DISCLAIMER: I do not own CSI or CSI:Miami, I just borrowed the characters and I put them back as soon as this story was done.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story was written for the Epic Story Challenge over at Passion & Perfection. Thanks to Kai for the betawork and to the betareaders who helped me a great deal, you know who you are!
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Complicated is the whole point
The first time they had gone for a beer together, was after a particularly hard shift. Very cliché really, Sara did that with the boys and sometimes even with Catherine. But one beer after shift had turned into breakfast after shift and now they had fallen into a routine. Sofia would pick Sara up after shift, they would go for breakfast and then she would drop her newfound friend off at her apartment.
It sounded very simple, a thing friends do. But to Sofia it had become more than just a thing friends do. Not being one to have many friends, she really valued her friendship with Sara. Maybe even more than she should. Oh, who was she kidding anyway, way more than she should. They had been doing this breakfast routine for months now and Sofia felt herself fall for Sara a little more every day.
There was so much more to the lanky, mysterious brunette than met the eye. For example, who knew her eyes lit up the second Sofia mentioned the beach. That she could talk about the ocean and surfing for hours and that every time she would zone out a little and smirk at a secret memory she would never share with her blonde friend. In the beginning, it had bothered Sofia. She had hoped that Sara would confide in her. But quickly she learned that Sara didn't share her memories and she was fine with it now, that cute little smirk was very much worth not knowing what she was thinking about.
It was absolutely no common knowledge that when Sara was obligated to take a few days off, she would fly to Miami. In the way Sara sometimes talked about Miami, Sofia figured the brunette had a friend there, even though Sara never mentioned any people or names in her stories. All those little things, those twinkles in Sara's eyes, those smirks, they made Sara very special, they made Sara Sara.
When she first realized what was going on, Sofia had tried to fight the feeling. She had tried to come up with many ways of getting over this stupid infatuation. For some reason she always ended up with the option of not going to breakfast with Sara anymore. But in her mind, that wasn't an option. She'd rather be head over heels in love with a woman who had absolutely no idea about her feelings than not be able to go out with her at all.
The past few weeks, Sara seemed to smile even more and Sofia thought that maybe the brunette started to develop feelings for her as well, apart from the friendship they already shared. There were so many moments where her mind told her it would be so easy to lean over the table and press her lips to Sara's. But something held her back, maybe she should wait until they were alone. Knowing Sara, she would be pissed off if Sofia tried something in a public place.
If she had learned one thing about Sara it was that the brunette was a very private person. They had many conversations about the most diverse topics. Sofia had told Sara about her mother, her family, her youth. But Sara never, ever, talked about her family, nor about her childhood. Sofia suspected something happened in Sara's childhood that made her who she was now, but she never asked about it. Even though she knew this, Sara's silence about her family piqued her interest.
Today however, Sofia was at the diner alone, poking her fork into her breakfast, pushing it around the plate. There was a big thundercloud hanging above her head, filled with guilt and anger. Earlier this morning, when she was doing her rounds, a car passed hers, driving at least twice the allowed speed. Without hesitating, she turned on her sirens and made the car pull over.
Her heart was racing, pumping the adrenaline through her veins at high speed. It reminded her that this was just the reason why she would never be a good CSI, she needed this rush. Some people got it from caffeine, Sofia Curtis got her rush from car chases and drawing her gun, something she never really got to do as a CSI.
Finally, the car pulled over, this driver was in some serious trouble. No one messed with Sofia Curtis. As she got out of her car, her hand immediately went to her hip, showing off the gun that was clipped to her black pants. The sun was already coming up, which gave her a good excuse to wear her sunglasses.
She walked over to the car in her cocky stride, taking her sweet time to let the driver stew a little. With a simple knock on the driver's window, she ordered the driver to open it. As she looked at the driver, her eyebrows almost came into contact with her hairline. She took off her sunglasses and leaned down a little, making sure that what she saw was actually real. Unfortunately for the both of them, it was.
The brunette didn't look at her, she still had her hands on the steering wheel and was looking straight ahead, as if there was something very interesting going on in front of her.
"Sara?" Sofia repeated.
"I heard you the first time," Sara said, still not looking at her.
If Sara wanted to have it that way, then fine. "Is there any particular reason why you are driving like a NASCAR driver?" Sofia smirked, knowing how much Sara loves speed.
Suddenly, Sara turned her head. "Just give me the damn ticket, Curtis," she spat at Sofia, her voice slightly slurred but that still didn't mask the venom she put in her words.
Sofia had to suppress the need to cough as Sara's alcohol breath almost literally slapped her in the face. What the hell was going on? Her face changed, now worried about her brunette friend. "Have you been drinking, Sara?"
Sara sighed deeply, obviously annoyed, "what does it look like?" Her tone of voice was harsh, cold, so not Sara. Sofia was losing her patience with the brunette, she refused to let Sara treat her like shit.
"Get out of the car," Sofia said, her soft tone of voice was gone too and her demeanour showed she was all business. If Sara wanted it this way, she could have it.
"You heard me, Sidle. Get out of the car."
With a huff, Sara unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of her car. She looked at Sofia, her pupils dilated from consuming way too much alcohol. Sofia didn't say a word and held out her hand. Sara looked at her hand, hesitating for a bit before roughly putting her car keys into Sofia's hand.
Sofia locked Sara's car and motioned the brunette to follow her. Opening the door, she pushed Sara into the backseat. It amazed Sofia that the brunette didn't even try to defend herself, or to be nice to her, since they were friends. At least, that's what Sofia thought.
She punched in Sara's info on the small keyboard in her car. Dammit, so much for an easy ending of her shift.
Now, Sofia was sitting at their usual spot near the door, but without Sara. She had dropped the still drunk brunette off at the Lab, where Grissom had been waiting to talk to her. She knew what would happen and she also knew Sara wasn't going to be happy when she sobered up. But then again, it was her own fault, she was the one who was driving after drinking too much alcohol.
That didn't take away the fact that she was worried about Sara. The brunette was very responsible and Sofia wondered what had driven her to drink alcohol in the first place. She knew that she shouldn't worry, after the way Sara treated her, she didn't deserve it. But still. You have a crush Curtis, you idiot. And to top it off it was a crush on a female co-worker. Her mother would turn around in her grave if she knew. Sofia shook her head, she didn't have crushes. Not at this age, not since she left college anyway.
Sara had been away for a few days and Sofia actually hadn't expected the brunette back yet. That's why it was such a surprise she found Sara behind the steering wheel. Normally when Sara went to Miami, she would stay away longer. Seeing Sara drunk like that probably meant something had gone wrong there.
"Sara, what a pleasant surprise!" The petite blonde exclaimed, "why didn't you tell me you were coming? I'd have picked you up from the airport."
Sara shrugged, "I found my way here anyway."
The blonde stepped aside and Sara walked into her apartment. She didn't get very far before the smaller woman pressed her against the wall and kissed her. "I missed you," she whispered, her lips almost touching Sara's.
Sara smiled and threw her bag on the floor. She captured the smaller woman's lips between her teeth and lifted her up. The blonde immediately reacted and wrapped her legs around Sara's waist.
"Why, Miss Sidle, are you trying to get me into bed?" Her voice was low, lusty and taunting.
Sara smirked, "wasn't it you who kissed me first?" She loved playing games like these and especially with this fiery blonde. She was already making her way to the bedroom as she spoke.
It was simple, an unspoken agreement they had, no questions asked. Either Sara came to her or she came to Sara, it didn't really matter. They both knew what to expect from the other and what not to expect.
"Sara, why are you here?" For some reason the blonde felt the need to break the rules. Because she cared. Because she felt there was something wrong. Sara was acting different.
"Please Cal don't." Her answer was clear and the look in her eyes only emphasized she shouldn't ask further. She let the both of them fall on the bed, not giving the blonde a chance to recover before she started assaulting her slender neck with kisses.
The blonde tilted her neck, giving Sara all the access she wanted. She knew her questions wouldn't be answered, trying to pry would be futile. Even though lust was fogging her mind, there were still some questions nagging in the back of her head.
They had been playing this game for a long time now and she was most definitely ready for more. She wanted more. No, she needed more.
Sara smirked as she watched the hilarious scene in front of her. She was casually leaning against the reception desk of the Miami Dade Crime Lab, observing the blonde who she woke up next to this morning. She was engaged in a heated battle with a white monstrous beast, also known as a copy machine. She wasn't the only spectator to this free play, the receptionist was also watching intently with a playful smile on her face.
When Sara came in, the blonde was standing in line for the machine. She was tempted to greet her, but she didn't. Instead she just watched her for a minute. The man in front of Calleigh had effortlessly copied a whole stack of paper, as if it was the simplest task in the world. And it actually was, you just put the paper in the copier and press the big green button after indicating how many copies you want. But for some reason the fiery blonde had an ongoing beef with this particular copy machine.
"Come on, you just copied 315 pages without acting up and I'm just asking you for one copy, one simple copy!" Calleigh didn't hear the chuckles coming from the reception area, nor was she aware of her spectators.
It was so damn annoying. She could deal with any type of firearm, she could dismantle them, clean them, put them back together, name their manufacturers and the standard calibre bullet that was used for them. She could even identify a pistol by just listening to the clicks it made before it was fired. But she couldn't deal with a simple copy machine. And it was pissing her off.
She had given up on gentle treatment and instead of pressing the big green button she was punching it, hoping the damn machine would finally do as it was told. But it was all to no avail, the machine refused to work. Instead of copying the page, it beeped and gave the blonde an error message saying 'please contact maintenance'. She had already tried everything she could think of, all paper drawers were filled, the toner was in place and was functioning like it should and there was no paper jam of any kind.
"I know how to get you to work, just wait until you see my .45 Colt," she knew this was a worthless threat but she had to vent in some way.
"Oh, I like it when you get all aggressive," a low voice behind her said, almost scaring her to death.
When she turned around she saw Sara standing there with a smug grin on her face. The brunette, that she liked to refer to as her lover, had crossed her arms in front of her chest and was staring at her with that sexy playful twinkle in her eyes.
"Jesus, Sara, you scared the hell out of me," she said, not able to hide a smile. She stepped back and slightly leaned against the machine.
"If you threaten the machine, it will never work," came the retort. Sara was smirking, which indicated to her that the brunette had probably seen the whole scene of her fighting with the copier.
"Sweet talking didn't help either," she replied, happy that reinforcements had arrived.
"I must have missed that part," the brunette smirked before leaning forward into the blonde's personal space. Instead of kissing her like it seemed she was about to do, she pressed the green button of the copy machine.
The blonde's jaw dropped in awe as she heard the machine coming to life. She could have sworn the stupid thing was taunting her. She looked back at Sara and opened her mouth to start talking, but the brunette wouldn't let her.
"It's alright. I do hope this is your last task for today, because I think shift is over." The professionalism and dedication to her job she showed in Las Vegas was gone and was replaced with a certain playfulness that no one in the State of Nevada would ever see. Probably even no one except the petite woman in front of her.
Calleigh was quite surprised that Sara made an appearance at the Lab. It was no secret that they were friends, Horatio had seen Sara a few times before, but Sara had been very clear about the fact that she wanted to keep their relationship hidden. Considering the line of work they were in, that wasn't such a weird wish and Calleigh understood.
Once outside the building, Calleigh loosened up a little, the evening sun wasn't that bright anymore and the cool breeze made the temperature outside almost perfect. "To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?"
Sara noticed the change in Calleigh's demeanour right away. Reading each other's body language was something they had developed during their friendship, it was something Sara enjoyed. With one look she could practically tell how Calleigh was feeling and they could have conversations without saying a word. Neither woman was really talkative when they were together, but the silences between them were far from uncomfortable.
She just smirked at Calleigh, "if I tell you, it won't be a surprise anymore." Another thing she knew about the southern blonde was that she hated surprises; the petite but fiery woman had the patience of a little kid with ADHD. It still amazed Sara that the blonde was so calm at work.
They had worked together on a case a while ago and Sara offered to drop the evidence off at the lab in the assumption that Calleigh wouldn't have the patience to wait for results. It had made her wonder how the other woman managed on other cases. But to her surprise, the lab tech told her that the blonde didn't pressure them any more than the other people who worked at the lab.
"Aww, Sara, you know I hate surprises," Calleigh said in a whiny tone of voice. She was trying to charm Sara into telling her what she had planned, something that worked for her most of the time.
It didn't work this time though, Sara knew this would be coming and had mentally prepared herself to resist Calleigh's cuteness. For a second she was tempted to let the blonde get her way, but soon she recovered and just shook her head lightly.
"That's not going to work now," the nickname she used for Calleigh in her head almost slipped out, but she managed to keep it back. If she started using nicknames for her fuck buddy, it would only be a matter of time before feelings became involved and this whole thing would turn into a big mess, or even worse, a relationship. That was definitely not what she wanted, right?
Calleigh knew better than to keep trying, Sara was probably the most hard headed person in the whole world. And even though she knew she would be a close second on that list herself, she decided to just wait patiently. Secretly she liked surprises, she just didn't like the fact that they left her without control over the situation.
Even though Sara wasn't a Miami native, she knew her way around the city. Just outside the city limits was where you could find peace and quiet, which was something she wanted right now. It had been a while since she and Calleigh had done something adventurous. In the beginning of their agreement they seemed to have made a sport out of having sex in weird and dangerous places. But now they had settled more, staying at home together was just as nice. Sara kind of missed the thrill so she had decided to spice up their agreement a little. Every time her mind even came close to calling this 'thing' a relationship, she would tell herself off. This wasn't a relationship, there were a lot of words to define what they had, but relationship definitely wasn't one of them.
Sara took Calleigh to a secluded strip of beach she had found on one of her exploring sessions. Once Calleigh had agreed with her that since she lived in the city, she had learned to value the peace and quiet of rural areas even more. It had always stuck with Sara because the brunette felt the same.
"Here we are," she said with a smile as she parked the car on the grass near something that once could have been a path but was now covered in bushes and weeds.
Calleigh grinned, "you could have told me to bring my survival kit," she looked down at her high heeled shoes before looking up at Sara with a devilish grin on her face, "or are you going to carry me?"
"You wish," Sara said before opening the trunk and getting out the things she had packed. "You're lucky I'm such a considerate woman," she said before handing Calleigh a pair of trainers she had gotten out of the blonde's closet.
"Oooh," Calleigh whistled between her teeth, "you are good." She flashed Sara a smile before taking the trainers and putting them on. It wasn't the most appropriate choice of shoes to go with her black slacks, but it would have to do. She neatly put her high heeled shoes in the trunk before closing it. "Do you want me to carry anything?"
She had an idea of what Sara had planned, but she didn't want to ruin Sara's fun by starting to guess. The thought alone did excite her though, Sara had never done something like this and to Calleigh it was incredibly romantic. Did that mean Sara felt more for her too?
After hiking for a bit down the bewildered trail, they arrived at the small, deserted beach. It was pretty much surrounded by rocks, completely blocking the view on the small area of silky, white sand from the outside. Sara stepped aside so Calleigh could enjoy the view. Unconsciously her hand went to the small of Calleigh's back, at the touch a slight shiver out of pure anticipation went down her spine.
"It's beautiful," Calleigh sighed before turning her head towards Sara and smiling at her. The thought of Sara's meticulous preparation of this incredibly sweet gesture made her heart swell. For someone as inexperienced as Sara claimed she was, this was a pretty perfect date. She wondered what the brunette's intentions were though. Of course she hoped it would be a step towards more than just sleeping together, but she didn't want to get her hopes up. After all, this could just be wishful thinking.
Sara gently guided Calleigh towards the middle of the beach where she laid out the blanket for them to sit on. She also brought a picnic basket filled with food and drinks. "You know I'm not a very good cook, but I did my best," she said while flashing Calleigh a gap-toothed grin.
Calleigh couldn't help but laugh as she looked into the basket, everything in it came straight out of the store, but it did look delicious.
"Bought it myself," Sara grinned, earning herself a playful slap on the shoulder from Calleigh.
They were both enjoying their meal in silence, watching the smooth surface of the blueish green water and occasionally stealing a glance at each other. When she finished eating, Sara got out the different types of fruit she had bought and put them on a plate. She saw Calleigh's eyes lit up and knew immediately the blonde had understood her intentions.
Once Calleigh finished, she put her plate back in the picnic basket and leaned towards Sara to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, the food was great," she said softly.
Sara didn't answer, instead she turned her head and captured Calleigh's lips in a sweet kiss. Her heart started to flutter which caused the alarm bells in her head to go off, this wasn't good. Quickly regaining her composure, she changed their soft kiss into a more needy, heated one.
Before long, they were making out like teenagers. Both women had totally forgotten about the remaining food and their environment. Even though Calleigh was a bit of a control freak, she didn't mind giving Sara control of the kiss. She loved how she could just sink into it, as if her body melted into Sara's. The brunette's expert touch made her wish they were at home so she could totally be at the other woman's mercy. Calleigh had once told Sara she had something against having sex in public places, but she didn't stop the brunette as her hand went into her blouse. Nor did she stop her when her hand unbuttoned her slacks and started stroking her wetness. The only thing she did do, was moan softly into the brunette's ear, encouraging her to go further. Like Sara once told her 'there is a first time for everything'.
By the time they got back to the car, the sun was already disappearing from the horizon and the soft breeze that had been present throughout the day had become colder and harder, as the temperature dropped gradually. They had taken their time strolling back to the car, their hands intertwined and both with a satisfied smile plastered on their faces. Calleigh got into the car while Sara put the picnic basket in the trunk. This surprise had definitely worked out well, Calleigh seemed very happy with it and Sara most definitely got what she wanted.
On the way home, they were both quiet. Calleigh was staring out of the window, wondering why her mind was playing tricks on her heart. She wanted to touch Sara, to feel close to her, but instead she was trying her best to avoid the brunette. That's why she almost jumped when she suddenly felt Sara's hand on her thigh. She immediately turned her head and looked at the brunette, smiling apologetically.
Even though there was nothing wrong with silence, Sara felt like she should do something to break it. When she put her hand on Calleigh's thigh, the blonde almost jumped out of her skin, which made Sara wonder what was going on. The other woman had been acting different lately. She wasn't sure what was different, but it was a gut feeling telling her there was something off. Sara looked at Calleigh, raising her eyebrow as if she was asking for an explanation.
"Sorry, I kinda zoned out," Calleigh apologized, hoping Sara wouldn't think anything of her odd reaction to her touch.
A normal reaction would have been: 'what were you thinking about', but there was no way Sara was going to ask that. It would lead to personal conversation, something she was trying her hardest to avoid. This agreement of theirs had been going on for so long now and Sara felt as if she was slowly losing control over it. Before she met Calleigh, she did have fuck buddies, but that was totally different and most of those agreements, as Sara called them, had ended after a few months tops. Calleigh was different though, maybe it was because of the large distance between them that their agreement had lasted this long.
Sara decided that even though the silence was getting a little awkward, she shouldn't say anything. Instead, she slowly rubbed Calleigh's thigh as she drove to the blonde's apartment. Why did sex always have to lead to something complicated? Sex as itself was something quite simple, easy to indulge in, but it was the human mind and of course the human heart that had to mess it up by making sex so much more complicated.
The small gesture that came from Sara gave Calleigh extra hope. Maybe there was more. Now all she had to do was gather the courage to ask Sara about it. Maybe if she just sat down with the brunette and laid it all out, it wouldn't be such an outrageous thing. They had been doing this for a while now and it was obvious they clicked, so why couldn't they start taking steps towards more? It would only be a logical follow up to what they were already doing.
"Sara, just listen to me please," Calleigh pleaded as she tried to stop Sara from frantically packing her bags.
What seemed like a good idea a few minutes ago, ended up being the worst idea she ever had. Their agreement had been simple and still she had managed to fuck it up. How hard was it to not ask anything? Apparently it was a lot harder than it originally seemed.
The first few months were the easiest. She would go to Vegas and see Sara whenever she needed to wind down and Sara would come to Miami to see her whenever she needed a distraction. They would have sex until they both passed out and that was it. It was simple and very nice. But after the initial months, Calleigh had found herself missing Sara. And not only in bed when she woke up in the morning, but also on the most random moments during the day. At first she thought she just needed to get laid again for the nagging feeling to go away. But after taking a few days off and visiting Sara in Vegas, she still had that same feeling.
Calleigh knew very well what it was, but she tried her hardest to ignore the feeling. The deal had been 'no feelings, no strings attached'. She was fine with it, seeing her track record. But ignoring feelings like these was like ignoring the pink elephant in the room. It was becoming harder and harder with the passing of time. She still kept seeing Sara and Sara kept coming to Miami, which only caused the feelings to grow. She had grown very fond of Sara and she had this odd need of wanting to know all about her.
After a while she decided to try and figure out if Sara might return those feelings. It wasn't very easy, because trying to read Sara was like trying to read a science book in a language you never heard of before. She had her hopes up after six months, because Sara's visits became more frequent. But those hopes got crushed a few months later when Sara didn't visit for four months in a row. She had tried to call Sara, but she didn't want to impose or seem desperate. That's when she realised she had let it go too far. She had fallen for Sara and she couldn't do anything about it anymore. Calleigh became worried about all sorts of little things that seemed so insignificant in the beginning of their agreement.
She managed to keep her feelings hidden until well into a year of their 'thing'. But now it was as if the bubble had bursted. She couldn't hide it anymore and she didn't want to. When Sara was standing in front of her door two nights ago without any notification, she had been so close to blurting out 'I love you' that she knew they had to talk soon. After not seeing Sara for a while, it was very good to see her again and right there and then she decided she would try to talk to the brunette.
But when she asked why Sara came, the brunette had brushed it off with a 'please don't'. So either Sara didn't want to talk about it, or she was reminding her of their agreement. Calleigh hoped it was the first, although she didn't know what to think anymore. Everything suddenly seemed like a sign, but she was never really sure if it was real or just wishful thinking. Who would have thought that she would be acting like a teenager at the age of 34?
The second she got the words "I want more" out of her mouth, she could see in Sara's eyes that it was a big mistake. The brunette didn't even answer and immediately went for her bag. Next to her heart sinking, she also wondered who hurt Sara so bad that she didn't want any kind of relationship. Calleigh knew that what they had was more than just those one night stands. Sara could probably have anyone she wanted, but still she came back to her. Still she came all the way to Miami to be with her. That must mean something, right?
She couldn't stop Sara from packing her bags, but she kept talking, trying to make the brunette change her mind. "I'm not asking you to marry me. I just feel more, don't you feel it too?" She flinched at her own words that probably weren't very convincing. "I just want more than we have now."
It did trigger something in Sara though, because she stopped packing her bags and turned towards Calleigh. Her face had a blank expression, making it hard for Calleigh to assess the state the brunette was in.
"We? There is no we, Calleigh. There is you and there is me, nothing more," her voice sounded harsh, almost business like. The Las Vegas Sara was back and it seemed the playful Sara had vanished into thin air.
Well, that was clear, but absolutely not what Calleigh wanted to hear. She cast her eyes downward, avoiding the brunette's cold gaze. So she had been wrong, Sara didn't care more for her and it wasn't more than just those one night stands. Had she been wrong all this time? She didn't believe that, she didn't want to believe that.
Within a few minutes, Sara had packed her bags and was now making her way to the front door. Calleigh wasn't sure what to do. It probably was best to say nothing and let Sara go. Plus, she didn't know if she could handle being around Sara now. The brunette wasn't the type to try and make someone else feel at ease and Calleigh knew that after her confession, things would be awkward between them.
She had crossed her arms in front of her chest while leaning against the doorpost as she watched Sara's form retreat towards the elevator. The brunette didn't look back; she didn't even hesitate, not for one second. As the doors closed, preventing her from seeing Sara, she stepped back into her apartment and closed the door. Leaning her head against it, she tried to fight the tears that were coming. She had just messed up one of the most important things in her life.
Calleigh had told herself she would wait until Sara contacted her, she just had to wait until the brunette was ready. It had seemed very simple at the time, but it had been two months since Sara had barged out of her apartment, running like a bat out of hell. The rational voice in her head told her that Sara wouldn't call, that she had messed it all up beyond repair and that she should just move on. But the other voice, the one she preferred to listen to at this moment, told her that she should just try and call Sara herself, after all, she had nothing to lose at the moment. Apart from her dignity, but her feelings for Sara were strong enough to face the risk of losing all her pride.
It felt as if she had the little angel and devil sitting on her shoulders, arguing with each other about what she should do. It was driving her crazy. With a sigh she got up from the couch and walked towards the phone. Just before picking it up, she froze. A far better idea popped up in her head and instead of calling Sara, she dialled a different number.
She could wait for Sara to contact her until she weighed an ounce, but she could also take matters into her own hands. Maybe it was time she took the dominant role in the relationship.
Horatio Cane was a very emotional man, although he probably wouldn't admit it if anyone asked him about it. He cared deeply about the people working for him and he would give his life to save them without thinking twice. Not only because he cared for them, but also because he knew his people would probably do the same.
The past year had been very hard on him. He lost his wife, Eric Delko's sister, she got shot shortly after they got married. At first Eric, one of his best CSI's, didn't accept his wish to marry his sister, but eventually he did show up at their wedding. They both knew Marisol was dying from cancer, but Horatio did grant her last wish of getting married before she died. No one had expected her to die earlier than expected. He had always been quite close with Eric, who had been on his team since the beginning, but the past year had brought them even closer.
Then there was Ryan Wolfe, the newbie CSI who was still trying to prove himself every second of the day. He was very competent but he still had a lot to learn. Horatio had noticed him while he was working a crime scene, the young man seemed way too good for his job as a patrol officer and he had showed interest in working as a CSI. When Tim Speedle died on the job, Ryan seemed a logical choice as a replacement. Although no one could ever replace Speedle. There wasn't a day that hadn't gone by without him thinking of Speedle.
Eric and Ryan seemed to be doing ok now. Eric was recovering, but he was already back at work, which was a good sign. Although Calleigh had caught Eric committing some mistakes, but to Horatio's opinion they had dealt with it well. Ryan seemed to fit in and his beef with Calleigh seemed to have faded and turned into the mutual respect that was needed amongst co-workers.
He always had an extra weak spot for Calleigh, the southern belle of the team. The petite but feisty ballistics expert was a tough nut to crack, but once he had managed to gain her trust, she had been nothing but valuable for his team. She was his right hand and he trusted her with his life. She worked very hard and had an almost spotless record. There was one time she had gone outside her book by helping her father, who was a suspect in a hit and run. Calleigh's father was a drunk and Horatio knew it was killing her, she never talked to him about it, or to anyone for that matter, but he just knew.
Lately he had been extra worried about the blonde woman because, to him, she seemed to be bothered by something. Calleigh was one of those people that always had a good mood and always managed to find a positive side on something. He remembered that Speed and Delko were discussing hurricanes once and Calleigh had walked by and simply told them they did alleviate global warming. He smirked, this was typically her.
In the past few weeks, she had smiled a lot less and Horatio was starting to miss those witty remarks. Calleigh had always lived for her job, but now it seemed as if she was working extra hard to forget about something. That's why when she called him this morning he immediately granted her the time off she had asked him for. He knew that Calleigh only did this if there was something serious and besides, she had more than enough free time left. He hoped that the blonde would be able to fix what was wrong, or at least clear her mind enough so that she could go back to her old self again.
Deep down she knew better than to surprise Sara. Not only did the brunette hate surprises, she also didn't like being confronted. But to Calleigh this was the only way. She needed to show Sara she couldn't get rid of her that easily. And she also came to Vegas because she missed Sara, she couldn't wait to see her again. Even though she was very scared of being turned down again.
During her flight, she had tried to imagine how Sara would react to her standing in front of her door. The romantic part of her mind had imagined a movie like scene where Sara forgave her for everything at seeing her and where they didn't get much further than Sara's doorstep. But the rational part of her mind had woken her up from that dream, she knew better than that. With Sara, nothing was standard or like in the movies. Not only because their relationship, if she could even call it that, wasn't something to write a script about, but also because she never knew how Sara would react. But that was also one of the reasons why she was drawn to Sara in the first place, being with the brunette was never boring.
She had always been a very self-assured woman, but Sara was driving her to the edge of insanity. She suddenly found herself being very self-conscious and insecure. By the end of her flight, panic had set in and she was picturing the most horrible scenarios in her head. Sara rejecting her and personally shoving her back into the plane to Miami and other worst case scenarios like that. Sara wouldn't be that heartless, right?
Once she got off the plane, she was tempted to just board the next plane back to Miami, but after a short heart to heart with herself she managed to gather enough courage to go through with her plan. If she wanted this relationship to work, if she wanted Sara to take her seriously, she had to work for it. Deep down, she just knew this thing had been more to Sara as well. She could see it in the brunette's eyes, it was more than just sex between them. And besides, if it was only sex, than why had it gone on for so long? She had one night stands before, but they were always in the exact sense of the word, just one night. With Sara one night had turned into one week, one month and even one year. If she had felt more secure of herself, she would have told herself that a 'one year stand' could definitely be qualified as a 'thing' or even a relationship of sorts.
She had left Miami early in the morning, so that now she still had some time to mentally prepare for facing Sara. Plus, she knew the brunette was probably sleeping. The thought of Sara sleeping made her drift off into a very pleasant daydream. During the time Sara was in Miami, Calleigh had often woken up during their naps to just watch the brunette sleep. She knew most people looked extra cute when they were sleeping and that it was such a cliché to say they looked so much more beautiful while they were sleeping, but with Sara this was just undeniable, Sara looked downright angelic when she was sleeping. And Calleigh could just watch her for hours. Mostly that didn't happen because Sara always woke up the second Calleigh started playing with her hair and gently cupped her cheek. To her, just watching Sara sleep was impossible, it was like her hand automatically reached out to the brunette to caress her. Fortunately she had been able to mask these signs of affection by immediately claiming Sara's mouth with hers. Although right now she wasn't so sure she could call it 'fortunately', maybe she should have given Sara more signs, or at least more obvious ones. For someone so incredibly smart and observant, Sara could be quite blind.
After having a proper breakfast in a diner she and Sara had visited a few times before, she felt she was as ready as she could be to face the brunette. The cab had dropped her off at Sara's building and she had managed to sneak into it with one of Sara's neighbours. The older lady, who lived on Sara's floor, had seen Calleigh a few times before, so she had let her in without further questions. By now, Calleigh's heart was pounding in her chest, her palms were sweaty and she was sure there was a blush on her face because the elder lady was giving her an all-knowing smirk.
"Enjoy your vacation, dear," the lady said before walking towards her apartment, which was, fortunately enough, on the other side of Sara's floor.
It would have been so embarrassing if the lady had offered her to walk her to Sara's door or something. Letting out a soft sigh of relief, Calleigh made her way to the brunette's door. It seemed as if she was making her way onto a stage or something, she was sure this was what death row prisoners felt like when they were walking towards their execution. The only difference was that Calleigh had hopes, good hopes on how Sara's reaction would be. But then again, it wasn't like she hadn't had her hopes crushed before.
She was beating herself up on the inside while she was standing in front of Sara's door. How hard could this be? She loved Sara, it was as simple as that, why couldn't she just ring the doorbell and say what she had to say? If only this case was as simple as that. She chuckled at her own thoughts, right now she didn't have any room for rational thoughts in her mind, even though they did try to intrude like that. No matter how much she tried to calm herself down, her body was betraying her and she was almost panting out of pure nervousness.
By now she was sure her heart was going to pound out of her chest. She had rang Sara's doorbell and was now waiting for her execution, at least, that's what it felt like. For a second she closed her eyes and took a deep breath when she heard thumping in Sara's apartment. This was it, she was going to have to face her fears now.
Ever since Sofia had caught her driving under the influence, Sara had been distant. In the beginning the Detective thought it was a personal grudge, but by now she had found out it was a grudge Sara had against the whole world. The brunette had been withdrawn, even at crime scenes and around her colleagues. Sofia had been observing her from a distance, giving the brunette the space she knew she needed.
They did still go for breakfast though. But it seemed Sara was doing it more out of habit and the need to at least eat once a day than to spend time with her. Today, Sara seemed different though, she looked sad, even more sad than she normally did. Throughout breakfast, Sara hadn't said anything apart from the almost obligatory hello's she greeted the waitresses with and the usual comments about the cases she was working on. The look on Sara's face definitely stopped Sofia from leading the conversation in a more personal direction. She had been silently watching Sara for a while and she was getting worried about the mysterious brunette.
"Stop staring at me," Sara said, not looking at Sofia.
Sofia quickly averted her gaze, while trying to hide the fact that she felt like a kid that got caught with it's hand in the cookie jar. "Sorry," Sofia paused for a second, carefully contemplating her words, "I was just wondering if you were ok." She decided to take the dive.
"I'm fine," Sara bit back. Maybe the words would have been less stinging if Sofia didn't like Sara more as a friend. She had hoped the brunette would confide in her, even though she knew better than to hope for such a thing.
To Sofia, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. She couldn't keep going like this and she just knew that Sara wasn't fine, for from it even. "Sure, everyone who is fine has to go to a PEAP counsellor." This could either make or break their friendship, but she figured that in this state, Sara would bite and tear into her, which was better than how she was treating Sofia now anyway.
The look Sofia got from Sara was far from friendly, but she had expected that. Her dark eyes where shooting daggers at her, but there was something else, something Sofia couldn't identify. The words that came out of Sara's mouth however, came as a big surprise. They didn't seem to fit with the look Sofia was getting and it definitely threw her in for a loop.
"I'd like to go home," Sara's words were simple, but still it took Sofia a moment to fully comprehend them.
"I haven't even had my breakfast yet," the Detective protested. And that wasn't the only reason she didn't want to go home yet.
"You can have breakfast at my place if you want," again Sara's words were throwing Sofia in for a loop. The Detective had no idea what was happening to her. Did she enter some kind of limbo? A different plane of existence maybe? Or did Sara just actually invite her to her apartment?
Even though Sara was in a grave mood, she couldn't suppress a chuckle on seeing Sofia's face. Whenever she was in this state of mind, there was only one thing at could get her back to her old self. Only that thing was impossible now because of the other party she needed for it. The southern bombshell she normally went to on these occasions had professed that she wanted to be more than just a fuck buddy, which was strictly against the rules they had made themselves. Sara still was upset about it.
This 'thing' she had with Calleigh had been perfect, it had been the perfect way to get rid of bad thoughts and moods and she felt very comfortable around the blonde. Yes, she cared about her, but that didn't mean she wanted a relationship with her. To Sara, relationship was a bad word, the only thing you could do with them was fuck them up. So if she didn't have a relationship in the first place, she also had nothing to fuck up. Although this time she had nothing and still it got fucked up. Calleigh had fallen for her and that meant she could no longer keep her end of the deal. It hurt Sara that she would have to go without this friendship, but she had no choice but to run.
It had been two months now and she noticed that she missed it. Calleigh had been the perfect fuck buddy because there was only a really small chance she would run into her on the job. Calleigh understood the craziness of their work and never asked her about it, something Sara liked a lot. Plus, of course, Calleigh had a lot of qualities, not only in the bed, but that wasn't what Sara wanted to think about. She couldn't miss Calleigh and if she just didn't think about her, it would be over faster.
That didn't take away the fact that Sara needed some sort of release. She had been contemplating the option of asking Sofia for it, but that would be very dangerous considering the fact she worked with the Detective. But the urge to unwind had become too big to really be bothered by this fact. And besides, Sofia didn't seem like the person to take her personal life with her to work. She had decided to make a move now to see how Sofia would react. She had to admit to herself that she was chickening out today, she wanted to pass the chance on asking Sofia today. But when she found the blonde staring at her like she did, she went for it anyway.
Sofia couldn't believe her ears but she tried to act as if it was the most normal thing in the world. She tried her best to hide the fact that she was more than a little excited about this more personal invitation from Sara.
"Alright, let's get out of here then," she said, at her turn surprising Sara with her calm demeanour.
The two women quietly left the diner and got into Sofia's car. Sara was glad the Detective seemed to understand her wish of not speaking too much. More and more she started to think that maybe Sofia would be the perfect replacement for Calleigh. She shook her head, no, Sofia wouldn't be a replacement for Calleigh, it wasn't Calleigh that she missed, it was the sex.
Sofia was leaning against the counter, carefully watching Sara while she was making eggs for the both of them. The Detective was trying to memorize every single detail, fully knowing that this might very well be the first and the last time she would be in Sara's apartment. Just when she wanted to make a comment about Sara and cooking, the doorbell rang.
Sara was surprised, she wasn't expecting anyone. No one ever rang her doorbell and certainly not at this time. It only took one look at Sofia for the Detective to nod and head towards the door. Sara wondered who it could be, her neighbours wouldn't let anyone in unless it would be someone they knew. And seeing none of the neighbours knew any of her friends, she was clueless to who was standing in front of her door.
To Calleigh's surprise it wasn't Sara who was opening the door, it was another woman, another blonde, whom Calleigh didn't know. Not that Calleigh knew any of Sara's friends, but she knew enough to not expect Sara to have company.
"Hi," she said sheepishly.
Sofia looked at the blonde, the hot blonde, who was standing in front of her. She had a small suitcase with her. Why would Sara invite her over when she was expecting company? If Sofia wasn't confused before, she most certainly was now.
"Erm, hi, come in," she muttered at the smaller woman while stepping aside to let her in.
Sofia closed the door behind the other blonde and kept her position near the door, not knowing how she fitted in this scene. She had never been overly social but she knew enough to know that this might very well end up in a very weird situation. Maybe this was the friend from Miami that Sara visited. And seeing Sara's state after the last time she went to Miami, Sofia knew it might be high time to sneak out of the door before hell would freeze over.
But she was too late with her decision, instead of sneaking out on time, she got caught in the middle of it. Sara poked her head out of the kitchen to see who Sofia was talking to. As soon as she saw Calleigh standing in her living room with a suitcase at her side, she froze, letting the spatula drop to the floor. Her heart started pounding in her chest and she knew she had to do something soon, Sofia was still here and she didn't want the Detective to know that Calleigh was more than a friend to her. No, that Calleigh had been more than a friend.
Calleigh had felt uncomfortable in her life before, maybe even more than the average person, but nothing could top the amount of discomfort she was feeling right now. Who was this other blonde? Did Sara already have a new fuck buddy? Had she been wrong all this time then? Had she only just been a toy for Sara? Not knowing what to do or say, she just stared at Sara, who was staring back at her as if it was the first time they had ever saw each other.
"Cal," Sara mumbled. The second she heard her own voice, she silently cursed herself, the least she could do now was sounding less sheepish than she was doing. She had to take the lead in this scene and make a decision, because the other two women obviously had no idea of what was going on.
There had been a few occasions in which she had been the other woman so Calleigh knew what to do. She had to leave, before Sara would notice that tears were pooling in her eyes. It had been a stupid idea to come here in the first place. The rational side of her mind was taking over again, telling her that she should never have come here in the first place.
"I'll erm, I'll go," Calleigh said. Thankfully her voice sounded a lot more determined than she felt.
Sofia was carefully watching the scene that was unfolding in front of her. Since she wasn't partaking in it, she had the time to see the reaction of both women. It was enough to know she didn't belong here. It seemed there was a lot of tension between the two women because the second their eyes met, the tension in the room became evident like a thick cloud moving in front of the sun on a spring day. The temperature seemed to have dropped, but still the cheeks of both women she was watching were covered by a slight blush.
The small blonde finally spoke up, saying she would leave. Sofia doubted it was what the blonde really wanted, but she would probably have done the same if she was standing in the other woman's shoes. Even watching this scene made her feel uncomfortable and she knew how threatening Sara's glare could be.
"No," was Sara's only reply.
Sara didn't know what to do or say, but she knew she didn't want Calleigh to leave. Even though Sofia was still there and she absolutely didn't feel like talking to the southern blonde. This was one of those scenes she only saw on TV, when she was too tired to watch Discovery Channel and was channel hopping between sappy soap operas. She couldn't let Calleigh leave, the blonde had flown here all the way from Miami to be with her. Sara knew Calleigh didn't have any other business here in Las Vegas and the blonde certainly wasn't the type to spend a weekend in Vegas gambling her money away. Although she did seem to be gambling with her heart, because Sara was going to have to turn her down again.
Sara looked at Sofia as if she was trying to apologize for not choosing to spend time with her. Fortunately the Detective understood and just nodded at her before slipping out of the door. Sara would apologize to Sofia later.
Calleigh watched the interaction between Sara and Sofia and noticed that the taller blonde seemed to understand Sara without her having to say a word. She had always thought it was a thing between her and Sara to have conversations without saying a word. She had always hoped she had a stronger bond with Sara than any other person in the brunette's life, even though Sara wasn't giving herself fully. Now she realized how terribly selfish her thoughts were and how incredibly sappy she had been.
After the other woman slipped out of the door, it fell into the lock with a soft click, indicating they were alone now. Sara unconsciously let out a soft sigh of relief, this situation had basically solved itself without causing anyone too much grief. Suddenly she was glad she didn't have the type of friends to cause a scene. Her thoughts immediately went to Catherine, her co-worker, who most definitely would have caused a scene in a situation like this. This was just the reason why Sara kept a fair distance between them.
Sara knew that both Sofia and Calleigh were smart enough to figure out what role the other had in her life, but both of them were also smart enough not to mention it. And technically nothing had happened between her and Sofia yet, which right now was for the better.
There was an eerie silence between them, neither knew where to start. Sara had been avoiding Calleigh's eyes by staring a hole in the wall. She knew that soon she'd have to meet the blonde's beautiful green eyes with hers, but she was trying to put that moment off as long as she could. It was what had initially made her notice the southern woman, her eyes just spoke volumes. And out of experience she knew what look Calleigh was probably giving her right now, it was an equivalent of the puppy dog look.
She had known Calleigh long enough to know how she was feeling by just reading her body language. The second she noticed the blonde in her living room, she could see she was upset, although she had never seen the look in her eyes before. Maybe that was also the reason why she didn't want to look up. She didn't want to see the hurt in Calleigh's eyes, the hurt she had caused.
Calleigh was getting ready to bolt out of Sara's apartment. She had been staring at Sara, hoping the brunette would talk to her or even just acknowledge her. But apart from her name and 'no', Sara hadn't spoken another word and it was driving Calleigh to the edge of insanity. Mentally she was cursing herself, she had always been a very confident woman, so why couldn't she be confident now?
It had only been a few minutes since the other woman had left, but to Calleigh it felt like an eternity.
"Sara," she softly said, hoping to catch the brunette's attention.
Sara had been standing stock still, but her head snapped up when she heard Calleigh say her name. When her eyes met Calleigh's, she didn't see the exact look she feared so much. But the look she was getting was maybe even worse. It was a weird combination between looking hurt and determined. Deep down Sara knew that Calleigh would probably get what she wanted. She wasn't really one to deny physical contact and especially not with Calleigh. She was going to deny everything else though, she didn't want to get hurt.
She shook her head to come out of her daze, feeling a bit stupid for not having said anything. "Erm, can I get you something to drink?"
A feeling of relief was taking over and Calleigh felt herself relax a little. Her shoulders were hurting from being all tensed up since the second she stepped into the plane. "Yes, please."
Sara didn't ask what Calleigh wanted to drink, she just knew the blonde would ask for water. She grabbed two bottles of water out of her fridge and made her way into the living room, feeling a lot better now she had had the time to compose herself.
Calleigh was still standing when Sara returned. "Sit down," Sara said. It wasn't an order, nor was she trying to dominate the situation, she just hoped Calleigh would relax a little more so they could have a proper conversation. The blonde sat down and took the bottle of water from her with a small smile. So maybe there was hope for a normal conversation. Sara hated dealing with feelings; that's why she always tried to avoid them in the first place.
After a few sips of her water, Calleigh felt more human and ready for the confrontation she was about to have. It seemed she had already survived the worst part, although she wasn't getting her hopes up yet.
"I'm sorry I didn't call you, it was a spur of the moment kind of thing," Calleigh started. She took a short moment to compose herself before she continued, this time with a more steady voice than before, "I really wanted to talk to you."
Sara sighed, she knew Calleigh was right. Even though she wanted to avoid having to talk no matter what she did want to offer Calleigh a chance, especially after she had left so all of a sudden the last time she was in Miami. Whenever she was forced to talk, her demeanour changed. She was well aware of this and she knew Calleigh would probably think she was being cold.
"You know I don't talk and you also know I hate being confronted like this," Sara stated simply.
Calleigh kind of had seen this coming, Sara always withdrew the second feelings or serious talk was involved, but she was determined to not give up. She had to keep trying, for her own sake.
"That's just why I came here, if I had called you, you wouldn't have picked up," Calleigh retorted, letting Sara know she wasn't going to back down so easily.
Sara had seen this coming, the determination was written all over Calleigh's face. "Ok," she didn't really know what to say next. "So talk," this was Sara's way of not having to start first. And besides, it was Calleigh who had come here to talk, that meant she obviously had something to say, right?
That went a lot easier than she thought. Calleigh had thought about this on the plane and in her scenarios Sara was a lot less willing to allow her to say what she wanted to say. After taking a deep breath she started talking.
"First I want to apologize for dumping all this on you so suddenly," just like Sara, Calleigh wasn't very good in talking, especially if it was about herself. "I shouldn't have blurted it out like I did. I just couldn't hold it back anymore. What we have," when she heard what she was saying, she quickly corrected herself, "what we had was amazing, at least, it was to me. For the first time in my life I had something solid I could build on. With you I always knew what to expect and what not."
That was also the reason why Calleigh had started to want more in the first place. It was so incredibly nice to have something solid, something she could build on, even though it was only a fuck buddy relationship.
Even though she tried to concentrate, Sara's mind was wandering off. Calleigh had dressed casual yet smart, as usual, and Sara couldn't keep her eyes off her. It had been too long since they last had sex, since she had sex. Not wanting to make a wrong impression, Sara sighed. "It's ok. I'm sorry for bailing on you like I did." The small yawn she couldn't suppress reminded her of the fact that she hadn't slept yet.
Calleigh chuckled at seeing Sara yawn, "that sounded very convincing." This was the first time she dared to speak freely, not having to be afraid of Sara's reaction.
"I'm sorry, had a rough night."
She just stared at Sara for a while, taking in her beauty. Whenever Sara was tired and not at work, her demeanour changed. It was as if her body suddenly spoke an entirely different language.
Sara was just staring back at Calleigh, for once the silence between them was uncomfortable. She wanted to run, but she knew she was going to have to do this confrontation sometime soon anyway so she just wanted to get it over with. But maybe she could stretch it just a little, "how about we both take a nap and talk later. You must be tired too from your trip here."
It was kind of odd how fast Sara had landed back in her role of being the dominant one in their 'relationship'. Not that it was hard to get that role, since Calleigh always let her dominate. But it was something Sara liked, the fact that she knew she was in control gave her the chance to relax and be herself. There weren't many moments in which she could be herself, so she used to really enjoy her time with Calleigh. Why did the Calleigh have to mess it all up by falling for her?
After offering her bed to Calleigh, Sara let herself plop down on the couch. She always had a spare blanket lying next to it, just in case. She pulled it out of its hiding place and got comfortable. It was weird that she wasn't sharing the bed with Calleigh, it's not like they had never done that before. But right now Sara didn't feel comfortable enough to be able to sleep next to the blonde. She doubted she felt comfortable enough to sleep at all. Sara had the feeling her life was changing into a soap opera and she wasn't sure how to deal with all this.
It would be easy to just give in and have Calleigh have her way. The sex would be very good, but she knew she couldn't ignore the blonde's feelings. And to be really honest, she wasn't sure if she could ignore her own feelings. She wasn't sure what exactly she felt, but she had been spending a lot of time thinking about it since she so abruptly left Calleigh two months ago.
Sofia sat in her car, her hands on the steering wheel, while she just stared at Sara's apartment building. In her head, she was going over the things that had just happened. It had all gone so fast that she hadn't had the time to let it all properly sink in, even though she had tried her best to memorize every little detail.
As if it wasn't weird enough that Sara had invited her to her apartment and was giving her the vibe that maybe something would happen between them, some hot blonde had roughly disturbed their bonding and completely changed the whole atmosphere in the room in mere seconds. Even though the whole thing infuriated her, in some weird kind of way she understood that Sara had asked her to leave. It would have been so much easier if she just hadn't understood it, so she could just be pissed off with Sara and give her the cold shoulder for a while. No, Sofia had to be sensitive and to top it off she had to have a stupid crush on Sara.
She looked up at the window of Sara's apartment, only just in time to see her draw the curtains. What the hell? A nasty feeling settled in the pit of Sofia's stomach, she could no longer deny she was jealous of the other blonde. Even though she wasn't even sure what role she played in Sara's life, she already despised her. They were probably humping each other like bunnies right now. Dammit, that should have been her, not that other blonde.
Sofia knew she was being irrational, but she couldn't help picturing Sara and that blonde in bed together. It made a shudder go down her spine, she had to get out of here and clear her head of those ridiculous thoughts. In one swift movement, Sofia started the car and sped out of the parking lot, she wanted to be as far away from Sara as she could go. In other words, she was heading home.
Maybe she was wrong, maybe Sara hadn't been leading her on as she thought. It could very well be true and Sofia decided to put it on wishful thinking at the moment. She was a Detective, so she would find out what Sara's intentions exactly were and who the hell that Cal woman was.
They had both slept, they had talked and things seemed ok, but to Calleigh it still didn't feel right. She was far from reaching her intended goal of getting Sara back. But if being just friends was as far as Sara was willing to go right now, she'd have to stick with that. Although she doubted it was as far as Sara was actually willing to go, she wasn't blind, she saw how Sara looked at her. It was the same look Sara used to give her before they spend hours having sex. She had also caught Sara checking her out a few times, but every time she looked at the brunette, she had already averted her gaze.
Sara had never felt this uncomfortable around Calleigh before, hell, she had never felt this uncomfortable in her own home before. She knew she wanted more from Calleigh and she knew Calleigh wanted more from her, but she refused to take that step. She didn't want a relationship and Calleigh did and that was the main problem in their friendship at the moment. It would be easy to get the blonde in bed, but it would mean more to Calleigh than to her. Sara didn't want to do that, she knew she'd hurt Calleigh in the process of getting what she wanted.
Even though they had taken a step into the right direction, Calleigh wasn't satisfied. She could read Sara's body language and for her it was easy to see that Sara wasn't comfortable, far from it actually. She didn't know what to say to make the brunette feel better, so instead she did something she did know how to do. She got up from her side of the couch and scooted closer to Sara.
Not being able to touch Sara was like torture and even though she knew Sara didn't want any kind of relationship, she wanted more than just this. The brunette immediately noticed her moving and was just staring at her. Sara didn't stop her from climbing into her lap and neither did she stop her when she pressed her lips to Sara's.
All kinds of thoughts were running through Sara's head right now. This was wrong, they shouldn't be doing this, but damn it felt good. She had really missed this, Calleigh's soft lips and her delicate touches. And if Calleigh was the one initiating this, she probably knew what she was doing, right? Or was this just a desperate attempt to get her to see they should be together? That thought quickly left her mind, this was Calleigh she was thinking about, Calleigh was never desperate. At least, she had never seen the blonde desperate.
Calleigh could feel Sara's hesitation in the kiss and she hoped that Sara wouldn't turn her down. It wasn't like her to be so desperate, to depend so much on someone else. This whole thing was new to her, but she was curious enough to want to try. Maybe she could convince Sara this was worth a try.
As they both fell back in their old routine and the kiss deepened and heated up, Calleigh's words echoed in Sara's mind. 'You can't deny we are good together', they were good together and for some reason they just clicked real easy. But that didn't mean Sara could break all the rules she had set with Calleigh, nor the ones she had set for herself. She wasn't ready to give herself to someone, she wasn't ready to let someone in. Not even if that someone was Calleigh. It wasn't that she didn't trust the southern blonde because she did, it was just a more general thing. If she didn't show anyone the real her, she wouldn't get hurt that easily.
She had been doing that since she was a young girl and it had worked so far. Yeah, she got hurt over the years, but who didn't? But she was sure that if she let someone in her heart, the pain would only be worse. But, even though she had more or less decided on this, she didn't stop Calleigh from kissing her. In fact, she wasn't completely idle herself.
Heavily panting, she pulled away. "Cal," she said in between breaths, cupping the blonde's face to create some distance between them. She needed to stop this while she still could.
Calleigh groaned softly at the loss of contact, but kept her distance. "Sara, it's ok," she whispered softly, she didn't want to stop, not now, she had gotten this far. She looked Sara straight in the eye to let the brunette know she was serious about this.
Sara shook her head, "no, Cal, it's not ok." She didn't move Calleigh off her lap though, instead she rested her hands on Calleigh's sides. She sighed and looked at the blonde in her lap, "we shouldn't do this." It probably didn't sound very convincing, but she had to say it. She didn't want to hurt Calleigh again.
Calleigh shook her head, "it's fine, Sara. No feelings, no strings attached." It was a lie, but maybe if she kept denying it, her feelings would go away.
In a way it was endearing that Calleigh was prepared to hold herself to the agreement, but Sara wasn't so sure she could do this. It would be an easy lay, but she didn't think it would make her feel any better or release any of the tension.
She didn't react to Calleigh's next kiss, instead she pulled back and shook her head, "no, this is wrong. I can't do this." She just couldn't go through with this, it felt as if she was using her. The decision she made was not one that she was fully behind, but it was for the best. She gently moved Calleigh out of her lap and back on the couch. "I'm sorry, Cal."
Sara had left for work, leaving Calleigh alone in her apartment. She wasn't sure what to do right now, she was really hurt. Sara had basically crushed all her hopes of them ever getting back together. She sat on the couch, her knees pulled up against her chest, hugging them with her arms. This whole trip had been a bad idea, she had gotten herself nowhere. Apart from even further down the black hole than she already was. It looked like Sara was not interested in even getting back to their agreement.
To top it off, it seemed that Sara had already found someone new. That blonde fuck buddy that opened the door for her earlier. Calleigh wondered if there was something going on between the two of them or whether she had interrupted something important. Sara sure seemed quite surprised to see her, the deer caught in the headlights look was a dead giveaway. Calleigh had noticed that after seeing her, Sara immediately cast her eyes towards the other woman. She just couldn't figure out what that exactly meant.
What she had figured out was that the other blonde most definitely had feelings for Sara. It was so incredibly obvious that Calleigh wondered if Sara knew. But knowing the brunette, she probably had no idea. It didn't really matter though, the other blonde seemed to be her replacement. That meant there was no longer room for her in Sara's life, something she was going to have to deal with.
She got up and looked around the room. This was it, she had made her decision. Why stay any longer when it would be useless anyway? Sara probably wouldn't want her here if she was going to try to seduce that other blonde. And Calleigh didn't know if she could handle being around Sara anymore. It was too hard to act like nothing happened, especially after the brunette had turned her down again.
With one last look around the room, she slowly strode towards Sara's bedroom, where she had stalled her suitcase. Even though there was this tiny voice in her head, nagging her to stay and keep trying but the rational part, the part that was taking over control at the moment, told her to leave. She should just go home, suck it up and get over it.
Although, as determined as she was to get over Sara, she couldn't stop herself from going to visit Sara at work. She told herself it was only out of pure politeness and to just say goodbye to Sara. One last time. It was probably the least she deserved herself too. She was sure that even though it was over, there were still feelings involved. If Sara really didn't care about her, she would have kicked her out the second she entered the brunette's apartment.
When she saw Calleigh at the reception desk, she silently cursed. If only she had stuck to the rule of not coming to each other's work place when she was in Miami, Calleigh might not have decided on coming here. Sara knew she couldn't call the blonde on it, but that didn't mean she didn't want to.
"What are you doing here?" She said in a low voice, making sure that no one else could hear it, while immediately leading Calleigh out of the door. She was determined to not attract any attention from her co-workers.
Calleigh didn't really know what to make of Sara's so called greeting, but it didn't really matter anyway. She had made her decision. "I'm just here to say goodbye." Fortunately she was a master at hiding her emotions and keeping them from affecting her voice. Deep down she knew that Sara could probably read her, but she masked her emotions anyway.
"What?" Sara raised her voice slightly without noticing it herself. She wasn't ready for Calleigh to go. Even though she had made her point very clear, there were still some issues she wanted to work through. Not address, but work through.
The brunette's reaction to her simple statement set Calleigh off. What the hell was Sara thinking? It was bad enough that she had fallen for the brunette, but was Sara trying to use her now?
"What do you expect me to do, Sara?" Calleigh never raised her voice, she could put enough venom in her tone that she never needed to anyway. "I'm not going to lie at your feet, waiting around until you think it's time to play again. I came here to try to fix things between us, with the idea that maybe you were upset because you had feelings for me too." It actually amazed herself how calm her voice sounded, while she was far from calm herself. "But I see you already have a new toy, so I'm no longer needed here."
"What? You think Sofia and I...," she didn't even get the time to finish her sentence before Calleigh cut her off.
"Ah, so that's her name, huh? Sofia," Calleigh spat out.
"Oh," was all Sara said. She waved her hands in the air as if she was shooing Calleigh away, "I'm not even going there." With that she walked away, leaving the blonde standing in the parking lot.
Calleigh was stunned, she didn't know what to say to Sara's reaction and she was too furious to think straight. Not only did Sara have another plaything, she even refused to tell her about it! Instead of saying or doing anything she just watched Sara walk away.
When Sara sped out of the parking lot, an idea popped up in her head. She was going to follow Sara and give the brunette a piece of her mind.
Catherine had warned her about this, but Sofia hadn't taken it very seriously when the older woman initially told her. Now she knew just what Catherine had meant, Sara was such a dedicated investigator that she often just ran off without notifying her co-workers. And here Sofia was, standing in the parking lot of a run down diner just outside the city, alone, without Sara, who was supposed to be around investigating.
"Sara!" She shouted, hoping the brunette would hear her and come back. It kinda made her feel like a kindergarten teacher who had to watch the kids in a playground. If she didn't constantly keep her eyes on Sara, she'd lose her. If only she had known that before Sara had ran off. After all, she was responsible for the brunette's safety.
"Sidle!" She shouted again after she didn't get a reply right away, this time she sounded a little more angry. Sara should know better than to run off. Just as she wanted to go after her the brunette, a car pulled up.
"Oh great, just what I needed," she huffed as she saw the hot blonde, who she now knew was named Calleigh, get out of the car.
"What are you doing here? This is a crime scene," she wasn't rude to Calleigh because of her role in Sara's life, if it was any other person she would have acted the same. Or at least, she tried to tell herself that.
"I'm not here to intrude, I'm only here to talk to Sara," Calleigh said, just as businesslike as the Detective. She cordially flashed her badge and smiled sweetly, "Calleigh Duquesne, CSI." She was a woman with a mission and no one could stop her, not even this blonde Detective.
This woman was good, Sofia had to hand it to her. She looked at the badge and pretended to inspect it thoroughly, "and what does the Miami Dade Crime Lab have to do with my case?" She really couldn't stand this woman, with her fake smile and more than perfect clothes and all that. That southern charm of hers might have worked on Sara, but she was sure as hell not falling for it. No, that Barbie girl was going to have to bring more than just her A-game to beat her.
Before Calleigh could answer, they heard shouts coming from behind a few big dumpsters. "LVPD, drop your weapon!" It was Sara's voice, which they both recognized right away.
Sofia looked at where the sound came from and then quickly back at Calleigh. "Dammit," she hissed between her teeth before running off to where the noise came from.
Instinctively Calleigh followed Sofia; it was something that had crept into her over the years. Instead of running away from danger, she ran towards it, hand on her gun. When she caught up with Sofia, the Detective gave her a vile look as if she was trying to tell her off for following.
There was a man standing in front of Sara, pointing a gun at her. Sara at her turn was pointing her gun back at him.
Sofia automatically drew her gun, "LVPD, drop the weapon!" Her heart was almost pounding out of her chest because of the pure adrenaline rush going through her body.
Sara heard Sofia shout, but instead of one, she heard two pairs of footsteps. Her curiosity got the better of her and she looked aside to see who else was there. That was a big mistake, because seeing Calleigh distracted her for just a second too long.
As Sofia pulled her gun, the man quickly calculated the situation, knowing that if he didn't do something fast, he'd be apprehended. But there was no way in this world that he was going to be overpowered by women. No matter how many of them or whether they were police women or not.
The moment seemed to pass by in slow motion. Calleigh saw the man pull the trigger and it was as if she could see the whole process happen. His fingers removing the safety, the click of the bullet loading into the barrel and then the almost deafening bang that came when he fired. She didn't think, she just moved. It was out of pure instinct that she jumped in front of Sara. She heard someone scream 'no' and before she could even realize it was her own voice, that it was her who was screaming, she fell to the floor, hard, which temporarily knocked the wind right out of her. That didn't mask the burning sensation she felt in her neck. She knew she got hit, but it actually didn't hurt as much as she thought it would. Instinctively she moved her hand to the spot where the pain came from, when she lifted it up, she saw it was covered in blood. Her blood. She looked up at Sara, who was standing next to her as if she was nailed to the ground. Calleigh wanted to tell Sara it was ok, but her voice wasn't working. In the background she heard some shouts, but they sounded muffled and very far away. It didn't really matter though, a wave of exhaustion came over her and all she wanted to do was go to sleep.
Sara was staring at the gun, which was pointed at her. The quick assessment she did in her head had the outcome that she didn't want him to point his gun at either Sofia or Calleigh. She heard and saw the gun fire and she was bracing herself, expecting the excruciating pain that would come with the bullet impact. To her surprise, she didn't feel any pain. Instead she saw Calleigh literally fly by and collide with the ground with a soft thud.
It took a moment for Sofia to realize what was going on, but as soon as she did, she shot her gun, without even thinking twice. She emptied her magazine, shooting at the man even though he had already fallen to the floor. That son of a bitch was pointing his gun at Sara. When she looked at the other two women she saw that Sara was still standing and instead of her, Calleigh was lying on the ground, blood pooling quickly around her. She quickly knelt down next to Calleigh, putting her hands to the blonde's neck, to apply pressure to stop the bleeding.
"Sara, call an ambulance."
Sara was standing there, nailed to the ground, staring at the scene that played out in front of her as if it was still playing. She couldn't believe what she just saw and she couldn't believe it was Calleigh lying on the ground instead of her. It should have been her. She wondered why the hell the blonde took a bullet for her.
"Sara!" Sofia's voice was louder now. She was trying to wake up Sara from her non-productive state.
Sara shook her head, trying to focus on the situation at hand. She immediately kneeled down and put her hands on Calleigh's neck.
"No, you call. I'll take care of her," Sara said. Her tone of voice was a signal for Sofia not to argue.
Sofia got up and pulled out her phone. Why didn't it just dial faster? It was only three numbers, for crying out loud.
As soon as Sofia was out of earshot, Sara's tears started falling. Calleigh was looking up at her with big eyes, expressing the fear and agony she was feeling right now.
"You're going to be ok," Sara kept repeating this, maybe more to soothe her own conscience than to calm Calleigh down. She wanted to scoop Calleigh up and hug her tightly, to protect her from everything else. But she knew better than to give in to what she wanted. If she moved the blonde, she might cause even more damage. The other woman suddenly looked so small and so fragile.
Calleigh had closed her eyes to be able to concentrate more on breathing. It was started to cost her more and more energy. The darkness behind her closed eyes was eerily comforting and hearing Sara's husk voice whisper things in her ear that she barely registered made her feel as if she was in some sort of trance. If only that damn nagging pain would go away, then things would be fine. Calleigh totally lost track of time and space as she was slowly slipping into shock.
Sara noticed Calleigh was slipping and scanned the area to see where Sofia was. The blond detective was just finishing up her conversation on the phone. Quickly, she leaned forward, her lips almost touching Calleigh's ear.
"I can't lose you, Cal. You are going to be ok." She took of her jacket and covered Calleigh with it in the hope it would be enough to keep the blonde warm.
Sofia was standing in the hallway of the hospital, staring into the room through the glass. Sara hadn't left Calleigh's side since the second the blond had come out of surgery. It made her wonder what exactly was going on between the two women in the room. The way Sara was fretting about Calleigh made her think there was more than just friendship between them. But then again, the southern blonde had been here for a while and she hadn't noticed anything between them. When Calleigh arrived at Sara's apartment she had felt the tension between them, but it was definitely not a sexual tension. Although she wasn't sure if that was just wishful thinking or if it was really the case. She didn't really have a reason to think what she was thinking, but secretly she was worried about it.
Sara felt as if she just got off an 11 hour flight. Her clothes were wrinkled and dirty and she hadn't slept at all. She wanted to be there when Calleigh woke up. She owed her life to the blonde and the least she could do was be there for her. This whole ordeal had made her realize she cared more about the blond than she had thought. Even though she knew there was no fighting her own feelings, she tried to deny it for now. The most important thing was for Calleigh to wake up.
She looked down at her hand, which looked almost alien compared to Calleigh's limp, small, pale one. Sara had been holding the blonde's hand since they brought her here. In the first hour she had repeatedly told Calleigh to wake up, but it hadn't been very effective. She had given up on that and now she just sat in silence, holding her hand.
Sofia was doubting whether to go in and tell Sara to go home or to go home herself. The brunette looked awful and she was still wearing the same clothes, which were covered in Calleigh's blood. She figured it would be smarter to go herself, Sara was too stubborn to listen anyway. When she came back she could bring the brunette a clean set of clothes. She was sure Sara had clean clothes in her locker at work. With one last look at the brunette and the petite woman who was lying in bed, she started making her way towards the exit. Calleigh really had that southern bombshell thing going, she wondered if Sara had seen that too.
Calleigh's eyes fluttered open and after they adjusted to the sharp light, she slightly panicked. She had no idea where she was. The feeling quickly settled when she looked around the room and found Sara, slumped in the chair next to the bed. The brunette had fallen asleep and was hanging in an unnatural position. She looked terribly uncomfortable, half sitting on the chair, half hanging on the armrest. Calleigh tried to reach out to Sara. She managed to reach Sara's arm and gently stroked up and down, trying not to wake the brunette up.
By now, she had figured out that she was in the hospital, but she had no idea why she was here or how she got here. She tried to remember what happened, but it only made her head spin. Calleigh sighed deeply before giving in to the sleep that was overwhelming her.
Sara woke up from a pain in her neck, after cracking it a few times she sat up straight. Calleigh was still sleeping, but she looked like she had moved. That was good news, even though it did make Sara a little nervous. The weird feeling in her stomach only increased when she stared at the petite blonde lying in the hospital bed. It meant she was going to have to face their problems soon.
She had been so worried she would lose Calleigh that it made her realize a few things. It was kind of unsettling that she wasn't sure what to do. She had always known what to do. She was known for always knowing what she wanted and for being very determined. Today however, she was completely unsure of what to do. She didn't even know how to feel, or whether to accept what she was feeling. Maybe she did know how to feel, instinctively, but she was trying her best to push that feeling away. It would leave her vulnerable and it was a quite foreign feeling to her.
What she did know for sure was that trying to lead Sofia on was a very bad idea. Now she got herself caught in some sort of web, it was as if it came straight from a soap opera.
At that moment Sofia knocked on the door. She was leaning against the doorpost and brought a bag with her. "Hey," she said, when Sara acknowledged her. "I brought you some clean clothes."
Sofia looked at the brunette, who didn't look very happy to see her again. "We should talk."
Sara sighed, she had been dreading this moment ever since Calleigh showed up on her doorstep. The brunette secretly had hoped that it would all just blow over without either of the blondes needing to address the issue. But that was just her wishful thinking because she knew damn well that both of them were going to demand an explanation. And since Calleigh was pretty much out of it and had other things on her mind right now, Sofia had all the time to think. And judging by their characters, Sara knew Sofia would be the first one to speak up. Calleigh and Sofia were both quite sassy and straight forward, but it seemed the Southern blonde was a little more tactful. Probably because the feelings between them ran deeper.
Sara was shocked at her own thoughts, did she just really think that? Her feelings for Calleigh ran deeper? Deeper than what? Deep down she knew though, but she was just afraid to admit it to herself.
The brunette nodded her head towards the hallway and waited for the blonde to follow her out. This wasn't something Calleigh should hear, not even subconsciously. She wondered why she felt so bad. It wasn't like she had cheated on either one of them. It was clearly over between Calleigh and her when she sort of made her move on Sofia.
The second she felt the conversation was about to start, Sara went into defense mode. Ready to tear into Sofia if the Detective would blame her for something. Nothing had happened and she had never explicitly told Sofia what she had in mind when she invited the Detective to her place.
"What is it?" Sara asked, thinking that if she started quickly, it would be over soon. For someone who created this mess, she sure wasn't willing to deal with it all. At least, not now and preferably never.
"Come on, Sara." Sofia retorted, knowing that Sara knew very well what this was about. "You could have told me you already had someone before inviting me to your place." Sofia felt her blood starting to boil. Sara had been playing with her feelings and to top it off, now she was acting as if she had no idea what this all was about.
Sara looked towards the room Calleigh was in, "I wasn't exactly with her when I invited you to my place."
Sofia raised her hands in defeat, "oh please, even if I was blind I could have seen it. You two clearly have feelings for each other. I have seen the way you look at her."
It was kind of ironic that those words had to come from Sofia. That the woman who had a crush on her had to give Sara the final push to realize she did want Calleigh as more than a fuck buddy. Sara opened her mouth to say something, but she just couldn't find the right words to say. If there were even right words for this situation.
This made Sofia realize what the whole problem here was. Sara really was just as confused about this as she was. The brunette really hadn't seen what was going on. The blonde Detective sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger. "It's ok, Sara." Sofia was about to turn around when Sara finally found her voice again.
"No, it's not."
Her words made Sofia stop dead in her tracks and turn around. She raised her eyebrow at Sara in question.
"I shouldn't have invited you back to my place, I'm sorry. I didn't know..." her voice trailed off as her eyes met Sofia's blue ones. Sara shot the Detective an apologetic look.
Sofia stepped towards Sara and put her hand on the brunette's shoulder, "it's ok, Sara. You couldn't have known." She would have felt sorry for Sara in a way if she didn't feel crushed herself. If she had made her moves before, it actually might have worked out between them. But now Calleigh was back in the picture, Sofia knew she didn't stand a chance to the Southern bombshell. It probably just wasn't meant to be.
The blonde flashed Sara a slight smile, "you should change your clothes and get back inside. I will see you around." Even though she felt defeated, Sofia wouldn't admit defeat in front of Sara. Instead she just tried to keep her head cool.
"Thanks, Sofia." Sara really appreciated that the blonde brought her a set of clean clothes, especially since she hadn't asked for it. She watched Sofia walk away until she could no longer see the blonde's retreating form. Once she saw the elevator door close behind Sofia, she went back into the room to retrieve her clothes. She wanted to look at least a little decent when Calleigh woke up.
Sara had insisted on Calleigh staying with her until she fully recuperated. Not only because she felt guilty for the blonde to get hurt in the first place, but also because she needed a little time to gather the courage to finally speak up.
At first Calleigh had disagreed, she just wanted to get home as soon as possible. But when she saw the look in Sara's eyes, she decided to stay and let the brunette take care of her. The time she had spend alone in the hospital had made her think a lot about their situation and Calleigh had decided to give up. It was obvious Sara couldn't or didn't want to deal with her being more than a friend.
Tonight, Sara had the night off and they had decided on watching a movie together. After the brunette had cleared the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher, she joined Calleigh on the couch. "I shouldn't have let you pick the movie," she groaned out as she saw the opening credits of Notting Hill.
Calleigh turned her head and flashed Sara an incredulous look, "oh come on, Sara, you know you love this movie." She smiled sweetly as Sara's eyes met hers.
Sara chuckled, leave it to Calleigh to take full advantage of her hospitality. When she looked into the blonde's eyes, for a second her heart spoke louder than her mind and told her to lean forward and kiss her. But she didn't.
When Calleigh leaned back into her original position, Sara let out a deep breath, only now realizing she had been holding it. The blonde had also noticed the change in atmosphere and was very confused about this new development. They just most definitely shared a moment but she didn't know what to make of it.
Calleigh's neck was healing slowly, still not letting her get back to work. She was getting very irritated that she had to stay in the house. It was incredibly boring, especially when Sara wasn't around. The petite blonde was lying in Sara's bed, where she had been sleeping since she had arrived here, reading a book when she heard the front door close. "Sara!" She called out, happy that the brunette was finally home. Even though she didn't get what she really wanted, Sara sleeping next to her, just having Sara around was good enough for now.
She waited for the footsteps she heard to reach the bedroom, but instead of the sweet, gap-toothed smile she had become so fond of, Sara sported a very grumpy face. The smile Calleigh had on her face faded as well, "what's wrong?"
"Nothing, just had a tough shift," Sara said, the tone of her voice was almost zombie-like.
Calleigh scooted over to the left side of the bed, knowing Sara always slept on the right side. "Come here," she said as she patted the bed. "Don't you think it's time you slept in a bed again? Couches weren't meant to be slept on permanently."
Sara was so tired and drained that Calleigh's invitation didn't leave her thinking twice. She disappeared in the bathroom to get ready for bed, when she came out, dressed in her usual tank top and shorts, she crawled into the bed next to Calleigh. As soon as her head hit the pillow she closed her eyes and sighed deeply. Sara felt her back crack as a reaction to finally lying on a comfortable surface.
All the while Sara was getting ready, Calleigh watched her carefully. It was obvious sleeping on the couch and working extra hours was taking its toll on Sara and it made her feel guilty. Next to working, Sara had also been taking care of her and Calleigh hadn't exactly been an easy patient.
Sara turned on her side, happy to finally get the chance to rest. If only she could just shut off her mind for only a little bit. Her last case was haunting her and it stopped her from falling asleep.
"Sara?" Calleigh asked softly, wanting to check if she was still awake.
"Hmm?" Sara was too tired to answer, but she didn't want to ignore Calleigh.
Sara answered with an affirmative groan, which fortunately was enough for Calleigh to understand. The blonde scooted towards Sara and wrapped her arm around the brunette's toned body as she snuggled up against her. "Let it go, Sara, just sleep," she whispered in the brunette's ear.
A voice in the back of her head told Sara this was wrong. But how could something that felt this good be wrong? Sara sighed deeply as she felt Calleigh settle against her. The feel and scent of the smaller woman relaxed her and she slowly slipped into a deep sleep.
Even though Calleigh was very tired, she refused to go to sleep. It had been so long, too long, since she had the chance to hold Sara and feel her as close as she was now. She had missed this feeling and she wondered why Sara couldn't feel the vibe between them. Over the past weeks the tension hanging between them had become more and more obvious. Those silly moments that only seem to happen in romantic movies just before the lovely couple gets together were becoming a frequent occurrence between her and Sara and she knew the brunette had picked up on it too. The big problem was that she was afraid to act on it and it was obvious Sara wasn't going to either. She sighed as she nuzzled her nose against Sara's shoulder, this was something she had to think about. But not now. She was finally giving in to her sleep.
As usual, Sara was the one to wake up first. Feeling rested for the first time in a long time, she tried to turn to be able to stretch, but something was blocking her. She opened her eyes to see what it was. Then suddenly she remembered last night's events and smiled, even though Calleigh was hurt, she had been intent on taking care of her. Not that she really needed to be taken care of, but it was nice to have Calleigh comfort her anyway.
Unfortunately that feeling didn't stick for long. The voice in her head that she had managed to avoid last night was coming back full force. They shouldn't indulge in this, no cuddling, sleeping next to each other and other things like that, it would leave her incapacitated in her battle to control her feelings for the petite blonde that was sleeping next to her.
Sara slowly removed Calleigh's arm that had been loosely holding her and slipped out of the bed, careful not to wake the slumbering blonde. Her heart seemed to be fighting against the voice of reason in her head. Calleigh had gladly offered her comfort, no questions asked and she hadn't even asked for it. The blonde had taken one look at her and knew just what she needed. Sara had shot her down several times but Calleigh was still here. The blonde had come all the way to Vegas to try to get another chance with her. It had to mean something, right?
She stepped into the shower, hoping the water would also wash away all the thoughts that were going through her head. Normally it worked, but this had been going on for so long and Sara knew she could no longer ignore it. There was something between them, the moments, the unselfishness they had both showed towards each other, it had to mean something. The problem was that she wasn't sure if she was ready to act on it. Deep down she knew she would never be ready, she would just have to take a leap of faith. The only question was if she really wanted to.
Sara's rummaging around the room had woken Calleigh, but the blonde felt she needed to give Sara some space. The brunette could be very grouchy in the morning and Calleigh figured that after the small step into the right direction she had taken last night, Sara had some things to think about. She knew she did. What happened had gone so smoothly and it had happened before she properly realized it. It was just a simple gesture from her side, but once she had Sara in her arms, it had turned into something bigger. Feelings she had tried to hide were stirring up again and she had to do something about it.
Calleigh smiled at the brunette as she came out of the bathroom. "Good morning," she said, "did you sleep well?"
Sara smiled awkwardly. She hadn't expected Calleigh to be awake and the truth was that she wasn't really ready to face her. But then again, if she would keep listening to her mind, she would never be ready to face the blonde Goddess in her bed. "Good morning yourself," she said as soon as she regained her composure. "I slept fine, thanks. How are you feeling?" Maybe if she avoided the subject coming up, Calleigh would leave it well alone.
Calleigh smiled, "a little better every day." She wasn't fully oblivious to Sara's feelings, she noticed the brunette felt awkward, but she felt they needed to talk. Rather sooner than later. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" Her voice was less high pitched than normal, indicating to Sara this was serious.
The brunette's head shot up, her eyes searching the blonde's to figure out what was going to hit her. But she couldn't see anything, apart from Calleigh's nerves. The blonde was fidgeting with the hem of her top and when the Southern Belle was fidgeting, she was nervous about something.
"Erm, ok," Sara said. Her voice was betraying her insecurity.
Calleigh just looked at Sara for a moment. The brunette was standing in the doorway of the bathroom in her training suit. Sara always wore her suit in the house and secretly Calleigh loved it because it was hugging Sara's shape in all the right places. She shook her head to get rid of her train of thought. She wanted to talk about something serious and the last thing she needed to be doing was lusting after Sara.
She patted the bed next to her, "why don't you sit? It's your bed after all." It seemed Sara was afraid of what was to come and Calleigh was trying to calm her down.
For a moment, Sara hesitated, but she sat down on the bed in the end, her curiosity winning it from her hesitation.
"What is it you want to talk about?" Sara asked as she got comfortable on the bed. She felt far from comfortable though, she had a slight suspicion as to what Calleigh wanted to talk about. It was getting too hard to ignore.
Calleigh took in a deep breath before she started talking, but just as she was about to voice her thoughts, Sara stopped her.
"Wait," the brunette said, putting her hand on Calleigh's arm. Once she realized what she did, she immediately removed her hand, as if she had burned it. "Erm, I want to ask you something first. Why did you jump in front of me?"
Not only did the question come as a total surprise, Calleigh also didn't know the answer to that particular question. "I don't know. It was a reflex, I just didn't want you to get hurt." She managed to stammer out.
Sara seemed to be satisfied with the answer because she was quiet and just stared at Calleigh. From experience Calleigh knew the brunette immediately spoke up if she disagreed with something.
"Sara," Calleigh started, "I.." God, why did this have to be so hard? "I've had a lot of time to think. First of all I want to thank you for going out of your way to take care of me, you really didn't have to do that and I really appreciate what you did." Well, that was fairly easy. "In the past few weeks I felt...I have been feeling a certain tension between us and I know you feel it too." Her hand went up to tentatively cup Sara's cheek, "I won't hurt you Sara, it's the last thing on earth I want to do. I care about you so much and when I'm around you, I feel safe, I feel good. I want you to feel the same. When I held you last night, that felt good, you felt good." Her thumb brushed over Sara's cheek.
Sara hadn't said a word and Calleigh was worried the brunette would run again, just like she had the last time she expressed her feelings. She slowly removed her hand, afraid that it was provoking Sara even more than her words were.
Sara didn't know what to think, do, or say. She was just staring at Calleigh as the blonde confessed her feelings to her. It wasn't that she didn't expect it coming, because it had been so obvious that even she had picked up on it. She just didn't expect the words that Calleigh said. The blonde wanted to make her feel good. She had no idea how good she was making Sara feel. It had been delightful to come home to someone after a day of work.
It wasn't that Calleigh's words came as a total surprise, the blonde had told Sara about her feelings for her more than once. But it still was something Sara couldn't react on right away. She wasn't used to people voicing their feelings to her so directly. And certainly not when it came to partners. Or well, potential partners.
"I want to try." The words were out before she knew it and Sara felt as if she was in some kind of daze. It was as if she was watching her body and saw her lips move, she heard the words but it didn't feel as if she said them. It didn't feel as if she was sitting there.
Calleigh's heart was pounding in her chest as she waited for Sara to react. The brunette just sat there, staring at her as if she just told her she won the lottery or something. When Sara finally said something, a smile appeared on Calleigh's face and she let out a deep breath, only now realizing she had been holding it. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against Sara's in a tentative kiss.
It seemed that was all Sara needed to wake up out of her daze. She felt Calleigh's soft lips against hers and she automatically scooted a little closer to minimize the distance between them.
When Sara reacted to her kiss, Calleigh's hand went up to cup the brunette's cheek. She couldn't believe her luck. After trying over and over again, Sara was finally giving into her feelings and into her. Just before the kiss became too heated, Calleigh pulled back and smiled, not removing her hand just yet. "Thank you," her voice almost sounded like a whisper.
The confused look on Sara's face made her smile. "Thank you for trusting me," she said to clarify herself. The goofy look on the brunette's face was adorable and she couldn't help but lean in again and kiss her again. It was just a peck on the lips, but it made Sara smile.
"This is nice," she said softly, finally able to use her voice again. Even though the kiss they shared was simple and sweet, it was a huge deal for Sara. She was terrified of getting hurt, but Calleigh was slowly but surely taking all her doubts and fears away.
A big smirk appeared on the blonde's face. "I'd say it's more than nice," she said with a chuckle. Calleigh was treading on a new surface and she was very careful with the steps she took. She didn't want to go too fast and scare Sara off. At least they had already had sex, more than just several times, so they weren't uncomfortable around each other. But now feelings had entered the stage and it did cause both women to feel a little uneasy.
"Sara?" Calleigh said after they just stared at each other for a while. She took the brunette's hand in hers and brushed her thumb over it. "Are you ok?"
Sara looked up at the woman in front of her and smiled, "I'm more than ok." With that she leaned forward and pressed her lips against Calleigh's. She immediately slipped out her tongue and demanded access to the blonde's mouth, which Calleigh granted her right away. Even though they had kissed countless times, it felt different this time. This time Sara didn't need to suppress the butterflies in her stomach and she didn't need to worry that the kiss would become too loving or gentle. Loving and gentle was ok now. In fact, it was just what they needed.
Sofia Curtis was trained to be a Detective, which meant she was being paid to notice things. In the weeks after Calleigh was shot, she had noticed that Sara was working a lot more than she normally did. She was sure the brunette also took care of the Southern blonde in her free time. Knowing Sara, she was probably sleeping on the couch to leave the bed to Calleigh. She noticed how Sara was starting to suffer from the lack of sleep and Sofia came close to saying something about it. She also came close to calling Sara's apartment and giving Calleigh a piece of her mind. Yes, she was hurt, but that didn't mean she could use Sara as her slave. Sofia knew she was probably overreacting about this. She knew Sara was more than probably doing it without the blonde needing her to ask. But still, she felt like she needed to blame someone. Sofia had a hard time not saying anything about it, but she knew she had to move on. Sara had made her choice and she just had to deal with it and move on.
And soon enough, or maybe all too soon, she noticed a change in Sara's appearance and behaviour. She was joking with Greg again and the smile on her lips seemed to be painted there with permanent ink. And also the brunette seemed to dress better. It was always easy to notice Sara's state of mind. When she was happy, she paid a lot more attention to what she wore. Maybe it was something most people did, but with Sara it was extra easy to notice. Sofia was clever enough to draw her own conclusions from these changes. Maybe it wasn't her making Sara happy, but at least the brunette was happy now. She couldn't deny that happy was a look that suited Sara very well. And at least Sofia knew who she had to go to for a serious heart to heart talk if that ever changed.
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