DISCLAIMER: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and its characters are the propert of James Cameron and Fox. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: A prequel to 'With You I Find Salvation'.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

Cameron's Little Secret
By shyath


Cameron does not say love, does not dare to - perhaps. She knows that Sarah scoffs at her attempts at being more human, that sometimes Sarah refuses to touch her when she is successful on those rare occasions to display a trait so human that even the older woman is taken aback by it.

Cameron rattles her, John has once told her and he has said it so quietly, so carefully - Cameron understands without too much prodding or explaining that it is a big secret John has imparted (and if she has tears to shed, she may very well have cried listening to John's admission).

But what Cameron never tells John, never tells Sarah, never quite manages to admit to herself is that Sarah rattles her quite thoroughly as well. There is harshness in Sarah that belies her gentleness. Something about the way Sarah traces the planes of Cameron's face, the curves of her body - the palms of her hands never quite making contact with Cameron's skin and Sarah's eyes following the movement of her hands as if in a trance, as if the act is something precious to be undertaken - is so heartbreakingly gentle. She does not have a heart, Cameron knows this, but she understands why so many fear the ache of a broken heart and why so many take the leap nonetheless.

So it is only when Sarah is asleep, is quiet, is peaceful if only for a few moments that Cameron dares to whisper all the things she wishes she has the courage to tell Sarah when both are aware. It is only then that she dares to trace Sarah's face with the pads of her fingers the way Sarah likes to do to her, watch the nuances in Sarah's expression as she leans unconsciously into Cameron's touch, store away for future reference the whisper of her own name as Sarah thrashes about in the throes of another nightmare.

"I love you," is the last thing Cameron tells Sarah every single night. But Sarah needs not know that.

The End

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