DISCLAIMER: Don't own anything, let alone these two. Borrowed for entertainment purposes only and returned no worse for the wear.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Candy Girl
By DiNovia
"Well," said Olivia Benson, slamming shut the last file on her desk and sliding it into the 'To Be Filed' bin, "that's it for me, guys." She stood, donned her mahogany leather jacket, and headed out the door of the squad room, humming a little tune. "See ya tomorrow."
Elliot Stabler looked down at his watch and frowned. "What's that all about?" he asked, watching Liv's retreating form as she practically jaunted down the stairs. "That's the fifth time this month she's gone home at five o'clock on the dot." He didn't notice that he was the only one in the whole squad room that looked the least bit confused.
"Elliot, you're kidding me, right?" asked Munch, leaning forward in his chair. "You saw our illustrious ADA today, didn't you?"
Elliot thought about it. "Nah, I missed her. Liv said they went out to lunch today but that's when I was at Dickie's parent-teacher conference. Why?"
Tutuola glanced at his partner briefly before leaning forward in his chair. "You didn't see Casey at all, man? Maybe on the courthouse steps? Think, Elliot."
The detective slowly shook his head. "No. No, I didn't see her. Liv had lunch with her and Fin, didn't you have to testify in the Hudson case?"
"Yeah. Which is why I know why your partner left on time for the eleventh time this month. Not the fifth."
Elliot quirked an eyebrow, looking from Munch to Fin and back again. "You keepin' count? And are you saying that the reason Liv is leaving on time a little more these days has something to do with Casey?"
"Aww, man," said Fin, shaking his head. "He don't know."
"No, my friend, he certainly doesn't," agreed Munch.
"Look, El, Casey was wearing that color, you know, the lime—though it ain't like any lime I've ever seen—but that bright green? You know?"
By now, Elliot was almost positive he was going insane. "And?"
"And the white GoGo Boots of Doom," added Munch helpfully.
Elliot waited but when he got no further explanations, he tried again. "And?"
"And what does that remind you of, El?"
When the mortally confused detective didn't answer, Munch typed a few commands into his laptop and turned the screen to face him. "Look familiar?"
Elliot was now absolutely sure someone in the room was insane. He just didn't think it was him. "It's one of those cartoon M&M's that do the commercials. So?" Then the light bulb went off. "You think Casey was dressed like an M&M?"
"Not just any M&M, Elliot. The green one. You know, the one that makes you horny?" At Elliot's alarmed yet still clueless look, Fin added, "Dayum, El, doncha even listen to those kids of yours?"
"Let me get this straight," began Stabler, ignoring Munch's snort. "You think that ADA Novak intentionally wore lime green and these white gogo boots to represent the green M&M, which apparently is supposed to make you horny?"
"Yeah."
"You also think that this outfit has some connection as to why my partner has left work—on time—eleven times this month."
"You got it."
"Because…?" A bigger light bulb went off over Elliot's head. "Oh my god. You think that the M&M outfit is some sort of signal to Liv that she should go home on time so that she and Casey can…"
"Rock the bus?"
"Do the horizontal mambo?"
"Feed the kitties?"
"Bump fuzzies?"
"Stop! Just stop! I swear I'll shoot the next person who says a single word!" Elliot didn't think he was joking either. The images in his head were making his eyes bleed.
"Prove us wrong, man! Call Casey's office."
Elliot glared at the other two detectives. He picked up his desk phone and hit the speed dial. He listened for a few minutes then hung up. "She's gone home for the day."
"Now call the good ADA's cell phone."
Elliot did that, too. He hung up without saying a word. "It went to voice mail."
"Now call Liv's cell. You know she'll answer if it's you."
Elliot gave the two detectives another glare for good measure and dialed the number.
"Put it on speaker phone, El," said Fin.
Elliot jabbed at the speaker button and the tinny sound of Liv's cell phone ringing filled the squad room. After a second, an obviously breathless Olivia Benson said, "Elliot? Is everything okay?" Before Elliot could answer her, though, the muffled sounds of a female voice in the background could be heard, followed by a gasp definitely made by Olivia and a quiet, almost desperate order for Casey to stop for two seconds so Olivia could answer the damn—oh, God—phone.
Elliot practically leapt for the speaker button, grabbing up the handset as if his life depended on it. "Liv, sorry, I hit the speed dial by accident. Have a good night."
He hung up before Liv could even say a word.
Munch looked at Elliot. Fin looked at Munch. Elliot looked at the floor.
Finally he said, "Do they sell them by color?"
Only Fin was brave enough to ask.
"Do they sell what by color?"
"M&Ms," said Elliot. Then the detective grinned like the cat that ate a whole box of canaries.
Olivia Benson was tired, but pleasantly so. She had had a wonderful evening. And night. And early morning. And later morning. Smiling to herself, she pulled one hand over her head with the other, stretching as she walked into the squad room.
But she stopped dead when she saw what was on her desk and her smile simply melted away.
Without looking up or saying hello to anyone, she ducked into the locker room. Elliot held his finger up to his lips as he and Fin and Munch all crowded around the door, listening for what would happen next.
It turned out to be Olivia making an urgent call on her cell.
"Casey, honey, listen to me. The guys found out about the outfit…Yes, they did…Trust me, I know this for a fact…Because there is a giant bowl of green M&Ms on my friggin' desk!...ON MY DESK!...Okay, okay, this isn't—what?...What!...On your desk? Oh, great!...I'm never gonna live this down…We lost a perfectly good—wait. Casey, does Hershey's make purple M&Ms?"
The End