DISCLAIMER: Rizzoli & Isles and its characters are the property of Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and TNT television network.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This tale is full of Angst between the two leading ladies and might not be for the faint of heart.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
FEEDBACK: To jjskipz[at]yahoo.com
Deception and Distraction
I just wanted a drink; honestly, it was my only intention when I entered Mujeres, a women only club. I needed a place to think, to sip on a cold brew and to just be left the hell alone for a few hours. Bars always help to organize my thoughts and settle my nerves. I needed to get away from work and all of my co-workers, but especially Maura Isles, our Chief Medical Examiner and my best friend.
I came to Mujeres because it's a guarantee I will not be bothered by my co-workers. Frost and Korsak, both men and other detectives in my squad, would be unable to enter Mujeres. Maura wouldn't dare step foot in a lesbian bar, even if it meant just needing to locate me.
Maura started dating her yoga instructor three days ago, and they can't keep their hands off one another. I had to bite my lip and make a quick exit at lunch today with the two of them in order to avoid the fast approaching bile in the back of my throat. I can't stand to watch her being touched and touching someone other than me.
I'm a detective for a living and I know how to read clues. I am utterly infatuated with Maura and she doesn't feel the same. The clues are in plain sight, and I'm a crush-ridden fool for ever thinking otherwise. I decided around three that I desperately needed to decompress, to try to not be jealous Jane.
I heard at Merch about Mujeres, and here I am.
I entered into the entryway area and looked around. It is still early and the bar appeared nearly empty. Perfect for a cold beer and solitude. I paid the cover and put my 'leave me alone' face on as I walked past the bouncer, a woman as tall as me, with shoulders as wide as Frost. I gave her a brief nod in greeting and walked to the bar, taking a seat on the end, facing the exit. I never sit with my back to a doorway. I've been a cop too long and seen too much shit to put my trust in the goodness of other people.
The bartender sauntered over, giving me a huge smile and asked me for my order. With a smirk in return, I ordered an Amber Bock on tap. The bartender, an attractive looking woman with short spiky hair bleached white and a slender body brushed my hand as she handed me my glass, but to be honest, she's not really the type of woman I go for. It's sad to say, but I have a penchant for light brunettes with too high of an IQ to be happy in a social environment such as this. Ergo, partly my reason for gracing this fine establishment this evening.
I introduced myself and she returned the favor, her name is Mandy. I chatted with the bartender for a bit, the usual casual conversation topics such as our jobs, the parking in downtown Boston and recent funny bar stories. She had quite a bit to say about the incidents at Mujeres.
I finished my first beer rather quickly and purchased another, giving her a more than adequate tip. Before I knew it, an hour had passed and the bar started to fill up with more women. The earlier bright lighting now dimmed and a set of wall sconces illuminated the DJ booth and the dance floor. Music of the rhythmic bass variety started up, pulsing and provoking.
A few women started dancing and having a good time, I just kept sipping my ice-cold beer and chatting with Mandy when she had a free minute. I watched the dancing women in the mirror behind the bar, finding their gyrating and grinding fascinating. I signaled Mandy over for a refill and gave her a wink; she winked back. I love flirting with women; it's just so easy for me.
A pair of dancers stopped moving on the dance floor. The halted movement caught my eyes in the mirror. I squinted to make out the faces of both women, but was unable. They stood on the far edge of the dance floor and stayed in the shadows of the bar. I only registered a woman with short black hair, wearing a gray tank and black slacks. Her shorter partner, a woman with light brown shoulder length hair, wore a blood red off one shoulder dress with matching shoes.
The one with black hair was tall, perhaps my height or an inch or two taller. I am just an inch shy of six feet, barefoot. The brunette kept her face hidden from my view. I looked back down at my beer then back up at the mirror. The couple moved out of my line of sight.
I finished my third beer and signaled Mandy for another refill, figuring I'd take a cab home if I got too drunk. The cold beer tasted too good on my tongue right now to stop drinking it. I sipped my beer and watched the dance floor for a while, not seeing the couple again.
Thirty minutes later, I got up to go visit the restroom. I walked by the dance floor and briefly glanced at the surrounding tables, not seeing the couple anywhere in sight. I don't know why those women fascinated me, but I knew I had to find them before I left the bar for good. Call it a gut feeling.
There was no line outside the restroom so I slipped right on in. Only one of the stalls was occupied, leaving me the two open ones. I finished my business and washed my hands, fixing my hair briefly before I turned and prepared to exit. A soft exhale caught my ear. I halted my exit and listened. Another louder exhale came. And another and another. The rustling of cloth being moved and a loud thump against the stall door.
A soft moan reached my ears. I found my missing couple and they are fucking in the restroom. Great. I then heard a louder moan and a barely audible but demanding "yes, Sky, fuck me." The voice too soft to distinguish pitch.
Another thump against the stall door and a softly asked, "feel good babe?"
"Thrust in me harder, I want you deeper," answered in a louder voice, a voice I recognized.
I leaned against the wall as the recognition hit me like a brick in the face. I stared at the shaking stall door in disbelief. Maura Isles is in that stall, with another woman, fucking; straight, smart, and socially awkward Maura Isles, my best friend, is in a lesbian bar fucking another woman, a woman that's not me.
I felt the beer rising back up my throat, the tears flooding my eyes, and my head starting to spin. I have to get out of here. I yanked open the door and ran to the exit, barely remembering to pick up my jacket from the bouncer before running at full speed out onto the sidewalk and down the street. I couldn't make out which direction I was heading or the street signs for the tears flooding my eyes and streaming down my face.
Several blocks later, I stopped running and bent over at the waist, wailing out my pain, and sobbing with sorrow. I needed to get home, but realized I drank too much to drive myself and I'm in no condition to operate a vehicle. I walked a few more blocks before hailing a cab and going home. I curled up with Jo, my dog, on my couch and sobbed until I couldn't catch my breath and my eyelashes matted together with dried tears.
How did I not know? Maura sleeps with women and I had no idea. She once told me she couldn't tell a lie, but that's obviously not true, lies of omission count too. I shut my eyes against the pain and fell into a light sleep.
I arrived at the office earlier than normal, wanting to miss the chance of running into Maura entering at my usual time. I awoke before dawn, thinking, and crying some more. I don't know what hurts me the most, knowing Maura lied to me, or that she was with another woman practically in front of my face. I couldn't help but wonder earlier between sobs, what she told Brock, the yoga instructor she practically fucked in front of me at lunch today. They had a date tonight, or so I thought. Maura usually sends me a text when she gets home from a date, but my phone remained silent all night and early morning. I dread what kept her too busy to think about bothering me.
I sipped coffee at my desk as the morning wore on, no deaths demanding my attention for the moment, leaving my rampant thoughts free reign. They kept returning to Maura and what I will say to her when I see her. I briefly considered leaving a message on her phone to the tune of 'hey I heard you like it deep and hard, have a good day Maur,' but I refrained.
My desk phone rang, breaking my chaotic thoughts and I leaned over and answered without checking the caller ID.
"Jane, are you busy?" It's Maura.
"Yes, I'm incredibly busy right now. Is there a reason you're calling me?" I said in a cold tone.
A moment of silence echoed through the receiver before a soft voice asked, "what's wrong?"
"Nothing Doctor Isles. Now, are you calling for a reason?" I paused, allowing her to answer, when she didn't I continued, "if not, then goodbye." I hung up without another word uttered.
I stared at my phone, not sure, if I wanted to cry or to knock it off my desk in a fit of anger. I chose neither and got up out of my chair. I gathered my jacket and cell from my locker, and left the squad room without a backwards glance. I needed to leave this building, and fast. I walked out the front door, giving a brief wave to Billy at the front desk and jogged to the parking lot, thankful I went to fetch my car earlier today. I kept my head down, not looking at my surroundings until my car was only five feet away from me.
A flash of white and pink caught my eyes and I lifted my head, looking at the illustrious Maura Isles, leaning against my car hood and waiting for me.
"Move Maura," I growled at her and kept walking up to her until we were toe to toe, my panting breath moving the silk strands of her light brown hair.
"I can't Jane, not until you tell me what I did wrong. Why are you acting this way?"
"I need to leave. Now move yourself or I will move you," I broke eye contact and stared at the ground, fearful of the tears gathering in my eyes.
Maura grabbed my arms to hold me still and I pulled back and shook her off. "Don't touch me, don't you ever touch me again." I shouted in my deepest voice.
"Jane?" Maura pleaded with me in a shaky voice. I could tell I scared her with my shout, but right now, I don't give a shit. I don't want her hands on my body knowing they were probably pleasing Sky last night.
I took a deep breath and said in a flat tone, "I hear you like it hard and deep Doctor Isles. I hope you had a good time last night."
I looked into her eyes and saw them widen as the words registered, her pink skin paling to a ghostly white and she started to fall forward into me. I caught her just before she took a header face first into the pavement, her body limp in my arms and her skin cold to the touch. I cared too much for Maura to just leave her lying on the pavement of the precinct parking lot.
Left with only one option, I lifted her onto the backseat of my car and took her to my apartment. She woke up enough to help me carry her up my stairs and get her settled onto my couch. I covered her with a blanket and went into my bedroom, shutting the door. I lay on my bed, relaxing until I fell into a light sleep.
A loudly gasping voice woke me an hour later. I listened and heard the sound again, followed by hiccupping and wailing. Maura must be crying. The mean part of my brain said good, and the nice part said go to her and wipe her tears away. My anger at her still raging inside me, but I worried something might be wrong with her, so I left the safety of my bedroom and walked to my couch.
Maura was curled into a ball completely under the blanket, only a stray strand of her hair visible. The blanket shook with the force of her sobs. I meant to hurt her with my words and it looks like I did. Guilt replaced my recent anger and I reached out my hand, setting it gently on her shaking shoulders and knelt in front of the couch. I pulled the blanket down and looked at her wet, make-up smeared face. She opened her watery eyes, turning her head and looked into my eyes.
"I'm sorry Ja..ne. Don't . hate me," she gasped out, and wiped her eyes with the edge of my blanket, smearing her mascara even more around her eyes.
"Shhhh, calm down Maura." I reached out to touch her wet cheek with the back of my hand, running my knuckles down to her neck, and massaged her tense muscles gently with the tips of my fingers.
"Ja..ne, so sorry, Jane," she kept repeating my name like a mantra.
"I don't hate you Maur, but I am angry with you."
"I..I..wanted to tell..you, but .I couldn't," her shoulders shook as she started sobbing again.
I had no choice but to wrap my arms around her and pull her tightly against me, holding her head in the crook of my neck. She stopped sobbing and clung to my shirt, grasping the material in her fingers and holding me to her, preventing my escape.
She took a few shaky breaths then started speaking in a whisper, "I didn't tell you because I was afraid you would never talk to me again. You acted so offended by the women at Merch. I didn't want you to leave me. Don't leave me Jane."
"You lied to me Maura. Omitting the truth is no different than telling a lie to my face," I yelled.
"I heard you last night." I took a deep breath, needing to calm down and continued, "How am I supposed to ever look at you the same way? It's like I don't even know who you really are. The Maura Isles I know is straight, sweet and polite. The woman I heard last night was demanding, needy, and oh, maybe like being fucked by a WOMAN."
"Who was that woman Maura? I saw you dancing with her earlier in the evening. What the fuck were you doing at a lesbian bar? You gay now? Are you dating her and Brock?"
"Her name is Sky and no, I'm not dating Brock nor am I dating her," she said in a whisper, her hot breath blew across the skin of my neck, sending shivers down my spine.
"Wow. Forgive me here if I'm wrong, but I saw your tongue down Brock's throat at lunch, and I'm pretty sure Sky was inside you when I ran out of the bathroom. So what Maur, do you just fuck a bunch of different people and then leave them?" I angrily asked.
"I saw you last night watching us in the mirror. I meet Sky at Mujeres twice a week, I had no idea you would be there. I ran to the restroom to avoid your curious eyes. I wasn't ready to answer your questions. And I had no idea you would follow us."
"Well, excuse my little beer-filled bladder. I guess next time; I will just go piss in the bush lest I walk in on you getting fucked by random encounters." I spat out bitterly, too angry to censor my words.
"It was only Brock and Sky Jane, not a bunch of different people. Why were you there Jane?"
"Oh, that makes it so much better. I just wanted a drink without seeing any of my co-workers, lot of good that did. Uh, listen, I'm going to bed now Maura." I took a deep calming breath then said, "You may stay here or you can let yourself out, whatever you want Maur. I mean, that's how you work; it's all about Maura's wants." Okay, so I'm not very calmed.
I pulled back to get up, only to realize her fingers still clutched my shirt in a death grip and showed no indication of letting go. "Let me go Maura."
"No Jane. I need to explain before you leave me for good," she said in an unyielding tone.
Anger warred with the fear in her tone. I leaned in again and rested my elbows on the couch, my face inches from hers. "Explain then."
She said in a whisper, "I need you Jane, more then you'll ever know."
"I had sex with Sky and Brock .to distract myself from . what I really wanted .you Jane," she started to sob again, shutting her eyes tight and said, "I'm in love with you, need . you like no other, and I couldn't bear it if you . hated me for it." She let go of my shirt and covered her sobbing face with her blanket-wrapped hands.
"I could never hate you Maura." I wrapped my arms around her and leaned my mouth to her ear to whisper the truth, "I need you too so much, it hurts so badly when I see you with others."
"I'm sorry, so sorry love Jane." She turned over and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling my head down and my mouth to hers.
I tried to pull back, not sure if I wanted this, but her embrace is too strong and my need for her too great. I threw doubt to the wind and let my emotions guide my actions, my want control my fears. I relented and let our lips brush. I have dreamed of this moment for the last six months, but I never imagined it would feel so good.
Her mouth attacked mine, her tongue brushing my lips, begging for entrance and I opened my lips and deepened the kiss. I tasted the salt from her tears on her lips and the sweetness of her mouth. She grabbed my arms and pulled me up and on top of her, shifting the blanket off and opening her thighs to allow my thigh to slide down and rest tightly against the juncture of her hips. I felt her heat against my leg and thrust up, rocking our hips together.
She grabbed my hips with her hands and pulled me tight against her, rocking harder into my thrusts. Her leg rubbed me in just the right spot, my thoughts flew, and my need escalated. I grabbed her waist and pulled her, rocked her, encouraged her to speed up her rhythm.
I needed her, and wanted us to crest together. I felt her thighs shaking against me and knew she was approaching oblivion at a fast rate. I moved faster, sweat gathered on my forehead from my exertion. I watched her face as we rocked, her mouth open, her head tilted back. I needed to see her eyes as she crested.
"Babe, open your eyes." I whispered into her sweaty ear.
She opened her eyes and locked them on mine, thighs started shaking, "So beautiful Jane feel so good."
"I'm coming," I said as I felt my stomach muscles spasm and my thighs shaking. I watched her green eyes as her orgasm started. She held me tight while we both thrashed and moaned before finally settling down and relaxing into the couch cushions.
I rested my sweaty forehead on hers and sighed. She held me tightly, wrapping me up like a pretzel and refused to let go. I started drifting to sleep encased in her arms, tired from my lack of sleep the night before. I felt her warm breath brushing my cheek and her lips brushing my lips gently.
"I love you," she whispered into my ear before sleep took me under.
"You too," I mumbled before the darkness pulled me further down.
Return to Rizzoli & Isles
Return to Main Page