DISCLAIMER: Guiding Light and its characters are the property of Proctor & Gamble. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I've had this sitting around forever and decided to post it and see what happens. This is the first time I've written from one character's point of view. I hope it works as anyone who's read anything I've written knows I don't consider myself much of a writer. So, here goes I welcome all comments and criticisms.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
FEEDBACK: To tennamc1[at]yahoo.com
I realized that Olivia had feelings for me when she presented me with my Christmas gift. She'd gone through a lot of trouble (and a bit of money I'm sure) to obtain that piece of doorframe where I'd marked off Rafe's height. I mean really who does that? Certainly not just 'a friend'.
I knew I had feelings for her as well, but I'm rather good at avoidance when necessary. Contrary to popular belief I'm not as naïve or as innocent as people think.
I wanted Olivia with me long-term her and Emma. I had hoped that by offering the key to the farmhouse she'd understand that. The simple joy I'd felt on Christmas morning had filled my heart so much that I knew I wanted that for many Christmases to come.
But I was scared.
There I've said it. I was scared of so many things. What if I was misreading things? More importantly, what if I wasn't? Would I be enough for Olivia? I mean face it we are talking about Olivia Freakin' Spencer here. I had very little experience, and honestly I'd never been very interested in sex.
Olivia oozed sex. Even when she was sick and weak she was sexy. I can admit that she appealed to me even then I just didn't know what it was.
I still marvel at the fact that we went from enemies to whatever it is we are now.
Olivia's larger than life presence sometimes overwhelms me. She is so confident and self-assured that it's infectious. Her confidence in me makes me believe I can do anything.
She is very vulnerable at times also, and that just endears her more to me. It reminds me that she is human, and that her tough exterior is just protecting a very tender heart.
I'm sure she would scoff at that, but I know it's true. She keeps her heart well hidden to protect herself. She doesn't have to do that with me though because she should know by now that I would never intentionally hurt her.
Olivia is a closet romantic. I haven't been romanced much, but I know romance when I see it. She's been showing me for the longest in the small things that I never quite noticed. When she gave me that doorframe for Christmas it hit me. That is the single most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. I still can't believe she did that I can't believe she even remembered the conversation.
Tonight we were supposed to ring in the New Year together with Emma, but I panicked.
Towers called and offered double wages, and the perfect escape. Olivia had tried to convince me not to go, but I countered her every argument. Finally, she said that for someone who had so much faith I had so little in myself. The look of sadness in those jade pools was almost my undoing.
Olivia has the most expressive eyes. I'm not sure if she realizes just how easy she is to read. Her emotions play out so plainly in her eyes; maybe no one has ever pointed that out to her. Maybe no one has ever looked closely enough.
I see her I mean I really see her just as she really sees me.
Right now, I'm looking around Towers at all the happy couples, and all I can think is how much I want to be home with my girls. If I leave now I can still make it before midnight.
On the drive home I realize that the look I saw in Olivia's eyes was disappointment. She could have gone to one of a dozen parties, but she'd chosen to stay home with me. I had let her down okay so I'm a little slow on the uptake.
Olivia and I really need to talk. I just hope she's there when I get home. I hope I haven't messed things up beyond repair.
I walked in to the most adorable sight. Both of my girls were cuddled together on the sofa asleep.
I blew a noisemaker rousing them both. Emma woke first hugging me. She was glad that I was home. She wanted to know if she'd missed the ball drop. I quickly assured her that she hadn't while flashing a shy unsure smile at Olivia. Olivia had finally roused herself enough to ask what I was doing home. I told her I realized that I would rather be with my two favorite girls.
The bright smile Olivia bestowed upon me was breathtaking. She looked so beautiful in that moment that all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss her. What was I thinking? I mean seriously, how could I walk away from that?
There was no mistaking the look of love that shone in her eyes. I actually felt my heart flutter. No one had ever looked at me quite that way. There was a combination of love, adoration, admiration, and yes desire shining back at me when our gazes locked. It was heady, and I was excited.
I don't know what to expect, but I am willing to give this thing between us a try. My heart says this is right this is what's been missing. I want this and I want her. How can I argue with that?
I want her more than I thought possible to want someone. That's a simple truth that I'm more than willing to admit and accept.
I've never known this level of want. It's overwhelming in its intensity. I didn't feel this way for Nicky or for the few men I dated after him.
Just thinking about Olivia warms my heart and places a little further south. I'm sure I'm blushing right now. Olivia's gaze never falters as she reaches out and pulls me down on the sofa. Emma snuggled firmly between us. This is the way to bring in the New Year. This is home.
It dawns on me that this is all the family I need.
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