DISCLAIMER: Madam Vastra, Jenny Flint and Strax all belong to whomever owns the rights to Doctor Who, of course. Not sure who that might be right now, but BBC for sure at least. Thank you Moffat and co for creating the sword-slinging Silurian Detective and her lovely wife, now please give them their own little mini-series... pretty please? :P
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sort of leads up to the "Vastra Investigates" minisode/prequel to the Doctor Who episode "The Snowmen". Also, I know that the real-life person Inspector Abberline is based on was married at this point in time, and that chances are that the Doctor Who Abberline is meant to be as well, but, well, it is a bit of creative license on my part. Hope nobody minds.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
FEEDBACK: To rosmari.karlssonfaltin[at]telia.com

Elementary Errors
By Carola "Ryûchan" Eriksson


Upon their initial meeting, Vastra did not immediately think that Jenny Flint was beautiful. She learned rather quickly that Jenny was different from all the other pink, smelly and generally stupid apes that infested the Earth in the absence of her people, but that was all in regards to her inner qualities, such as Jenny's intelligence or her bravery – and yes, perhaps her scent as well. Even from the very start, Jenny had smelled divine to Vastra.

The thought that Jenny was beautiful in appearance as well came later, much later, when Vastra was already head over heels in love and rather at a loss at what to do about it. And even then it seemed a natural thing that Jenny was beautiful beyond compare in Vastra's eyes, and Vastra's eyes only... what others thought of her incredible human's appearance did not occur to Vastra at all.

As time passed she began to notice how some people reacted around Jenny, and drew – always later, much later, which was all in all probably a good thing – the conclusion that these mammals were attracted to her Jenny. Her Jenny.

Vastra didn't quite like the idea. At least no-one dared to approach Jenny that she knew of.

And then... she was approached by that fool of an Inspector.

Inspector Frederick Abberline of Scotland Yard. A respectable man, as human males go, and friendly enough, moderately open-minded and accommodating towards Vastra and her unique situation, yes, but not the keenest mind around. Vastra wasn't sure in how many more ways she could explain or spell it out to him that she was a Silurian, not merely some disfigured ape, and moreover that Jenny was her mate.

It was after a case solved, the other officers had left and Jenny had disappeared into the house while Vastra and Abberline were wrapping things up in the drawing room. Suddenly the man faltered, glanced towards the empty doorway, and leaned in towards Vastra with a peculiar look upon his face.

"Madam Vastra, about Miss Jenny..." Abberline began awkwardly, looking abashed yet strangely hopeful. Vastra did not understand his behaviour enough to be worried, merely found it slightly curious. "That is, if I may be so bold..."

"What is it, Inspector?" She urged mildly when the man's speech tapered off again. What about her Jenny?

"Just Abberline now, ma'am, I'm not asking as a man of the law." He hurried to assure her, for what reason she could not fathom. "About Miss Jenny, ma'am... is she... stepping out with some fellow?"

Confused, Vastra looked towards the door, trying to hear if Jenny was heading towards the front entrance for some reason, but she could distantly hear her rummaging around in the kitchen while singing to herself, so of course not. What did the Inspector mean?

"Ah." He caught the confused look and tried again. "Does she have a gentleman friend?"

A gentleman friend? Vastra thought that was even stranger to ask. Her Jenny had friends, of course, although those from their own time era tended not to be that close, and then there was the fact that with a few exceptions, Jenny did not really befriend men. So a gentleman friend?

"No." Was the logical answer, although Vastra supposed that one might consider the Doctor a gentleman of sorts. She wouldn't want to have to explain that though, so it was better to keep it simple. "No, she does not. Why do you ask?"

Her first 'no' had sparked a beaming hopeful look in the man, a rather disturbing sight Vastra thought, and her question made him look bashful, wringing his hands together in front of him while looking at his feet.

"Oh, I realize that Miss Jenny is a fair bit younger than myself, ma'am. And that she is great bit more beautiful than a fellow like me deserves. But..." He glanced up at Vastra and straightened slightly before his eyes shifted away again. "I'm successful in my chosen profession, and I earn a good, honest living. I might not be a rich man, but she would want for nothing, with me, and I'd make an honest woman out of her, if it came to that."

Frowning deeply, Vastra tried to decipher the man's meaning. "Honest? Are you saying that my Jenny is somehow dishonest?" She did not notice herself that she had slipped right into her most intimidating mode, glaring at the blushing Inspector. "And what exactly is it that you feel that she should lack or want for now?"

"Ah, no, no." Abberline backpedalled nervously. "I didn't mean... I simply meant..." He wiped his hands on the sides of his jacket before straightening it, most likely without noticing it himself. "I meant to say, if Miss Jenny isn't already seeing a fellow..." He caught Vastra's look and continued even more nervously. "Fancying a lad..."

"Dating someone?" By the end he was almost desperate, but Vastra's sudden shock must have been confirmation that she finally grasped what he was saying. "Then I might ask her if she would consider going out with me, perhaps on a stroll and a visit to the new coffeehouse next time I am off from work?"

For a moment Vastra felt as if all the air in the room, indeed all the air in the building, had compressed upon her head, pushing down with force. She had the uncomfortable feeling that her mouth was open and jaw working without a sound leaving her lips. It took a long moment for her to process the meaning of all this and what Inspector Abberline's intentions were, but once she did she could feel the flames of rage igniting within.

"Or would Miss Jenny be more inclined to accompany me if I ask her out to something fancier?" The clueless man rattled on, not noticing how Vastra's hand instinctively reached for her sword, only to twitch helplessly as the blade was not there. "I could..."

"She is married." Vastra blurted, quite without either thought or grace.

"...that is..." The Inspector blinked, the confusion his this time around. "Pardon? What was that?"

"She is married." Vastra repeated, a little more in control of herself now, but still very much wanting to rip Inspector Abberline limb from limb. "Wed." She glared at Abberline. "Bespoused."

"A-are you saying that she is..."

"That she is married." As she spoke Vastra took a warning step forward, her narrowed eyes a danger that would have lesser men – or at least smarter men – quickly find reason to be elsewhere. "Yes."

"My word." Abberline frowned, clearly thinking hard. "Are you quite sure?"

"Indeed I am." In Vastra's opinion the Inspector did not look nearly alarmed or frightened enough. She took another step and let her voice take on a steely intensity that by rights should cut the male in half. "Married."

"Because I think-"

"MARRIED!" Vastra bellowed in fury, suddenly looming over Abberline, so close that the man instinctively leaned back to get away.

Somewhere deep inside his psyche a small frightened mammal was covering before a roaring reptilian predator, and finally even Inspector Abberline was overtaken by the natural urge to run for his life. "Oh good lord," He muttered under his breath as he scrambled to the door, all sense of dignity forgotten. "oh good lord!"

Vastra whipped around to glare after him as he left, fighting the urge to hiss and lash out with her venom. With heavy steps she followed out into the hallway, but the Inspector could be quite the fast little weasel when properly motivated.

With her emotions in turmoil and trembling from a surge of adrenaline yet robbed of the intended outlet, Vastra lumbered on towards the kitchen and the scent and warmth of her beloved.

"What 'appened?" Jenny asked as she put a serving tray down on the counter and turned towards Vastra. "I 'eard such a racket."

Jenny's eyes widened as she noticed the state her wife was in, but she didn't get the chance to ask as Vastra lumbered across the floor, engulfed her wife in her arms, and kissed her ardently.

"Oh!" Jenny gasped after a long, intense moment, and then giggled as gloved hands wandered. "Really, darling? The kitchen?"

There came an answering giggle from the area of Jenny's neck, before there was a brief nip, and then lips were quite eagerly otherwise occupied.

"...I fell in love." Vastra finished her brief explanation, giving her lovely wife a besotted look. Jenny's smile was small but pleased in response and there was a soft look in dark eyes that promised things, later, when they were alone.

"What, with the Turkish fellow?" Inspector Abberline asked with mild interest, breaking the moment and once again proving his enduring stupidity.

Vastra blinked and Jenny froze, neither quite sure how they ought to react. Vastra had after all only just finished explaining, once again, that Strax was in fact not any kind of 'Turkish fellow', so it was perhaps not so surprising that he had failed to notice that Vastra had very clearly wanted to kiss her wife just then.

"No." Vastra managed finally, her voice somewhat strained. "Not with the Turkish fellow." She wrapped an arm around her beloved and leaned in, proudly claiming her wife, while Jenny beamed.

For a moment Vastra felt sure he was not going to get it this time either, and wondered if she should simply kiss Jenny. She was after all still a bit sore with Abberline for his intention to proposition her mate. Then the unbelievable happened.

"Oh... good lord." Inspector Abberline gasped and blinked. "Oh good lord."

Vastra, immensely pleased, couldn't contain a burst of giggling laugher at that. Triumph at last.

She lowered her hand somewhat and gently urged her giggling wife away, delighted when Jenny got a little playfully demonstrative herself as they left.

Take that, you silly ape.

The End

Return to Doctor Who/Torchwood Fiction

Return to Main Page