DISCLAIMER: CSI is the property of CBS and Jerry Bruckheimer.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Don't Call Me Stupid
By ralst
For fuck's sake, Sara, will you shut up and listen to me? I did not sleep with him!
You're lying.
No, I'm not and if you pulled your head out of your ass every once in a while you'd realise how stupid you're being.
I'm not stupid.
No you're a fucking genius. That's why you've just accused me of having sex with Grissom.
What are you talking about?
I'm gay.
No you're not.
Yes I am.
You're lying.
If you say that once more I'm going to knock you into next week.
Don't you threaten me.
Then don't call me a liar.
Then don't lie to me.
I didn't... This is ridiculous. I'm gay. I have sex with women.
I know what gay means.
That's good, at least some of your brain cells are firing.
Are you calling me stupid again?
No, not stupid, dense maybe.
If you keep calling me stupid you'll be the one knocked into the next century...
Week.
...not me.
Then drop this idiotic idea that I slept with Grissom.
You're really gay?
Yes.
Do you have a crush on Catherine?
Catherine? Did you ask that just so I'd call you stupid or are you really that dense?
I warned you.
I was provoked.
I thought everyone had a crush on Catherine.
Do you?
No!
Well then.
If you're not sleeping with Gris and you don't have a thing for Catherine, who are you interested in?
Why do I have to be interested in anyone?
Because you spend all your spare time hanging around the labs, getting under my feet and drinking Greg's coffee.
And your investigator's mind still needs to ask who I'm interested in?
Yes.
Sara.
What, I want to know.
And I just told you.
You didn't... Oh.
Don't worry, I don't expect you to throw off all your clothes and declare undying love. It would be nice, but...
Are you playing with me?
No.
Then why haven't you ever asked me out?
For the same reason I don't walk into gunfights waving a water pistol; a highly trained sense of self preservation.
Chicken.
Realist.
Buck, buck...
I can't believe you just did that.
And I can't believe you don't have the guts to ask me out.
Okay, fine, will you join me for dinner?
When?
Tonight, at eight.
Where?
My apartment.
Your apartment?
That's what I said.
Isn't that a little...
What?
Presumptuous.
Yes. But then if I'm going to get shot down in flames, I might as well aim for the sky.
So you actually expect me to turn up at your apartment and, what, sleep with you?
No.
Good.
I expect you to have sex with me, the sleeping part is optional.
Great. Now if I say yes you'll think I'm easy.
Sara, you could throw yourself on top of me, buck naked and begging for me to fuck you and I still wouldn't think you were easy.
You like that word, don't you?
Don't change the subject. Dinner tonight, my place.
Okay.
Okay?
Is your hearing going? I said okay.
Oh. Okay.
You don't have to do cartwheels.
Sorry, I was just a little shocked. I never expected you to say yes.
Do you regret asking me?
No. I just regret not doing it last year.
So, tonight?
Tonight.
The End