruin everything between you two! Stop now! Get the hell out of here! Plead insanity!
Rhoda tried to move her head away but the lighter brunette didn't let go of Rhoda's hair and again pressed their lips together firmly, not giving the darker brunette room to move.
"Please, Rhoda. I want you," Mary mumbled with desire into Rhoda's mouth.
With those words a switch flipped in Rhoda's mind and she banished all doubts, all thoughts of what would happen afterward. Mary was in her arms now, begging her to continue, she couldn't deny her. Groaning in surrender Rhoda swiftly flipped their positions and now had the pleading woman underneath her. Instantaneously she smoothly moved one leg between Mary's own, shifting her weight off the smaller woman while gliding her tongue across Mary's lips and inside. Both women moaned deeply at the contact, hands clutching each other fiercely while their tongues explored.
Rhoda had no frame of reference for how wonderful it felt to be kissing the woman she loved. Never in her wildest dreams did she realize kissing someone could feel so damn good. So right. Cliché as it may sound if she died now she would die happy. However, since she was very much alive she planned to make the most of the night and the woman who offered herself.
Moving her lips she traced a path of small kisses down Mary's cheek to her neck where she nibbled, kissed and licked, each action causing Mary to writhe beneath her. When she started to kiss her way past Mary's collar bone to the bare skin of her chest the lighter brunette's breathing hitched in anticipation, her arms holding Rhoda tightly. Taking hold of the bottom of Mary's chemise Rhoda pushed it up, wanting it off entirely. Getting the idea Mary lifted herself up so Rhoda could slip it over her head.
The soft glow of moonlight seeping through the curtains enabled her to see Mary's gorgeous body, an artwork of perfect lines and curves; the dark brunette couldn't help but stare, enraptured. Mary caught her gaze and held it in her own, the desire there unmistakable. Lowering herself she kissed the aroused woman softly once more before sliding down her body to continue her ministrations. Slowly kissing her way to Mary's soft breasts she tried not to be nervous that she would screw this up. She desperately wanted to please her but had never done this before. Letting her instincts guide her she carefully but firmly took one breast in her hand and squeezed it gently, Mary's gasp of pleasure encouraging her. Pinching the erect nipple in the way she knew she liked caused Mary to jump beneath her and hiss with pleasure. This encouraged her to lower her mouth to cover the nipple and caress it with her tongue, causing Mary to groan with approval and slide her fingers into Rhoda's hair, holding her head tightly to her breast.
Taking the nipple between her teeth Rhoda bit softly while flicking it with her tongue, her other hand pinching and massaging the other breast.
"Oh god, Rhoda, yes," Mary moaned between gasps. Rhoda had never heard more arousing words.
Continuing to kiss her way down Mary's body she stopped when her progress was impeded by soft, silk underwear. Without being asked Mary raised her hips and Rhoda slid them off, tossing them to the floor. She could smell Mary's arousal now and it was driving her crazy, god how she wanted this woman. Mary parted her legs and Rhoda settled between them, beginning to kiss just above light brown curls. Gently she kissed her way through the curls to the source of the heat she could feel there; without warning she quickly but firmly licked between Mary's folds, tasting her for the first time. She heard Mary choke on a scream and her hips bucked wildly.
Rhoda took a moment to relish that first taste but then Mary was begging her to continue and she was helpless to resist. This time she used her fingers to part the lips and slid her tongue between them over and over again, first lightly and then more firmly, building pressure with Mary's gasps of encouragement. After teasing the writhing woman for a while Rhoda finally gave her what she wanted and moved her tongue to her clit, swirling it around the swollen flesh and then sucking on it deeply. Mary cried out, her hands gripping Rhoda's head almost painfully.
"Oh yes, Rhoda! You feel so good!" Mary moaned.
Wanting to give Mary more Rhoda moved her right hand to the other woman's entrance and began to stroke it softly. Mary thrust her hips toward the questing fingers and Rhoda gently slid two of them just inside the opening. Mary continued to try and thrust them all the way inside but Rhoda would not let her.
"Please, Rhoda! I need you inside me! I need to feel you inside me!" Mary pleaded, her voice sounding close to tears of frustration.
Once again, helpless to resist the gorgeous woman's pleas, Rhoda pushed her fingers the rest of the way inside the wet heat. She could hear Mary suck in a breath and then let it out by groaning longingly with approval and thrusting her hips to meet Rhoda's fingers, wanting them as deeply as they could penetrate. Gently Rhoda began to match Mary's rhythm as she continued playing her mouth and tongue on Mary's clit.
"Oh god yes, Rhoda! Yes, yes, yes!" Mary nearly screamed. "Harder, please!"
Rhoda groaned at the plea and began stroking more forcefully, more than willing to give everything Mary wanted. Much too soon she started to feel the body beneath her begin to quiver and her fingers inside Mary started to feel the telltale sign of pressure as Mary's orgasm neared. Without warning Rhoda stopped her tongue and withdrew her fingers causing Mary to growl in frustration and roughly yank her head up.
Mary's frustrated yet lust filled gaze made Rhoda's blood boil over. Swiftly she moved up Mary's body to kiss her heatedly, placing her thigh between the other woman's legs which Mary wrapped herself around and began thrusting against. Their tongues fought for dominance as they both were consumed by their passion, hands roamed each other's body in frenzy and Mary nearly tore Rhoda's t-shirt over her head. When their naked breasts came together both women groaned at the contact before Mary forcefully and quite surprisingly flipped Rhoda over and began sucking and pinching mercilessly on her breasts. Rhoda cried out, the pleasure almost too intense and sudden to handle. She gripped Mary's head to her chest and wrapped her legs around the slender woman. Then Mary was working her way down her body again and stripping off her sweat pants which she wore no underwear underneath. The lust driven woman wasted no time in finding Rhoda's heat and playing it with her tongue the same way Rhoda had done to her.
Rhoda was going crazy. This was more than any of her fantasies had ever been. Never had she thought Mary would be so... forceful or uninhibited. The demure portrait she painted for the rest of the world was certainly nothing like the woman who was making love to her now and it thrilled Rhoda. Thrusting in time with Mary's movements Rhoda screamed out her pleasure and just as she was nearing the brink Mary stopped. Before Rhoda could open her eyes to see what was happening she realized Mary was flipping herself around and settling her knees on either side of Rhoda's head where she lowered her own heat nearly onto Rhoda's mouth. The dark brunette didn't need to be asked twice. Gripping Mary's backside with both hands she drew Mary fully onto her mouth and began once again sucking and licking her engorged clit while Mary did the same to her. When she felt Mary entering her heat again she did the same and both women groaned pleasurably into each other. Both women thrust wildly and screamed with pleasure as they came against each other's tongues. When finally they were both spent Mary turned around and lay down next to Rhoda where the darker brunette gathered her into her arms and held her tightly, relishing in the feel of Mary cuddling in a satisfied afterglow against her.
Neither woman said anything now, both content to just be in each other's arms. When Rhoda felt Mary's breathing even out and was sure she was asleep she quietly whispered, "I love you, Mary," before drifting off with lithe body wrapped around her.
Sunlight slowly began to penetrate Rhoda's eyelids and she opened them slowly. Resting on her chest was Mary's head and she smiled happily at the sight... then the dread began to set in. What have I done? Ok, it wasn't just me; Mary definitely was an active participant but still... I started it, surely in the light of day Mary is going to regret what we did and want to forget it entirely. God, she'll probably want me out of her life entirely. How can she ever look at me again and not remember? I'll never forget. With the euphoria of last night ebbing away with every second that went by Rhoda tried to extract herself from the bed. She thought if she got dressed and slipped out it would make it easier for Mary to deal with things when she eventually woke up. However when she tried to move Mary's arms tightened around her. With hesitation Rhoda looked down at Mary's now upturned face but avoided her eyes.
"Where are you going?" Mary asked, "You're not planning on loving me and leaving me are you?" A coy grin forming on her lips.
Rhoda forced herself to meet Mary's gaze and was surprised by what she found there... acceptance and maybe something else. Yet she couldn't bring herself to believe everything was really ok, not yet.
"Mare, I would never...I just thought it would be easier for you... um... you know, considering everything, if I uh..."
Mary pressed her finger to Rhoda's lips, silencing her. After a moment she replaced her finger with her lips she kissed Rhoda deeply.
"I love you too, Rhoda." She whispered into her ear.
Rhoda met Mary's eyes and saw nothing but honesty looking back. Smiling widely she wrapped Mary in her arms.
"Now let me show you what I want for breakfast," Mary playfully growled, moving down Rhoda's body.
The End