DISCLAIMER: None of the SGA characters belong to me. If they did, Elizabeth would’ve come out long ago. Instead, they belong to Brad Wright, Robert. C. Cooper and co.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to Sheila for the beta.

By teh_gandu


Her favorite month has always been August, her favorite date has always been the twenty-fifth and it had been that way for the last five years.

But this year-the sixth year-is different. Everything is different, for everything has changed.

For this year, this month, this particular date there was nothing to celebrate.

She is alone-it is as simple as that.

How could she have done this to her? To them? Didn't she mean anything? Didn't their love mean anything? Didn't their five years of commitment mean anything? Clearly not, otherwise, Teyla would still be here, wouldn't she?

Even though a year has passed, Elizabeth still can't help the aching she feels inside, nor can she help the emptiness, the loneliness, the pain, the anger or the betrayal. Some may say that she needs to let go, that a year has passed and she needs to move on, but how can these people possibly understand what she's been through- what she's still going through? If they did, then they'd understand that she can't move on.

Teyla had left her, deserted her in her hour of need. Why the hell couldn't she have hung on? Why couldn't she have fought harder and survived? Surely Elizabeth was worth hanging onto? Surely their future was worth hanging onto? But Teyla didn't hang on, nor did she fight for her survival. Elizabeth had hated the younger woman for that- hated her for not trying hard enough, for not giving their love another chance. And yet, to this day, Elizabeth still hates the law lecturer for leaving her.

But most of all, Elizabeth hates herself. She hates herself for hating Teyla, for not grieving, and simply because she was too afraid that by revealing her emotions it would show her to be weak.

She still can't believe that today marks the first year anniversary since Teyla's death. She is amazed how quickly a year has flown by. It only seems like yesterday when they first met-an estate agent and a law professor talk about misfits.

And yet, it was like something out of the movies: an Italian restaurant, their eyes meeting across the table and time standing still.

Of course, the first house she had sold to the younger woman was indeed the house that would soon become their house.

But that was then and this is now and now she hates their house, because it isn't their house, not any more.

She doesn't know which is worse: the fact that she'll continue living without her partner, her lover, her girlfriend or the irony that was Teyla dying on their fifth year anniversary.

The End

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