DISCLAIMER: Eulogy and its characters are the property of Lions Gate Entertainment and Myriad Pictures.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is fluffy. I'm sorry, I can't do Eulogy angst. Because Lucy and Judy are just too cute.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

Conversations with my Aunt
By Angie


How I ended up in the lobby of a Howard Johnson with my drunken aunt isn't all that clear to me. In between getting Grandma into a cab and trying to convince Alice and Sam that getting the cab driver to take them to New Orleans wasn't the greatest idea ever, I sort of missed the part where I agreed to accompany Lucy to Judy's hotel. And as I stand here looking at the irritated desk clerk, I find myself wishing, not for the first time in my life, that my family was just slightly more normal.

"We are not in the habit of awakening our guests in the middle of the night, madam."

You can tell he grudged the 'madam' part. His lip turns up as Lucy stumbles and falls against me. I feel the need to speak before she does.

"I know sir, I'm really sorry."

I wonder if I could convince Lucy to come home with me now? She moves forward all of a sudden and starts jabbing her finger repeatedly onto the desk. Probably not that likely that she'll come quietly at this stage.

"Look, mister, we're not in the habit of waking people up in the middle of the night either, but this is an emergency!"

The clerk looks to me for confirmation. I give him a half-smile and a shrug. What can I say? My aunt isn't going to leave until you do her bidding so it's pointless to argue? That won't go down well. He seems to sense this anyway and with a sigh he turns to his computer screen.

"What's the name?"

Lucy leans forward, elbows on the desk, trying to see the screen.

"Uh, yeah, it's Mrs Judy Collins."

I yank her back. Giving him the wrong name now is not going to help our case.

"No, sir, it's Judy Arnolds."

Lucy grumbles beside me.

"Well, it'll be Judy Collins tomorrow."

This is news to me.

"Judy's taking your name?"

Lucy turns to me with her eyebrows raised.

"She is?"

"I don't know, I'm asking you."

"Well, I don't know either."

She rolls her eyes like I've gone completely stark raving mad. Which, in this family, is just a matter of time. The clerk is looking between us, obviously regretting his decision not to throw us out on the street the second he laid eyes on us. He picks up a phone.

"Ms Arnolds? I'm terribly sorry to disturb you so late, but there are some people here who wish to see you. One of them claims to be your fiancée."

His tone clearly conveys his disbelief of this fact.

"Do you wish to speak with them? Certainly, madam."

He hangs up and looks down his nose at us. Again.

"Ms Arnolds is coming down. You can wait over there, by the elevators."

"Thank you, sir, and I'm sorry."

He just sniffs. Lucy is already on her way to the elevators and I think it's best to follow her. I catch up to her and she takes my hand, swinging our arms back and forward.

"Katie, Katie, Katie. God, I remember when you were born and now look how grown up you are. Getting married in the morning."

She looks like she might cry with pride. I almost feel bad about correcting her.

"That's you."


"It's you who's getting married in the morning, not me."

She nods seriously.

"Good, cuz you're far too young to be getting married. Sow some wild oats first. Then get somebody tall and beautiful like Judy and settle down."

"I have Ryan."

"Ryan is cute. But he's not tall."

"Why do I need to get somebody tall?"


"Oh. OK."

Probably best just to agree at this stage. Being tall is obviously very important to Lucy right now. The elevator pings and the doors open. Thank God. Judy walks out wearing jeans and an old t-shirt. Lucy practically flings herself into her arms.

"Hi honey!"

Judy grins affectionately.

"Hey sweetie, been drinking?"

Lucy goes all wide eyed, like she's been caught doing something she shouldn't.

"Just a little. We went to a strip club, they made me go."

She points at me, like I wanted to go to a strip joint. Judy shakes her head.

"Well, that must've been thrilling for you Katie."

"It was…an experience. Not one I'd like to repeat in a hurry. Seeing my grandma stick a twenty dollar bill into some girl's garter and then ask for change is something I could live without seeing twice."

Judy winces sympathetically. She's so cool. Lucy turns back to Judy and whispers loudly.

"It was all Alice's idea. You shoulda seen her, whistling and screaming."

"Obviously embracing her newly liberated sexuality. Good for her."

Lucy's just staring up at Judy, grinning. Judy quirks her eyebrows.

"What is it?"

Lucy giggles.

"Man, you're hot. Isn't she hot, Katie?"

She turns to me expectantly. I have absolutely no idea how to answer that question.

"I…uh…well…yeah, I guess."

Thankfully, she doesn't probe further and instead it's Judy's turn to be put on the spot.

"Katie's great, isn't she?"

"Yeah, she's great."

"When we have a kid, I want it to be just like Katie."

"Well, I'll keep that in mind and see what I can do."

"Maybe we could clone her?"

Oh good lord.

"Maybe we should leave ethically questionable conversations about cloning your niece until after we're married…what do you say?"

Lucy giggles again.

"We're getting married!"

Judy leans down and kisses her on the nose. They really are so sweet together.

"Yes we are. In around….ten hours' time. We should all be getting our beauty sleep."

Lucy puts her chin on Judy's chest and looks up at her with her bottom lip sticking out.

"I'm gonna miss you tonight."

"There's not that much of tonight left, honey."

"But I'm gonna have to go back to that house and probably listen to Alice and Sam having sex all night."

That is the stuff that nightmares are made of. But we really do need to get some sleep. I poke Lucy in the side.

"C'mon Luce, you can sleep in my room, it's on the other side of the house from Alice's."

Lucy smiles and grabs my cheeks, she turns to Judy.

"See? Great kid."

Judy is trying very hard not to laugh as Lucy plants a wet kiss on my cheek.

"OK then, let's go home, if we have to."

She moves back into Judy's arms and they share a decidedly more intimate kiss. I have to look away because it's a private moment. They murmur to each other and I try not to listen. The odd word filters through. Love. Tomorrow. Lingerie. I walk a little further away in case I learn more disturbing things about one of my aunts.

"See you tomorrow, Katie."

It must be safe to turn back around. Lucy is walking towards me and Judy is waving. I wave back. And I have to admit, she is kinda hot. Lucy grabs my arm and we proceed past the snooty desk clerk. Lucy blows him a kiss.

Well, tomorrow will be interesting, if nothing else.

The End

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