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Coming to Terms
"This isn't who I am," Callie said suddenly, forcing Arizona to look up. They were eating dinner silently in Callie's apartment. Cristina was on call, so the place was relatively quiet for once. Normally, Cristina and Meredith were floating around, laughing, watching some absurd TV show or gossiping about the latest goings on at Seattle Grace. Tonight though, the silence seemed to be eating Callie alive.
"What?" Arizona held her fork halfway between her plate and her mouth. She rose an eyebrow in concern at Callie's tone.
"This isn't who I am," Callie repeated more confidently. "This pushing and pulling; this relationship, it's not who I am."
"Calliope?" Arizona dropped her fork with a loud clang and swallowed painfully. She didn't know how to respond to Callie's statement but she felt herself fall apart inside at her girlfriend's confession.
"I No!" Callie suddenly realized what she wasn't what she meant to say. "I didn't mean it like that. No, no way! I love being with you, and this most definitely is who I am, I mean, about us, this, and us being together Yeah, that so wasn't what I was talking about."
"Don't leave me in suspense," Arizona smiled uneasily.
"Oh, no! I won't," Callie replied nervously. She went to take a drink of her wine and then thought against it. "Look, I'm a wreck when it comes to this. To relationships. I mean, look at my track record." Callie didn't have to go down the list, thank to that Seattle Grace gossip Meredith and Cristina thrived in, Arizona knew all the details even if she didn't want to know them. "I'm a strong person, I'm a downright survivor. I had to be growing up with my mother and father. Walking away from him was the most courageous thing I've ever done, but this us this is by far the scariest thing I've ever done and I don't know how to handle it-"
"-You don't have to explain," Arizona interrupted.
"No, I'm not explaining this right," Callie sighed frustrated. She ran a hand through her hair before continuing. "I'm a strong person, and our relationship shouldn't be any different but it is for me. And I don't know why, but I want to figure it out."
Arizona just smiled. It seemed like Callie wanted a future, and she'd finally come to terms with whatever that future may be.
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