DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters; please forgive my treading on any toes. I do it only for my sanity.
SPOILERS: Yeah, a little for S09E11 ĎA Little Help From My Friendsí
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

Flashes of Light
By Debbie

 

It's a dark and stormy night, and all of Chicago seems to have taken to its bed; I haven't known a night as slow as this in ages, and yet we've still managed to deal with a multi-car accident. I'm covered in blood and gore, and know I need to change scrubs, so I slowly head towards the locker room, all the time in awe of the lightning flashes that illuminate the sky through the outer windows.

Amazingly, a quiet gentle sound rises above the cacophony of thunder cracks, drawing me towards the suture-room. Just as I reach the darkened window, a purple flash backlights the room behind, and I see you in glorious relief; privately, changing out of your blood soaked clothes.

With intense concentration, I hear the tune you're singing to yourself, a mother's lullaby. My heart skips a beat as I remember the last time I found you in a similar situation; the night you lost your much wanted baby. Then you were pale, haggard, and truly heartbroken; tonight you amaze me.

So beautiful, glowing with something, I guess can only be happiness. In the natural lighting your skin radiates health, and your lips turn upwards in a smile. I watch as you drop your dirty scrubs to the floor, so beautiful.

You flick back your hair, grown longer than usual and worn up in a pony-tail that sways naturally across your slim, but strong shoulders. So many nights I've longed to be able to rest my head on their strength, but never have I dared.

And now, now you are you. So open with your feelings and their direction, and yet, I still only watch from afar. I watch you live your life to the fullest, sharing your heart with another, and see you finally at peace with yourself and your life, and I want more. I want to touch you, touch you somewhere deep inside. I want to caress your long spine, the one I unashamedly covert as you slowly pull on clean scrubs, dragging the cloth tantalizingly over each vertebra in passing.

Now, watching as you slowly massage the hip that has caused you problems since youth, the hip that has never stopped you from being who you are and who you want to be, I know without a doubt, that I want to be able to offer you that comfort, the gentle massage that would ease your aching limbs.

You turn towards me intently watching you, just as another purple flash fills the night sky and I see your beautiful eyes, seemingly looking straight through me, invisible behind the glass, and I see a flash of something different. I see a flash of recognition deep in your gaze. Have you seen me?

Like watching a train wreck unfold I cannot take my eyes from yours, as a brilliant smile graces your lips. Instantly, it's gone, and try as I may I can't imagine I ever saw that look.

I finally turn away from your hideaway, leaving you to your solitude, and allow a smile to flit across my own features; accepting what I feel for you alongside what I already have, and accepting what you feel for me alongside what you already have.

I know that you are you, beautiful, intense, and hers. I know that I am me, pretty, shallow and his.

Like the lightning that flashes here today and is gone tomorrow, I know that things change.

Perhaps, someday…

The End

Return to ER Fiction

Return to Main Page