DISCLAIMER: ER is the property of Constant C Productions, Amblin Entertainment, and Warner Brothers Television.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
In the Familiar Dark
This was where she'd end up, probably finally. Taken apart, broken down to her essential elements. Without. Not with.
She glanced at the mirror behind the bar, winced and dropped her eyes. Perspective had abandoned her several stiff drinks ago.
Out and about in Chicago.
Out and adrift in Chicago. Set adrift. No, better than that, set alight and left to wind her way downstream, never really touching shore. Had she ever run aground? Even by design?
A soft touch on her shoulder made her eyes return to the mirror. The brief motion caused a lethargic sway inside her brain and she tilted her head to steady herself.
The woman was good looking in a tired, annoyed sort of way. Dark hair, sad eyes, mouth that looked like she gave as good as she got. Then clarity.
Abby shook her head and settled onto the stool next to Kerry.
"I mean it, Abby, get lost."
"I can't do that."
"Bullshit, you do it all the time."
A stifled jerk of the shoulders the only sign that the comment had hit its target.
"This won't solve a damn thing."
"And don't I know it but that's not the point."
"Don't be obtuse, you know perfectly well what I'm doing. I'm shutting off that voice in my brain that keeps reminding me how badly I'm fucking up. Again."
Abby watched those two small words careen around the room and finally land on the bar between them. Kerry's laugh was low and inappropriate.
"Thank you so much."
She struggled up from her seat and belatedly realized that she'd have to bend down to grab her purse. She placed her crutch out for balance and dipped precariously, an exasperated sigh marking her progress. Abby reached out a hand just in case but wisely did not touch her. Kerry placed forty dollars on the bar before turning quickly and then coming to a standstill. She straightened her shoulders and drew in a deep breath, her focus pulled inward as if making some internal assessment and then she lowered her head and brushed a hand across her eyes.
Abby gave her a minute to compose herself before resting an arm across Kerry's shoulder. She slid her other hand down the length of Kerry's arm until she was able to pull the car keys from her grasp. The walk to the car was long and arduous and more than once Kerry nearly toppled. Once there she leaned her forehead against the cool of the window, her bangs greedily sucking up the late night condensation.
Abby opened the car door and gently lowered her inside, being careful not to fuss too much. She deliberately slammed the door shut, refusing to feel guilty.
The car wouldn't immediately turn over and Abby was about to throw some heat when Kerry started to giggle. Startled, Abby turned and looked at the formidable Chief of Emergency Medicine wedged into the space between the door and the seat, drunk out of her mind, hair askew and eyes alight with laughter. A clenching in her stomach worked its way up her throat and she felt herself begin to blush. Kerry quieted and the silence stretched between them and over the car until it seemed to envelop the entire block, house lights winking out in tacit agreement.
The leather of the car seat creaked and whispered when Abby leaned forward. She moved slowly, carefully, the wash of air catching and surpassing her and overwhelming her senses. God, she was really going to do this.
Abby led with her tongue, tracing oh so softly over Kerry's bottom lip. She tasted a heady mixture of alcohol and sweetness and her heart pounded harder when she realized Kerry wasn't going to pursue the kiss, simply let her decide what happened next.
Abby raised both hands to either side of Kerry's face, cradling her firmly and imperceptibly tilting her head. She lowered her mouth and gently brushed over Kerry's lips, back and forth, letting the steady rhythm build a current between them.
Kerry abruptly pulled back from Abby's insistent forward press.
Abby tried to catch her breath, embarrassed to note how calm and unperturbed Kerry appeared.
"This won't solve a damn thing."
Abby ducked her head shyly and spoke softly, "I didn't intend it to."
"So what, figure you can take a walk on the wild side because the almighty Chief has been brought to her knees in front of her staff?"
Abby reared back and then roared forward to slap Kerry hard across the face. She pulled her hand back in shock but Kerry wouldn't let her retreat, reaching out and grabbing her wrist and yanking her closer.
"You feel sorry for me."
"You want to show me how "okay" you are with me."
"What do you want, Abby?"
The question stirred Abby to action and she slid her body across the seat, nearly coming to rest in Kerry's lap. She tugged at the lapel of Kerry's coat and almost cried in relief when their mouths crashed together.
A blur, everything was a blur inside Abby's mind and she wanted to slow down and savour each sensation but her desire wouldn't let her, insisted on sliding her tongue inside Kerry's mouth, stroked the soft slippery heat while her hands roamed restlessly, desperate to get closer, to touch the core of determination and terrifying ferocity that had drawn her to this woman from the first time she had tried to stare her down.
No, no, she did want to slow down, didn't want this to be some quick fuck in the front seat of a car. No regret, no taking advantage, no hung over dismissal. She groaned when she felt Kerry's fingers pull at her waistband and then slide down to cup her crotch. Fuck, she had to stop this now or--
Kerry was relentless, hastily pulling down her zipper and running a finger up to the edge of her panties. She didn't hesitate, sliding underneath the fabric and pushing a determined path through the coarse hairs, now copiously wet.
Abby wrenched her mouth away, dropping her hands to Kerry's shoulders and holding her in place but Kerry simply stopped and looked at her and what would have been denial escaped from Abby's mouth in a long drawn out moan of want and surrender. She pressed her hips forward and felt Kerry enter her in one swift motion, then pull back and re-enter, three fingers slipping easily with the aid of Abby's arousal.
And then Kerry was thrusting inside her and leaning in to whisper in her ear, a growing sense of awe threading through her voice.
"You want this you want me. You want me inside you, you want me. You want me to make you come "
Abby couldn't stop the rocking of her hips if she wanted to, arching up and then slamming herself down onto Kerry's fingers, needing more and Kerry pushed a fourth finger inside her and she cried out with the fullness she felt, still hearing the most amazing and obscene things invading her ear, companions to her disbelief. Kerry was pushing against her, Kerry was pressing soft lips to the side of her face, Kerry's breath was tickling her ear, Kerry's fingers were reaching inside her inside her inside
"Need you more need to feel you "
Kerry obliged and curled her thumb against her fingers, thrust into Abby, making her wince and then shudder. So full, she'd never felt so full and Kerry drove up and impaled her, pushing deep inside until she was buried to her wrist. She began a slow back and forth motion and reached with her free hand to turn Abby's face toward her, duplicating the rhythm of her fist with an artful tongue. She ran her hand down Abby's back, urging her to lift her hips, then grabbed her pants and dragged them down past her thighs, her hand starting to burrow between her cheeks. Abby bucked and groaned deeply, amazed at her own response to this new variation of Kerry's questing fingers. Overwhelming, overwhelmed, she squeezed her eyes tightly and then opened them, pulling away from Kerry's eager mouth and falling back, pulling Kerry with her. She heard a voice, desperate, pleading, unrecognizable and with a start, her voice, she cried out the only thing she was still sure of
Everything just stopped.
Illumination from the streetlight bathed the top half of their bodies in a surreal white glow and Abby raised her head from the seat to find Kerry staring at her with dark, glittering eyes. She opened her mouth but Kerry shook her head no. They were both panting, their white breath filling the car and ghosting the windows.
Kerry slowly swung her head from side to side, struggling to lean on one elbow, her hands alternately crushed beneath Abby's body and buried deeply inside her.
Abby stared at her.
"Where are the fucking keys?"
Abby blinked and then turned her head, casting a glance over to the ignition. Kerry followed her gaze and nodded.
"Turn the engine over."
"It'll start now, turn it over."
Abby reached up and turned the key and the engine coughed once and then caught, the strong smell of gas invading the car's interior.
"Crack a window. Please."
Abby blindly reached behind her and fingered the controls on the door handle, finally finding the right one. The window lowered with a quiet whir and then stopped.
"Look at me."
Abby hesitated only briefly before raising her eyes to the small, commanding woman who had asserted complete control over her.
A note of wonder lay cradled in Kerry's tone.
Kerry said her name again, so gently that Abby felt it more than heard it, shocked at the tenderness imbued in her voice.
Stronger now, like Kerry owned it, owned her...no, knew her, saw her, wanted her.
She deliberately locked their gazes as Kerry's meaning became clear. She felt her vision blur and recede and then she was back and Kerry was watching her carefully, waiting.
Kerry flexed her hand, sending Abby's eyes rolling back in her head and a hoarse gasp escaped her when Kerry repeated the motion. She felt Kerry's other hand pressing upwards, seeking entrance, and her eyelids fluttered shut. Jesus Christ, she was surely going to die from feeling this good, too good, Christ, she'd never felt anything like this
Kerry finding every secret place, Kerry wielding every ounce of knowledge and skill she possessed to completely and decisively fuck her spun Abby out of herself and left her hovering, suspended above her own body.
She felt Kerry's tongue lick at the bare patch of stomach below the edge of her shirt and then Kerry's mouth was sucking and nibbling on her skin. Every thrust of Kerry's fist was countered by the slow sliding of Kerry's fingers. The sensation of one penetration occurring within a hairsbreadth of the other rocked Abby at her very centre and she felt herself submerge beneath the first onslaught. Frightened, she flung her arms out in search of something to cling to, buffeted by wave after wave of a convulsive orgasm that rolled through her like heat lightning. Where she had felt barren and abandoned Kerry conjured a tropical storm that raged and gushed, wracking her body with pleasure and arousal, wringing out every last gasp and sigh that had been carefully hidden away.
Abby covered her face with her hands, feeling the warmth from her cheeks scorch her palms. She remained there, unmoving, hoping that Kerry had been too focused to witness her undoing. Shocks continued to spark and crackle, jolting through her wetness and running shivers up her neck and shoulders. She began to tremble and she heard Kerry whimper and then raise her head to stare at Abby.
"Are you okay?"
Fuck, was she kidding?
"Better than okay, I think--"
"That's not what I meant "
Kerry trailed off and continued to stare at her. Abby let her eyelids drift shut, breathing deeply and preparing herself for Kerry's withdrawal. She bit her lip, embarrassed to find that she was crying.
"You didn't hurt me, that's not I'm sorry."
Abby felt Kerry remove her hand slowly, gently, easing her through the physical abandonment.
Kerry pushed herself forward until they were eye to eye.
"I would never hurt you."
Turbulence. An approaching earthquake in Abby's brain, hope and fear twisting together until she couldn't pick apart one thread from the other. Always looking always lost and always looking and never seeing and suddenly it was there. She was amazed she even recognized it.
"I didn't mean for this to happen."
Kerry blinked once in acknowledgement and then lowered her head to rest beneath Abby's chin, her hands tucking into her chest and Abby unconsciously wrapped her arms around her, surprised once again at how small she was.
Kerry's voice was muffled when she finally spoke.
"But it has."
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