DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are
property of NBC and Dick Wolf.
SERIES: Fifth in the Defying Gravity series following Fallen, Forgiven, Reality and Silence.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Special thanks to Amylee for the inspiration.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Lost
By Les Miserables 1998
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion.
Dylan Thomas
"Olivia," Elliot said wrapping his arms around her, "let's get outta here."
Olivia said nothing; she just nodded her head and let Elliot guide her.
"Here, take this." Elliot offered Olivia a steaming cup of coffee.
"Thanks," Olivia said wearily. She took the mug and placed it on the coffee table in front of her.
Elliot had driven Olivia to her apartment, and he refused to leave until he and Olivia had talked things through. He couldn't remember a time when he had seen his partner so distraught. I mean, Olivia had nerves of steal. What had Alex done to her? Elliot was not too happy with the ADA right now.
Olivia sat on her couch wrapped in a blanket, Elliot close beside her. "So, tell me what she said to you." Elliot began the conversation.
Olivia didn't speak up at first, so Elliot waited as she took her time.
"She wants to stop seeing me," Olivia finally spoke. "She's scared."
"Why?" was all that Elliot could manage.
"Liz Donnelly saw us together, and confronted Alex. Alex freaked out."
Olivia was speaking in barely a whisper, and Elliot had to strain to hear her.
He let Olivia continue. "She chose her career over me." Olivia said sadly.
Elliot spoke up. "Liv, I'm sure that Alex is just in shock right now. Remember she is the one who told me about the two of you being together. She was a complete wreck when you were shot. Once she calms down…"
"She won't calm down. It's over." Olivia was scarily calm now. "Go home, Elliot, I'm fine," Olivia assured him.
Elliot began to protest, but Olivia was adamant.
"I'll be fine. There is nothing to do but let time heal me, that's all."
"You know I love you," Elliot said taking Olivia in his arms. "And you can talk to me anytime about anything."
Olivia looked at Elliot and smiled. "That's what I'm counting on to get me through this."
Alex sat at her desk. How long had she been staring at the same paragraph? Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard a slight knock on her door.
Alex looked up to see Elliot standing in the door of her office.
"Can we talk?" Elliot asked.
"Sure," Alex answered.
Elliot entered the office closing the door behind him. He took the chair across from Alex's desk and began to speak.
Elliot didn't know where to start. He was furious with Alex for hurting Olivia. It had been only three days since the split, and he could see that both women were in a lot of pain.
He just wanted to understand what was going on. A few weeks ago in the hospital, Alex had told Elliot that she was in love with Olivia. Now, she acted as though Olivia were a complete stranger.
"Alex," Elliot chose his words carefully, "How did you feel when Olivia was shot?"
Alex looked shocked. "Elliot, what are you talking about?"
"Just answer me, please." He was trying to stay calm.
Alex removed her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Elliot, I was terrified. You know that."
"So terrified that you told me that you were in love with my partner." Elliot offered.
"Yeah," Alex said looking down at her desk.
"Because if anything ever happened to Olivia, you wanted to be the first to know, right?" Elliot prodded.
"Yes, Elliot," Alex said tiredly.
"Where are you going with this? Olivia and I have already…"
"Well," Elliot said waiting for the ADA's eyes to meet his, "I'm hear to tell you that Olivia is hurt."
Alex felt a lump in her throat. She froze. Oh, God, not again, not Olivia.
Before Alex could sufficiently panic, Elliot continued, "Someone broke her heart."
Although Alex was relieved that no physical damage had befallen her detective, err, Olivia, she still felt the horror of knowing that she was the cause of Olivia's pain.
Alex couldn't say anything.
"Listen, Alex, I don't know what happened, but I do know that you gave up the best thing you'll ever have. That you'll ever find."
Alex continued to listen. What could she say? Elliot was right.
"I just wanted to let you know that Olivia will get through this. I'll see to that."
Elliot stood and walked to the door. "Alex, you hurt my partner worse than any bullet ever could. I just can't forgive you for that right now."
Elliot opened the door and walked out, leaving Alex completely shaken.
Alex paused outside the doors of the SVU squad room. It had been two weeks since the incident, and Alex could not avoid Olivia any longer. She took a deep breath and reached for the door. Elliot's words kept playing in her head.
How would Olivia be? How was she doing? Alex's mind raced with all kinds of scenarios that might befall her as she entered the unit.
Truth be told, Alex wasn't doing very well at all. She missed her detective much more than she thought possible. She had trouble sleeping. She dreamed of Olivia. Was Olivia as hurt too? Of course she was. Alex's mind pictured the hurt look on Olivia's face when she told her they need some time apart…
Alex took a deep breath and opened the door.
At first glance she didn't see Olivia.
"Alex, long time no see," came Fin's voice from behind his desk.
"Alex." Elliot politely nodded. "What brings you by?"
"Cragen wants to see me," Alex replied.
About that time, Cragen's door opened and Olivia stepped out.
Both women froze for a moment, then Olivia casually walked to her desk.
"Hey, Alex, what's up?" Olivia sat at her desk and started to read through a file, not waiting for Alex to answer.
"How are you, Olivia?" Alex's tone was sincere.
Olivia looked up at Alex with a puzzled look. "I'm fine, Alex. Why wouldn't I be?"
Cragen stepped out of his office. "Alex, thanks for coming by. Come on in."
Alex stood motionless for a moment. Was Olivia really as cool as she seemed? Had she gotten over this so soon?
"Hey, Ell, wanna grab some lunch?" Olivia got up from her desk and brushed by Alex.
"Hey, Alex, you coming?" Cragen cleared his throat.
Hurt, Alex entered Cragen's office.
Alex sat at the bar in a daze. Olivia seemed so nonchalant about seeing her today. If Olivia were over Alex, then Alex should be over Olivia, right?
Alex killed her drink, and ordered a new one. She made a mental note to drink this one more slowly. Why had Alex come here? To torture herself? This was THEIR place. Live never really liked going to "girl" bars, but this place was special. Here they could always get away to be themselves.
Alex's musings were cut short as she heard a familiar sound and turned her head. Oh my God! It was Olivia. With another woman? Could things get worse?
No wonder she was over Alex so fast! She had help. Not only from Elliot, but from a leggy brunette. Alex was fuming. She had a good mind to approach Olivia, to demand what the hell was going on?
What is going on? Alex laughed at herself. She had broken it off with Olivia, so why was she surprised to see Olivia out with someone else? Maybe it was just too soon.
Alex disregarded her earlier note to sip her drink. She tossed back her vodka tonic hoping to extinguish the fire in her heart. She had to get out of there before Olivia saw what a wreck she was.
Just as Alex was about to leave the barstool, and hand rested on her shoulder.
"Hello, Alexandra."
Alex looked up to see her boss, Liz Donnelly take a seat beside her.
The End