DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything but the OC characters and the plot. Glee belongs to the people that created it and Fox. The restaurant in this fic is real but I did change some of the things about it to fit my story though the food is also very real and very good. There is a fair amount of profanity in this story to be aware of that. There is not anything in this story so far that I don't think most teenagers see or hear on a daily basses anyway so I'm going to keep the rating at a 'T' until it gets more sexual in nature.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Alright, I'm finally taking the plunge into actually publishing one of my MANY Glee stories cluttering up my "my stories" folder. I'm not new to writing fan fiction but I am new to writing for Glee. Please take it easy on me. This story came to me one day and I really liked the concept and I was convinced to actually publish it. Please give it a chance and just go with the fantasy of it all, that is what Fan Fiction is all about, after all. :)
SPOILERS: Anything up to the episode "Funeral" of Season 2 of glee. Everything after the break up is AU. Though I will be putting some elements that are in later episodes into the this story they may be taken out of context or used at a completely different time or way. You have been warned that this will deviate from cannon right away.
BACKGROUND INFO: I did change the fact that the Unholy Trinity were forced to chose between Glee and the Cheerios for this story. That never happened, Quinn is still Captain of the Cheerios. This story isn't about the struggle to accept their relationship. This story is about dealing with the outside world's effect on our couple. There is a lot of Relationship fluff, with drama thrown in.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
FEEDBACK: To jlg12344[at]gmail.com
Done Pretending
By Jennifer Lee
Chapter 2
"Mom! There is more than enough for the bake sale!" I say loudly enough to be heard even though my face is kind of pressed against the marble island counter top in the middle of our kitchen. I mean really... I know the law firm she works for is one of the largest in Lima, but it's not THAT freaking big, that they will be able to sell more than fifteen hundred of the various kinds of baked goods we have made this morning, not to mention she wasn't the only person contributing to the fundraiser.
We are responsible for mostly making the varieties of cookies they wanted, but mom also decided to make three batches of cupcakes as well. I groan when I hear the ding of the timer going off again. The thought of two more batches of thirty-two cupcakes each – yet to either be baked or made let alone icing applied – made me start to bang my forehead lightly where it was still pressed against the island counter. I am never going to get out of this kitchen at this rate.
"Oh alright, Quinn. Go on and get ready for your trip." My head pops up to look at my mom, hope shinning brightly in my eyes as she looks over at me having just pulled the latest batch of cupcakes from the oven. "Well what are you waiting for? I need the space you were just sprawled over in order to cool these anyway, so scoot." I'm off the stool and dodging around the hot pans my mother is holding to drop a kiss of thanks on her cheek before I sprint full tilt out of the kitchen, shouting 'thank you' over my shoulder as I go. Her laugher following my retreating form. Have I mentioned that I love my mom?
It took a few months of therapy before we were able to even really talk about anything consisting of anything more emotional than general small talk after I had moved back home, but once that barrier was breeched the words, anger, fear, resentment and more came flooding out of me and the healing was really able to begin. By the end of May last year mom and I were on much better terms and I started to let her in to my life. By the end of the summer I had felt comfortable enough to confess my attraction to Rachel, but I had also informed her that I would never do anything about it. It had come up often over the year since, but even though she disagreed with me about settling for Finn as my only hope for the future – after he and I had started dating again – she supported me. Just like she is supporting me in my budding relationship with Rachel.
Last night, after my impromptu date with Rachel, I ended up telling my mom about everything that happened with Finn after the funeral. How it led me to Rachel and how I was invited to Columbus for the weekend. I was slightly worried that she might think we are going to fast or, more pressingly, that she might not really have meant her acceptance of my attraction to girls now that me being with a girl was no longer an abstract concept.
Her response when I asked if she was ok with it still makes me tear up even now as I think about it, 'You're my daughter, Quinn. I love you beyond all reason or thought. My love for you is completely unconditional, Quinnie. As long as you are healthy and happy, I'm happy. And I have to say just from seeing the difference from when you left this afternoon with Finn to when you got home this evening. You, my dear child, are truly happy. If Rachel makes you happy and she treats you like you should be treated then that's all that matters and I will support you being with her one hundred percent. Don't ever doubt that I love you and that I'm so very very proud of you as my daughter and as the amazing person that you naturally are.' After we hugged and cried for about twenty minutes she told me that she didn't have a problem with me going to Columbus for the weekend, but she did ask me exercise restraint when it comes to my hormones. Needless to say my mom relished being able to make me turn into a human tomato.
It was fifteen minutes or so until one in the afternoon when I came back down the stairs; freshly showered and packed ready to head over to Rachel's. She had just texted me letting me know that I could come over any time I wanted too. We had been texting off and on throughout the morning as I was baking with my mom. I wasn't sure if I should text her after I had woken up this morning as it was just after six so my mom and I could get most if not all of the baking done before I had to leave. Luckily for me Rachel wasn't exaggerating when she had boasted about being an early riser even on the weekends. Mom got a kick out of teasing me about spending more time on my phone than actually baking, but I took it in stride.
Besides mom liked talking to Rachel too. Rachel had sent mom her vegan chocolate chip cookie recipe when my mom had asked if she knew of any vegan cookie recipes she could try. I had just got through telling mom that Rachel is a vegan and makes really good cookies. To which my mom had me texting the small diva for any ideas as soon as the words had come from my mouth.
Though now that I think about it, she most likely just wanted a chance to interact with my new girlfriend, because once my mom had looked over the recipe; I was promptly sent to the store in order to get the needed ingredient for the vegan cookies. My mom was extremely excited and had decided she wanted to make at least one batch right away. Rachel was kind enough to Skype with me – on my phone – the whole grocery store run so she could help me get the right things. I really had no idea where to look for some of the items let alone what they looked like. The people at the store looked at me strangely for talking to my phone and pointing it around the store on occasion so that she could see were I was and direct me, but I didn't care, it was fun.
When I had returned still talking on Skype with Rachel, my mom asked for an introduction which I didn't have to grant as Mom just plucked my phone from my hands and took care of introducing herself. After they introduced themselves mom asked if Rachel would be willing to talk her through the making of the first batch over Skype. Rachel of course was more than happy to help and even did it while showing her, making a batch with her in her own kitchen. Needless to say they got along famously and are both looking forward to actually being able to bake together in the same kitchen one day soon.
Mom even had the chance to meet Rachel's dads when they had come in to the kitchen while mom and Rachel were cooking together over Skype. I wasn't really introduced because the angle the laptop was set up no one could really see me and I didn't want to meet them over Skype first, it seemed that Rachel most likely agreed as she didn't try to introduce me when they came in. She just introducing my mom to them and the adults had a nice time talking for a few minutes while things were being mixed and Rachel didn't need to give any direct instructions. Over all it was a fun morning even with all the baking, but I was more than ready to actually spend time with Rachel in person now.
I place my bag by the front door along with my book bag, because I still have some homework I need to finish before Monday and move back towards the kitchen in order to let my mom know I was heading out. I round the corner of the archway to the kitchen to see and hear my mom softly humming to herself as she works on making the icing for the cupcakes, the second batch that we had already mixed, already poured and in the oven baking.
I smile at the sound of my mom's voice. It's really lovely and something I've not really heard since I was a little girl. "I'm heading out mom." I say softly leaning against the archway frame as I watch her. I can't help the happy smile that spreads over my lips when she looks up at me a happy smile still on her lips. It's been a long hard road to get to where we are, to really have my mom back, and not what she became under years of Russell's rule. In the end; the work, pain and tears was very much worth it. My relationship with my mom has never been better and I truly treasure it.
"Alright Quinnie, you have fun and make sure you call me when you get to the hotel and when you are heading home so I know you got there safely and when to expect you to be back, okay." My mom says as she moves over to me. I nod obediently letting her know that I know the drill and that I will be the good little child and keep in contact with her. Mom wraps her arms around me and kisses my forehead before she hugs me tightly. "Remember Quinn, the credit card is only for 'real' emergencies. If you are going to buy anything you will have to use the money from your account, so I hope you have kept track of it, like I taught you." I'm told again when she pulls back from the hug. She has reminded me of this fact about five times since she had give me permission to go to Columbus for the weekend.
Not long after I moved back home my mom opened a checking account for me that my allowance was put into each month. She taught me how to keep track of my spending and that she wouldn't keep track of it for me after I had learned to do it on my own. I had a few mishaps at first when I forgot that my allowance was to cover my car insurance, car payment, and gas each month, but after that I did fine and was able to get quiet a bit saved so I knew I would have enough to do what ever I wished this weekend. I nod and roll my eyes, "Yes mom, I know. It's been over a year since I had an overdraft, you know. I promise, I've kept up with it." I tell her with mild exasperation. I love my mom but what teenager doesn't get tired of being reminded of things they already know?
She pats my cheek and moves back over to her bowl of icing. "Alright sweetie. Go have fun, but not too much fun." She raises her eyebrow at me letting me know exactly what she is meaning by 'too much fun.' I roll my eyes and try to ignore the blush that is heating up my face as I turn and head back to the front door, calling back as I enter the foyer that I love her and will call her when I get to the hotel. Once again, I'm left with her laughter following me out of the room.
When I pull up to Rachel's house I have a brief internal debate as to where I should park. I didn't know which car we would be taking for the trip so I wasn't sure which car I should park behind in the driveway. I come to the conclusion that it will be best to just park on the side of the street and let them tell me where to park before we leave. Which will be in just over an hour if Rachel takes after her dad, Hiram, in her need for plans and strict punctuality.
I grab my Cheerios' duffle bag and my book bag from the back seat, locking the car up and set the alarm before making my way up the driveway. I'm reminded of the last time I had come here. I had been apprehensive about coming to a party where alcohol and Rachel Berry would be in the same location. Alcohol had impaired my judgment enough that I ended up pregnant. I didn't want it to end up making me do something that would tip Rachel, or anyone else for that matter, off as to my true feelings for her. That fear was so bad at that time that I nearly didn't go at all. Even though it had been interesting to see Rachel drunk it was hard seeing her getting clingy with Finn, at first, and then Blaine of all people, later on. That kiss between Rachel and Blaine was especially disturbing.
I shake my head to dislodge those memories from my mind and focus on the reason I'm here now. I'm here this time under such different circumstances that it seems like that party was a life time ago. So much as changed in the months between that party where I was scared that my feelings would be found out and going out of town for the weekend with Rachel as my girlfriend. Now, I finally have her in my life the way I had always wanted and that pain and confusion from that time is now over. I only need to look forward now with the knowledge that we both deserve to be happy. With that happy thought I ring the doorbell.
I wait, a little nervousness starting to coming through as I think about how her fathers are going to react to me. It wasn't something I had thought about until now. Had Rachel told them about how I bullied her? Do they know about the hate and prejudices of my father? Will they hold that against me if they hadn't already put together the fact that I'm the Quinn Fabray, that is the daughter of one of the strongest supporters in Lima for anti-gay propaganda? My internal mini panic comes to a grinding halt when the door opens up and I'm face to face with Rachel giving me that special smile of hers and saying "Hi, Quinn." in that genuinely happy tone of voice I heard for the first time last night.
"Hi" I say back to her, my previous panic moving to the back of my mind in favor of just enjoying the fact that I'm with Rachel again. My eyes take in her form as she stands there leaning sideways against the door frame looking at me. She's wearing a pair of cut off stone washed jean shorts that show off about the same amount of her legs as her skirts do and the thought of maybe being able to touch those toned, beautifully tanned legs is making my heart nearly beat out of my chest. My eyes finally move up from her beautifully bared legs – and equally bared feet – to see that she is most definitely not wearing an argyle shirt. It's a cutely faded pink 'Hello Kitty' tank top that hugs her torso amazingly.
It's the first time I've seen her in something other and her normal school type clothing, that weren't costume for a performance either. I have to admit it's doing wild things to my hormones right now. I am kind of disappointed that her hair is actually up in a low pony tail, but it still looks cute anyway. When my eyes find hers I blush at the smirk that she is giving me. I most definitely have been caught ogling her.
I raise my shoulder in a little half shrug and smile unapologetically back at her. I'm finally able to openly enjoy just looking at her, and I will never be sorry for finding her absolutely gorgeous. Not to mention I had seen her check me out in my heavily ripped and well loved light blue jeans, and my simple light green ribbed tank top and worn saddles. Rachel had told me that we would change at the hotel before we went to dinner so I should be sure to dress ultra comfortably for the drive. Her smirk turns into a smile as she reaches out and grabs the strap of my duffle bag that is slung on my shoulder and pulls me closer.
I go willingly – letting my book bag on my other shoulder slid down with a thump onto the porch – Rachel leans in and lightly brings her lips to mine in a slow sweet kiss. Since she is still standing just inside the doorway she ends up being at my height exactly. I slip my arms around her waist and she my shoulders and we pull each other that much closer. I can't resist her sweet lips anymore and let my tongue slip out and lightly run it over her lower lip that ends up slipping between my lips when I open my mouth. The sound of her soft moan and the feel of her tightening her grip in my hair as she opens her mouth to me, drives a needy whimper from my throat. My hands move up along her shoulder blades as I explore her mouth with languishing strokes of my tongue. Tasting every millimeter of that amazing mouth of hers. The whole time her tongue is caressing mine in a sensual dance that I will never ever tier of.
To my surprise she rips her lips from mine, panting heavily, and moves her lips down over my jaw and down to my neck; her hands tugging back my head a bit by her firm but surprisingly gentle grip on my hair. I am so incredibly glad I had decided to wear it down today. I never expected Rachel to be this passionate in this kind of way. I mean I know she is passionate about life and Broadway and her plans for the future, but if you listen to how Finn talks about 'making out' with Rachel, she isn't very involved in the process. Though I've heard him telling his buddies that she is an amazing kisser. This I do have to agree with. Everything else I think he was just too boring for Rachel to really get into it with.
I can't help the gasped "Rachel..." That escapes my lips at this bold move. I'm so turned on right now that it doesn't even matter that it normally takes boys months to even get this far with me. I rake my blunt nails down Rachel's back causing Rachel's to groan and suck on the area of my neck she was currently exploring with her wonderfully amazing mouth. This causes me to gasp and once again whimper out Rachel's name into her ear. I can tell by the way her hands in my hair tighten and the way her teeth lightly scrap over my skin, that she likes it when I say her name.
I never once imagined that this was what it was suppose to feel like when you made out with someone. That it was so consuming and filled with so much fire. Each time our breasts would press together as we moved or panted to gain air, I would feel that much more fire race through my veins. Her lips, tongue, and teeth on my skin was like lava coursing through me, not blood. The way she grips and tugs on my hair as though she is controlling and possessive all at the same time.
These new sensations adds even more fuel to this new raging molten core I didn't even know existed until Rachel Berry ignites it within me. It was everything I've ever read it was suppose to be in the stories, but never experienced before. And, God, so so much more. Rachel's mouth finds mine again and she is pushing her tongue into my mouth as soon as her lips are covering mine. I willingly open up to her unspoken demand without single bit of hesitation. I find that I am submitting myself so very willingly to her desires and wants without a single bit of hesitation, because I want her just as much as she seems to want me. I, Quinn Fabray, am submitting to another person demands even if it's something I want myself, and it is the most intoxicating thing I've ever experienced in my life.
I've always had to have the control in all my other relationships. I had to set the pace and the tone of each and every detail within it. If they tried to do something I didn't give them permission to do beforehand then I stopped it all. Because I was the one in control. They had to submit to me and my demands not the other way around. They could kiss or touch me but it was on my terms. If they ever tried to be possessive or controlling I would rip them apart for it and deny them the chance to touch me at all.
Now... Now Gods I'm in heaven. This is surely what heaven is meant to be. This surely what passion is meant to be. It's all consuming and I am willingly giving up all that control I've ever demanded before from others to this small passionate and dynamic woman that has deemed me worthy of the chance to be with her like this. I am hers completely even though she hasn't really asked it of me, I will spend my life trying to bring her every bit of happiness I can.
A soft cough from further back behind Rachel knocks me out of my Rachel indued haze. I snap my eyes open and Rachel pulls back from me to look back to where one of her fathers is standing looking partly amused but also partly embarrassed, if the light flush of pink coating his cheeks is anything to go by. "Rachel dear, you might want to let the girl inside the house before you ravish her next time. There is no need to give the neighbors a free show."
My eyes goes even wider at the man's comment and promptly shoot to the ground in embarrassment. I can't believe I just did, or well, let all that just happen while standing on the door step of Rachel's house where anyone could see us. I don't want Rachel's dads to think I have no manners and or no respect for Rachel. That I just wanted her for some fling or something. I want them to know that I'm with Rachel because I want to make her happy and because she makes me happy. I don't know how her fathers are going to react to this disrespect to Rachel's person. And that unknown is scaring me a bit. I mean the only father figure I've ever really dealt with is my own and I don't even want to think about that right now. I know she was the one directing most of what was happening between us, but I should have realized that her fathers would be near by and that is just something you do not do or let happen to a man's daughter when they can witness it, especially where everyone in the neighborhood can see too!
I'm distracted momentarily from my freak-out by Rachel snapping "Daddy!!" at her father before leaning down to grab my discarded book bag with a grunt. I come out of my embarrassment enough to try to take it from her, but she only brushes my attempt aside by grabbing my hand. "I wasn't giving the neighbors a 'free show' I was expressing my happiness that Quinn is here, an-and it was rude to embarrass her like that." Rachel chastises her father as she pulls me into the house and shuts the door behind us. My eyes can only rise up to somewhere around the vicinity of the man's knees before my face suffuses with heat and, I'm sure, turns completely red with embarrassment. Oh this is so going to be an uncomfortable trip now.
"Uh huh... Sweetie, any more 'expressing of happiness' and I would have to bring out a hose and a bucket of ice to cool you both down." he continues. A mortified 'Oh God' falls from my lips at his words and I so want the floor to just open up and swallow me whole. What the hell was I thinking, letting something like that happen right where everyone 'including' her fathers could see us! For God's sakes how fucking stupid can I be! They are going to hate me and throw me out thinking that I'm no good for her now. My father had said I ruin everything and that I was worthless. Thinking of my father makes my hand automatically tighten onto Rachel's, as the continuation of thinking of him comes to the inevitable thought of 'what if my father had seen us?'
I have to fight hard to put that thought away, because he couldn't have seen us... He wouldn't be around here, now. He doesn't even know where Rachel lives. But the idea of him seeing us together is terrifying. I know my breathing becomes shallow and rapid, it's how it always gets when I think about what my father will do to me when I disobey him. I can only hope and pray the my father never finds out because that is something that would be disastrous and unthinkable.
I have to try very hard to tune back into what is going on around me. In my embarrassment and subsequent self induced panic I have worked myself into a kind of panic attack and I know I've completely lost track of what is being said around me. That in of itself is nerve wracking, as it can result in being unprepared for what follows the words. Being caught unprepared often leads to more pain than had I been paying attention. The thought of that pain makes me flinch violently and shudder suddenly when I feel a large hand come into contact with my shoulder.
"Quinn? Quinn, sweetie? It's okay, I'm not upset sweetheart. Please look at me?" is what I hear when the ringing in my ears finally pops clear and I'm able to hear again. I blink and slowly look up to find Rachel's worried and apologetic looking father leaning down a bit, so he wasn't that much taller than me and to get my attention, in front of me. I'm surprised to see him so close to me and to realize it's his hand I felt on my shoulder.
He squeezes it lightly when I shudder again as the tendril of fear and adrenaline that spikes through me at his close proximity. I blink rapidly and take a small step back to gain a little equilibrium as well as distance between him and myself. Logically I know he won't hurt me, even if he is mad at what he saw Rachel and I doing. At least not while Rachel was around anyway, but it has more to do with self preservation in general to make sure there is always a bit of distance between me and any other adult males I'm around.
"Quinn are you alright?" Rachel's worried voice next to me gets me to turn to her and give her a smile. It's weak and a little shaky but it's there. I also squeeze her hand a bit to let her know that I am indeed fine. Rachel smiles back at me but I can see it doesn't reach her eyes like it does when she gives me my special smile. I can tell that my actions here have triggered her curious mind. Her eyes are roaming over my face trying to get a read on what just happened but she keeps my hand in hers continuously rubbing her thumb over the back of my hand soothingly as she continues to watch me.
I know she normally sees me as very self assured and not easily intimidated around anyone. But she also doesn't know that much about how I was raised and I doubt she has really paid particularly close enough attention to how I am normally when around other men. She has rarely been in a position to see me around other men that are not teachers, and they never really get very physically close to their female students. The only exception to that general rule is Uncle Jack, as I know he would NEVER hurt me.
I mean I do like to be around some men. Like Mr. Shue is a wonderful teacher and I know he wouldn't hurt me. He's even gone out of his way once to stick up for me when he saw my father get upset with me in the parking lot after the Glee Invitationals performance last year. My father had decided to come see it without telling me or my mother before hand. He also didn't know that Rachel Berry was in the group. When he figured out that he wasn't told this information by myself or even any of his contacts, he became absolutely livid when he saw me up there dancing and singing on the same stage with her for the final number.
Later after my father had found me, Mr. Shue had come up to us, he must have seen my father grab my arm and shake me by my car in the parking lot. He had made it clear with subtle conversation that he was aware of my father's anger and that he would be watching over me for anything out of the ordinary. My father didn't touch me that night thanks to Mr. Shue's intervention. My father seemed to just ignore the fact that I was even in Glee after that, for the most part, as long as no one brought it up.
"I'm sorry Quinn, I shouldn't have teased you guys like that. Rachel has told me this is all very new to both of you." I turn my attention back to Rachel's father from my morose internal thoughts. I don't blame him for what happened so I give him a shy but genuine smile. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, I mean he was one of the men that is responsible for how great Rachel turned out, so he can't be anything like Russell Fabray. I can't have him thinking he needs to apologize for something that he was perfectly right about. No matter how much I love kissing Rachel it was wrong to do it where we did it.
"No it's alright, Mr. Berry, I should have known better. It was rude and wildly inappropriate to do that in so open a place. I-I hope you know I hold nothing but the highest respect for Rachel and I would never, do something-" I try to explain and reassure him of my intentions were in fact very honorable even though first impressions could show quite the opposite.
"Quinn, please. It's alright. Unexpected, but perfectly alright. I've been there, hell at times I still am." he pauses and laughs shyly giving a little half shrug before continuing, "I understand. There is no need to apologize, and I have no doubt that you respect our daughter or she would have never agreed to be with you." Rachel's father finishes after his interruption of my apology. I have to clamp down on the thought that Finn never had shown that he respected Rachel in the least, but I manage to keep that to myself and focus back on the man in front of me. I nod trying to accept what he has said, a unsure smile trying to form on my lips.
It's hard for me to let go of my upbringing, even after all the therapy I've been going through. My father had raised me with the understanding that passion was wrong, no matter how or why it was expressed, and what Rachel and I were expressing was most definitely passionate. Then there is the whole issue of the expression of passion was between me and another woman that I have to contend with. So I try very hard to remember that I can be who I am now and that my mother loves me unconditional and is completely excepting of my sexuality and that I'm romantically involved with Rachel Berry.
"By the way, I'm LeRoy Berry, and that is Hiram Berry." he smiles at me when he seems satisfied that I was indeed going to be fine and moves on directly into the introductions. Now that I've heard the names again I'm able to remember more easily who is who from the introduction my mom got this morning over Skype. Though is takes LeRoy mentioning Hiram's name before I finally notice that there is another, much taller man, standing right behind Rachel, his hands lightly resting on my girlfriend's shoulders.
Seeing him so close to Rachel makes my eyes widen at how much taller he is than her but as I look at him a bit more I'm kind of inclined to believe that Hiram is in fact Rachel's biological father. Though most would think it's LeRoy as he is much shorter than Hiram. LeRoy is only about three or so inches taller than me after all. It's when you look close and see them all together that height can be discounted and it's easy to see that Rachel has Hiram's nose and eyes. Along with various other features that show Rachel's parentage subtly. Though most wouldn't have know that if they hadn't seen Rachel's mother before. Shelby and Rachel share a great deal physically and personality wise. The thought about how Rachel ended up so short skips through my mind at that point but I brush it aside to focus back on the introductions as I don't want this chance to prove I'm worthy of their daughter to be squandered.
I start to hold my free hand out to Hiram as he was the one I was looking at, at that exact moment in time then I remembered that it was LeRoy that was the one doing the introductions. I hesitate and look back and forth feeling like an absolute dork trying to come to a decision as to the proper etiquette and which hand I was to shake first. Hiram solves the problem by just reaching over Rachel's shoulder and taking my hand in his gentle, but firm grasp. "It's a pleasure to finally get to meet you in person, Quinn." Hiram says warmly to me.
I give him a smile of my own, happy to see that I was finally figuring all this out and praying that I wouldn't make a fool of myself to much from now on. I am desperate to make a good impression on my girlfriend's fathers. I mean most girls only have one protective father to contend with. With Rachel anyone that wants to date her would have to deal with two potentially protective fathers. I think I understand now why Finn was so intimidated to come over to Rachel's place when he knew her father's were going to be home.
I push those thoughts aside feeling that if I can make a better 'second' impression on these men I won't need to feel like Finn did whenever he would come over to Rachel's house. So I let go of a bit more of my anxiety and use the manners that have been drilled into me since I was very young. "It's an honor to meet you, Sir." I respond genuinely in a respectful manner a soft shy smile flitting over my lips.
"I am greatly looking forward to getting to know you better over the weekend." I continue saying wanting to let Hiram know that I do have an interest in getting to know him, and his husband as well. Unfortunately, it's just Hiram that I will be spending my weekend with, I will have to wait to get to know more about LeRoy. Hiram beams at me and lets go of my hand which is taken up immediately by LeRoy in an excited though decidedly gentle grip. He more holds my hand than shakes it his gaze sweet and warm as he smiles at me. LeRoy's kind open expression really starts to set my mind at ease helping me to let my self induced panic from earlier to dissipate even more now.
"Oh manners, how lovely! What a novel concept in one so young. Rachel you must keep this one." LeRoy teases gently, but I can tell there is a hint of seriousness just under the surface of his tease. I smile that it seems the faux pas from earlier is indeed a non issues and that they seem to be genuinely interested in me and excepting of me being involved with Rachel. I look from LeRoy to Rachel when she giggles stepping closer to me as she gives my hand an affectionate squeeze at her father's comment about manners. I squeeze her hand back thankful we are all joking around and moving on from what had happened when I first got here.
"Come in Quinn and have a seat. We still have time before we will be heading out. And please, it's LeRoy and Hiram. It will get very confusing calling us Mr Berry and 'Sir' just makes us feel old so there is no need to be so formal." Hiram says as he walks out of the foyer and into the living room in a kind of playful tone, which has me smiling at the humor he is showing. I kind of feel that he would have been sticking out his tongue or something to demonstrate his feelings of being made to feel 'old' when I use the term 'Sir'. That is just how it sounds to me by the way he talks and LeRoy's laugh followed by the shorter man turning to look at me gravely then winks before he follows his much taller husband out of the foyer. Once both men are out of the foyer Rachel steps up to me and places a soft kiss on my cheek.
"I'm sorry Quinn. I really didn't mean to get that carried away when I kissed you earlier." I look down into Rachel's apologetic eyes and I could tell that she is blaming herself for my panic attack. I shake my head and cup her cheek gently, lightly brushing my thumb over her still slightly swollen lips. I can't have her regretting showing me her passion. Even if we were seen by everyone in the world I would never give up what we shared in the doorway. This time I think it's fine, because we needed that connection and it presented itself in that moment and I don't regret learning of that kind of passion because I will never settle for anything less now that that is what truly feeling passion for another human being is meant to be like.
I won't deny that I will make sure we are more respectful of our potential audience in the future, because it's just poor form and I feel disrespectful to just make out where anyone can see you. This afternoon was just an exception. I think we both are more inclined to keep that level of intimacy to ourselves in the future. I believe we are on the same wave length as to PDAs, such as holding hands, hugging affectionately, cuddling and snuggling, and even some light chaste kissing is fine. And in the future I think we will both be more mindful of our whereabouts even if we don't want to be, especially after what happened this afternoon. I know for certain I won't be forgetting about it anytime soon. But right now I don't want Rachel blaming herself for my panic attack. It was completely self induced.
"No Rachel, it's fine. I get... stuck in my head and in the past sometimes. It's not your fault. Remember Rachel, I was there right with you too. I was just as in the moment as you were. I've never..." I have to swallow then and stop speaking when my heart thuds hard in my chest suddenly and my pulse picks up at just the memory of what her lips did to me. I have to consciously take a few deep breaths to calm down enough before I can continue.
Even though I can speak again, my voice is horsed and deep, husky with the continued desire and passion I have for her coursing through my body. "ever felt the way you made me feel just a few minutes ago. Please don't apologize for that. It was beautiful and amazing and I want to experience that kind of passion... with you, Rachel... for as long as you will let me." I had to lean in and press my lips against her forehead so I could get all of that out. At the end my voice takes on an almost prayer like quality. I'm not sure if I was praying for just what I was saying or not, but now I am praying silently that Rachel will let me share that passion with her forever.
"Rachel where did you put the remote control?!" We hear called out from, I'm assuming, is the living room. Rachel huffs and looks up at me with a playful apology at having to go, she turns and storms out of foyer. I'm following behind, trying valiantly to keep the desire to laugh at Rachel's indignation, from escaping from my mouth. Rachel sets my book bag down by a small grouping of other bags then continues into the living room proper. Her hands on her hips now her body standing tall, well as tall as she can be barefooted, with a the look of righteous indignation at the accusation being tossed so casually at her by her father. It's quite the sight to be sure and I'm enjoying how this is all playing out.
"Why is it you always blame me when the remote goes missing? I'll have you know that I haven't even turned on the TV today. So you can't blame me. It has to have been one of you two that misplaced it." I can't help the smile that grows wider as I see Rachel stomp her foot when all her daddy does is raise his eyebrow in a challenge as though to say, you really want me to go there. Rachel draw breath to continue on with her rant when Hiram calls down from the stairs.
"Found it." I look over at Hiram as he holds up the piece of electronics in question while making his way down the stairs. I lightly lower my duffle bag to set it next to where all the other bags have been placed in order to be totted out to the car when we leave, my eyes bouncing from one Berry to the next. Like some kind of three way tennis match or something. It's obvious the Berry men are enjoying taking the mickey out of Rachel as they poke fun at her Diva like tendencies. I wonder if that is the reason Rachel is mostly able to ignore it when certain other people in glee poke fun at her diva-ness from time to time.
"See I told you I didn't have any-"
"Where was it?" LeRoy runs over Rachel's assertion of innocence all the while maintaining his raised eyebrow challengingly. I'm actually impressed with the quality of his eyebrow raise. He's nearly as good as my mother is. I learned how to use my eyebrows to express a lot of things from my mother and one of the ones she has down pat is the one that is meant to show a challenge to the recipient of said brow raise. Challenging and Intimidating are the two I learned best. Maybe the fact that she has to deal with it at home with her daddy is why Rachel has always been able to more or less ignore whenever I would do it to her.
"In Rachel's bathroom." Comes Hiram's response, his voice clearly showing his amusement. I can't help the bark of laughter that bursts from my mouth at Hiram's final damning blow to Rachel's innocence plea. To which Rachel throws up her hands glaring at each of her father then shoots a glare back at me before huffing and storming off up the stairs past her grinning father.
LeRoy winks at me as Hiram hands him the remote and my giggles settle down. Once they die down, I look up at the stop of the stairs to see if Rachel is going to come back down. A slight frown begins to form on my lips when the thought that Rachel was really mad and thought that I was reverting back to being the bitch that I 'enjoyed' her humiliation. That maybe Rachel is thinking I was making fun of her again. When that thought shoots through my mind I stiffened and started to stare at the top of the stairs with a deep frown and worrying my lip with my teeth trying to figure out how to fix this.
"She's not mad at you Quinn, just annoyed she got caught again. She is forever walking off with the remote and not realizing it. Then she sets it down somewhere and forgets she did it." I look at him still biting my lip unsure if I agree with his assessment of the situation or not. Maybe he doesn't really know about our history with each other. If that's the case then he won't know that there is a very good chance that Rachel thinks I'm back to making fun of her.
"Umm do you mind if I go on up?" I ask quietly, finally deciding that I have to make this right and make sure Rachel knew that I wasn't making fun of her I just thought the whole thing was cute and very unexpected. First though I want to make sure her fathers wouldn't be apposed to me being in her room alone before I just headed up to see her.
"Go on Sweetheart. We have a while before we will be leaving." Hiram says kindly. I tell him a quick thank you and kneel down working my notebook from my book bag before heading up the stairs. I smile despite my nervousness when I see a door just down the hall that has a beautifully crafted, wooden gold star a fixed to it with an equally beautifully scripted 'Rachel Berry' in white on a darkly stained wooden plaque that was attached right beneath it.
I kind of expected their to be a Star on her door when I thought of what her room looked like, I just thought it would be something cheaply hand made by her with glitter and highly bedazzled or something of the like. I never thought that it would look so beautiful and well like it really belonged there. It is like the sight of it was the most natural sight when you saw Rachel Berry's door, for it to have a real star with her name on it hanging right there.
I sigh softly when I stop at the door. The door itself is beautifully crafted wood stained a deep mahogany that reminded me of her lovely hair. I reach out and let my hand run over the wooden surface and find that the door doesn't only look beautiful, it is a real wooden door not the hollow pressed wood that most doors are within a home. The door doesn't move in the slightest from it's mostly shut position due to it's weight and how gentle my touch was.
This allows me the chance to get a look through the four inch wide space to see just enough of Rachel's room to learn that it is done in a soft gentle shade of yellow and the furniture, I can see, has a rich mahogany finish just like her door. I finally take a deep breath and bring my hand up to knock softly on the door frame as to not force the door open more – even though I doubt it would – just in case she is mad at me and just wants to be left alone.
"Come in." I hear her call without any hesitation and I bite my lip again as I slowly ease the door open just enough so I can slip in. I stand there just shifting from foot to foot, rolling and unrolling my notebook in my hands nervously as I watch her. Rachel looks up from her spot on the bed to look at me. She has one leg drawn up under her and the other dangling down the side of the bed as she sits on the edge. Sheets of paper and a notebook is laid out before her. When her eyes meet mine she smiles my special smile and I finally relax. Maybe Hiram is right and she's not mad at me. "Why are you all the way over there?" She teasingly asks me and I shrug in response.
"I'm sorry I laughed down there. I shouldn't have." I say softly shifting again on the rich darkly finished hardwood floor nervously. Even if she doesn't seem angry at me I want to make sure she knows that I wasn't making fun of her. She blinks at me in confusion for a moment, then she smiles as she finally understands what I was referring to and waves her hand in the air in a clear dismissal.
"Oh that? Don't worry about it. It's a near daily event in my house. I do tend to walk off with the remote and leave it places. I will just never give them the satisfaction of ever hearing me admit it." She tells me smugly and I smirk at her stubbornness. It suddenly occurs to me that it is no wonder we always have epic arguments. We are both so very stubborn. "Come here let me show you what I've figured out this morning between our texts, shopping and baking, via Skype." She says holding out her hand in invitation as she speaks, which finally makes me relax fully.
I finally move the rest of the way into her room and take her hand as I get close enough. She smiles at me as she rubs her thumb over the back of my hand before she lets it go and gathers up the loose sheets of papers on her bed. I try and focus on what she's picking up, but I don't get a good look at them until she hands them out to me. I set my notebook down on the bed as I take the papers from her hand, my eyes scanning the first page.
I'm shocked to see that it's hand written sheet music. It takes me a moment of reading the notes to realize that it has the underlining melody I had written in my notebook weaved throughout the music. "You remembered the song without writing it down?" I ask in shock. I mean I know she is very talented when it comes to music, but I didn't think she could remember a whole song after only reading it a couple of times. The music wasn't even written out just the key, cords and a few notations of a melody I happened to have come up with.
"Couldn't get it out of my head to be completely honest, Quinn. I kept humming the melody you had written and decided to just write out what I was coming up with." I look away from the music to stare at Rachel in wonder. She is looking up at me with a soft shy smile before she looks back down at the notebook in front of her as she tucks a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. I think she's self-conscious. I'm not sure, but I know I would be if I just confessed what she did.
"I've played a bit of what I could on the piano to make sure it works for the most part but I won't know for sure until I can get Dad to play it for me." Rachel continues as she taps the pencil she's been holding on the notebook nervously. The movement draws my eyes from her to the notebook and I see she has written the lyrics down there along with what seems to be notes about tempo and pacing along with her initial ideas on the music.
"If you have a piano in the house I can play it now." I say softly as I move my eyes back up to Rachel. I'm still slightly stunned that she was able to do all this in the last few hours. It took me over two weeks to get the melody I have down. I mean I'm great with music and I do have other pieces I have composed but it takes me awhile to get it all down. Right now in my hands I have nearly enough music to span the whole song and Rachel wrote it all out, by hand, in a few hours this morning. Rachel smiles up at me excitement clear in her eyes.
"Really? You can play the piano? I mean I can play enough to get by for my vocal practices and things but I can't play a complete composition. Obviously I can figure one out in my head by humming the various parts to see if it's more or less working but I can't put it all together on an instrument." Rachel continues to ramble her brows furrowing together as she tried to explain her meaning. I smile lovingly at it just letting her go not bothering to even try and stem the tide of it.
I could have stopped her if I wanted to, but I wanted the chance to just listen to her beautiful voice and see how long she would go on. She looks absolutely adorable when she rambles and I figure now that if we aren't in a real hurry or in a big serious conversation why not just enjoy the feeling that the sound and sight of her rambling brings out in me. I no longer have to fight myself on what I feel for her so there was no real reason to stop her.
Before I would have to force myself to think of it as annoying anytime it happened. Until I finally did find it annoying, because when she did it these feelings I desperately tried to keep under tight control would flare up and I would become pissed off that the feelings weren't gone as much as I thought they should be. I would put all the blame on Rachel for making me feel these 'sinful' things each time she would do something I found endearing or adorable, like her rambling.
The audible click of Rachel's teeth meeting together suddenly as she stopped speaking completely brings me out of my musings about how adorable I found her, I can't help but grin lovingly at her. Even though I was doing a lot of thinking as she rambled away I was still listening to every single word she was saying along with filing it away for the future as I have always done with everything that comes out of Rachel's mouth within my presence. I watch her looking at me with wide slightly worried eyes as she starts to worry at her lower lip. I'm sure she is waiting for me to snap at her for going off on a seemingly irrelevant tangent.
I decide to just answer her question as though she had just didn't go on a three minute ramble with a kind and loving smile on my face as I keep my eyes on her. "Yes I can play the piano. I've been playing since I was four." I say simply keeping my eyes on her as her smile returns, finally realizing I wasn't bothered by her mini ramble, I guess. "And you are adorable when you ramble." I say with a smirk and quickly head right back out the door not even waiting for her response.
I hear Rachel squeak and scramble to grab all her papers and notebooks while she calls after me to slow down. I just smile wider continuing my way back down the stairs very much enjoying the fact that at home Rachel seems to be a bit disorganized. It's kind of a strange thing to learn about her, because at school everything is so very organized and even color coded. I really figured Rachel was OCD about such things and that I would see the same kind of organization within her personal space at home.
"That was quick." Hiram says as he walks by the stairs as I am stepping down the last few steps. Hiram stops walking and glances down at the music still in my hands curiously. I grin at him sneaking a glance over my shoulder still hearing Rachel's grumbling voice further back then look back at her father with a mischievous glint in my eyes.
"Well I needed to find the piano." I say as I bounce excitedly on the balls of my feet. I can hear Rachel now scrambling down the stairs behind me finally. Hiram's eyes flick over my shoulder at his daughter with amusement in his eyes then back to me and points around the to the right of the stairs.
"It's in the study through there." Hiram says a little bit of a chuckle in his voice as she says it, then he just continues on his way to what ever he was about to do. I just call out a thanks and start walking again.
"Had you waited for one minute, Quinn, I would have shone you." Rachel huffs indignantly as she kind of stomps behind me clearly annoyed. I just look back over my shoulder and smirk at her playfully. To which Rachel graces me with a shy blushing smile in return. It doesn't take long for me to find the piano and set myself and the music up so that I can play.
Rachel settles down on the piano bench next to me after placing our notebooks down on a near by table, seating herself so that she will not be in the way of my playing but still in a position to easily turn the pages for me. My first run through of the music I work through at one quarter tempo. Rachel keeps up with me turning the pages right on cue with my timing the entire way through. I then speed up to half speed on the next run through, once again Rachel keeping pace with each page turn staying quite otherwise just listening to me play and work out the music as I get a better feel for it's composition.
Once I am ready and Rachel has reorganized the music for me to start over again, I start my third run through. This time I go right to full tempo now that I have a good feel for how the piece is to flow and just go for it, a happy smile forming on my lips as it's beautiful sound fills my ears and my soul. It's a lovely piano part and when I finish the intro, Rachel actually picks right up singing the lyrics right on cue. Thats when it finally clicks together fully for me, it's real and breathtaking. Tears start to come to my eyes as Rachel continues to sing.
The feelings I had been plagued with for so long, once again coming to the surface as her beautiful voice fills the room with the words I wrote. This song was a piece of my heart and soul, and Rachel, God, she has done an amazingly beautiful job of bringing out the depth of the emotions in each and every word and phrase within the music she wrote for it. Granted, it's rough and there is still a lot of work to be done, but when we get to the end of the music that is written I know we have a Nationals level song on our hands.
Clapping from the doorway brings me out of my thoughts and I see both of Rachel's fathers standing there. Hiram leaning against the door frame while LeRoy leans against him. They both have tears in their eyes and I can't help but look down at the keys of the piano again shyly. Reaching up occasionally wiping a stray tear from my cheeks. "That was so beautiful girls. I can't wait to hear the finished piece." LeRoy says with a sniffle. I look back up when Rachel leans her head against my shoulder and wraps her arms around my waist soothingly. I know my cheeks are tinged with pink at the praise, but I ignore it and drop a loving kiss on the top of Rachel's head.
"Thank you Mr. Berry. Rachel's the one that wrote the music that has really given the song so much depth." I say softly with a shrug. Rachel's head pops up and looks at me incredulously before turning her eyes back to her fathers.
"She is being overly modest. All I did was add to the melody she had already laid out. Quinn really deserves the praise." Rachel huffs out as she elbows me in the ribs lightly when I go to interrupt her. I can tell I'm not going to win this argument at this moment in time. When the men just chuckle at my plight I realize I'm not going to get any help from them either. So I just close my mouth and let her ramble on about how she thinks the music should go and how wonderful the song is in general.
When she mentions that she is thinking about only having the piano, guitar and drums accompany the piece, Hiram pipes up about bringing his guitar and that he would be willing to help us work out the guitar part of the composition once we got to the hotel. All and all it was an extremely productive and interesting conversation with everyone easily speaking in turn to add their own thoughts and ideas for everyone else to comment on.
By the time we had to leave we had worked out a bit more about the tempo and even a general idea for the guitar and some thoughts on the drums even though none of us know that much about them we are able to throw around some general ideas as to what we would like them to sound like and how it would add a really important layer to the song.
It was easy to see that Rachel had inherited her talent with music from both sides of her family line. Hiram was just as skilled with music as Rachel. Even while driving he would put in his two cents about a cord or tempo change in various places. As Rachel and I would work through the music in the back seat with the portable piano spread out over mine and Rachel's lap.
The drive went by quicker than any other trip I've ever taken to Columbus. We were able to finish the last of the basic outline for the music by the time we pulled into the hotel parking lot. I take out my phone, as Rachel puts away the music and keyboard, and text my mom to let her know that we made it to the hotel safely. Then we all pile out of the car and gather our things and make the trek up to the lobby to check in.
When we make it to the door of our hotel room Hiram hands Rachel and myself a key card and points to the door next to the one we have stopped at. "I'm going to trust you two to know what is right for your both pertaining to physical intimacy. Just remember that just because you can, doesn't mean you have to. Okay?" Hiram says softly his eyes kind and understanding the whole time he is speaking. My eyes shoot to the carpeted floor, as soon as he looks away to put his key in his door, my cheeks burning with embarrassment over what he was just insinuating that we might be able to do alone together.
I'm not really sure what Rachel's expression is as she was in front of me the whole time so I couldn't see her face, but the tone of her voice when she tells her father that she understood, kind of gives me a clue that she is annoyed and amused at the same time. Truthfully, I thought we would all be sharing the same room. It's how it was with my parents.
My father would never have trusted me to have my own room when we went on trips. I'm not sure if my mother would or not, now that he is gone. I guess she might considering she let me come on this trip to begin with. I follow Rachel into our room silently and set the bags that I am carrying down on end of the large bed that takes up a good portion of the room.
"Are you alright, Quinn?" I look to my right to see Rachel standing next to me fidgeting with her fingers her eyes showing her worry. I'm not sure why she is so worried so I smile and nod trying to reassure her that I am indeed just fine.
"Sorry, I was just thinking that my father would have never let me have a room on my own. I was a bit shocked that yours would, let alone let us share it with each other with no supervision." I tell her with a shrug. Now that I'm no longer fighting my attraction to Rachel it's surprisingly easy to open up to her about what is going on in my head.
I don't talk about my feelings normally, which makes it tough in therapy at times, but I've been working on it every day. Forcing myself to open up more whether it be with my mom or my friends as well as during my twice a week therapy sessions. My therapist seems to be of the opinion that I've been taught that any kind of expression of my true feelings on something is wrong and inherently bad so I keep things bottled up.
I can't really disagree with her on her theory, but I don't know if it is as simple as that either. Whatever causes me to keep my feelings to myself, Rachel has always been someone that has been able to make me face things I would rather not face and I think my attraction as well as the fact that Rachel is a very genuine and honest person over all makes me trust her and therefore be openly honest with her more easily.
"Oh, well... Yes Dad and Daddy have been getting me my own room on trips since I was fourteen or so. Are you alright with sharing with me? If not I'm sure I can stay with dad." Rachel's timidly shy voice brakes me out of my thoughts to listen to what she is saying.
"No No, Rachel I'm fine sharing with you." I say once I get my mouth working. The thought that she felt I wouldn't want to share a room with her kind of stings a bit. I thought we were past that kind of doubt, but I guess I should be realistic about all this. Even though we have had an attraction to each other for a while now, I have not treated her very well in the past and I can see how that will have created some lasting doubt about my feelings for her.
I step close to Rachel and cup her cheek gently with my left hand. "Rachel, please know that I want to be as close to you as I can be for as long as you will let me. I have dreamed about being able to be your girlfriend. To hold you." I slip my arms around her shoulders as I talk about holding her. She in turn wraps her arms around my waist and sighs softly into my shoulder.
I don't think I will ever get tired of having Rachel in my arms and I continue expressing how much I enjoy being close to her. "To be so close to you without fear of my feelings for you is heaven ,Rachel." I pull back to look down into her deep chocolate smiling eyes, then lean in close as I say the last part right against her lips, "To kiss your sweet lips." I whisper it as though it was a prayer to God, just before I press my lips reverently against hers.
The lovely whimper of desire that slips from her lips as ours connect fully makes me weak in the knees. It's the most amazing sound I've ever heard. The sudden knock on the door that separates our room from Hiram's, makes both of us jump and pull apart but not away from each other. "Fifteen minutes girls!" Hiram shouts out giving us warning about how much time we had to get ready before we were heading out to do some shopping and then dinner.
"God Quinn, you are amazing." Rachel says to me as she swallows thickly her fingertips coming up to trace over my lower lip when I turn back to look at her. I smile sweetly at her and kiss the tips of those beautiful fingers then take a step back.
"I could say the same for you Rachel, but if we don't get ready your dad just might revoke his acceptance about us sharing a room." Rachel giggles and smiles back with a nod. We organize ourselves and our bags so that we can get changed and cleaned up. I quickly use the bathroom to wash my face and then let Rachel use the bathroom while to change while I use the main room. This allows us to both be ready by the time Hiram knocks on the door again to let us know he is ready for us to head out.
The rest of the evening was spent going to various clothing and music stores as well as a wonderful dinner at a nice local restaurant. It seems they eat at the same place every time they come to Columbus, because they always have new and interesting vegetarian and vegan options, but they also have meat as well for when LeRoy comes with them. It's just after seven thirty as we make the short walk back to the hotel. We are idly chatting about working on the music for an hour or so once we get back to the room, with Rachel's hand lightly tucked into mine the whole time. The day and early evening has gone amazingly well and I can't help but hope the rest of the weekend goes just as smoothly as today seems to be.