DISCLAIMER: This is an original story that I have written. The characters are mine, all mine! *insert evil laugh here*
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This one came out of the blue. People don't have to like it. I just needed the words out.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Dawn to Dusk Goodbye My Friend
Seeing you is like seeing the sun rise. It is the heat rising in my body, the brightness filling my soul. Warm colours slowly work up a frenzy, and the world has never looked so good.
I don't know how it happened, or why. It just did. I saw you for the first time, not literally of course, because we had exchanged words several times before, but spiritually. The way in which you see someone for who they truly are, you see their aura, their soul, their life-force, whatever you want to call it.
I saw your's and was in awe. You were beautiful.
You listened, and talked a little. We were walking, the others not far off. But I knew nothing of them. It was you. I only saw you.
So much has changed since then. We became friends, talking for hours each week. We had fights, didn't speak for months. We cried. We laughed. We grew up.
Now you're reaching the most important part of you life, where you decide what you're going to do. As you take these final steps out of the security you've known, and enjoy the newly found freedom, you won't realise the fears and trials ahead. It's scary out here.
But you are strong. You have a supporting family. You have me if you want, but you don't. You are brilliant, pretty and so god damn smart. You will make a difference in this world. Hell, you already have! You helped me get through a really tough time, and now I distance myself though this one, so you can spread you wings and fly.
I am so grateful for all you have done for me, and shown me. You accepted me for me, only occasionally judgmental. I know it must've been hard on you. I am only recently beginning to learn what it may have been like.
I'm doing it better though maybe I'm handling it differently at least. I know he likes me, and I accept that, just as you did, but I don't hide from it. He often mentions it, and we've kinda made a joke of it. With you, however, it was like the black plague, the forbidden fruit, the serpent's venom. It was death, and it is what rots the unsteady columns of our friendship still, to this very day.
Sometimes I don't know why I even bother. A similar thing happened with her, and you knew that, you were there, you helped me with that, but then you go and do it yourself! Why? Why would you make me feel like that again? How could you?
I know you're busy with your own life, and that's why I stay calm, most of the time. But there're those few occasions when you really push the wrong buttons. Disregarding something I care so much about is one of those buttons. I snapped, didn't I? I admit, it was a bit rash, but I was hurting, and I hate being in pain.
I pushed someone away because of that pain. She was unknowingly causing it and I pushed her away. I had felt that pain for so long that I decided to be selfish and remove it. I pushed someone away that had the potential to be a great friend. I even told her about you, and the one who had done the damage, and she just accepted it. I am sorry that I hurt her, and I partly regret losing her as a friend, but I don't regret what I did. I stopped the pain.
I don't want to do that to you. I even promised you I wouldn't, not that you remember that promise, but I did. Sometimes I hate being a woman of my word
I still remember all those great times we had. Although I often push them out of my mind, I will never forget them. Well, I hope I won't. For now, they cause me pain, so I will file them away for a time when I will smile and say 'That was fun!' when recalling it to my kids, or future friends.
It may feel as if you're being reborn, and stepping into this world for the first time. And in a way you are. You're stepping into the rest of your life.
I fucked the first year up. I had all these plans, but I couldn't cut it.
But you can. I know you can. You are scared, and will continue to be scared. It won't go away yet. I don't know when it will. But you are strong. You can make it.
That is why I must step back, and let you live your life without me dragging you down.
I will be there for you, always and forever. I don't know if I'm still in love with you, but I still care about you as a friend, and as a friend I know it's best for me to let you go unto this world, and to find your way. Call me, message me, come visit me, day and night, any season, I'll open my door and cook my Mac Cheese with vegetarian cheese.
Of course mine with have my regular blend of the solid dairy. I never did try the stuff you left I don't think it would have made a difference. It wouldn't have changed how I felt about you.
Seeing you is like seeing the sun rise. But for every day there must be a night. The moon is coming, and it is a harsh mistress. Be true to yourself and follow your heart. Fly where I fell, float where I sunk, and rock this world in a way I couldn't!
Goodbye my friend, good luck and all the best. I'll be waiting for the new dawn
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