DISCLAIMER: Guiding Light and its characters are the property of Proctor & Gamble. No infringement intended.
SPOILERS: Anything up to and including September 9th, 2009 is fair game.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Fade to Black
By Tinna Karen
After what has felt like hours of unpacking and entertaining guests, but in reality was only maybe three hours, Natalia and I are sitting side by side on her bed, or I guess, our bed now, facing the overflowing wardrobe.
"We're gonna need a bigger boat," I say with a smile, "or you know, a wardrobe."
Natalia chuckles, "You ain't lying Brody."
I'm impressed. I didn't think she had watched any movies before the 80's. "Oh, you caught that reference, did ya? Were you even born when that movie came out?"
"Uh, yes," she answers, rolling her eyes. "I'm only six years younger than you."
"Wow, so you were two years old when you went to see a movie about a big bad shark?"
She rolls her eyes again. I love it when she does that. And that, that slight huff of annoyance (or that's what she wants me to think, but I know it's something else now), it always spurs me on. "You know, your sarcasm really isn't all that attractive."
"Aw, but honey, it's not sarcasm when it's the truth," I tease her.
"You're so annoying."
If she hadn't said that while her eyes were clearly focused on my lips, I might have been offended. "You're lying," I say, and lean towards her.
"Oh, am I?"
"Yup, I think you find it very," I lean even closer, whispering in her ear, "very attractive." I finish with a soft kiss on her cheek. Her lips curl up in a soft smile and I use the opportunity to kiss one of her dimples. It's something I've been wanting to do forever, it seems. I might even be a little obsessed with it, if I say so myself. No biggie. I kiss her again, slowly inching my way towards her mouth.
"Olivia..." Natalia turns her head a fraction of an inch and now our lips are almost touching ... so close now ... but then she pulls back. I can't help it. I pout.
She puts her hand on my cheek, her thumb moving up and down in a soothing motion. It sends a shiver down my back. She ducks her head a little, catching my eyes so I give her my full attention. Her hand moves to the back of my neck, pulling me closer and I go willingly.
"I'm really glad you're home," she says sincerely.
When I said a few days ago that I might not believe anything she said ever again I wasn't really necessarily lying, it was just how I felt at that moment, but I know her, and I know she doesn't lie. She might skirt the truth, occasionally - usually to avoid hurting people, but I know in my heart that everything she has said since she came back has been the truth. It just took me a long time to see it, and believe in it.
This moving-in business happened quickly, so quickly that I even allowed Doris to slip in the (according to Google) customary U-Haul jokes without glaring too much, but then again, it's not like Natalia and I just met a few days ago, this has been coming for a long time. A very, very long time. And despite the massive, and still painful obstacles along the way, we're working through it. And right here, right now, I'm happy. Really, truly happy. So I'm not lying when I answer. "Me too," and then we're kissing.
This is not our first kiss, not even our second, or third - Natalia's been catching me off guard all day with small pecks here and there - but I think this is our first real real kiss. There are no sneak attacks, no points to be made, just two people who love each other very much, connecting. It's kind of overwhelming.
Her lips are soft, but I knew that already, and her hair smells like vanilla and berries, but it's a scent that's been etched into my olfactory memory since our first hug. I've also become (somewhat, yet I crave it every minute) accustomed to the feel of her arms around me, and mine on her, so I thought that I was well prepared for this, that my heart could take the sensory overload, but I was wrong. So very wrong. It's everything I hoped it would be and knew it could be, but just ... more. Much more.
I'm glad I'm sitting down, because otherwise I'd be in a heap on the floor right about now. Instead I fall back on the bed pulling Natalia with me. It looks like a move, but it's not, it's really not. I've been shaking so much that the arm that was propping me up just gave way. It doesn't look like it did much damage though, we haven't stopped kissing, if anything it just made everything even more passionate. Natalia is partly on top of me, her hands roaming and - holy bejeezus - her tongue is in my mouth now. Again, not a move.
I hear a soft knock, which my brain, in its infinite wisdom, analyzes and lets me know that it's coming from the open bedroom door, but really, I'm far too gone to even care. It's Natalia that breaks away first as soon as we hear the soft "mom?" in Emma's voice directly after the knock.
We stare at each other for a few seconds, Natalia's eyes are wide open and her cheeks are tinged with embarrassment, but there's also a slight twinkle in her eye, and I'm thrilled when I see the small smirk on her lips. This is far from over it tells me, and I can only shake my head in agreement.
Natalia rolls off me and tries to sit up, a feat made more difficult for her every day with the ever growing baby bump. A baby bump, which I just now realized had been pressing into my side and it didn't bother me... at all. I sit up quickly and help the love of my life (and really, there's no doubt in my mind now that she's owned that title for months), do the same. Her hand finds mine and I face my daughter with a happy sigh.
"What's up Jellybean? Are you all unpacked?"
"Yup," she answers, and shuffles into the room, a small smile on her face. "I just wanted to say goodnight to my baby sister."
"Goodnight?" I question and glance back towards the nightstand. The alarm reads 10:34 PM. Oops. It is way past her bed time.
Emma sits down on the bed next to Natalia and puts her hand on the baby bump. Natalia wraps her arm automatically around Emma and I can see her eyes shining with unshed tears. I squeeze her hand in solidarity. I know how she feels.
"Wow, she's moving a lot," Emma says amazed.
"Yeah, she's really, really happy right now," Natalia explains.
"How do you know?" Emma wonders, and slides down on her knees so she can listen to her sister being happy. "Huh, I hear bubbles."
Natalia chuckles, "I know, I feel them too." She puts her hand on top of Emma's head, playing with her ponytail. "I know she's happy because, well, you see we're connected, she's a part of me and when I'm happy, she's happy too."
"So you're happy now?"
"Is it 'cause you were kissing mommy?"
"Um," Natalia looks at me for pointers but I just shrug. I'm more interested in these bubbles I keep hearing about. I place my hand next to Emma's head and try to feel for the bubbles. Natalia moves my hand until I can feel them. Thank you, I mouth to her.
Natalia dives back in, "yes Emma. Kissing your mommy makes me very happy." I keep my eyes trained on Emma to see her reaction and there's no mistaking that glint in her eye. She's up to something.
"Are you sure it was kissing? 'Cause it kinda looked like you were mauling her."
Natalia's jaw drops. "Maul...where, what? How..." I almost snort. Oh my god, that's funny. It takes everything I have to not laugh out loud right now.
Emma shrugs, "I saw it on TV, 'When animals attack.'"
That does it, I fall back on the bed howling with laughter. Natalia slaps me on the stomach and that just makes me laugh even more.
"What am I going to do with you? You are way too much like you mother young lady," Natalia says disapprovingly, but the laughter in her voice takes out all the sting. Emma sits back on her haunches and looks up with a beaming smile before getting up.
She gives Natalia a hug and a goodnight kiss before jumping on top of me on the bed to do the same. Oof. "Good night mommy."
"Good night baby. Do you want me to come tuck you in?" She gets off the bed and shakes her head, "nope, I'm good."
"Don't forget to brush your teeth sweetie," Natalia gently reminds her before she skips out. "I won't mama," she says and then she's gone.
It takes a minute for us to realize it but, "Did she just call me...?" She sure did. I sit up and wrap my arms around Natalia. "Hey mama," I whisper and breathe her in.
"Oh my..." Natalia burrows into me, and it's not long until I can hear her softly crying. I pull back a little to see her face, "hey, baby, what's wrong?" She shakes her head, the tears streaming down her face. I reach up to brush them away, "nothing...it's nothing, it's just..." she wraps her arms around me, "thank you, thank you, thank you," she whispers again and again. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't...I can't even imagine not...it's just...god, I love you so much. You're the most amazing and forgiving person I've ever known. Thank you."
My own tears are streaming down my face now and I hold on tighter. Forgiving? Me? I wanna ask if she's ever actually met, you know, herself, but I settle for telling her I love her too instead. I just want to sit like this forever, enjoying this closeness and comfort, and the very tangible love that flows between us. I could have lost this too, so I know exactly how she's feeling. It still amazes me how we were able to not see what was really happening for so long. Or more accurately, deny it. It was so obvious, now that I think about it. Like I told Josh, in retrospective, deep down I knew we were going to end up like this, way before Gus died.
"I'm so happy. I can't believe she called me mama..." I hear the contented sigh and I know that the serious portion of the evening is behind us now. There are still things we need to talk about, but for the first time in a long time, I feel light and free, I guess. And really, really happy, so I tell her.
"Me too. And can I just say that you're a really hot mama, claws and all," I joke, "you can maul me like that any time you want."
"Oh god," she pulls away and slaps me lightly on the arm, "I'm such a mess." She wipes the remaining tears from her eyes and lets out a yawn. How adorable. "You're beautiful," I correct her. She gives me a small smile and gets up, and walks slowly to the master bath stretching her arms. She turns back in the doorway and looks at me.
"I think I'm gonna take a bath before going to bed, do you want to..."
Use the bathroom before? "Nope, I'm good," I say and jump up from the bed with a slight spring in my step. "I think I'll grab these empty boxes and toss them out in the barn. You go ahead."
"Oh...well, okay." She frowns and turns around and I watch as the door closes slowly behind her.
I make quick work of folding the boxes together, so I can get rid of them all in one trip, trying hard not to think about Natalia, getting undressed behind the closed door a few feet away from me. Or well, almost closed door I notice, when I glance quickly in that direction.
When I get out in the hallway, I see that Emma has also folded her boxes together and stacked them neatly against the wall. That's my girl. I add them to the pile I have in my arms and quickly go down the stairs and out the door.
Halfway towards the barn I freeze and drop the boxes to the ground. "Oh fuck," I look towards the house and focus in on the light in the master bathroom. That look on her face, she was hopeful when she asked and I didn't see it. Then when I said no...Oh, stupid stupid stupid Spencer. I pick up the boxes again and trudge towards the barn in a huff. "When your girlfriend asks if you want to take a bath with her you say YES!" I toss the boxes inside. Wait! She left the door open. I practically run back towards the house.
By the time I make it back to the house I'm panting. I jump up on the porch, skipping the steps all together and hurl myself through the open door before skidding to a halt. Natalia's voice in my head is saying: Slow down. It reminds me of Decker actually, which in return reminds me of the proposal on my desk which I still haven't signed about the franchising options...and who the fuck cares. I shake my head and turn towards the door and close it, clicking the lock in place. Natalia is (god willing, it's only been five minutes since I left) still naked upstairs in the bathroom and now is not the time to be thinking about work. I take a deep calming breath and make my way up the stairs.
The bedroom is empty, and there's still light inside the bathroom. Yes!
I wonder if I should just rip my clothes off right now and storm in there, or ask if I can join her first. I decide to peek inside and at least make sure she's still in the bathtub before stripping. I nudge the door halfway open and stare at the vision in front of me. Natalia is reclined in the bathtub with her eyes closed. She's pulled her hair up in a bun but a few tendrils have gotten loose and help guide my eyes from her face, down her neck and into the water. The rest of her body is hidden under a layer of bubbles and I've never wanted to be bubbles in a bubble bath as much as I do right now. And what's with all these bubble references today, seriously? That's a lot of bubbles.
She hasn't opened her eyes yet, but I think she knows I'm here. Her lips are moving up into a smile.
"Took you long enough."
Yes, yes it did.
"I'm sorry," I apologize, because really, what else can I say for my abhorrent misreading of the situation. I've just spent so many months trying not to interpret everything that she says and does as something sexual, that when it actually happens I'm clueless.
Her eyes open and she takes me in, traveling slowly up my body, stopping for a minute around my chest area to take in the scenery before coming to a stop when she locks eyes with mine. I seem to have forgotten how to breathe. It still amazes me how much she affects me like this. I've been married five times, had too many to count lovers, yet one look from her and I'm trembling like a leaf. How does she do it?
"So what are you waiting for?"
There is absolutely no misreading that and I step fully into the room and close the door behind me. I kick my sandals away and pull my t-shirt off, tossing it in the hamper. The old me would have tossed it on the floor and waited for the maid to pick it up (who, bizarre as it is right now to think about, used to be Natalia) but that's never happening again. We're starting fresh, equal footing and all and if that means I have to pick up after myself and toss my dirty laundry in the hamper then gosh darn it, that's what's going to happen! And damn I'm weird. Stop thinking. Strip.
I unbuckle my belt and slide it slowly through each belt loop until it comes off completely. I drop it next to my shoes and then unbutton my pants. These khakis are pretty loose right now because I lost some weight over the summer so they almost slide down on their own accord but I still use my hands to push them halfway down because it helps me keep focus. I bend down to pick them up. In the hamper you go. And oh my god, I'm standing in just my bra and panties in front of Natalia. I'm so glad I chose a matching pair this morning!
She's watching me intently, her breathing has increased and I know her chest is moving rapidly up and down if the movement of the water and bubbles is anything to go by. Her eyes are watching my chest and I think she's looking at my scar. This is the first time she's seen it after the bandages came off. At the time it was an ugly dark-red reminder of her husband. I wonder what she thinks of it now, all pink and white against my skin. My left hand comes up covering it before I can stop myself.
No, no, I force myself to move my hand away. I don't want to hide anymore. I look down and trace the scar with my index finger before dropping my hand against my side. "I love you," she says, emphasizing on the 'you' part and I look up. It's like when we were at Rafe's hearing, she's putting me at ease. It's no longer about Gus and maybe, no, I know, it never really was. She just loves me.
And right now I can't wait to join her in that bathtub. I practically rip off the rest of my clothes tossing them in the aforementioned hamper and stopping only for a minute to let her catch on (yes sweetheart, this is all yours), I smirk and ask her oh so nicely to scoot over. She does so wordlessly, her eyes a little glazed (I still got it), and I slide into the warm water behind her. I pause for a millisecond to get used to the heat - the water must have been freaking scalding when she went in - and then I pull her body against mine.
"Sweet jesus!" I hiss. It feels like we're connected from head to toe. She's nestled between my legs and there's not a single part of my lower body that isn't touching hers. It feels amazing. Her arms are resting by the side of the bathtub and I lower mine on hers and interlace our fingers. Her head is supported by my right shoulder, her upper back is pressed against my chest and stomach and then her lower back is pressing deliciously down on my center. I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, but that's about as close to sex as I've come since before the transplant. Natalia makes a whimpering sound that makes me tingle all over. I think she's having the same reaction I am. "Oh my god, this feels so amazing," she practically moans out. Yup, that confirms it. I think I've just died and gone to heaven.
"You can say that again."
"This feels so fucking amazing."
I gasp in mock surprise, "Natalia, baby, did you just swear? I don't think I've ever heard you use that word before." I tilt my head a little to kiss her temple, and then her cheek. "It's really hot."
"You've also never taken a bath with me before..." she points out, "there's still lots you don't know about me." Her arms slip into the water and she starts to move her fingers up and down my thighs. Well, that's certainly...distracting.
"I cannot wait to experience more firsts with you..." My lips move to her ear, because I really cannot not go there. It's adorable. I lightly nibble on her earlobe and whisper between each touch, "...and seconds, and thirds and fourths..." There are drops of water running down her neck which distract me and I pull away, chasing them with my lips and tongue.
"Olivia..." she moans and I shiver from the sound of it. I slip my arms gently around her waist and pull her even closer.
I'm kind of content to just lie like this forever, holding her close and breathing her in. Her naked body against mine. It's unreal. I couldn't have imagined this myself even if I tried. And I did, several times and in different positions. There is just nothing in my vast experience of sexual escapades that really compares, and so I'm kind of defenseless and just have to relax and go with my gut. Which, incidentally, is doing a very good impression of butterfly arboretum.
Natalia sighs and sinks a little deeper into me. She finds my hands underneath the water and clasps them together on her stomach, covering them with her own. She closes her eyes and turns her head slightly towards mine, moving in closer. "I love you," she says softly and my heart starts pounding in my chest. I think she can feel the change in my heart rate, 'cause she's smiling now.
"Can you feel that?" I whisper and she nods, her eyes still closed but her smile is bigger.
"What do you make of it?"
She opens her eyes and pulls back a little facing me, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "You love me," she says sure yet amazed and kisses me gently.
I nod and try to swallow the lump in my throat that suddenly appears, "I do."
"I know," she kisses me again, "I still can't believe it sometimes. Thank you."
"That was actually the easy part."
She shakes her head, "forgiving is not easy Olivia, there are people that go on entire lifetimes being bitter and angry and unforgiving, but you, you're just amazing," I shrug and drop my eyes down, I don't feel very amazing. "You are," she repeats, as if reading my thoughts, "I told you before, you're the most forgiving person I've ever met. You may not love easily, but once you do allow yourself to love, it is the strongest and most surest love there is. True, fierce, loyal and forgiving and I'm so grateful I get to share it with you. And Olivia," she pauses finding my eyes again, "I know you don't trust me yet, not completely, and that's okay. It's going to take time for me to gain that trust back, but sweetheart, forgiving me was the first step in that process and it had to come from you. No matter how relentless I was being, I wasn't going to be able to force that to happen. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you."
And I'm crying again. Great. I do manage a mumbled "you're welcome" and "I love you" before I lose myself in her kisses to make it better. I think she understands what I need because she's kissing me back with abandon. I need her to want me and need me like I need her. I've always needed her, from the moment we met. I'm losing myself in her, and suddenly I get the urge to taste her everywhere, so I release her mouth and move down to her chin, and jaw and cheek, I kiss and nibble and taste. I kiss her forehead and both eyelids and nose, and it makes her giggle and crinkle it up adorably. I touch her nose with mine and tell her how adorable she is when she does that, then I continue my journey. I'm sucking lightly on her neck now, almost euphoric from the taste and feel of it. I think I have a new found sympathy with vampires. This is quickly becoming an addiction.
"You're really good at this..." she says and turns her head towards mine, seeking and capturing my lips with her own. We trade soft kisses, tasting each other.
"Good at what?" I wonder and capture her bottom lip between mine, gently sucking on it. She says something but it just sounds like mumbling. Like mother like son, I guess. I chuckle. Oh, that was bad. I release her bottom lip and instead pepper small kisses around her face again, while my hands caress her stomach and ribs, inching closer towards her chest. "What did you say?"
"You're driving me crazy..." she moves and turns halfway in the water, her movement causing enticing friction in several places. And oh god, now her hip is pressing into me, right there, and it's all I can do to not rock my hips. Oh baby, you're driving me crazy too.
Her right hand grabs the back of my neck and she pulls me towards her in a demanding kiss. Her tongue literally plunders my mouth and it goes on forever. I start feeling dizzy and faint and I have to pull back a second later to catch my breath, "good god woman, are you trying to kill me?"
"Don't even joke about that," she says and dives in again, this time sucking my tongue into her mouth.
Okay, I think I have to reevaluate every single (apparent) misconception I had about Natalia's experience or lack there of. The woman can kiss! What else is she good at?
She pulls back after a minute and we rest our foreheads together, catching our breaths. "I want you, like all the time," she admits with a soft smile. I think she might be a little embarrassed about that. "I've never wanted anyone or anything as much as I want you," I confess as well and I can feel her nodding, accepting the truth in my words. "I know," she says and I have to kiss her again. I'll never get tired of it.
She's twisting slightly back into her original position and my head follows so we don't break our kiss. She puts her hands on top of mine and urges them up until my hands are filled with her soft breasts. I moan into her mouth and kiss her harder, stretching my fingers to capture as much of her as I can. Okay, I've touched and played with my breasts plenty of time. You'd think that touching another woman's breast would be no different. No big deal, right? Wrong! Touching hers, so not the same.
And wow, pregnancy has really, um, filled her. I mean let's be honest here, they're huge. I thought mine were big, but damn...
She's mumbling against my mouth again so I pull back to understand, "what baby?"
"I need you," she breathes out hesitantly and arches her back, pressing hard against my center. Fuck me, that's good. Does she know what she's doing? "Anything," I whimper, "you can ask me anything."
"I need you," she says again, this time with certainty, and moves my right hand away from her breast (bye, bye, I was becoming very fond of you) and towards her own center. Oh. Oh! "...fuck," I moan, finishing the thought out loud.
"Yes, Olivia, please..." she begs, and the combination of that, in conjunction with what I said and the feeling of my hand touching her and how she's moving her hips, it's almost too much for me. I'm shivering uncontrollably; from arousal, excitement, stimulation, all of the above? I don't know, I just know I need to touch her.
So I do.
My hand moves hesitantly at first, getting familiar with her sex. I trace over landscape so familiar with my own, yet different at the same time. I can't see what I'm doing from this position, so I have to go by touch and instinct, but that doesn't bother me. This feels mother fucking amazing, and I've done this enough times by myself that I'm pretty confident I can make her feel good too. Plus, Natalia, god bless this amazingly gorgeous woman in my arms, turns out to be a pretty vocal lover. And wow, that just hit me. Lover. She's my lover now. Will wonders never cease?
But next time, when I touch her like this, I want to be front and center, preferably with the lights on. I don't want to miss a thing.
I abandon my post momentarily to cup her chin with my left hand, directing her mouth towards mine. I really need to be kissing her right now. As soon as she accepts my tongue into her mouth, I move my hand back into the water and tease her nipples with my fingers.
My other hand is exploring Natalia in her most intimate places and it's quite obvious to me that I've never made love to anyone before now. Everything before this has been just sex. Even with the men I actually, truly loved, it was never like this. I never opened up to them fully, and in return they didn't open up to me. It took someone like Natalia, with her never-ending love and patience, and let's face it, she's stubborn as hell, to see past my bullshit and find me. I know there are tears streaming down my face right now but I don't care. I'm so fucking full of love for this woman I just can't help it. When she left, I was devastated. Like truly, honestly devastated. Wrecked beyond repair, or so I thought. I'm not fully healed now, far from it. I know it, she knows it, but it's moments like these that go a really, really long way to accomplish that. Like really.
I'm caressing her now with long firm strokes, alternating with swirls and swipes around her bundle of nerves to mix it up. I don't want to overwhelm her, but I also don't want her to miss out on anything. And this always seems to work wonders with me. 'Do unto others...' and so on, right? I can feel her clitoris rise up from my ministrations and my fingers are now rubbing circles around her entrance, itching to go in. "Can I?" I whisper next to her ear and she nods frantically. "God yes, Olivia inside, now..."
I think I'll remember the feel of my fingers sliding inside her for the first time forever. It's warm and inviting and it's overwhelming because it's Natalia. I've been wanting this and fantasizing and dreaming about this for months and now it's here and it's really, really happening and wow, she's really responding to me. I'm moving my middle and ring finger in and out, in and out and Natalia is moving her hips in rhythm with my movements. I'm really (and there's no other word to describe it) fucking her with my hand and it's almost hypnotizing in its simplicity. Such simple mechanics, yet the reward is so great.
Her hips have started moving faster and faster and the sounds she's making in my mouth tell me that she's close. I'm pretty close myself as well. Every time she moves her hips down again, she pushes against me, so I've started moving my hips a little as well to meet her. The water is sloshing all over the place, but my god, the feeling coursing through my body right now is so ridiculous, I couldn't slow down even if I tried. I'll gladly pay for any water damage tomorrow. Right now, I want this. I want her.
I can feel myself start to break apart, so I speed up my fingers inside her. I need her to come with me. I stretch my arm as far as it can go, and push my wrist down further so the palm of my hand presses against her epicenter harder. My arm feels like it's falling off, it's going to be crazy sore tomorrow, but it's so worth it.
She's moaning into my mouth and I think I can hear my name somewhere in the midst of it, but I want to be sure. I tear my mouth away and latch onto her neck, sucking on her pulse point. Oh yeah, she's definitely moaning my name. That's the sweetest sound in world, right there.
And oh my god, I think it's happening now. I can feel it. Her walls are pulsing and clenching around my fingers and her hips start to buck uncontrollably. Her head falls back over my shoulder and she lets out a long keening sound that sounds suspiciously like "Oliiiviiiaaaa". I'm bursting with pride. Seriously. And dear god in fucking heaven, her backside repeatedly hits my center hard in the midst of it all and it sends me tumbling alongside her. Holy mother! "Natalia..." I moan as I start to tremble, my eyelids fluttering as I strain to keep them open but it's too much. My hips buck in rhythm with hers as I ride out the waves, my eyes close and my heart pounds wildly in my chest. Pleasure shoots out from my center and travels to every part of my body. I can feel the veins in my forehead popping and straining to keep it inside. Good god!
When it's all over I collapse bonelessly back against the back of the tub, Natalia follows me a second later. I'm pretty glad she can't read my mind, because holy bejeezus Batman! I owe the swear jar about a million bucks. That was so fucking good! My head falls back and I close my eyes, trying to catch my breath.
"Oh my fucking god..." I hear. Did I say that out loud? I don't know, my brain is in kind of a mush right now. "That was...oh my fucking god!" Oh wait, it's Natalia. Hey, she sounds like me.
Somewhere I find the strength to lift my arms and wrap them around her and hold her tight. "You're fucking damn right it was," I agree whole-heartedly.
I never really had the chance before, but now, lying here with Natalia naked, and me being ridiculously satisfied and not trembling with need for her (although, I can feel it growing in my belly the longer we lie together like this) I'm taking the time to really look at her and damn, the woman has lots of birthmarks. It's incredibly sexy. I knew she had birthmarks, of course, I've spent enough time staring at her that I can, with my eyes closed, pinpoint every birthmark she has on her arms and face and neck. But look at it, it's on her shoulders, and back, and thighs... it's everywhere, and I can't wait until we go to bed and I can really explore. It's like the northern sky with stars and constellations and galaxies. Maybe I can name a star after myself? That's, that's kinda, sorta hot. Like claiming her, or laying the land...or... and what the hell am I thinking about? What am I? A cowboy? A pioneer?
Thankfully my love interrupts me before I can go any further in my madness.
"Where, how, when... what with the what..." Has she lost her mind too? Damn, I'm good.
"Where did you learn how to do that?" She finally asks and I wonder which that she's referring to?
"Just that whole thing, especially..." she pulls my right hand towards her face and kisses each finger reverently. Oh boy.
"Oh that...well, I've had, you know, a lot of experience with that."
"What?!" She whips her head around so quickly she almost head-butts me. Missed it by this much.
"What?" I see the look on her face and she's alarmed, afraid, hurt and I could kick myself. "No! No, no, no, no, no, no. Nuh huh and no. You're my first. Only you baby."
I lean in close gauging her reaction and when she doesn't move away I kiss her softly, "come here." She eyes me somewhat warily, but then turns back around and settles back into my arms. "I meant," I say softly, "that I've had a lot of experience doing that to myself. You know," I lean closer to whisper in her ear, "masturbation."
A shiver runs through her and I rub my hands up and down her arms. "Are you cold?"
"No...but we really need to get out of this bathtub and in bed. Like right now."
We continue our lovemaking as soon as we get back to the bedroom. It's just as passionate and heated as our first time, but there's an increased tenderness and underlying trust and acceptance in our connection that was missing earlier. Possibly because of the limits the bathtub presented, but I think it's because it was our first time and we pretty much just jumped into the deep end and went for it. Now we're taking the time to really explore and get to know each other's bodies and tastes and likes and dislikes and it's breathtaking. It's closing in on our second hour but I feel so awake and alive, I could go on all night. But I'm worried about Natalia, she needs her rest, so I keep asking if she's okay. After answering the same question seven times with a "Yes, stop worrying" she pretty much just tells me to shut up and do my job. "I'll tell you when I need a break," she adds, placating me and I trust that she will.
She finally calls time-out after the fifth time and practically kicks me out of the bed, demanding food and water. Thankfully there's still plenty of leftovers from our impromptu dinner party, so I don't have to stay away for too long, and ten minutes later I'm carrying up a tray with a small plate of reheated chicken casserole and a bowl of fruit along with a couple of bottles of water. I lay the tray down on the bed in front of Natalia where she is lying on her side and I mirror her position on the other side of the bed. I drink my water while I watch her polish off the casserole in eight bites. Good girl. Then we take turns feeding each other from the bowl of fruit.
I'm chewing on a piece of pineapple when a thought pops into my head out of nowhere that makes me laugh.
"What?" she says curiously.
"Nothing, I was just remembering something," I hold a piece of strawberry in front of her mouth, pulling it back teasingly every time her lips come close. She pouts so I hold it close once more. She opens her lips slowly and I can see the challenge in her eyes. She digs her teeth into the berry in a swift move, the juices bursting in her mouth and over my fingers. I pull my hand back and suck my fingers clean, one at a time.
"Wav waz id?" she asks, her mouth still full of strawberries.
"Wav waz id" I mock her with a smile, leaning over for a kiss. "Mm, you taste delicious. Do you have any idea how difficult it's been for me all these months not to kiss you when you have yummy food all over your face? It was like torture. Chocolate, ice cream, peanut butter ... you were doing it on purpose, weren't you?"
"Me? Little, sweet, innocent me? I'm not that clever..."
"And now you're using my words against me? That's nice," she's grinning wickedly now. She's so busted. "You really wanted me to kiss you, didn't you?" I ask her.
"Oh yeah, like all the time. I thought, maybe, if I brought your attention to my mouth, you'd kiss me again...but you, missy," her nose crinkles up in that adorable way that it does and she pokes me in my stomach making me giggle, "are almost impossible to seduce."
I laugh. That's ridiculous. "Don't sell yourself short honey, as you know perfectly well by now I'm a trembling mess whenever you're near. And especially last spring and summer... I was in like this constant state of arousal. Blake even convinced me to buy a sex toy to help me take care of it." Did I really just say that? What is it with pillow talk that makes you say pretty much everything that pops into your head?
"Uh okay. Wow. As troubling as it is to know that Blake went shopping with you in a sex shop, I'm glad you didn't have to suffer. Too much."
Oh I suffered baby, believe you me. "I didn't use it. I tossed the box in the trash before I even opened it and went looking for you." I lean in for another kiss. "I wanted you to take care of it." I move my mouth down to her neck to feed my addiction and she tilts her head back to give me better access. Her hand holds me in place.
"Was this what prompted our sex talk?"
"Huh, knowing what I know now, I kinda wish you would have just, you know, jumped me on that bench." Now there's a thought. Maybe tomorrow. An image flashes before my eyes of her lying on the bench. She's open and exposed and I'm kneeling in front of her feasting on her juices. We so have to try that! But I stop short when I remember how that day ended. I pull away.
"Yeah, but then Rafe would have seen a lot more than he actually did see."
"Oh, that's disturbing." We both shiver from the thought of it, and it's definitely not a good shiver. Disturbing is right. "Yeah, let's not go there," I suggest.
"Never," she confirms.
"Tell me instead what you were remembering before?"
Okay. Segue much? I take a breath to clear my head.
"It's kinda stupid... but okay. So, about three years ago Emma and I spent Christmas in Florida and honestly, I don't think I really saw that much of Florida except Disney World, but it was still fun. Emma loved it, so I did too, despite wanting to deck some of the mascots."
"Oh, I bet. Are you sure you didn't hit at least one?"
"You know me babe, gentle as a lamb."
She snorts. Something tells me she doesn't believe me. But she lets it slide. "I've always wanted to go but I could never quite swing it. When this little one is old enough, can we go?"
"Of course sweetie, we have to go... anything for my girls."
Natalia caresses her stomach softly. "Hear that baby girl, your mommy is going to take us to Disney World when you're older."
When she says things like that I tend to lose my train of thought, and I can't help marveling at the events that have lead me here; to this house, in this bed with her. Happy and domesticated with a very beautiful, very pregnant girlfriend. Seriously, I've been married five times... to men. How did this happen? And why didn't it happen sooner. I have ten years, maybe fifteen if I'm lucky, left of this borrowed ticker and I feel like my life has only just started. It's so not fair. Modern medicine better catch the fuck up and find a way to keep me around longer because there's no way I intend on leaving her or my girls any time soon if I can help it.
"You were saying?"
Where was I? Florida, Disney World, clobbering a giant version of Mickey Mouse (but she doesn't need to know that). "Right okay. So anyway, there was this fortune teller when we were at The Magic Kingdom and Emma pretty much pushed me into the tent. And this lady with long white hair in a ridiculous pink and orange chiffon ensemble told me that I would be taking a 'young, latin lover' in the near future." I grin, this is so silly, why am I telling her this?
"Of course, at the time I assumed it was just the same typical bullshit she'd been telling all the other single moms that were tricked inside her tent. I took back my ten bucks before she had a chance to confiscate them and stormed out of there. I honestly don't know why that thought popped into my head all of a sudden... but now... I gotta admit. She was pretty clairvoyant."
"Okay. In what way?" Doesn't she get it? I arch my eyebrow in a very 'well, duh' like expression. "You are Puerto Rican, aren't you? That's part of Latin America the last time I checked."
She rolls her eyes. "Oh my god. Olivia, really? I love you unconditionally, but you're kinda weird sometimes."
I grin, she loves me unconditionally. "I told ya, it was stupid. You insisted."
"I did and I regret it very much. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, I forgive you," I lean over for a quick kiss then grab the empty food tray and place it on the floor. I'll take it down in the morning. I roll over on my back and Natalia is there in an instant kissing me. There's a twinkle in her eye. She wants something from me. "I have to pee again, but can we then make love one more time before going to sleep?"
"Hm, let me think, uh yes? What are you up to?"
"You'll see...help me up?"
I get up from the bed quickly, despite the protest of sore muscles, and help her into a sitting position before pulling her up into a quick hug. "Hurry back." I recline back on the bed in prime position to see her saunter over to the bathroom. How does she do that and look so sexy and be six and a half months pregnant? When I was six months pregnant with Jellybean I felt like a whale and it only got worse the bigger I got. I wonder if she feels that way too? She seems pretty comfortable in her own skin, but it won't hurt to tell her every day how beautiful she is.
The bathroom door opens and my heart starts to do that fluttering thing it does every time I see her. Wow, I think I actually missed her. She was gone for two minutes and I missed her. Does that make me pathetic? Do I even care?
I hold my hand out for her, "come here gorgeous. I missed you."
She grins, "oh you did? For the whole two minutes I was gone?"
I shrug and pull her towards me, "what can I say? Patience is not my forte."
She excuses my silliness with an indulgent smile and settles herself down on the bed next to me, pushing the pillow away so her head is resting on the mattress. "Come here," she orders.
I slide down from my reclined position and turn towards her, caressing her cheek, "what do you need baby?"
"You... here," she lifts up her head kissing me, "in my mouth."
"I am in your mouth," I mumble against her lips.
"The other you..." she smiles and grabs my ass and pulls me forward. Does she mean?
"Do you mean?"
"Hold on to the headboard Olivia and get over here."
Oh she does mean! I feel my center tingle in anticipation. "Are you sure? We don't have to do everything in one night."
"Baby, we've barely scratched the surface tonight, but I've wanted you like this forever and I'm going to have you, so move your sweet ass and get up here."
Oh holy jesus! I attack her mouth and try to pour every single drop of emotion I have for her into it. She gives as good as she gets for a full minute or two before she gets impatient and squeezes my ass again, pulling me towards her. I break away and catch her eyes. Go! they tell me and I'm moving into position. Who needs foreplay when your girlfriend looks at you like that. I'm shaking with need for her by the time I settle on top of her, and her first touch almost unravels me. I have a feeling this is going to be embarrassingly short, so I squeeze the muscles in my thighs, careful not to move them closer together and hold on tight to the headboard to distract me.
She's running her tongue through my folds, lapping at the juices that are coalescing there. There's a rhythm and system to her movements and I feel like she's playing me. Whenever she has licked me clean, her lips latch onto me, lightly sucking, then her tongue goes inside me, lightly fucking, and more wetness comes pouring out. We've only been together like this for one night but she already knows my body better than I do myself.
My thighs are burning and I'm straining to keep upright. Sweat is running down by back from the effort and it takes everything I've got not to do grind into her. "Oh god," I moan out and I look down and we make eye contact. It's almost surreal to look into her eyes from this position. Only in my wildest dreams did I imagine we'd be sharing something like this. I thought that her religion would hold her back, that she wouldn't allow herself to fully embrace all that we could be, and if it ever actually came to it, the sex would be at most sweet and polite (and I was more than okay with that), but I'm so glad I was wrong, 'cause it would be a fucking crime against nature to miss this.
"Oh god, Natalia, baby...you are really, really good at this." I think she's smiling against me, her eyes shining with love. Her hands grip tighter against my thighs and she pulls down. Whoa! I almost panic and shake my head at her, holding tighter to the headboard. "I don't wanna hurt you."
Her eyes focus on mine and she nods her head, pulling again. I can hear her voice in my head, pleading with me. Let go, trust me. How is this possible? It's scary and takes me a minute to decide, but I finally relax and give the control over to her. She latches onto my clit and moans her appreciation, and the vibrations do funny things to my body. I'm a quivering bundle of nerves on top of her and she holds me tight against her mouth as I grind into her. I'm panting and moaning without any reservation and a split second later my orgasm comes rushing through me at breakneck speed. It's all I can do to not fall backwards. But Natalia is not stopping. Sweet fucking jesus! She's not stopping and I feel myself coming again and again until there's nothing left of me but a shaking boneless mass. I'm officially dead. All I am and all I every will be has poured out of me and into her.
I fall forward, just barely managing to pull my palms up before my forehead smacks into the wall. I have no idea how I'm still upright. I can feel Natalia shimmy underneath me and a few seconds later she's wrapping her arms around me, pulling me back against her chest. We sit back on our haunches for I don't know how long just catching our breaths. "I love you, I love you, I love you," she whispers and I can only nod in response.
"Sleep now?" she asks once my breathing has slowed down and I nod again. Wordlessly we move in sync picking up pillows and sheets from the floor before settling down in each others arms.
I've almost drifted off to sleep when I remember that we're very, very naked, and there's a rambunctious eight year old across the hall that loves dragging me out of bed in the morning.
I sit up and turn on the light by the bed, rummaging through the nightstand drawer. If I know Natalia right, it should definitely be here.
"What are you doing?" Natalia wonders with her eyes closed.
"Preemptive damage control."
I find what I'm looking for, a yellow sticky note and a pen, and quickly write "Knock first Jellybean! Love you, mom" before rolling out of bed. I walk towards the bedroom door and open it, sticking the note in a height where Emma can't miss it, then close the door again and crawl back in bed.
"Let's hope it doesn't fall down before she sees it."
Natalia chuckles, "Fifty bucks she'll come in anyway."
I kiss her forehead and snuggle in closer. "I might as well just give you the money now. But at least I tried. When she's sixteen and hating us and complaining about how we've been traumatizing her since childhood with our amazing love life, that little note will be my defense."
"Oh god," she complains but I know she's laughing. "You think I'm funny, just admit it."
Return to Guiding Light Fiction
Return to Main Page