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Cleansing Rituals
By ncruuk


"No Sir..." Samantha Carter may have had a few more beers than was necessarily sensible, but still the Air Force training remained - she could not, would not, call her C.O. by his name.

"But it's jello Sam!" protested Jack, waving at the tray of glasses Teal'c had brought through from the kitchen at Jack's request.

"Contaminated with alcohol Sir..." reasoned Sam sensibly, absolutely certain she was not doing jello shots with her C.O....not again.

"I used less vodka..." protested Jack, making everyone assembled remember the last time he'd tried to make jello shots - the alcohol content had been so high the jello had never set.

"They've set?" asked Daniel, scrambling across to the table and poking one, discovering that yes, the jello had set.

"It wobbles..." the linguist observed, getting a rather civilian attack of the giggles.

"Is that not an essential requirement for jello?" questioned Teal'c, not seeing why the statement of such an obvious fact would constitute something amusing.

"Course it wobbles..." agreed Jack proudly, dropping his beer bottle to the floor and slumping at the table to join Daniel in poking the jello shots.

"You know..." began Daniel, pushing his glasses up his nose in the hope that would improve his vision...when actually, noted Janet idly, amused at the sight of SG1 drunk in front of her, only some sleep and clear fluids would probably help, "...these would wobble way better if they were..." Rather than grasp for the words, Daniel demonstrated - with extreme care he turned the shot glass upside down and coaxed the jello out so that it was standing on the tray. As if to confirm the archaeologist's point, Jack poked it.

"It wobbles more..." agreed Jack, taking a second near-conical shaped glass and carefully turning out so that it was sitting next to Daniel's gently wobbling mound of jello.

"They both wobble..." observed Teal'c dryly, not appreciating the significance of the two...until Jack poked - setting both of them in motion, and Daniel's giggles off once more.

"They look..." was all the normally eloquent (or rambling, depending whether you got your post-mission shower before or after the debrief) linguist could say, before giggles rendered all speech impossible, and was quickly joined by Jack.

"Uh, boys?" queried Janet when it was eventually clear that no explanation was coming as to why two conical mounds of green jello were so hysterical.

"Umm, PX1...." began Daniel, only to lose it again. Unfortunately, the partially remembered gate address was enough to clarify the situation to Teal'c, who was only too ready to oblige Janet with an explanation.

"PX1-23Y: it was the first mission for SG1 following my inclusion in the team. Major Carter had to endure a most embarrassing 'cleansing' ritual."

"Cleansing ritual?" questioned Janet, turning to look at her lover. She'd remembered the mission, remembered the report...remembered a rather dry report that contained no satisfactory reason why Sam had been covered in....

"Green body paint?" asked Janet sharply, suddenly turning a knowing gaze on a suddenly sober Sam who was currently trying to be swallowed up by Jack's couch. They'd sworn they would tell no one about this, and certainly not...

"Topless...." wheezed Jack, finding enough breath in between giggles to help with the explanation and reveal the final detail that would suffer at the hands of Sam Carter for a very long time.

Suddenly, Janet had all the information as pieces of a long forgotten puzzle fell into place. Amused, she turned to her lover who had discovered a fascinating new shade of beetroot to blush. There was only one question that could be asked:

"You danced topless through the village square?"

The End

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