DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters, no infriengement intended.
SERIES: Part of the 'Femslash Advocacy Group' series of spoofs.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
FEEDBACK: To ralst31[at]yahoo.co.uk

An F.A.G. Member's Cry for Help
By ralst


The weather outside had turned chill but even Alex had to admit that it was far from cold enough for Hell itself to have frozen over. And yet, she still found herself raising her telephone receiver and dialling the number for her arch-rival in all things femslash, "Hello? Gabrielle? It's Alex." A slight pause was followed by an aggravated, "Alex Cabot!"

Alex waited for the silence to end and the suspicious greeting to fade before continuing, "I need your help." A bark of laughter assaulted her ears. "Yes, I know it's not that cold." She mentally pictured a giant gavel landing on the Greek woman's head. "No, they haven't replaced me with a pod-person." The question caused Alex to pause for thought. "But I think they might have done something like that to Olivia."

Incredulity, smug satisfaction and real concern had followed each other down the telephone line in quick succession. "She's lost her swagger." Alex sniffed, the obvious sign of distress added insult to injury, but she was unable to stop her tears from falling. "And her hair...her hair is cascading down her back as if she was a femme!"

Thud! "Gabrielle? Gabrielle!" Alex could vaguely hear the sound of running feet and Xena's voice coaxing her lover back to consciousness. Several minutes passed before Gabrielle was able to resume their conversation. "We haven't had impromptu sex in months," Alex lamented, her pride crumbling before her as she listed the full horror that had befallen her once perfect femslash life. "Not even in the interrogation room!"

"Casey? No, it has nothing to do with her." Alex felt insulted at the very idea, although she refrained from besmirching the other lawyer's name, now that they'd formed a truce, of sorts, and were both mourning the loss of the Olivia Benson they had known and loved. "She's just as appalled as I am."

Alex debated divulging the rest of her shameful secret, but if she stood any chance of receiving help from the F.A.G., she knew she had to be totally honest. "There's more." Her cheeks shone red and her voice lost all of its confidence. "A new woman has joined the team."

"No, she's not chasing after Olivia." One horror they'd been spared, so far at least, but now the idea had been planted in her head, Alex made a note to watch more carefully for signs in the future. "I think... I think she's got Olivia's old swagger." She quickly dismissed the idea of godly intervention and swagger stealing to explain, "I don't mean she's got Olivia's actual swagger, but rather that she's got the kind of swagger that Olivia used to have." Sofia Curtis, Emily Prentiss, Rollins, they all had that trademark woman with a gun swagger, and it drove Alex wild. "No, I haven't jumped her! Not even a little!"

If she hadn't thought about it, in increasingly lurid detail, she would have threatened Gabrielle with slander, and both women knew it. "It gets worse." The full evil was hard for Alex to divulge, but she screwed up the last ounce of her courage and admitted, "She's a... a... a blonde!"


The End

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