DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are
property of NBC and Dick Wolf.
SERIES: This story is the second in the 'Secrets and Lies' series following Bell's Dilemma.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
The Thing You Most Desire
By Ruby
Part Four
"Liv" Alex said feebly, "Liv" she said louder when she got no response.
"Mm?" Olivia said waking slowly.
"I need some more pills," Alex said, feeling as if death was preferable if it stopped the pain.
Olivia got up, she had left the painkillers on the table in the living room after Alex had taken them the last time. Returning with them and a glass of water she helped her lover sit up enough to take them, before returning to the other side of the bed.
"Liv."
"Mm?"
"I love you."
"You'd love anyone who brought you painkillers at the moment!" the detective joked.
"True, but I don't love anyone else enough to have them in my apartment at this time of night."
"Logical as ever counselor."
"Liv."
"Yes."
"You know I love you don't you?"
"Yes, now go back to sleep" Olivia wrapped an arm around her waist, an action Alex found very comforting as she lay still waiting for the pills to kick in. She thought back to when they were first getting together, how much plotting and pursuing she had done, where had all that confidence gone? She thought about her life since then, Elizabeth was right, she had been much happier. She was still thinking as she drifted back to sleep.
Returning to the city in the small hours of the morning, having left his wife asleep, Gerald Cabot retrieved the master key from the security guard on duty at Cabot & Colson and walked to Josh's office. Having found out before he went to the hospital that Alex had been in some sort of scuffle with a man, he had had confirmation that it was Josh, from his daughter's face.
Elizabeth Donnelly obviously knew a lot more than she was telling him, but when he told her what he suspected she didn't deny it. She had been more cagey about why Alex was not pressing charges so he had come here in search of answers.
Opening the door he switched on the light, walked across the room and sat at the desk. He opened the drawers one by one, finding files, including ones that should not have been there, a bottle of prescription painkillers, various pieces of office equipment, floppy disks and in the top drawer an envelope.
Opening it he found photographs, and the hold Matthews had over his daughter. Looking at them he saw the connection between them, the laughter, the affection and the love. He put the photos back into the envelope, put his head in his hands, and wept.
Waking a few hours later Alex discovered she was alone. Relieved to find that her head wasn't hurting as much as it had been, she got out of bed slowly, and went in search of the detective. She found her sitting at the table, staring at a half drunk mug of coffee in front of her. "What are you doing?"
"Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you."
"You didn't, what's up?"
"Nothing."
"Then come back to bed."
Olivia shook her head, "I need to get up anyway."
"Liv, tell me what's going on."
Olivia sighed, "It's bad timing but I have to go undercover for a few days. I'll wait until Elizabeth gets here, then I'm going to have to go."
"Which case?"
"It came up yesterday, that's why I was late getting back."
"Oh."
Olivia stood up and walked over to her lover, putting her arms around her and hugging her carefully, "everything's going to be alright you know." Leading Alex back to bed, she saw that she was settled and kissed her forehead before heading to the bathroom for a shower.
Heading downtown as soon as Elizabeth had arrived, Olivia mused over her last conversation with Alex. The fact that she hadn't been completely truthful was pricking at her conscience, she tried to shrug it off, sometimes you just had to bite the bullet. She had only just walked into the almost deserted bullpen when a voice made her turn, "Detective, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a minute."
Olivia looked up to see Alex's father sitting by the door and noted that he looked haggard, "certainly" she said covering up the confusion she felt.
"Perhaps we could get some coffee?"
"Erm sure, just give me a minute" Olivia said, pulling a notebook out of her drawer, putting it in the backpack she was carrying, then writing a note for detective Munch. Leaving the building they walked to a nearby coffee shop, Olivia wondering what he wanted, Gerald wondering what he was going to say. Getting their drinks they sat at a table in the window, both staring out of it.
"I wanted to thank you for being there for Alex" he began, "and I realize I'm putting you in an awkward situation but I'd like you to tell me what happened."
"I believe you should ask your daughter, sir" the detective replied politely.
"That's what Ms. Donnelly said as well." Gerald sighed, "Your loyalty does you justice detective, but don't you think I would like to be able to help my daughter?"
"Sir" Olivia began awkwardly, "while it's true that we're friends, I'm not part of the investigation, I really think you should be talking to Alex or the detectives at the fifth."
"She's been through enough" he sighed, "and she's as stubborn as me. I'm not entirely without contacts in this city and since you won't answer I will have to assume that my sources are accurate. So let me inform you of two things that you will not know. First, as of this morning Josh Matthews no longer works for Cabot and Colson. He has been suspended while there is an investigation into financial irregularities in his client accounts, although he is not aware of this yet as the letter seems to have been lost in the post room. Second, there were certain photographs in his possession that would indicate he was either thinking about or actually attempting to blackmail Alex," he looked long and hard at her blank face before continuing, "They are no longer in his possession, however I assume he still has the negatives." Olivia studied his face, which had become as blank as her own. "I have always been extremely proud of my daughter detective, I hope she knows that nothing would change that."
"I'm sure she does sir," the detective replied.
Opening his briefcase Cabot removed two files, putting one on the table he said "My personnel department is very conscientious about locking up files, please see to it that this gets back to them in good order. It really wouldn't do for files to go missing, our clients would get nervous." Hesitating, he glanced at the second file before handing it to her, "This isn't very complete but you may find something I've missed." Olivia flipped it open and saw that it was the beginnings of a private detective's report on Josh Matthews. She looked up puzzled, "My wife was convinced that wedding bells would be announced shortly, I realize now that she was mistaken. However, at the time I felt it prudent to check my prospective son-in-law out, as you can see it didn't get very far, circumstances it would appear have overtaken us." He stood up and studied her expression, "That was the first and I believe the last time I will be checking out anyone in my daughter's personal life detective" he reassured her, "I would prefer that it did not get back to Alex, however you must do as you think best." He nodded at Olivia before walking out, leaving her staring after him.
It was late when Elizabeth heard the tapping on her office door, she should have left hours ago, but she was still trying to catch up with all the things that had accumulated while she'd been with the injured ADA. It had been agreed that Serena would stay with Alex when she had finished in court so that Liz could go to the office and get up to date.
Detective Benson walked in and dropped into a visitor's chair looking exhausted.
"Hey, did Cragen have a problem with you taking time off?" Liz asked.
"I'm owed that much time he said yes before I'd finished asking, although he's suspicious as to why."
"Does anyone down there know about you and Alex?"
"Munch guessed a while ago, but he's the only one. Elliot knows about me, after he walked in on … well, he knows."
Elizabeth smiled at the very private detective, who had already told her more than she'd expected. Changing the subject she said, "so have you found anything?"
Olivia told her about the meeting with Gerald Cabot, Josh being suspended and the files. Elizabeth grinned, "Well it's obvious where Alex gets it from. Not being gainfully employed makes him a flight risk, and no judge is going to grant bail if they think he'll use fraudulent means to abscond, so that will make life uncomfortable for him… and I'm sure Judge Hermann will be more than happy to give me a search warrant out of that, let me work on it. What was in the files?"
"Not much but…" Olivia explained the things she had found and went on to describe the chasing around she'd been doing the rest of the day.
Liz had always marveled at the passion the detective showed for her job, but never had she seen her quite as determined as this. "You really love her, don't you?" Liz said quietly.
Olivia stopped mid-sentence, "Yes" she said seriously, "Yes I do."
"I was thinking we should probably get a restraining order as well" Liz remarked when the detective had told her everything she knew.
"Isn't that more likely to annoy him?"
"Frankly I don't care, and it might make him believe Alex is going after him."
"He guessed right didn't he? I know she loves me… but she does care more about her career," the detective stated bleakly.
Elizabeth, not knowing what to say got up and put on her coat, "Come on" she said walking around the desk. Olivia opened the door for her, "Thanks" she said turning to look at the detective. "I know people put me on a par with the Wicked Witch of the West, but I am a good listener if you need someone to talk to."
"I…thanks" Olivia replied.
"Okay" Liz shrugged and locked up behind them, she was out of the building and half way down the street when she felt a hand on her arm.
"Can I change my mind?"
The blond smiled, "There's a quiet bar about a block from here and I hate drinking alone."
A couple of hours later Liz sighed, clearly she had misjudged the detective's capacity for alcohol. Hailing a cab she gave her home address and assured the driver that her companion was not going to be ill. Getting to her apartment building she put an arm around the detective and guided her up the stairs. Finally getting through her apartment door she dumped the now almost comatose woman on the spare bed and took off her shoes. Closing the door she wandered back to the living room and poured herself another drink. Damn, she thought, Alex really doesn't know what she's losing.
Olivia's head was pounding, cautiously opening an eye she found that she didn't recognize her surroundings. Moving slowly she sat upright and was relieved to find that she was still fully clothed. Putting her shoes on and opening the door, the smell of freshly brewed coffee assaulted her nose. "Morning" Liz said in the process of disappearing down the hall, "help yourself to coffee, I'll be back in a minute." Taking the other woman's advice she poured herself a cup and sipped it appreciatively. Several minutes later Liz was back, "how are you feeling?"
Olivia grimaced, "I'll be fine" she said, "sorry about last night."
Liz shrugged and grabbed her cup, "we've all done it," she replied. Putting her empty cup down, the detective's eyes wandered about the room before a photo on a shelf caught her eye. Curious, Olivia walked over, held the photo up and arched an eyebrow at Liz, who smiled before saying, "you think it surprised you, imagine what it did to me."
"Serious?" the detective inquired.
"You never can tell, but I hope so."
"I hope it works out," the detective said sincerely.
"Thanks, shall we go, Serena's going to try for a continuance in one of Alex's cases this morning and being late won't help her… and you" she wrinkled her nose as she peered at the detective, "could do with a shower!"
"I don't need a babysitter all the time!" Alex said as loudly as she could manage given the pain in her head. Never being alone was starting to get to her.
"I'm not saying you do" Elizabeth replied, "but the doctor did say you needed company."
"Olivia will probably be back tonight."
"Alex," Elizabeth sighed, "Serena got a continuance on the Hicks case but she needs to go over the paperwork with you."
The buzzer stopped Alex's reply as her boss let ADA Southerlyn in. "Hey, um, this was taped to your mailbox," she said handing an envelope to Alex and dumping files on the dining table.
Opening the envelope, Elizabeth watched as Alex scowled and walked into the kitchen, returning empty handed.
"Anything I should know?" she enquired.
Alex opened her mouth to reply, then realizing she didn't need to get fired as well shook her head.
"Right, then I'm going back to the office, I will see you both this evening."
Letting herself out of the apartment she walked down the stairs, checking the messages on her cell. Listening to the one from detective Benson she smiled as she walked out into the sunlight. Walking down the steps she kept her phone to her ear as she casually looked around.
"I'm just going to change before we start on those" Serena said looking at the files.
Alex sighed, "Sure, I'm going to make some tea, do you want some?"
"Tea?" Serena enquired, "Iced tea?"
"No, hot tea, Assam to be precise."
"Then yes, thanks"
"Milk, Sugar?"
"Just milk thanks," Serena grinned and wandered down the hall to the bedroom she'd used the previous night..
Returning with two cups a few minutes later, Alex found Serena wearing sweats and a t-shirt with a Borodin's Gym logo, pulling out the case files for David Hicks. Taking her cup, Serena took an appreciative sip. "Oh, that's good, I thought we could go over the witness statements first, there's a few things I'm not clear about." Alex stared out of the window, her hands wrapped around her cup. "Alex?" Walking up behind her Serena put a hand on the ADA's shoulder, "Hey… Olivia will be back soon and you can both put this behind you."
Alex, she noticed, had gone very tense, "What precisely has Liz told you?"
Damn her mouth, Serena sighed, "Let's just say we have more than a liking for tea in common."
"How's Alex?"
"A pain in the ass as usual" Donnelley replied without thought, sitting down and perusing the lunch menu.
"I just wish I could…" Olivia trailed off blinking.
Liz looked up and then leaned over and reached out, "Hey, it'll be ok." They were silent for a few moments before she withdrew her hand and called over the waiter.
Having caught Elizabeth up with all the information she had found that morning, they worked out their next moves and finished eating. Standing, Liz took out some bills and put them on the table overruling Olivia's objections. "Come on" she grinned, "you have things to do."
A knock at the apartment door late afternoon brought both their heads up. Alex who had been dozing, started to her feet before Serena said calmly, "Stay there, I'll get it." Still too asleep to argue she relaxed back into the chair.
Mentally thanking the Lord for the peephole, Serena looked out and could see no-one. Debating whether or not to tell Cabot to go into the bedroom she risked a quick glance at her and realized she was being eyed closely. "No-one there," she shrugged and sat back down, picking up the file she had been going over.
After a few minutes of complete silence Alex announced that she was going to have a bath, got up and walked down the hall. When she could hear the bath running, Serena closed the file after carefully marking a page, got up and walked over to the door, again checking through the peephole. When she was absolutely sure there was no-one there she carefully opened the door, taped to the other side was another envelope. Closing the door and walking back to the middle of the room she saw Alex leaning against the wall. Knowing she had been busted she smiled wryly and held it out to her.
Walking through the same door later that evening, Elizabeth Donnelley noticed a distinct chill in the air, about on the scale of an arctic winter. "What's wrong?" she enquired putting her purse down and taking off her coat. Alex silently handed her the envelope. Opening it she found five photos, Olivia and her in the bar the previous evening; the pair of them entering her apartment building, her arm around the detective; them coming out again that morning; Liz with her hand up to Olivia's face at lunch; them entering Olivia's apartment building. "Oh he's good, when I get hold of him I'm going to offer him a job, I'll never have any problem getting a conviction!" she laughed.
Looking up she saw both ADA's staring at her and neither of them looked amused. How many times she thought, had she heard someone say 'this isn't what it looks like'. "You can't possible think….."
"We don't need to think, we can see" Serena stated.
"Liz I have concussion, I'm not brain-dead, what undercover case is Olivia working that requires her to be in your apartment all night?" Cabot inquired.
Liz sighed, "She just needed someone to talk to."
"That's just great, I'm playing bodyguard and your screwing one of your own detectives," Serena said angrily.
"Bodyguard?" Alex asked.
"We were discussing work not having some cosy tryst!"
"Well you're looking pretty cosy!" Southerlyn snapped pointing at the photographs.
Liz exploded "Serena, do you really think I'd be stupid enough to put everything I have at risk by having a fling with Olivia Benson?"
"Why not?" Serena yelled back, "You're having one with me!"
Liz's voice went cold, "Really, I wasn't aware that it meant so little to you, thank you for telling me."
"You know that's not what I meant," Serena back tracked hastily.
"No, I don't know, but this is neither the time nor the place!" Serena went red, remembering a now shell-shocked Alex, with whom she had just shared more information than any of them were comfortable with. Turning, she disappeared hastily into the kitchen.
Liz looked at her watch and sighed, "Look, when Olivia's plane lands you can ask her yourself."
"Plane?" Alex whispered.
"She's gone to Utah."
"Utah?"
"Yes Alex, Utah, that's why I took her to her apartment, so she could pack."
"Would you please explain to me," Alex said through clenched teeth, "why a woman I have to beg, to get her to go out of the city for the weekend, has suddenly gone to Utah? And don't tell me it's a case that's just come up."
Elizabeth sighed and dropped into a chair. "She's not working undercover, she's taken time off to dig around in Josh's past. She's come up with something that doesn't make sense, so she's gone to speak to a couple of people."
"And she didn't tell me because?" Alex asked confused.
Liz shrugged, "because she didn't know about Utah until 7 hours ago… because she thinks it doesn't matter anyway."
"What do you mean?"
"Well you're not going to prosecute, so anything she finds will never see the light of day."
"Then why has she gone?"
"Because she can't sit around here doing nothing, she thinks you're ashamed of her."
"She said that?"
"Not in so many words, but it was definitely the impression I got." Liz closed her eyes briefly, gritted her teeth and tried to calm down, "In her shoes …would you want to wait around …while the woman you loved …decided whether or not you had a future together based on how much it was likely to hurt her career?" she ground out.
"She knows I love her," Alex stated.
"Sometimes, knowing that isn't enough," Liz replied getting up as Alex slumped further into her chair, "I'll go and get you some water for your pills" she said, determinedly heading towards the kitchen.
When neither of her colleagues had returned ten minutes later, Alex decided she desperately needed some fresh air.
"Tell me that wasn't the front door," Liz said breaking away from the lips in front of her.
"That wasn't the front door" Serena dutifully replied bringing her hand up to the back of her companion's head.
Liz moved, "Alex?… Alex?" Hurrying into the other room they found it empty. "Shit! Go after her, that bastard's car was still outside when I came back!"
Hurtling down the stairs after the elevator, Serena arrived at the bottom just in time to see the front door swing shut. Getting to the street she looked around and spotted both Alex and Josh at the same time. "Alex" she yelled, as Josh crossed the street.
The ADA looked round, and her eyes grew wide. "Alex," Josh was smiling, "I just want to talk," he said reaching out for her, "and I see your girlfriend has better things to do than…" he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Mr. Matthews? I thought I might find you here." Munch grinned holding up an envelope and stuffing it in Josh's pocket, "This is a temporary restraining order barring you from coming within 100 yards of Ms. Cabot, her home or the District Attorney's Offices. Have a nice evening." He then guided Alex back to where Serena was waiting. "Nice outfit counselor, lose your charge?" he said.
"Evening detective" she smiled still catching her breath, "I can see you had it covered."
"What are you doing here?" Alex asked regaining her wits.
"Oh, I was just passing" he said, "have a nice night." The women watched him get back in his car and pick up his coffee.