Forgotten Conscience
Two roads, one path
By Christopher Andrews


Chapter 56
The bearer of bad news

Willow's POV

I should just ask her. We talk about everything, why should this be any different?

I look down at her hand in mine as we walk toward the last motel in town, but seeing as how there are only like 4 of them in town that's not saying a lot.

Why does this bug me so much? She was just being nice to Buffy because she was obviously wigged. But then why did she say 'I'm sorry'? You don't usually say you're sorry when you're trying to calm someone down.



"Why did you say you were sorry?"

"Sweetie, I haven't said anything since we left the last motel."

Oh right, she can't actually read your mind you just like to think she can because she knows you so well.

"I meant back at Giles'. Before we left, you told Buffy you were sorry. Why did you say that?"

"She… um… she looked like she needed it."

"Yeah but, why did you say you're sorry? I mean usually in a bad situation you say stuff like 'everything will be okay'."

"I… I dunno I just… I-I saw how upset she was and… and I figured s-something must have … h-happened."

"Yeah, Faith got her memory back and probably tried to kill Buffy when she realized just how nice she was being to Faith."

"I um… yeah."

I let go of Tara's hand and stop to talk with her.

"But that's exactly what I hate the most about Faith. No matter how much Faith screws up, no matter what Faith does to her Buffy never stops helping her. Faith doesn't deserve someone like Buffy."

"Um… r-right…"

She doesn't sound like she believes me.


"Well I… I… have… have you ever w-wondered why s… Buffy… why Buffy never stops helping her?"

"Well obviously it's because…"

I stop in mid-sentence.

I guess I never really took the time to think about it.

"I'm not sure; I guess it's because of who Buffy is."

All of the sudden it dawns on me.

"Buffy has always done what's right. She tries to help people no matter who they are or what they've done. I suppose Faith is just another person Buffy's trying to help."

"Y-yeah I guess."

"Anyway, the last motel is just around the corner, we should get to it so we can report back to Giles."

"Un-hun, so… what do we do again if we find Faith?"

"Well first we try and talk her out of killing us by you know, appealing to her common sense… if she still has any, and then we run like hell."

We continue toward the motel.

You know… Faith isn't my most favourite person in the world, but if Buffy, being the good and selfless person she is, thinks Faith can be helped then I guess Faith has a chance to change. Not that I think she can… but we'll just have to wait and see.

We walk into the main lobby together and walk up to the front desk.


"Can I help you?"

John's POV

God this is gonna be horrible. Any minute now I'm gonna walk through those ominous wooden doors and into HIS presence and things are gonna be bad.

The doors themselves are huge cherry wood. The double medieval style doors are at least 20 feet tall, probably more, and at least 12 inches thick. It's a good thing nothing but vampires come through these doors cause most humans probably wouldn't be able to open it.

One of the doors opens up and Ramsey steps out and looks at me.

"He who is the eternal one calls you into his presence."

"Yeah, I figured that."

I walk through the doorway and into the great hall. Again with the medieval vibe, although this has more of a medieval/ancient Egyptian/ancient Greek-type feeling. The large red carpet embroidered with mythic symbols of powerful creatures is laid out through the middle of the hall toward what can only be described as his throne. The room itself is pretty dark.

Poorly lit candles run alongside the red carpet, lighting it just enough not to trip over anything but not enough to see much beyond it. The walls are at least 15 feet away on either side with small torches spaced out along the walls. There's a symbol on the walls, the final letter of the Greek alphabet, OMEGA. A warning of what's to come.

I walk down the carpet as I've done many times before and the sound of chanting becomes more apparent.

He is not going to like what I have to say.

I get closer to the end of the hall and vampires surrounding him come into focus. My eyesight might super human but that doesn't mean everything's always in full focus. They're all kneeling in a circle around his throne which is elevated a few inches above everything else on a circular platform. The chanting is in some archaic demon language I never bothered to learn, it sounds a lot like Latin but it's not.

I'm not part of this for the chanting, I'm here because of the slayer killing part.

I get about five feet away from the chanters and the chanters stop. I get down on one knee as the chanters stand from their kneeling state and fade into the background.

I love how they do that.

I lower my head and stare at the floor.

"You sent for me sire."

I hear him stand up and see an ominous shadow cast over me.

"You failed me."

This is already going well.

"Yes sire, I make no excuses for my failures. Faith disappeared from the hospital on my watch. It's my fault we weren't able to finish the spell and secure Phase 1. Retrieval and extermination of the subject failed under my command and she ran right into the arms of our most hated enemy."

"Why should I not kill you where you are?'

"I have news."

"The amnesia?"

Oh great I'm screwed.

"Yes sire."

I don't dare look up unless he orders it.

His deep booming voice echoes throughout the great hall.

"It is of no consequence."

No consequence? What the hell is he talking about?

"But sire…"

I catch myself almost looking up.

"Phase 3 must begin on schedule and without delay."

"Y-Yes sire."

The ominous shadow flickers slightly. After a few moments someone, probably one of the chanters, hands me 'The Box'. It's about 6 inches long and a width of about 4 inches with a black finish.

"Thank you your greatness. I shall begin immediately."


I get up and start back the way I came, never looking back. I hold on to the box for dear unlife.

I've been waiting for this.

I feel a smile on my face.

Chapter 57
It can't be love, can it?

Faith's POV

What did I do?

I look up at her from my chair at the foot of her bed.

She looks so peaceful, she shouldn't. Not after what I did to her. I'm still not even sure HOW I did it. All I did was knee her in the stomach, well that and hit her in the head a couple times. But even still, we're slayers, we're supposed to be able to take more than that. Maybe I just don't know my own strength since those vamps pumped me full of drugs. All I know for sure is that I feel like I nearly killed her. The way she doubled over in pain, the way she could barely breath and then she passed out.

I'm not sure why I went to her side when she passed out. It just… something inside me couldn't let her just lie there like that, I just couldn't. I was so relieved when her heart was still beating. She was barely breathing but thank god she was. She was just unconscious.

I put my head in her hands.

Why do I care so much? If this had been before my coma I would've just finished her off. But… but I saw her lying there and I wasn't angry with her, I… I felt sorry for her. I felt sorry for her, ME! I don't feel sorry for people. I leave them in my dust and forget about them. It's what I do, but I just couldn't... leave her there. Maybe it's because of how nice she was to me when I had no memory but I just couldn't do it.

So I checked her pulse, made sure she was still breathing and then I picked her up and brought her home. It felt horrible… knowing what I did to her. It felt even worse than how I felt when I killed that demon in the alley. Why do I feel so horrible? Is it just my conscience bothering me or, or is it something… more? She was so nice to me the whole time I had amnesia. Even after she found out I was trying to kill her she still tried to help her.

She even threw Red out of her… didn't I already have this argument with myself? I know I had it when I had no memory. And I think this one is going right where the last one did. I couldn't kill her, I couldn't leave her there because somewhere… deep down inside I care for her. I'm… I'm not sure exactly how deep my feelings for her go, but I think…

I look up at her lying unconscious but alive on her bed.

I think I'd like to know how deep they go. That is, if she'd still be willing. After what I've done I'd understand if she never spoke to me ever again. I mean I shunned her, I told her I never want to see her again, I made out with her and then I nearly killed her. Maybe, maybe if I tell her what happened she… she might not hate me so much. Maybe if I tell her that when I saw her lying there, struggling to breathe, all that anger and hatred I had for her just… disappeared. Maybe if I tell her that, things might be okay between us one day.

I run my hands through my hair in frustration.

I hope I can make things right between us. God listen to me, I sound like a god damn patsy. I hope I can make things right between us? Screw that. If she forgives me, she forgives me. If she doesn't, she doesn't. I'll deal with it either way. It's not like I'm in love with her or anything I just think she's hot, it's not a crime. I'm not the kind of person who falls in love. I get hot for someone, I screw their brains out and I move on.

I watch her stir in her sleep and I only hope she's having a good dream.

This isn't about love this is about sex.

She almost coughs up a lung and I rush to her side.

Oh god…

"Buffy? Buffy wake up. Buffy please wake up."

I lightly tap her on the cheek to try and get her to wake up. She stirs a bit and opens her eyes.

Thank god.

She looks up at me.


Chapter 58
If she forgives me, she forgives me

Faith's POV


Thank god she's all right.

"It's me Buffy, I'm here."


She coughs.

"… Are you all right?"

Am I all right? What kind of question is that?

"I'm fine I'm… I'm more worried about you. Are you okay?"

She sits up on her elbows and grimaces in pain as she grabs her lower ribs.

"I've had better days."

You should apologize, that's the right thing to do right?

"I-um… I'm s… I… are you gonna be okay?"

I couldn't get the words out. I can't remember the last time I apologized, for anything. Well when I had a memory anyways.

She massages her ribs a bit as she sits up a little more.

"Yeah, I don't think you did any permanent damage. Plus hey, I heal quickly."

"Right, slayer healing is a hand skill. I still… I'm still… I…"

"Faith is everything all right?"

"Yeah um… everything's fine."

"Everything doesn't sound fine."

"Well I'm better than you right now."

"I'm good, it's not like you put me in a coma or something."

No I didn't.

"No I didn't but I wanted to do much worse. Right up until you passed out I was ready, willing and able to kill you then and there."

She reaches out and takes my hand, pulling me up and I sit down on the edge of her bed.

"But you didn't and that says something about you."

"Yeah it tells me I don't have any guts."

She leans in closer.

"No, I think it means you're not as horrible a person as people want to believe."

I'm not quite sure how to take that.

"That you do care about someone other than yourself. And I'd like to think that maybe one of the reasons you couldn't kill me was because you care about me."

She reaches out with her other hand to touch my face and I pull away.

I'm not ready.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm… I don't mean to… it's just, my head is kinda messed up right now. I need some time to figure it all out. Buffy I, I don't fall in love. I just don't, so I mean, I'm not sure how it's supposed to feel or… or what I'm supposed to do aobut it. I do feel something for you, I just need time to work things out."

"Are you gonna stay in town?"

"Yeah, I probably am."

I don't wanna make any promises, especially since I have a habit of breaking them.

"Then I guess I can live with that, Just, just do me one favour."

I smile at her.

"Depends on the favour."

She moves over to one side of the bed.

"Stay here… with me tonight. Just sleep next to me tonight."

I'm not sure that's such a good idea. It could get kinda confusing."

"You're right, I shouldn't have asked. You need time, and asking you to do that isn't giving it to you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

There's an awkward silence between us as we sorta avoid each other with our eyes.

I did not need this.

Finally, she breaks the silence.

"What time is it?"

"I dunno…"

I look over at the clock on her nightstand.

"One o'clock at night."

"Oh… well that explains it."

"Explains what?"

"Why I'm so tired when I just woke up, I was only out for an hour."

Now that I think about it I'm pretty tired myself.

"I'm kinda tired too."

A lot happened today.

"Well we've been through a lot today."

"I guess."

"We should go to bed."

"Sounds like a plan."

I get off the bed and slip between my sheets. I lie on my side facing away from B and close my eyes. After a few moments of her rustling around it finally gets quiet and then…

"Good night Faith."

I'm trying to sleep.


Silence follows and I drift off.

Innocent Victim's POV

I hate walking home at night. You know you'd think a college campus would be safe at night, what with all the money we pay them. I should've gone home with that guy who was flirting with me at the party, at least then I wouldn't have to walk home alone like this. Then again I went home with the last 3 guys I just met at a party I think 4 in a row might make me a slut.

I hear a rustling nearby and I turn around just in time to see a shadow disappear behind a far away tree. I start walking faster.

Ah screw it, next time a guy hits on me after dark I'm going home with him. Either that or I'm getting home before dark. No more of this walking home alone where any psycho with a gun can come kill me crap.

Another rustling, closer and louder than the last one. I start running.

I don't wanna know. I don't care who it is, I don't' care what it is. All I care about is getting home to my dorm without being axe murdered to death.

I hear someone following me. I look behind me and a dark ominous figure is following me.

I don't wanna know.

I speed up my running, desperate to get away.

I don't wanna know, I don't.

I look back again and it's even closer.

I don't wanna know. I have to get back to my dorm room, I'll be safe there.

I see a sign at the corner of a four-way sidewalk.

Stevenson Hall this way. I'm almost there it's just a little further.

I look behind me and there's nothing there.

That's bad.

I turn my head back to see where I'm going to just in time to get knocked down. I push my blonde hair out of my face and look up at what I ran into.

"W-Who are y-you?"

"My name is John…"

He puts out to help me up and I take it.

Well at least he doesn't LOOK like an axe murderer.

"But who I am isn't important, what's more important is who you are. What's your name?"

"Betsy, Betsy Sanders… what, what are you doing out here in the middle of the night?"

It's kinda creepy after being chased by that thing, whatever it was.

"I could ask you the same question."

I look down at my clothes and they're kinda dirty. I start to dust them off.

"I just came from a party over at Lowell House. I was on my way back to my dorm."

I finally get the dust off and I readjust my skirt.

"You live over at Stevenson?"




"What do you mean great?"

I look up.

"Oh god, don't!"

Chapter 59
Heroism is only cool if it gets you chicks

Faith's POV

God damn it… I'm standing in front of B in a fighting stance. This whole dream thing is getting kinda pointless. She throws those same three punches again and I dodge them quickly, although at this point I could probably dodge them blindfolded I know them so well. I duck down and kick her legs out from under her, knocking her flat on her back as usual.

I scramble on top of her and pin her arms above her head. After a second to get over the shock she smiles at me. I feel myself smile back at her. Why is it we're never afraid of each other in these dreams? You'd think I'd wanna see the look of fear on her face as I do what I'm about to do. And then, the dream changes. I lean in and plant a mad passionate kiss on her lips and as soon as I do this dream kicks into full motion, virtual reality mode. I feel like I can taste her lips on mine as she kisses me back, and I could swear I can smell the scent of her perfume. It's intoxicating.

We start to roll around on the floor, groping each other in every place either of us can grab. I finally manage to get myself back on top cause you know, that's where I like to be in this kinda sitch, and I grind my hips into hers just to tease her that little bit. She puts her hands on my thighs and starts to rub her thumbs along the insides. I could swear I felt myself shudder. I reach down to the hem of her shirt, pushing it up exposing her taut rippling stomach. I move my hands just above her stomach to take in the full view of her beauty.

And just when I thought I was gonna dive back in my hands move up to either side of her neck. I lean down and kiss her, my hands moving to her shoulders as I do. My tongue in her mouth and hers in mine, I slide my hands up her shoulders and around her neck. I glide my thumbs down her neck to the soft spot just above her neck bone and start to press down. I start to put my weight on her neck. I pull my lips away from hers as she stops kissing me back. She coughs more and more as she gasps for air but the happy look on her face never fades. All of the sudden my voice kicks in.

"I'm sorry I-I can't do it, I won't do it. I can't let it happen, I won't let it happen."

She keeps gasping for air as her airway gets smaller the more weight I put on it. Weakly, she grabs at my hands to stop me as she tries to speak.


"I'm sorry I… can't."

She falls limp on the floor.

I open my eyes.

What the hell?

I'm lying on Buffy's floor in a semi-fetal position, holding my pillow the same way I was strangling Buffy in my dream.

What the hell am I doing?

My hands start shaking and I let go of the pillow.

Damn it, these dreams are really starting to bug me. What the hell are they trying to tell me anyway? I already know I got a thing for Buffy, and I already know I've been trying to kill her, so these dreams aren't really telling me anything new. She was a pretty good kisser though, I wonder if she's as good at making out for real as she was in my dream. If I keep having dreams like this I won't really have to find out will I? God it was so real. What the hell are these dreams trying to say by being so real?

I move to lay on my back and stare at the ceiling.

Am I meant to be with Buffy or am I meant to kill her? Honestly I think it could go either way. Maybe that's what my dreams are trying to say. Maybe it's saying that it could go either way and I'm supposed to make some kind of choice. How the hell am I supposed to make that kind of choice? Okay so all of the sudden I think she's hot, it doesn't mean I can just forget how much of a major league bitch she was to me before. Then again, Buffy sounds like she's forgiven me for all the people I murdered. Maybe I can forgive her for being such a high and mighty bitch and for looking down on me for so long.

Ah fuck it, why should I? It's not like I think she's hotter than Britney Spears in a working boiler room. She's just, kinda hot is all. And what the hell is it about her that I find so hot anyway? I mean sure she's beautiful and smart and kind of heroic and all that but I've never really found those things attractive in a guy. But come to think of it B isn't a guy she's a chick.

The only real requirement I've ever had for a guy was that he have a big dick, and I even waved that requirement for Xander. Maybe my priorities are different for chick. For crap's sake, now she's got me thinking about my priorities and analyzing my feelings. She's got my head all twisted in knots. I should just do what I always do, go with the flow, see where my instincts take me.

Hmm, right now my instincts are telling me to wake her up with a grope friendly kiss and see where it takes us.

I feel a smile come over my face as I sit up.

I must like this idea a lot.

My eyes break the surface of the bed and I suddenly realize how alone in the room I am. I look around the room and she's nowhere in sight. Her bathroom door is slightly open so she's not in there.

B is too uptight to leave it open no matter what she might be doing. So where the hell is she?

I get to my feet and look around, like I expect her to just magically appear. I look down at the bed and there's a note on her pillow. I pick it up and read it.


I woke up and you were still asleep. I didn't want to wake you so I left you this note and went to get us some breakfast in the cafeteria, I hope you like muffins…'

Well I can't say I hate them.

'And I'll try and find some thing for you to drink like I don't know fruit punch or something. I left about 9 o'clock…'

I look over at the clock.

That was 20 minutes ago.

'… and I hope I can get back before you wake up but I'm not betting on it, hence the note.'

Who says hence anymore?

'Anyway, just hang out and I'll be back as soon as I can with breakfast. See ya soon,


I let out a sigh as I fall back on the bed, my head slightly hanging off the other side.

So she wants me to wait for her hun?

I crumple up the note and chuck it in her trash bin.

What the hell… it's not like I have anything else planned. Who knows, B might actually have some actual fun penciled in some time today. Then again, this is B we're talking about, real fun doesn't really get in her head unless she's pushed into it. I guess I'm gonna have to do some pushing. Heh that thought alone makes me all tingly the way that dream was… before the strangulation. You know now that I think about it I should probably use this alone time to change clothe. I've been wearing this bra since yesterday and it's starting to bug me.

Not to mention, sleeping in my clothes? I haven't done that since I was like 23 or something. I guess I'm gonna have to learn to live with it until I figure out what's going on between B and I, or at least until she loosens up a bit.

I get up off the bed and head to B's dresser. I ruffle through her clothes, trying to find something decent to throw on. I stop when I catch my eye on a white sleeveless shirt.

Is this hers or is this mine? Ah hell, I don't think she'll mind

I put it over my shoulder and start fiddling through the clothes for some pants. I settle on a pair of black leather pants and close the dresser drawer. I fling the clothes over the top of her dresser. I take the hem of my shirt in my hands and pull it up, off over my head. I toss it to the ground.

Wow, I already feel better.

I run a hand over my newly exposed skin.

This is the first time I've felt comfortable in my own skin since, since before I lost me memory.

I reach behind me and unhook my bra. I roll my shoulders forward and let the fabric fall away from my body. I throw it on the floor on top of my shirt. I roll my shoulders back upright. Just as I take the white sleeveless in my hand, I hear the door open.


I look behind me to the door, never bothering to cover up. The door still half open, she steps inside and nearly drops the tray in her hand.

"Oh my god I…"

She looks away.

"Hey B, how's it going?"

Speaking of fun.

Chapter 60
Just cause it's at B's expense, doesn't mean it's not fun

Faith's POV

"Hey B, how's it going?"

Speaking of fun, I might as well have some.

"Faith, what… what are you doing?"

Isn't it kinda obvious?

"I'm changing, what does it look like?"

Her head turns my way slightly and she peaks at me out of the corner of her eye, but my goodies are still facing the other way so she gets nothing.

I must be evil to do this to her.

"Well I… I'll… I'll just you know, wait outside until you… you're finished."

I put my shirt up against my chest to cover up before turning around to face her.

I wouldn't have covered up but she's already really nervous, I don't wanna give her a seizure or something.

"Oh come on, it's not like your not itching to see me in my birthday suit."

She looks at me and then quickly turns away.

"That's not the p… I'm gonna wait outside."

She back steps out the door and closes it behind her.

She's such a spaz. Maybe I should have a little more fun with her.

I pop the button on my leathers and pull them below my ankles, stepping out of then as I do. I throw my shirt back on the dresser. As I straighten up I readjust the elastic on my panties, pulling them up a little higher just to tease her.

"Okay B, I'm decent."

I can't help but chuckle.

Decent in whose sense of the word?

The door starts to open and I throw my t-shirt over my shoulders, just barely covering my upper body. She steps inside for a second time, this time without the tray in hand.

Probably thinks I'm gonna pull a prank on her.

I cross my arms across my chest.

She was right.

"Look, Faith… just because…"

Her jaw drops as she freezes in her tracks and stares at my nearly naked body.


She covers her eyes before turning away.

"I thought you said you were dressed."

"I said I was decent, there's a difference."

"FAITH just…"

She leaves the room, closing the door.

"Put something on please."

Okay enough fun, she's gonna hurt me if I do it again.

I actually put the shirt on and the leather pants.

"Okay B, you can come in now."

I don't hear anything.

"You can come in B."

"Are you sure? You put something on right?"

I just have to laugh.

She thinks she's gonna walk in here and I'm gonna be completely naked. Hmm, maybe later.

"Yes I'm wearing clothes, you can come in."

"Okay but if I come in there and you're not wearing anything I'm gonna sock you one."

I laugh at her as the door opens.

She probably shouldn't be talking that loud about this, people might start to talk. Not that I care much but I'm sure B does.

She peaks around the corner like she's in a haunted house and something might jump out at her. She looks at me fully clothed and it's like the scary thing in the haunted house wasn't scary. She steps outside the door, gathering up our breakfast and coming inside. She shuts the door with her foot and starts over to her bed. While she walks in she peaks at me out of the corner of her eye.

She's thinking about what she saw a second ago, I know she is.

She sets the tray down on her bed and sets a small bag down beside it.

"You're too uptight B."

She turns to me with a look of almost shock on her face.

"UPTIGHT! I am NOT uptight."

She doesn't think so does she?

"Oh come on, compared to me you're wound up tighter than a snare drum."

"Hey, I was just trying to do the right thing, the decent thing."

I walk toward her with a little swagger in my step.

Maybe I can have a little more fun.

She watches my hips sway and it makes her kinda nervous.

"What? Didn't you like what you saw?"

I stop inches from her and she starts breathing heavier.

Hot for me already are you? She really is incredibly uptight.

"Well I… of, of course I, I liked w… but, but after what you said last night, I just wanted to give you the time you needed to, to think."

I guess I should tell her.

I get a little closer and my own breathing gets kinda heavy.

"I've been thinking about that. Thinking about my feelings and all that. And you know what I've decided?"

It takes her a second to register a response, given our proximity.


"I wanna stop thinking about it…"

I put my arms on her shoulders and pull her to me so our bodies are pressed against each other.

"I just want us to spend time together, see where it takes us."

I take each of her wrists in my hands, one at a time, and place each of her hands on my ass.

"Faith I…"

She doesn't finish her sentence as I kiss her long and hard, which is different cause I usually for me it's all about hard and fast. She starts to squeeze my ass and it only makes me kiss her harder. After a few seconds of this I finally let her breathe. She looks at me, breathing harder than before, and blinks. All of the sudden her hands jump from my ass to the small of my back.

Something about this just feels so right.

"Are you… are you sure about this?"

More than anything.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life."

She pushes my hair back behind my left ear.

"Cause I don't want you to do anything you don't…"

I stop her right there with a quick kiss. I take her head in my hands.

"Don't worry B; I want this just as much as you do."

I give her another quick kiss for good measure.

"Oh Faith…"

She gives me a peck on the lips as one of her hands moves up my back between my shoulders. She speaks between a barrage of kisses.

"You don't… you don't know… how much… that means… means to… me."

The next kiss is deeper and softer than the ones before. We slowly make our way to the bed, inches away. We brace ourselves as I fall on top of her, our lips still locked. I pull our lips apart even though I don't want to and look down at her. I look down into her eyes and I get lost in them.

It's like I can see into her soul and she can see into mine. I can see how much she cares about me, how much she wants to be with me. And I hope to god she can see the same in mine. Because I do, I care about her more than I've ever cared about anyone, ever.


I run my thumb over her bottom lip, just to know that I touched it, just to know that I tasted it.

"What do you wanna do now?"

She smiles at me and licks her lips.

"I think…"

Why did I even ask? I know what she wants.

I feel her hand slide down my back and onto my waist.

I definitely know what she wants.

"I think we should have breakfast."

I run my index finger over her collarbone.

"What did you have in mind?"


Okay maybe I don't know what she wants.

"That's not what I was thinking of having."

I start to lean into her but she stops me.

"No, really Faith… I think we should stop."

She's struggling to get the words out.

Sometimes it's really hard to do the right thing eh?

"Why? I thought we were having fun."

"We are…"

I run my hand down her chest and softly cup her breast in my palm.

"Oh god, are we having fun but… we should, we should stop."

I run my hand down her side and she squirms under my touch.

"But I'm having so much fun doing what I'm doing."

"Faith it's not that I don't want to it's just… I wanna take things, slow."

"Oh come on, you didn't take things slow with Angel."

"I know…"

She pushes my waist away from hers.

This is obviously isn't gonna happen.

I roll over next to her on the bed.

"All the more reason to take it slow. Look how that turned out."

I guess she's right. What am I saying?

She takes my hand in hers.

"What we have is different than what I had with Angel, on so many levels, and it's completely different than anything I thought I had with Riley. I want our relationship to be totally different than my others, and from what I know about your old relationships I was kinda hoping you'd want the same."

She's right, I don't know what it is but something's telling me she's right. We have to wait. Course I'm not gonna tell her that.

"Well if that's the way you want it I guess I won't fight you. You have a tendency to put me in a coma when we fight."

She laughs out loud.

Good, I'm glad we can joke about that.

I slide my hand down her stomach between her legs. She gasps as her hips gyrate at the feel of my hand against her sweetness.

"Of course, you should know better than anyone… I'm not a very patient person."

I push my hand deeper between her legs, over the clothes, but it still makes her moan.

"Sooner or later, I'm gonna get real impatient."

She slides her own hand down to meet mine between her legs.

"I look forward to it."

Damn B, I didn't think she could be so kinky.

I look her in the eyes and she looks back.

It's like we're looking into each other's souls again, it's overwhelming.

After about a minute we remember to breathe. She pulls her hand away from her crotch.

"Okay… I think we should stop before we do something neither of us is ready for."


I make sure and crawl over her as I move down to the end of the bed so that our breakfast sits between us. She sits down at the top of her bed cross legged as I do the same at the end of it. I take one of the plastic juice bottles in my hand and twist it open. B picks up the bag and takes out one of the muffins. I take a swig of my fruit punch before she hands the bag to me and I grab my own muffin. I watch her as she tears off a piece of her muffin and puts it in her mouth.

Wow, she must have really soft lips.

I take a bite of my muffin and go back to watching her chew.

Okay I know I was kissing her lips a minute ago but I really wasn't thinking about how soft her lips were, I had my mind on… other things. You know a woman's lips are supposed to be a prefect representation of… okay don't I have more self control than this? Wait, no I don't.

I resist the urge to drop my breakfast and jump her bones cause that's not what she wants.

She wants to take it slow and I have to respect that.

I take another bite of my muffin.

I don't believe it. I almost don't want to believe it.

I take another sip of my juice.

There's actually someone I care about other than myself. There's someone in my life who means more to me then just some cheap fuck. I don't know if I can believe it. I mean this is me we're talking about. The get some and get gone girl… ME!

I take another sip of my fruit juice.

You know this juice isn't half bad. I guess it's kinda ironic that we're drinking fruit juice since we've both gone all fruity.

I can't help but chuckle.

"Hey B?"

She looks up form her muffin and all the sudden I get all flustered.

Down girl, tame the beast.


"What's with the fruit punch?"

"What about it? Does it taste funny? Sometimes it sits in the cafeteria for a couple weeks and it makes it taste funny."

"No it tastes fine I just mean, why didn't you get coffee or something?"

"Well I didn't really know whether you liked coffee or not. Plus coffee kinda makes me jittery."

Well that makes sense.

"Yeah after everything that happened last night, jittery isn't really a good idea is it?"

The room falls silent between us and we sorta avoid each other with our eyes.

"Yeah… last night was kinda intense wasn't it?"

Our eyes meet and she forces a smile at me.

I still haven't apologized for what I did to her. It must've been horrible the way I took advantage of her feelings for me, just so I could feel better about myself. I should say I'm sorry or something.

"Buffy about last night…"

"Did you call Giles?"


"Last night, did you call Giles and tell him everything was okay?"

She just cut me off. Did she know what I was about to say?

"No, I didn't think to."

"I should call him, he's probably worried sick."

She reaches for the phone.

"Buffy wait…"

She stops in mid-reach and looks at me.

"You were right."

She stops reaching and settles back on the bed.

"About what?"

"About last night…"


"I was grieving, I was in pain over loosing Wilkins… I shouldn't have done what I did to you."

"Faith it's okay."

"No it's not I mean, I used you."

"It's not like it's the first time you've used people."

"Yeah but I've never used anyone I cared about before. But then, I've never cared about anyone enough to care whether I sued them or not."

She leans forward on all fours so our breakfast isn't between us.

"It's okay Faith, it's over now. All that matters now is that we're together, that we're going to be together. We are, aren't we?"

I take a deep breath before leaning in and kissing her.

"I want us to be."

She kisses me back at my words.

"Then nothing else matters."

She pushes my hair back behind my ears.

"Last night doesn't matter, all that matters is us, right here right now. Okay?"

Why didn't I think of that? It's what I do.


"All right…" She settles back down at the other end of her bed before reaching for the phone and dialling Giles' number.

If that's the way she wants it then I guess it's the right thing to do. Buffy's all about doing the right thing. Not me I just wanna jump her bones and get it over with.

I take a bite of my muffin.

"Giles it's me…"

Part 61

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