DISCLAIMER: Mutant X belongs to Tribune, Marvel Comics and I think the WB, now. I don't know, they're not mine so don't sue.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, don't shoot me. I am a dedicated Emma/Shal shipper but this popped into my head and would not go away until I did something with it. Shal/Lexa is a one time thing for me though...maybe.
SPOILERS: for 'She's come undone', hence the title. It'll actually make much more sense if you've seen the episode.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
~The blonde heard the screams, the thrashing and the thumps. Closing her eyes, she concentrated her heightened senses before locating the owner. Hearing the sounds get louder, she jumped out of bed and ran down the hallway. Shalimar busted through Lexa's doorway as quietly as her dramatic entrance would allow her. The End
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Glancing around the room, she spoke softly. "Lex, I heard shouting. Are you okay?" She asked, turning her attention to the brunette as she sat up in bed.
"Yeah, sorry." Lexa apologized in gasping breaths. "I just had a brutal nightmare." She ran her hands through her hair, her fingers coming to rest on her throbbing temples. "I could use some aspirin too."
Shalimar stepped further into the room. "I think one of us needs to lay off the tequila." She quipped with a giggle. As she got further into the room, her nose wrinkled as she picked up the familiar scent. "Lexa, don't move." She ordered, flicking on the light.
Lexa gasped loudly as she glanced down at her hands, the blood noticeable in the bright light. "Oh, my God!" She continued to stare at her hands, the crimson liquid trapping her gaze.
Shalimar moved closer and lowered herself to the bed. "What happened?" She asked, placing her hands on Lexa's waist and turning her towards her. "Where are you hurt?" She tried not to sound worried as she examined Lexa's hands and arms, trying to locate the source of blood.
"I'm fine." Lexa whispered uncertainly, giving Shalimar a grateful look as she pulled her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "It's not mine." She elaborated fearfully, turning her head into Shalimar's hand as she touched the blood on her cheek.~
That was how it all started. Shalimar had noticed that Lexa was an attractive woman. She'd have to be blind not to, but her grief and her intense dislike of the other woman overrode everything else. Lately, she was noticing more and more. It started that night, the night that Shalimar had seen a glimpse of the real Lexa. She was scared, vulnerable and open. Shalimar was the one she turned too. They had a moment on the bed, when Shal had touched her face.
They had traced Lexa's involuntary killing spree back to the medical lab. When they were attacked, she had grabbed Lexa and pulled her to safety next to her, without even thinking about it. When she heard assassins were after Lexa, she went straight to the source and fought like hell to keep her safe, she defended her to Brennan. That was something she had never done before. She remembered the terrifying feeling she had when Adam and Jesse were operating on Lexa to remove Eckhart's data jack. That she could die. All she could remember thinking was not again, not like Emma.
It had taken awhile but she trusted the brunette. She knew Lexa never told them the whole truth, that maybe Lexa didn't trust them but over the past year, she had built up a level of trust with her. She didn't understand her most of the time, didn't approve of most of her methods but maybe that was part of the attraction. Attraction, there was that word again and Shalimar had to face facts. She was attracted to Lexa.
Groaning, she sat up and crossed her legs. Closing her eyes, she breathed in deeply and than let it out slowly. She repeated the action again and again, until she felt relaxed enough to give sleeping another try. Just as she laid back, she heard it. The thrashing noises, the soft whimpers and gasping breath. She knew immediately that it was Lexa.
Rolling out of bed, she dropped gracefully to her feet and ran down the hallway. She stopped outside of Lexa's door and listened. The sounds were worse, the whimpers louder. She quietly opened the door and slipped inside, pushing it shut after her. She made her way to the bed, gingerly perching on the edge before reaching out a hand and pushing Lexa's hair off of her face.
"Lexa." She whispered the other woman's name softly, using her other hand to shake her shoulder. "Lex, wake up."
Lexa awoke with a gasp, taking in a lung full of air before sitting up. "Should I even bother to say I'm sorry?" She asked wryly, feeling terrible for waking the feral again.
Shalimar gave her a gentle smile and shook her head. "Nope, you didn't wake me tonight. I was up already." She continued stroking Lexa's hair as the brunette took calming breaths.
"I'm still sorry." Lexa muttered, her body moving closer to Shal's involuntarily.
Shalimar wrapped her arms around Lexa and ran her hand down her back. "Did you try taking something this time?"
Lexa shook her head, the move ruffling Shal's long blonde locks as Lexa buried her face in her shoulder. "They're just nightmares. They'll go away eventually."
Shalimar sighed softly. "You don't have to be tough all the time, you know." She pulled back just enough to see Lexa's face. "You're allowed to be human." She gave her a small smile, touching her cheek lightly.
Lexa opened her mouth to respond, before closing it again. ~You were not put here to save them, you were put here so they could save you.~ She heard Adam's words in her head and visibly flinched. This wasn't supposed to happen. She had already been too open, too unguarded around the blonde feral. She wasn't sure if she could do anymore without opening herself up to a world of hurt. She appreciated Shalimar's concern, she liked her comfort. The feral had a soothing touch; it calmed her down, made her feel better. It was also starting to penetrate her defenses.
Looking up, she caught Shalimar's light brown eyes watching her with genuine worry and she let herself notice how beautiful the blonde was. She turned away, willing herself to think of something else, anything else.
"Lex, I was serious." Shalimar spoke again when she didn't receive a response and she couldn't read the brunette's face.
Lexa kept her gaze fixed on the wall behind Shalimar and shuddered lightly. "I know." She whispered.
"Lexa." When Lexa refused to look at her, Shalimar reached out her hand, cupping Lexa's chin and tilting her face up to hers. "Is there something else wrong?"
Lexa shook her head and buried her face in Shalimar's neck, trying to not enjoy the fact that the blonde tightened her arms around her waist and pulled her closer. Closing her eyes, she tried to blink back the tears that were burning the back of her eyes but she failed and they coursed down her cheeks unchecked. Shalimar held her close, soothing her and whispering soft words of comfort in her ear. After what seemed an eternity, Lexa's crying slowed and turned into quiet sobs and short gasps of air. Eventually, she calmed down. She pulled her head away from Shalimar's shoulder and wiped the mess of tears off her golden tanned skin.
"Oh, God." She uttered, embarrassed as she turned away.
"Lex," Shalimar lifted her hands to frame Lexa's face, her thumbs brushing away the residual tears. "It's okay. It's better for you to let it out." She hugged her close. "I promise I won't tell anyone you're human."
Lexa laughed softly into her shoulder, pulling back once again to look at the blonde. "Thank you." She whispered, leaning forward to kiss her cheek.
Lexa pulled back and their eyes met and held. Shalimar's fingers continued to stroke the side of Lexa's face, her touch soft and soothing. Lexa licked her lips unconsciously and her gaze shifted from Shal's eyes to her mouth and than back again. She saw Shal lean forward and she could have pulled back, could have removed herself from the blonde's grasp but she didn't. She met her halfway and pressed her lips against Shalimar's.
Shalimar's lips were smooth and soft, applying gentle pressure against her mouth. The kiss was slow and tentative, lips and tongues caressing lightly over unknown territory. They broke apart briefly, foreheads resting on one another's before Lexa took the leap and caught Shal's lips with her own again. The next kiss was more daring, lips pressing against each others with more urgency yet still tender. When oxygen became an issue, they split apart, each gauging the other reactions.
"So ... we've never done that before." Lexa quipped, glancing up at the blonde from beneath her eyelashes.
"No." Shal laughed quietly. "We haven't."
Lexa moved back, pushing the blankets off her lap. "I'm not willing to be some one's replacement, Shal."
Shal raised her head and looked at Lexa carefully. Now this was the Lexa she was used too. Full of fire and attitude. "You're not." She finally responded. "If I wanted Brennan, I'd go to his room." She figured that was who Lexa was referring too.
"I wasn't talking about Brennan." Lexa retorted. "I'm not Emma and I'm not pretending to be."
"I never asked you too." Shal snapped, wondering how in the world the other woman knew about Emma than she realized that it wasn't that surprising. Lexa always seemed to know more than she let on.
Lexa realized that her off the cuff comment had hurt Shal's feelings. She didn't intend it to sound the way it had actually. "Shal, what are we doing?" The brunette asked in a tone that was soft and inquisitive, but not judging or regretful.
Shalimar shrugged, moving back. "I don't know."
"What do you want do?"
"What do you feel, Lex?"
Lexa arched an eyebrow and scooted back, her head resting against the headboard. Nobody had ever asked her that before. She wasn't supposed to feel. Feelings made her weak, they made her just like everyone else and she didn't want to be like everyone else. She was different, not just in her mutant powers but in everything. When she stopped caring, stopped feeling; it was normal to her.
She was always independent, always looking out for herself. She joined the Dominion because even though she had to answer to them, she could go about her missions any way that she chose. She could do what she wanted, when she wanted, how ever she wanted. It was the way she liked to do things. Mutant X had too many rules, too many boundaries for her and she just couldn't put her trust in Adam like he wanted her too. She couldn't put her trust in anyone. She would only end up hurt and disappointed. She had built walls around herself, blocking off anything and anyone that tried to get to her, in her. It had worked for so long and now, now there was a beautiful blonde woman sitting on her bed, asking her how she felt.
If she was honest with herself, Shalimar was the one person who had managed to get under her skin. Jesse had been nice to her from the beginning, looking at her with big puppy dog eyes and always trying to be sympathetic. He always took her side, trying to keep the playing field even. He was means to an end though. She knew that she used him when it suited her, used his feelings for her against him and she wasn't ashamed to admit that. It was what she did, how she operated. Brennan, on the other hand, she had respect for. He didn't trust her and he let her know on a daily basis. They worked well together, had respect for each other while doing their jobs but other than that, there was no love lost between the two of them and again, that suited her just fine. She wasn't at Sanctuary to make friends.
Shal was an enigma. Sometimes, Lexa thought that she hated her. She figured that Shal thought she was trying to be Emma and it bothered her. Than she would turn around and defend her, take her side and help her. It was confusing and sometimes, reassuring. The way Shal looked at her sometimes touched her profoundly. Her eyes would looked deep down and touch her inside and Lexa could feel it to the very core of her soul, other times she would watch her with disdain and distrusting eyes. Over the past few months though, Shal had proved time and again that she trusted her, with her life, with her secrets. Well, some of them at least. They had, at the very least built up a friendship. At night, when they talked, Lexa would notice little things about Shalimar. The way her brow furrowed when she was mentally choosing her words, the seductive way she licked her lips, the crinkle around her eyes when she laughed.
The blonde was breaking down her walls and she wasn't sure she liked that. She cared about the blonde, cared about her well being and her safety. If something happened to Shal, she wasn't sure what she would do. She didn't love her, not yet but she could see herself falling in love with her. When she thought about the future, which wasn't often, she saw the blonde in it. How, she just wasn't sure yet. If she decided to go ahead with this and let the blonde in, she knew there would be no going back.
"I don't know." She finally answered uncertainly.
Shalimar nodded, moving to stand. "Okay. I'm going to head to bed than. Are you all right now?"
Lexa's hand shot out, latching onto Shal's wrist. "No."
"I want you to stay." Lexa admitted, pulling Shal back down. "I want to feel."
Shalimar raised an eyebrow but said nothing as she took her previous spot back.
Lexa took a deep breath, running her hand through her tousled locks. "Adam always told that my independence was going to kill me. You have no idea how many lectures I received about not letting myself feel. He told me that I wasn't put here to save you guys, he put me here so you guys could save me."
It had taken a lot out of the other woman to admit that and Shal knew it. "What are we saving you from?" Her fingers had found Lexa's hand and her thumb was stroking the palm of her hand soothingly. It was unconscious gesture that both women took comfort in.
"Myself." Lexa answered with a self deprecating smile as she squeezed Shal's hand.
"Do you want to be saved, Lex?"
Shal was watching her with an unreadable expression and Lexa wished that she knew what was going on in Shal's head. That was when she realized that she did indeed want to be saved and she wanted her savior to be the blonde feral.
Lexa closed her eyes tightly before opening them again. "Yes." She finally breathed out.
Shal smiled, moving closer to her. "Do you want me to save you?"
Lexa smiled back, genuine emotion covering her pretty features and lighting up her face. "You already did." She answered truthfully before leaning forward and bringing their lips together softly. And in that kiss, Lexa found absolution.
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