DISCLAIMER: Rizzoli & Isles and its characters are the property of Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and TNT television network.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Something fluffy to read in the R&I universe. Thanks to Pandora007 for her help and for being my all. And thank you, readers, for reading. Where would we, pickers and pounders of keyboards be without you?
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Fuck Me Dead
By The Raven
Jane Rizzoli felt like an elephant had kicked her in the head. She did not dare open her eyes, or move, or really anything. And words could not describe the taste in her mouth? What was it? Used gym socks on her teeth combined with buffalo crap on her tongue?
A sudden image of a miniature buffalo standing on her tongue came to mind, but how the socks had gotten on her teeth was a mystery.
This was not going well at all.
Speaking of this, where was she exactly and who was she with and how had she gotten into this situation anyway?
Cracking an eye open Jane felt the stab of daylight brand her retina and then run salt into the wound. Damn it. This was the last time she was drinking tequila, what the hell?
However, at least she was in her own room, on her own bed, and seemed to be wearing most of her own clothes as well. Granted, she was upside down in the bed and there was Maura Isles' blonde head resting across her abdomen, but other than that nothing much seemed to be amiss.
Except that she could barely remember a thing from the night before or how exactly she had gotten in bed, wearing a tee shirt, her panties and socks. The socks were the really weird thing, Jane never wore socks to bed. Not even in the middle of Boston winters when there was often cause to do this.
Distracted by the ramblings of her hung over mind, Jane failed to notice when Maura woke up. That is until the other woman stretched and the moaned in what sounded like real pain.
"Oh my God." Maura whispered in a low moan.
Jane winced in sympathy. If it was half as bad as it was for her, it was bad.
"Bad huh?" Jane said in a gravelly voice, barely recognising her tone.
"Like the birth of Athena." Maura murmured, making no effort to move from the position of using Jane's abdomen as a pillow.
She was only to not move herself, so Jane simply closed her eyes and tried to remember the previous night.
Fuck me dead.
"How did we get here?" Jane asked after a long-short period of time. Who really knew how long; her head hurt, her throat was dry like she had been gargling with sand and the room was still spinning slightly.
"Tequila." Maura offered from somewhere below, her voice more of a vibration than a sound.
Well, yes, certainly tequila had been the cause of this, but what exactly was this anyway?
It was just too much to think about right now.
Without thinking, Jane began running her hand through Maura's soft hair and as she did she began to drift off again.
"Jane?" Hearing her name spoken so loudly was jarring and she startled, dislodging the protesting Maura from her position.
"Mom?" Jane said, her voice close to a whimper.
Oh God. Oh my God. What was her mother doing here?
Geez, you'd think one would be able to enjoy a bad hang over with one's best friend in some peace and quiet, but no. Mom had to come by. Where was the justice?
Jane winced at her headache. This was not going well. How had her mother gotten in anyway? Jane had a sneaking suspicion that her mother had somehow managed to get a second key to the place. There was no stopping her mom, not really anyway.
"Mom, what are you doing here?" Angela Rizzoli heard her daughter ask.
What was she doing here?
She had been unable to raise Jane and had become concerned and had well, used her spare key and let herself in and found Jane in a pile of what looked like post coital bliss with Maura Isles in the middle of the bed.
What was she doing here?
Finding out that her daughter was gay?
Figuring out that she really did not mind, Maura was a doctor after all.
"It's okay, Jane." Angela finally said as she watched the two women try to organise themselves on the bed.
The disorganised covers, the intimate familiarity they had with each other. How had she not seen this before?
It was so obvious.
"What's okay?" Jane asked and ran a hand through unruly dark hair.
"You and Maura, of course. What you think I was born yesterday? I watch Oprah, I know about these things." Angela interjected, feeling insulted.
She was a modern woman, after all.
"Oprah?" Jane replied and Angela was tempted to laugh at her daughter's expression.
Meanwhile Maura was looking confused, but not at all displeased with the situation, interesting. Well, the blonde woman was a doctor, it made sense that she would be quicker on the uptake when it came to coming out to your mother, no matter how unintentionally done.
"Mom." Jane sounded frustrated now and at the sound Joe Friday took the opportunity to leap into the bed, no doubt with the intent to comfort Jane.
"Now Jane, is this any way to behave? Maura seems to be perfectly fine with this situation. I am fine with it, so what is your problem?" Angela said sounding in her own mind very reasonable.
"Oh, fuck me dead." Jane said and Angela snorted, doing her best to avoid the first thing that came to mind, a rather off-colour interjection about that being Maura's job.
She'd only torture her daughter so much, it would be unfair otherwise as it really was too easy to do.
"I'll tell your father, but you need to talk with your brother about this, he'll never believe me and anyway, you two are brother and sister, you should have some things to talk about. Women seems like a good topic." Angela said brightly, ignoring the strangled gasp Jane made as she leaned over to give the small dog on Jane's bed a scratch between the ears and then she smiled at Maura before turning and leaving the room
Walking back through Jane's living area, Angela suspected based on the state of the place that the two love birds had spent the night having lots of fun. Angela smiled again, at last her Jane was happy and had found someone.
Maybe she should clean up a little? The boxes of Chinese takeout and the empty bottle of tequila were a bit of an eyesore, but perhaps Jane would appreciate having some more private time with Maura before she needed to get herself to work?
Deciding to leave well enough alone, Angela made her way to the front door, making a show of opening it and closing it to ensure Jane heard and then she made her way to the car, already planning on how to tell Frank. He'd be fine with it. Jane was daddy's little girl after all and from the time of the girls birth she could do no wrong.
Ah, it was a good morning and Angela decided that she would write Oprah a thank you note just as soon as she was done telling Jane's father the news. The woman had, after all taught her how to deal with this situation.
Angela decided that she had better start watching Ellen as well, maybe she would learn some more tips on how to be the mother of a lesbian that way. Who else should she watch? Dr. Phil? Nah, she could not stand that guy, she always wanted to slap him, pretentious freak.
Getting into her car, Angela considered her options. She really wanted to get the news out to Frank as soon as possible, but that would mean going to her husbands work and he was not always appreciative of that. This was an exceptional situation though and Angela really did think that he needed to know sooner rather than later.
Maybe he'd want to start watching Ellen too.
Did they need to join PFLAG? Did Boston have a PFLAG? Oprah had mentioned PFLAG once or twice, right? Oh there was so much to think about and research. Who in the neighbourhood had a gay kid? Anyone? Maybe someone could give her a hint on what to next?
"Okay, what just happened?" Jane asked, startling Maura with her tone.
Deciding that the brunette had not asked a rhetorical question, Maura massaged her aching temples and sighed deeply before looking up at her friend. "Your mother walked in on us recovering from a tequila fuelled hangover and made an assumption that we are engaged in a lesbian relationship, no doubt based on the state of the bed and the intimacy of the position we were in when she walked in." Maura stated, surprised that she did not really mind the assumption that Angela Rizzoli had made.
"Thank you, google." Jane muttered under her breath, sounding sarcastic and like she had a nasty headache.
"And she is going to tell your father." Maura continued before she distracted herself with rubbing Joe Friday's belly.
Dogs were uncomplicated creatures. They lived in the moment, only wanted food, warmth, love and a place to sleep and if you added a few belly rubs you had a friend for life. Maura liked how uncomplicated they were by comparison to humans.
"Great." Jane murmured, rising to her feet. "I am never going to live this down." The detective added as she stretched and winced in the morning light.
Maura found herself deeply distracted by the flash of belly that was revealed by the movement, never mind Jane's endless legs which seemed to go on forever, even though Maura knew that it was a medical impossibility for legs to go on forever.
"She did say that you could tell your brother yourself." Maura said as she too stood up and began hunting around for her clothes.
"Fabulous." Jane answered. "Do you remember last night?" Jane finally asked after a long pause.
Maura had been anticipating the question for a while now as it was clear upon waking that Jane did not remember, at least not yet, what had happened the night before. "Yes, I do." Maura yawned as she spoke and finally spotted her shoes.
"So?" Jane queried as she hopped about trying to get her jeans on.
It really was too cute and too sexy for words.
"We drank a bottle of tequila, ate a lot of very fattening Chinese food, played truth or dare and then ended up crashing on your bed." Maura offered as she opened the door into the living area and surveyed the damage.
"Wait, we played truth or dare?" Jane asked, pushing into the living room after Maura and glancing about. "And how did you end up drinking tequila?"
"Yes." Maura replied. "Though you did have to explain to me what that was exactly." Maura added as she decided that Jane's coffee pot needed to be put to use before much else happened. "And then you dared me to drink tequila. How could I refuse?"
"Do you remember it, last night?" Jane queried as she scooped up a bunch of fast food cartons. "Yes." Maura replied. "And?" Jane asked, impatiently now.
"And what, Jane? I am not a mind reader." Maura sighed as she spoke, looking up at Jane.
"Tell me, what did we do?" Jane asked and Maura wondered if the brunette was beginning to remember.
"Jane." Maura said as she moved closer to her friend. "What do you think we did?" Maura asked softly.
The look of intense concentration on Jane's face was so cute and so frustrating, Maura practically willed the detective to remember and slowly, Maura saw the light dawn in Jane's eyes.
"Yep, we did that." Maura said, bringing a hand up to brush her finger along Jane's full bottom lip.
"Oh." Was all Jane could say, but she did not look too upset. "So, um. Now what?" Jane asked after a moment.
"You want to blame it on tequila? You might want to stop your mom from talking to your dad in that case." Maura offered Jane an out, hoping against hope that the brunette would not take it.
"No." Jane murmured. "No?" Maura asked, wanting to hear Jane say the word again. "No." Jane reaffirmed.
"So, what now?" Maura queried as she handed Jane a cup of fresh coffee.
Jane took a big sip and briefly her eyes closed in bliss. "Let's see what happens. My mother has this uncanny ability of being right about things." Jane finally said and Maura's heart leapt in her chest.
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