DISCLAIMER: Guiding Light and its characters are the property of Proctor & Gamble. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SPOILERS: Up to when Jessica had Mat-Leave.

Centering Thoughts
By DarXe


Natalia woke slowly feeling a weight on her chest and a tickle on her nose. She smiled as she looked down and saw Olivia's head and lifted a hand to smooth Olivia's hair. She looked over at the clock and noticed she still had three hours before the alarm would go off. Olivia snuggled closer to Natalia and tightened her hold as if she were afraid if she let go Natalia would disappear.

Natalia wrapped her arms around Olivia and pulled her closer. She whispered, "Shh, I'm here. We're together." Although Olivia didn't let go she relaxed her grip and her breath evened out and her sleep was more peaceful.

Natalia closed her eyes and thought back to before. They often fell asleep on the couch watching TV, Natalia's head on Olivia's shoulder; or laying on her chest with Olivia's arms wrapped around her. There was something about hearing the rhythm of Olivia's heart in sync with the inhale-exhale of her breathing. It always relaxed her and more times than not she would be awakened by Olivia's kisses. She would smile and notice that yet again she missed the end of whatever show or movie they had started watching.

Natalia frowned. But she left. She didn't tell Olivia where she was going or why and she regretted it. She had never regretted anything more in her life. If she could rewind time she would go back and talk to her first. She would tell her she was leaving for a few weeks to find her center, but assure her she would be back. Give her a hug, maybe a kiss. She would tell Emma to watch over her mommy for her. But she didn't do that. She couldn't rewind time; and it was Olivia who was hurt.

Oh, Olivia would never admit to being hurt that much. During the day Olivia was all smiles and loving looks. She was a little more touchy-feely, which Natalia liked. But Natalia could tell Olivia wanted to make sure the woman walking and talking to her wasn't a dream she had dreamed up. No, she was Olivia Spencer; she was supposed to be tough as nails. Olivia told Natalia she was glad she was back and now it would really be okay, that she was okay now that she was back. They were together, a family, and that is what mattered. But at night … at night Olivia's insecurities came out. And it was at night that Natalia was able to try to make up for leaving.

She would whisper assurances, and love. She would pull her close hold her tight. She would let Olivia take as long as she needed. Natalia wasn't going anywhere. She left to find her center, what she found was she didn't need to leave to find it. Her center was laying here in her arms.

The End

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