DISCLAIMER: I don't own CSI and the entire CBS network. This story is my own with characters borrowed from the show. When properly packaged, they will be returned using registered mail.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Nothing earth shattering, merely an attempt to put a few thoughts down on this Mother's Day. It touched more on one child's perspective on her mother and honestly, it's pretty average given we don't get much insight into her mind except for when she's angry, being kidnapped and being aged in such a way I felt like I was watching a soap opera. So forgive if this is a bit of a nothing story.
DEDICATION: Although not celebrated on the same day everywhere, I dedicate this to the mothers out there. This may not be the best tribute to all your hard work, unconditional love and self-sacrifice, but sorry, there's no money back guarantee on this model.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Belong
By Corbeau's Alcove
Packing my bags, the last batch before leaving, I wonder how time can pass so quickly. It wasn't that long ago, I was playing two ends against the middle, capitalizing on the disintegrating relationship between my mother and father. Pancakes for breakfast, lunch or dinner: my decision. If Mom got angry with Daddy over that, I took it as a victory. They're hurting me, why shouldn't I try it too?
Life was a little unconventional. I spent a lot of time with my Aunt Nancy. And sitters. And Grandma Lily. Mom had periods where she'd kiss me in the morning and either crash for a few hours, or be off to work. One time I moved the mugs and kitchen stuff around so she'd have to stop and ask me for help. I wanted attention, that was normal.
Of course, I couldn't spend a lot of time with Dad once he died. I was in the same car, sinking in the water. It was cold, it was dirty and it was scary. I wet my pants but no one knew, I thought I was going to die. Mom saved me. It brought us closer until she started to work a lot again. She promised to change her hours but had to come home one day and tell me she was sorry, that she didn't get what she wanted. I was mad at her. I told her I hated her. I started getting into more fights and even tried to run away a few times. Trouble with that is I had no idea where to go and Uncle Jim had his police come find me. It made me angrier with Mom.
Looking back with some regret, I guess I can say it was partly due to normal rebelling. I did hit the teenage years with a whole lot of baggage and tried to get my way because of it. Sure, a lot of people had parents who were divorced but not many could better my story. Dead father as a result of a gun fight and car accident? Don't even start me on the sympathy I got when it happened to Sam and I was kidnapped by those loser psychos. I slacked off because I could, because teachers let me.
Then Sara happened. I tell you, it knocked me down like you wouldn't believe. I'm not stupid, I know Mom liked to have it off with a whole bunch of people. But Sara? I didn't get that one. I liked her, she helped me when I needed it after Dad died, but it felt weird having her in the house.
They tried to keep it a secret. I don't really know why, maybe because they worked together. I saw them kiss one night, I think Sara was surprised. She pushed Mom away from her and got in her car. I didn't see her for a while and Mom was always cranky. I wanted to ask her, but I didn't.
I knew about lesbians. How can you not know about lesbians now? I thought it was something you just had, like you were always dating women or something. I didn't understand then, didn't really get it. Mom was always with men. She got married to Daddy. I didn't think she was a lesbian. I didn't want her to be, because I was already teased at school and I didn't have much control, I would always fight. I thought fighting was a faster way to shut people up. I wasn't too clever with words.
Sara came back one day, it was a weekend and Grandma Lily was over with us. Mom didn't know she was coming over and kept saying something about not looking good. I thought she looked alright, but her hair was a little messy. I let Sara in and she looked nervous. She asked me if she could see Mom and I just shrugged, what do I care? I thought when she saw Grandma Lily she'd fall over. She was so scared to shake her hand and I laughed, because it looked really silly. Grandma L was pretty strong, she would get a broken hand from a handshake.
Mom had run off somewhere and when she came back she had changed her outfit and was wearing a cap. I asked her why she changed, but Mom tried to stop me from talking. It made Sara smile though. Grandma L was frowning at them so they went outside. I went back to finish lunch and saw them hugging for a long time. When they came back inside they were smiling.
So after that day, Sara was coming over a lot. She would always make Mom smile and sometimes would bring something like some flowers or a book. She'd ask if I wanted to come with them and if no one was home I had to. I kinda had fun, but they were pretty embarrassing. Sara would always make Mom laugh and sometimes Mom would touch Sara on the arm or move some hair from her face and it would make Sara smile. One time a man was staring at Mom and it made Sara angry, but Mom told her not to be silly, that she thought Sara was beautiful. I made a funny noise when I heard Mom say that and when we got home, I got in trouble.
It wasn't until six months or something later that I started to understand that they were falling in love. Mom was acting silly and Sara was always nervous. I'd seen movies like that so I knew something serious was happening. I asked Mom if she loved Sara and she told me she cared for her a lot. I told Mom I wasn't happy with that and it made her sad. Sara didn't come over for a long time after that, but Mom was always out too so I guess she went to Sara's so I wouldn't see them together.
I knew Grandma Lily didn't like Sara, I used to hear them fight all the time. Mom would tell her she wasn't a child anymore but Grandma L would tell her I was still a child and that dating Sara would mess me up. Her words. Sara never tried to win over Grandma L, never tried too hard with either of us. I knew she liked me and I liked her. Grandma Lily wasn't going to like her and I think Sara knew that. She'd always been shy but was really, really quiet around Grandma L. Mom always tried to keep those two apart.
A year went by and Sara was staying over a lot. Mom explained to me that Sara and her were a couple and that she'd talked to me about it whenever I wanted to ask her anything. I asked her to keep it a secret, and that they don't act like a couple when I'm out with them. Mom said she didn't want to embarrass me, but that they were in love and it was hard to hide that. It led to another fight and I stayed with Aunt Nancy for a week. I knew we were getting further and further away from each other. Sara never tried to tell me I should get back to the house, she never pushed and invade my privacy. She never tried to act like she was my new parent. Mom said I made her nervous and sometimes I was a bitch to her so I could understand why she felt that. She never backed away from me though. When I told her she was ruining my life, she just shook her head and said she loved Mom and that there was nothing wrong with that. It was the most I got out of her by way of how she felt for Mom and it shocked me. I think it was her way of telling me I wasn't being fair on Mom.
They stayed together all through my years at school. Sara moved in and I learnt to accept her. It was a pretty shitty road, but Sara became important to me. She wasn't really good at helping me with boy troubles and stuff, but she would listen, and would just ask some questions and let me try to figure stuff out. Her only warning was to make sure I respected myself. We weren't really into hugs and stuff, but she once gave me a big hug and a kiss when I broke up with Rodney. I thought I was in love, but he liked someone else and after a month together we broke up. Mom was at a conference and Sara found me upset in the kitchen. She didn't laugh when I told her we had only dated a month, she told me feelings don't have much of a timestamp on them. We sat on the couch and watched some movie and just chatted about stuff. When Mom came home, Sara told her I'd broken up with Rodney and Mom took me out for what she called therapy ice-cream.
People at school knew about Mom and Sara but it had been weird, no one really hassled me. A few boys wanted to come over and see them, thinking that they just sat on the couch and made out or something, but it was pretty alright. It became normal for me to have Mom dating a woman, just like it was normal for me to like boys.
Grandma Lily never accepted it though. She and Mom hardly ever spoke after a big fight. I could still see her, but I would go to her house. When I got my license it was easier to visit her, Sara had given me her old car until I could save and buy my own. Mom took me on some driving lessons, but she told me she was too nervous so Uncle Warrick took over. He was really cool and would show me back ways to get to places.
Mom and Sara had one big fight, it was pretty huge actually. They fought over little things, but this one actually made both Mom and Sara cry. I never heard Sara raise her voice when she was speaking to Mom, but this time I did. Sara was so mad, I thought she'd leave us for good. She took some of her stuff and moved in with Greg for a while and Mom was always really quiet. Even when I dropped Sara's favourite mug by accident, she just swept it up and went into her room until I was picked up for an impromptu sleepover with Tracy. I thought it was the end and I was sad. Sara had become part of my life and I'd already been through one divorce, and Grandma Lily was also further away, I didn't want to have to see Sara at her new place.
I told Mom she'd better get Sara back, that I'd like it if someone sent me flowers if they did something wrong. Mom told me to go away. But two weeks later, Sara was back in our house. She hadn't moved back in, but they were talking. There were more tears and both were saying sorry. Mom told me she tried to help Sara with something even after Sara told her not to and Sara found out.
A month after that, Sara moved back in. They started slow, dating and Sara going back to Greg's after the date. Mom was always smiling again but this time Sara wasn't nervous, in fact she was pretty much in charge of stuff. When she moved back in, Sara told me she loved me. I thanked her, but I was pretty embarrassed. I wanted to tell her the same, but didn't for a long time.
I think I was a lot like Sara, I wasn't big on soppy sentiment but I knew who were important to me and as I grew up, I realised it was important to show it. When Grandma Lily died, I cried openly at her grave, knowing my family wouldn't think less of me. Sara came and she cried too, but I think it was more because she felt bad for Mom. After all, they fought and stuff, but I knew my Mom loved Grandma. Sara told me she had a weird relationship with her mom and that she treasured people who let her be a part of their lives. Mom kissed Sara on the lips when she said that.
I think that's why Mother's Day was always sad for Sara. Even when I didn't really understand the importance of grown-ups loving their parents, I knew Sara missed out with her family somehow. When I was younger, Mother's Day meant getting money from mom to buy her a present. I'd wrap it, give it to her with a kiss on the cheek and twenty minutes later be in my room with the music blaring. It didn't mean much. There was no sentiment of appreciation or acknowledgement, but these days Mother's Day was as important to me as my own birthday. And with two parents to consider now, I always made sure they knew I loved them.
"Here she is!"
The plane trip was pretty stress free, but seeing Mom waving her hand so I could see her, I started to wonder if I should have had a drink on the plane. Even now, me at twenty four, I could get embarrassed by my mother and we didn't even live in the same state! Sara, as usual, was more subdue but she was smiling. I waved, hoping it'd stop Mom from jumping all over me.
"Hey Linds," several kisses later, Mom moved away. "You've lost weight."
"That's what you say everytime you see me Mom." I groan.
"Hey Linds, let's go get your bags," Sara interjects before Mom can hug me again. She takes Mom's hand and almost pulls her away from me.
"Hey Sara." I kiss her on the cheek, watching as she smiles.
"Two whole months with your Mom hey?" Sara teases us both.
"We never get to see her," Mom complains.
"Come on, I want to take a shower," I say rushing them a little.
"It's good to see you Lindsay," Sara says, kissing Mom on the cheek.
"You to. Both of you."
"So, how's Cabe?" Mom asks.
"I knew you couldn't hold out until we got home," Sara says good naturedly.
"He's good Mom. He says hello."
"I bet he does. Trying to get in my good books. I won't be sweet talked," Mom replies.
"Actually, I'm more concerned about Sara," I say laughing as we get into the car.
"Me?" Sara turns before looking back onto the road and turning left.
"Yes!"
"I only scared one boy Linds and he deserved it after cheating on you," Sara replies.
"Baby, the road," Mom says, taking Sara's hand in hers. "Linds, we'll both be on our best behaviour."
"No asking a few policemen over to inspect his car?" I ask, still recalling the way Justin thought he was getting arrested for kissing in his car. "I didn't really like Justin anyway."
"You did at the time Linds," Mom reminds me.
"Yeah okay."
"So, Cabe is driving here?" Sara asks.
"No but is thinking about hiring a car when he gets here," I say. "And no, I won't tell you which car."
"Linds we spoke about it back then, I over-reacted. I didn't like how Justin was lying to you," Sara tries to explain. Mom smiles at her.
"I know, but if you can tease me, I can tease you," I reply.
"What would we do without you protecting us?" Mom says to Sara, kissing her hand. I know she's talking about more than one boy. Sara once saved Mom from a crime scene which was pretty dangerous and Mom always tells me that Sara saved her from becoming a lonely old woman. Now that I'm older, Mom talks more and more about her relationship with Sara. Probably too much.
"So, what did you tell Cabe about us?" Mom asks me.
"I told him about your job, that you were both pretty protective and that you're the best parents anyone could have."
The last part took them both by surprise, but I needed to say it. Cabe's parents died one day in a boating accident. He didn't even know they were on the boat and was mad because they weren't answering his phone calls. When his older brother told him they had died, he cried for a long time. He kept telling me stories about them, kept telling me he loved them and I knew it was important to him to tell them that one more time so I drove him to the morgue. He didn't let me come in with him, but that was okay. I had to call Mom and thank her for pulling a few strings to allow us in there. She didn't know anyone here, but she can talk anyone into doing something if she's determined for it to happen.
"We love you too Lindsay," Mom says, wiping a few tears from her eyes.
"We do," Sara echoes.
"You're not going to cry when Cabe visits are you?" I joke, allowing the tension to leave the car.
"No, worse, I'm going to give him a big hug and drill him for information," Mom says.
Mom and Sara laugh and I roll my eyes. What a family I have. It may look pretty weird in light of what we've all been through, but it was my family and I thought I did pretty well. We fought, we had moments where we missed each other and we all cared for each other through everything. In that way, we were really no different. We belonged to each other and that was fine with me.
The End