DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are
property of NBC and Dick Wolf.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you to Magiluna, Robbie and Kris for the beta reads.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
"Hi, I'm sorry I woke you, didn't I?"
"It's okay, Liv. What's wrong?"
"I I couldn't sleep."
"Talk to me."
"You know how I'd often have nightmares about the victims in the cases?"
"I stopped having them just over a year ago."
"That's good. What do you dream about now?"
"I've been having the same dream every night for a few months now."
"Tell me about it."
"I'm walking on a bridge a high one with cars and people on the side. It's not quite dark, but not quite light enough to be daytime. There are people in front of me but then they separate and I see her, off in the distance. It's weird. She's riding a bike towards me "
"And then what happens?"
"Someone comes running up from behind her and knocks her over the bridge I can see her hands hanging onto the sides. I can picture her hanging off the side of the bridge. I start running to get to her, but my feet either won't move, or there are suddenly crowds of people in my way, standing in between me and her and I can't get to her."
"Do you ever get to her in your dream?"
"Eventually, yeah. But by the time I reach out to grab her hands, she always falls. Every time. I never get to her in time. Every night, I lose her."
"Has she been waiting for you to come to her?"
"And you haven't."
"There are obstacles you need to get through."
"And if I don't get past those obstacles, I'll lose her forever. Right?"
"See, you don't need me."
"I do need you everyone else hangs up on me when I call them at three in the morning."
"Three twenty-six, but who's counting?"
She lets out a soft chuckle. "You can count and bill me later you know, sometimes things are easier said than done."
"Are you afraid of what other people will think or say?"
"To some degree, yeah. The station house is still a 'boy's club', you know."
"I know. What else are you afraid of?"
"Being discriminated against."
"It's hard being a woman and a cop. Do you know what the possible ramifications are if you're a woman, a cop and a gay?"
"Is that what you're really afraid of?"
"She says I'm hard to read that I don't let her in."
"You are hard to read. You internalize things. That's who you are and how you deal with your emotions Do you want to let her in?"
"I I'm scared there are a lot of dark thoughts and memories inside my head."
"You haven't told her?"
"No I'm afraid to afraid she'll look at me differently .afraid she won't want to be with someone like me."
"And what is that?"
Pause. "Damaged goods."
"Why do you think you're damaged goods?"
"I'm a child of rape my alcoholic mother abused me every relationship I've been in has been abusive, physically and/or mentally should I go on?"
"Do you think that if she knew about your past, that would be all that she would see?"
"Yes...that is what I fear the most."
"Do you love her?"
Sigh. "Like no one else before."
"What do you think your dream is telling you?"
"Face my fears or lose her forever."
"Mmm hmm she's waiting for you, Liv but she won't wait forever if she doesn't know what she's waiting for."
"I know George?"
"Can I come over?"
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