DISCLAIMER: See Part 1
Forgotten Conscience
Two roads, one path
By Christopher Andrews
Chapter 66
Doubt is a mother fucker
Faith's POV
Well that's what I get.
I open my third beer in half an hour and take a swig.
That's what I get for trying to do the right thing.
I take another sip of my beer and go back to watching people dance on the dance floor.
I try and be the noble good girl, and everything falls apart on me. I should've learned by now that no good deed goes unpunished. No matter how good I try to be it always ends badly. I thought things would be different with B. I thought maybe because I felt happy with Buffy that maybe things would be okay and we could get through this. I was wrong. She might make me incredibly happy when we're together but it isn't real… it WASN'T real.
I take a swig of beer to try and drown it out.
But ever since I had that fight with Buffy I've felt this horrible pain inside me and I can't stop it. Usually when I feel this bad I just go out, get drunk, screw some random guy and I feel better with a major hangover in the morning. But it's not working, most of the time I feel at least a little better after a few drinks but this time it just feels worse.
I chug the rest of the beer down and drop the bottle down on the table.
God, it's not going away. Maybe if I stop thinking about it it'll go away. If I ignore it I'll feel better.
I look over the crowd to find something, someone to focus on. My distraction doesn't last long though as my eyes rest upon two particular dancers. There were two chicks, a blonde and a brunette to boot dancing together without a care in the world.
That was supposed to be us. B and I are supposed to be out on that dance floor gyrating our hips to the music, grinding our bodies together, touching each other in all the right… inappropriate places. God what I wouldn't give to feel good like that again, even if it was fake.
God damn it I don't care anymore. I don't care if it was fake or if it's real or some freakish in between thing, I just wanna feel like I do with Buffy again. I wanna feel happy again. I don't wanna feel this pain anymore, and there's only one person who can help me.
I get up nearly tripping over my own feet as I do.
Buffy's POV
"What the hell does she…?"
I hit him with a round house kick to the head.
"WANT?"
"Who?"
I kick him in the side rather than answer his question.
"Everything was going so…"
The vamp tries to get up but I knock him on his back with a front kick to the face.
"… WELL. We were going to be to-together."
He starts to get up again and I grab him by the collar. I pick him up over my head.
"Tonight was even supposed to be our first date."
I throw him clear over a nearby tombstone sending him face first into the dirt.
"This was supposed to be the greatest night of our lives, and then she had to go and ruin it by pretending what we haven't isn't real."
The vamp struggles to get to his feet.
"SHE? Slayer, are you gay?"
I look over at him and my blood boils. I run at him as he gets to his feet. I stop in my tracks as he throws a punch that barely misses my face. I throw my own punch which sends him tumbling over another gravestone behind him.
"So what if I am? It doesn't change the fact that I'm kicking your ass."
I rush over to him and kneel over his body. I star pounding on him between breaths.
"Besides… what she and I h… have isn't as simple as g-gay or… straight. It's about… two… people in… in love. No matter who they are."
I stop pounding on him for a second.
"Got it?"
He smiles up at me despite the blood coming off his face.
"Yeah, but you gotta admit, a gay slayer… it's kinda funny."
Stupid vampires.
I pull a stake out of my inside jacket pocket.
"Shut up!"
I stake him in the heart and he bursts into dust.
Damn vampires, what the hell do they know?
I get up and dust myself off.
You know I think I feel better. It's a good thing I staked him though, cause otherwise I'd be itching to go find Faith or at least a good chunk of cookie dough. You know I think I'm gonna go home and sleep it off. Maybe things will look better in the morning.
I turn around, still getting the last bits of dust off my shirt, and I run into someone nearly knocking them over.
"Oh geez, I'm sorry I was just… I wasn't watching where I was going I… I'm sorry are you all…"
I look up at the person I ran over.
"… Right?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Riley, what are you doing here?"
"I'm guessing the same thing you are, except with a few more friends."
A couple of Riley's initiative buddies come out of nowhere.
"Why are you out here alone? I figured you'd be out slaying with Faith. Where is she?"
Oh geez, what do I do? How do I tell him why she isn't here without telling him what we fought about? God I can't keep stringing people along like this, especially Riley. Maybe it's time I sat down and talked with him.
"Riley um, I need to talk to you."
"Okay sure, what do you wanna talk about?"
I'm suddenly very aware of Riley's platoon buddies.
"Um, do you think maybe…? This is kinda a private conversation…"
He looks back at his patrolling boys.
"Oh right um…"
He turns around to talk to them.
"Okay fan out and form a perimeter. If you locate an H.S.T. call for back up. I'll be here in case of emergency. Let's bag and tag it people."
They acknowledge his orders and start to move out over the graveyard.
"Okay, what did you need to talk about?"
I look around.
"There's a bench over there, do you mind if we sit down?"
"Well I'm supposed to be on duty."
"Please Riley it's important."
He takes a second to think.
"Okay, if it's that important to you."
We walk over to the bench at the edge of the graveyard and sit down. I take a deep breath.
"First off, I wanna start by saying I'm sorry about what happened the other day."
"It's all right."
"No it's not."
"Yes it is. You were obviously extremely upset."
"But that still doesn't mean…"
He takes my hand.
"It's okay."
"Even if you are okay with what happened I still need to talk about why it happened."
"Okay, whatever you need."
"Riley over the last little while I've been going through some… changes."
"I wish you'd told me sooner, I could've tried to help you through it."
"It's… it's not the kind of changes that you can help with. They're kinda… personal changes."
"Well what kind of changes are they? Maybe I went through them when I started college."
"Riley I know all you're trying to do is help but that's not what I need. What I need from you is um… space."
We sit in silence for a moment.
"Buffy, are you breaking up with me?"
I look down at the sidewalk.
I don't think I can look him in the eyes to say this.
"Yes… I am."
Again a moment of silence but it gives me a chance to work up the courage to look at him.
"Was it me? Um, I don't mean to make this about me but did… did I do something? Or did I not do something?"
"No Riley, no it's not you it's me."
"Right, the age old 'it's not you it's me' speech."
"Honestly Riley I'm just… I'm all over the place, emotionally. I need to figure out where this is taking me."
I know exactly where it's taking me, straight to Faith, but I can't tell him that. It would hurt him to know.
"You're a great guy Riley, any woman would be lucky to be with you, it's just… I'm not that girl, I'm sorry."
"This is my fault. I should've paid more attention."
"No it's…"
He gets off the bench and faces me.
"I should've been more understanding about the whole slayer thing. I should've trusted that you knew what you were doing when you asked me to help Faith."
"No Riley there's wasn't anything…"
This is not how I was hoping this would go.
"I should've been more attentive, or ran after you when you ran off yesterday. I should've…"
"Riley I think I'm in love with…"
I look down at my sweaty hands.
"I think I'm falling in love with, someone."
We fall into silence again and I struggle to look up at him.
Riley's walkie-talkie comes to life.
"Lilac One this is Lilac Two, possible H.S.T. at 35 degrees north-west."
He ignores it.
"Who?"
"Does it matter?"
His walkie-talkie buzzes to life again.
"Confirmed, moving in on it from an easterly direction, requesting back up."
"Riley shouldn't you go help them?"
We don't say anything.
"Lilac Two to all available units, the H.S.T. is class 3. Repeat the H.S.T. is class 3. All available units converge on my position."
He's ignoring them it should like it's important.
"Riley shouldn't you answer that?"
He doesn't answer me; he just keeps looking at me.
I know he wants me to tell him who I'm in love with but, I'm not ready to tell him or anyone yet.
"All available units I need back up. Riley where the hell are you?"
"Riley maybe we should go help them."
"No, no it's okay. We'll handle this Buffy we'll handle this without you."
He runs off to help his commando buddies.
Should I go help them? No, I'd only distract him even more than I've already done. I might even get him killed. I'm just gonna go home and try and look at everything in a better light tomorrow morning.
I get off the bench and start back to my dorm.
God I wish I was going home to Faith.
Chapter 67
I can taste the desperation on your lips, or is that the beer?
Buffy's POV
I did the right thing didn't I?
I walk into my dorm room, closing the door behind me.
I mean I know I hurt Riley but its for the best. If Faith and I are going to have any kind of a chance I can't have my relationship with Riley looming over our heads.
I take off my jacket and throw it over the computer chair at my desk.
Of course whether Riley and I are broken up or not won't matter at all unless I can make things right with Faith.
I throw myself face first on to the bed.
But how do I do that?
I prop myself up on my elbows and bury my face in my hands.
How do I convince her that what we have it real and passionate without her turning it into some evil plan?
I move my hands to pull my hair back and let my head drop into the pillow.
I can't… she's not going to believe in us unless she wants to. Given our last conversation I don't see her believing in us anytime soon. There's no telling what will happen when the spell comes off, which means I have until the spell comes off to convince her that she loves me.
I roll over on to my back, pushing my hair out of my face as I do.
Unless Willow finds a way to break the spell tonight and we have it all ready for tomorrow. I'm screwed if that happens. God Faith, I wish you were here.
All of the sudden there's a knock at the door. I sit up in bed and look to the door.
No… it couldn't be, could it? Oh god please let it be her. Okay Buffy there's only one way to find out.
I get up off the bed and fix my clothes and make up as best I can in case it is her and run my hands through my hair once as I move to the door. I open it and my heart jumps.
"Faith…"
I take a step back.
"W… what are you…"
She comes at me and I'm still in shock.
She grabs me and kisses me deeply.
"It hurts Buffy… it hurts so much…"
She kisses me between phrases.
I barely manage to think, is she hurt? Is she bleeding?
"Faith… Faith what's wrong? Did you… did you… did you go… go slaying? Did you, did something…?"
"No Buffy the… the thought… the thought of… of losing you it… it hurts, it hurts so much."
"Faith you… you're not going to… to lose me… no matter… no matter what."
She pulls me to her, grabbing at me in a desperate attempt to feel… something.
"You don't know that… you, you can't know that… the things I've said…"
"It's all right F… Faith… I forgive… you… as long as we end up together than all is forgiven… as long as we love… each other then we'll work through it…"
"But… but what if… what if we can't I mean… the spell… the spell it…"
I put my hand against her cheeks.
"We'll find a way to be together… no matter what it takes."
"B… Buffy…"
We move towards the bed as she starts kissing me deeper.
"I want to… to… I want us to work… work through this but… but the pain… the feeling that I might l-lose how happy you m-make me… it hurts."
We hit the foot of the bed and she falls on top of me.
"I need you B. I need you to help me make it better Buffy."
I feel her hand push up under my shirt, sliding against my covered skin.
"Of course, F-Faith what… whatever you n-need."
She takes my hand in hers, guiding it down her body between her legs. She presses my hand against her sweetness and my whole body tenses up.
"I need you Buffy…"
She looks at me and it's as if I can feel how desperate she is. I feel how much she needs this.
"I need to feel something other than this… this horrible p-pain. It won't stop…"
"Faith I…"
She runs her free hand through my hair and stares into me.
"You're the only one B… you're the only one who can make me feel anything. You're… you're the one who can make all my pain go away."
What she wants from me is sex, what she needs from me is love.
As if she senses the battle going on in my head she puts more of her weight on me. She whispers to me as our lips get inches from each other.
"Please…"
A tear drips down her face and onto my lips and I don't have the power to resist her as I taste her tears. I kiss her deeply as I flip her on her back. I push her long chestnut locks out of her face as I look down at her.
"Faith I…"
My hand moves against her leathers and she gasps with pleasure and her body pushes up against mine.
"Faith I've never d-done anything like, like this… before."
"Just do… to me what, what you would do to your… self."
She looks at me and tries to smile but the tear streaming down her cheek tells me she's hurting inside. I wipe away the tear with my thumb.
"Faith if I… if I do this, I want you to know that this isn't about me, this isn't even about us…"
I move my hand up and pop the button on her pants.
"This is about you."
I push my hand under her leathers, unzipping her zipper as I get deeper.
"Buffy…"
"It's all right Faith."
My hand moves under her thong and she gasps with ecstasy
I didn't want it to be this way, I wanted it to be different.
My fingers press against her warm, wet lips and she moans.
"Buffy I… I didn't want it to happen this way I just… it hurts so much."
"Ssh, I know. I know it hurts…"
She arches into me as I start to slip two fingers inside her. I kiss her lightly and look down at her as her breathing quickens.
"I'll make everything better."
She lets out a deep breath she'd been holding in as I start to pump into her slowly. I kiss her as her hips start to move to the rhythm of my fingers inside her. My pace gets quicker and her whole body gets into it.
"Oh Buffy…"
"It's okay Faith… it's all gonna be okay."
She closes her eyes as the pleasure over takes her and I feel her innards start to squeeze against my fingers.
"Buffy…"
I can feel my heart pounding in my chest.
"Faith…"
Her hands move up and rest against my back. My fingers pump faster and deeper into her.
"Faith look at me…"
She manages to pry her eyelids apart to look at me.
"Faith I want you to feel something…"
She doesn't say anything as every thrust I make sends her closer to orgasm. I take one of her hands from my waist and place it against my thumping heart.
"Can you feel it? Can you feel my heart pounding Faith?"
She manages to moan a response between pants and gasps.
"Yes…"
"It's beating for you Faith… it's beating only for you."
I feel the pressure building inside her as I kiss her deeply. I break our kiss as she's pushed over the edge with a final thrust. Her whole body convulses with pleasure, grasping at my sheets with her free hand.
"B-BUFFY!!"
She collapses on the bed, spent. After a few moments she opens her eyes, her hand leaving my chest, as she looks at me. I pull my hand from her panties, licking my fingers clean of her sweet nectar.
I didn't want this to be the way I first tasted her, but it's what she needed.
Her breathing slows and so does mine as I kiss her, tasting her wetness on her own lips. I stop kissing her as I feel her struggle with my belt. I grab her hand to stop her.
"Faith don't…"
She looks up at me with a questioning look.
"But… but I should…"
I pull her hand away from my belt, laying it on the bed next to her head.
"It's okay Faith, I told you…"
I take her in my arms as I lay next to her, holding her close.
"Tonight wasn't about me, it was about you and what you need."
She puts her arm around me as I stroke her hair, her head against my chest.
"We'll be together for real one day… the way we were always meant to. But tonight was about you. All I want from you is to fall asleep here in my arms because tomorrow is a new day… and a new beginning for us."
I look down at her and her eyes are closed, she's sleeping. I hold her a little tighter as I close my eyes and think about how right this is.
Tomorrow, everything will change for us. We'll have everything we've ever wanted.
Chapter 68
A new beginning
Buffy's POV
I take a deep breath as I wake up. I feel this incredible happy feeling wash over me at the thought of waking up next to Faith. The feeling quickly disappears though as I roll on my side to put my arm around… nothing. I open my eyes to look at the emptiness beside me.
Faith?
"Faith?"
I feel the empty space beside me, it's cold. I sit up in bed and look around.
She's not here. How long had she been gone? If her side of the bed was cold then she's probably been gone for a while. All of the sudden I realize how alone in the room I am.
My eye catches on my open dresser. The clothes are hanging off the drawers.
Did she do it? Did she move out? Oh god, what if she left town?
I start to get up and my hand lands on a piece of paper.
What?
I pick up the piece of paper.
It's from Faith.
'Hey B,
Before you panic like you probably already have I want you to know that I haven't left town, I just moved out. I didn't do it to get away from you, I did it because I told your friends I would and I didn't think I could do it if I woke up next to you this morning.'
She left… even after I asked her not to. Even after what I did for her last night. What about everything she said last night? How much of it is real and how much of it was the spell? That empty feeling I had last night starts to creep up on me. What if none of it was real for her?
I fight back the urge to cry as I go back to reading the rest of the note.
'I meant everything I said last night B. I don't care if my feelings for you are real or fake, I just want to keep feeling them. But what we have won't work unless your friends learn to accept me back in their lives. That's why I moved out, to make what we have stronger. But I'll understand if you don't see it that way. I'll understand if you can't look me in the eyes anymore cause I abandoned you in the middle of the night while you were sleeping. I'll understand if you never want to see me again if you feel cheap and dirty because I used you last night. Because that's what I did, I used you, I used you to try and make myself feel better… again.
I hope you can forgive me for what I've done to you, and I hope I'll see you at the meeting today.
Yours truly madly and completely,
Faith.'
Forgive her? Why would I forgive her? There's… there's nothing to forgive. I probably should feel dirty and used, but I don't. Like I told Faith, last night wasn't about me, it was about her and what she needed. I don't blame her for what she did to me. What matters is I still love her, now all I have to do is tell her that.
I get out of bed, dropping the note as I do, heading towards the door. As I grab the doorknob I hear the phone ring, I freeze in my tracks.
Should I answer it? I wanna go find Faith, but what if that's her? What if she's calling to see if I'm okay?
I run over to the phone pick it up.
"Faith?"
Faith's POV
Well I did it again. I screwed everything up again. I went to her last night to apologize, to make things right, and all I did was make things worse.
I lie back on my hard motel bed and stare at the off-white ceiling.
She's gonna hate me now, for what I've done to her. How could I do that to someone I cared about? How could I do that to the only person I've ever truly cared about?
I run my hands through my hair in frustration.
I took the one thing that was worth anything and flushed it down the toilet, like I do with everything else that even comes close to the kind of happiness that I feel with Buffy. Not that anything ever really came close to what I feel when I'm with Buffy. Well, maybe slaying, but even that felt like it was missing something. Until I started doing it with Buffy… until I started SLAYING with Buffy.
That was when I started to feel like my life had meaning… having someone to help carry the burden of making the world a better place and never getting credit for it made everything seem a little less doom and gloomy.
I get tired of looking at the ceiling and turn over, burying my face in my flat pillow.
And I even managed to screw that up when I killed a man. God why did I do that? If I hadn't killed the Deputy Mayor, maybe things would've been different between us.
My head jumps up from the pillow.
What the hell did I just say? Am I saying I wish things were different between us? Do I wish I hadn't fallen for B? No, no… I just… I just meant that if I hadn't killed the Deputy Mayor then things would've worked out better for us, our being together would've been so much less painful. God why am I caring about how things could've been between us? Things happened between us and I can't change them, just like how things happened last night that I can't change.
She'll never forget what happened last night and she'll never forgive me either. I'll have to live without her. God I didn't know if I can do that. I don't know if I can look at her knowing all I'll ever see looking back at me is the pain in her eyes. I don't think I can live with myself knowing I'll never feel the incredible feeling I had when she touched me, when she kissed me last night like I've never been kissed before in my life.
I don't know if I can live with myself knowing how her fingers felt inside me, bringing me to places I never knew existed and beyond. I don't know if I can look at her knowing I'll never feel like that again. God maybe after we take care of the Adam problem and the whole vampire cult thing I should just leave town.
The phone rings, breaking my train of thought. I pick it up.
"Hello?"
Chapter 69
The ties that bind
Tara's POV
"Okay, we'll see you both later on. Okay… bye."
Willow puts the phone down and turns back to the group.
"Okay, I talked to both Buffy and Faith and they're going to meet us here later."
"It's a good thing Faith called you early this morning and told us where she was staying isn't it Giles?"
"Yes, now. Back to the business at hand."
Willow sighs deeply.
"Right, so… do you think they'll go for it?"
I think it could go other way. Xander's still not sure.
"I dunno Will, I'm still not sure it's such a good idea. I mean bonding them together like that? It sounds kinda risky."
"I know Xander but I've checked other ways of breaking the spell. This is the best way to help Faith."
She's so committed to helping Faith now, it makes me love her even more.
"I know Willow, but Faith has a hard time even trusting people do you really think she'll be okay with…"
"If she really wishes to help Buffy and the rest of us then she will. She shall at least have to consider the procedure."
"And what if she refuses? What do we do then?"
"Then we shall have to consider the possibility that Faith is a willing part of the vampire cult's plan. Although I am unsure how much we can trust her at the moment."
What?
"W-W-What do you m-mean?"
Giles throws the morning paper on the coffee table.
"What is it Giles?"
Xander picks up the paper and a look of shock comes over his face before his anger takes over.
"Damn it! I knew we couldn't trust her."
After a second Willow leans over the table and picks up the paper, bringing it into my view.
Oh no…
Spike's POV
"So when does this all mighty plan of yours go into motion."
I walk into the cave where John and Adam were talking. They turn to look at me as I ask the question.
"Spike, how good of you to join us."
Stupid wanker.
"Hey I've been out there doing your dirty work. Spending time with those soddin Scoobies just to see how your plans are affecting them and so far I haven't seen jack. They're too wrapped up in their own crap and that stupid prophecy crap to spend any time thinking about you and your stupid master."
I raise my eyebrow at him and all of the sudden it dawns on me.
"That's part of the plan isn't it? You're gonna keep them so wrapped up in each other they won't see what you're doing. You do know that's never gonna work right?"
"Oh they'll know what we're doing, they just won't take it out on us. They'll take it out on each other."
Okay now he ain't making any sense.
"If you actually knew these Scoobies like you claim to you'd know that in times of crisis these goody-goodies have a way of coming together for the greater good and all that crap."
"This time is different."
"Yeah, and how's that exactly?"
He hands me the morning paper as I light up a ciggy.
"Um, how exactly did you get a copy of the morning paper with the most important part of the morning paper being that people read it in the morning?"
"One of the delivery boys happened to start his route before dawn."
He ate the paper boy? How did I not teach this guy to have standards when I…
"Read the headline."
I read it.
"Yeah so? I dunno if you know this but people die in good old Sunny D all the time."
"Yeah but only a few of them have ever been killed by this."
I look up at him as he pulls a rather fancy looking knife out from his belt.
I don't get it.
Chapter 70
Love unconditionally actually
Buffy's POV
Okay… I can do this.
I take another deep breath and stare at Giles' front door some more.
I haven't worked up the courage to go in yet.
I run my fingers through my hair.
All you have to do is get through this meeting and then I can talk to her and make things right.
I open the door and walk in. After I take a few steps I stop in my tracks.
Faith… she's already here, with the gang.
"Hey… did I miss all the fun?"
She looks up at me and then at the floor.
"No we were… they were waiting for you."
I can hear a hint of pain in her voice as she speaks.
I'll make that pain go away Faith, I promise you.
I close the door and walk in a bit more.
"Well I'm here now so let's get this party started."
I walk over and sit down on the easy chair across the room from her.
I don't want to crowd her, I'll make things right later.
I look at her and she's looking back at me but quickly looks down as our eyes meet.
I'm sorry Faith.
I try and compose myself.
"So… what's the what?"
Giles starts off.
"Buffy, we have another problem."
Another problem?
"God you know, maybe we should just buy a big white board so we can write it all down. Do we have a white board? What's the problem now?"
Willow hands me the morning paper and I read the front page.
'Two young girls murdered at Sunnydale U'
I look over at Giles.
"Do we think the vampire cult was involved?"
"No, there were no neck wounds."
Maybe it was Adam.
"What about Adam?"
"He's more a rip people open to get at the toy surprise kinda guy."
I start to look over the paper to see what killed them.
Faith takes the words right out of my eyes.
"So what killed them?"
"They were stabbed…"
What?
I look up at Giles.
"Through the heart, with a knife…"
"Okay hold it…"
They think it's Faith.
"Just because they were stabbed doesn't mean Faith did it."
"We didn't say Faith did it."
"No but that's where you were going, I know you guys."
"Well you gotta admit Buffy, the evidence is pretty obvious."
Evidence?
"What evidence? Two people get stabbed and we're gonna lock Faith up? Come on…"
"I don't kill people, not anymore anyway."
"That evidence isn't all we're going on."
"Um… I don't kill people anymore."
"What else did you find out? Do they have some sort of connection?"
"Yes…"
"I didn't kill anyone."
"Well what is it?"
"You…"
What? How am I the connection?
I look over at Faith and she's stopped trying to interrupt.
She's sitting there looking at the floor with her head in her hands.
"How am I the connection?"
I look through the paper for their names.
"I didn't even know these girls."
"Buffy they were young, college freshman, both blonde, and their names both have the initials B.S."
"I DIDN'T KILL ANYONE!"
"I know Faith I know."
I believe her, but I don't think anyone else does. I gotta prove she didn't do it or we'll never get our chance.
"When did these murders happen?"
"They happened the past two nights."
She couldn't have done it.
"See, I couldn't have done it, I've been with B at her place every night since I've been back."
She wasn't with me the whole night last night, what if she… no, no she didn't, she couldn't have.
"What about last night?"
Last night?
"What about it?"
You took the words right out of my mouth Faith.
"Faith you called me last night at 3 past midnight to tell me that you had moved out."
"So what?"
"So he's saying there's no telling what you could've done between the time you called and now."
"Anya."
Faith turns to Anya
"You're cruising for a bruising sister."
"Did you hear that Xander? She threatened to kill me."
"Anya, remember what we talked about yesterday? If you don't have anything nice to say…"
"Don't say anything at all… fine."
Anya grudgingly calms down.
"Faith we are not saying that you killed the girls, nor are we saying that you are lying when you say you believe you did not kill them…"
"Really? Cause that's what it sounds like you're saying."
Willow steps in.
"Faith we've talked it over and we think this might be part of the spell…"
"I didn't kill anyone even if it was part of this stupid spell thing I would've remembered doing it. Killing someone is not the kind of thing you forget."
"Unless you weren't conscious of what you were doing."
"Okay now you're just reaching. You're trying to pin this on me just cause I used to kill people."
"No Faith, we're not."
"Then explain to how I kill people when I'm unconscious."
Okay I should break in here.
"Faith we didn't say you were killing people, we're just worried that with the spell…"
"Look if the spell is the problem then why don't we just get rid of it? What happened with the counter spell?"
The room falls silent.
I can't till if this is a bad thing but it's probably not gonna be a good thing.
I look over at Faith and I catch her smile at me before she looks away uncomfortably.
"What? What is it guys? We couldn't find anything?"
"No we… we found something it's just… it could be really… dangerous."
Dangerous?
"Dangerous how? Dangerous to who? To Faith?"
Maybe we shouldn't do it if it could hurt Faith.
"To both of you."
Both of us? How could it be dangerous to both of us?
"How?"
"Well, according to what I've researched there's only one way to break the obsession spell."
Okay here's where the danger comes in I bet.
Faith asks Willow the same question I just did.
"How?"
"By bonding her to the object of the spell's obsession."
Bonding?
"What do you mean bonding?"
"Well apparently the only way to break the obsession is to 'share' it with the spell's trigger. Sharing it is supposed to remove it's effect on the victim. But there's a problem…"
Here it comes.
"Because you guys already, have, a connection… a slayer connection, it could make your connection stronger, which doesn't sound like entirely a bad thing but it could be a problem."
"Stronger how?"
I look at Faith and she's looking back with a worried look.
"You might start to think the same thoughts, you might feel each other's feelings, and you could even start to hear each other's thoughts. The down side being that in a key moment one of you might hear the other's thoughts and get confused. It could get one of you killed, or even both of you."
"That's some bond."
She's worried how this might affect me. Maybe we should find another way.
"What do you think Faith?"
We look at each other and our eyes meet dead on for the first time since the meeting began.
"I don't know… it sounds like it could be a big risk. Plus I don't know how I feel about having you inside my head like that. What do you think B?"
I should talk with Faith about this alone.
"I'm not sure… guys can you, can you guys give us a minute to talk about this?"
"Of course, clearly this is a decision the two of you have to make together."
The room gets quiet again.
I don't think they understood what I meant.
"It'd be easier to make that decision if we could talk alone."
"Oh, of course… Willow, Tara why don't you help me make sure we have everything we shall need for the counter spell should they decide to go through with it. Anya would you make some tea? Xander, a donut run may be needed."
"Right."
"Okay."
"Fine whatever."
They get up and start to get to their jobs, leaving Faith and I sitting alone in Giles' living room. Suddenly the few feet between us feel like miles. I stand up and move over to the couch, sitting down and facing her. She sits staring at the floor away from me.
I've got to say something.
"Faith I…"
"If this is the speech about how you can't stand to look at me and you wish I could just go away and never come back can we just skip it?"
She thinks I want her to leave? That's not what I want at all.
"Faith no… this is the speech about how I love you and that nothing you could ever do or say could ever make me love you any less."
She runs her fingers through her hair and the pain in her voice deepens.
"I've had people say those words to me before B. My mother used to say that to me every day, right up until she threw me out because one of her boyfriends liked me better."
"I told you Faith, what we have is going to be different than anything either of us has ever had before and I meant it."
I take one of her hands in mine and put it against my heart so she can feel it beating for her. She looks up at me for a second before looking at her hand on my chest.
"It really was beating for you last night Faith, and it still does."
She looks up at me in the eyes again with a look of longing.
"Oh Buffy."
She leans into me and our foreheads meet, our eyes still locked. After a moment of silence, I decide to break it.
"Faith…"
She reaches up with her free hand and caresses my cheek.
It's time we talked about the problem at hand.
"We don't have to do this if you don't want to."
She takes a deep breath.
"No we have to do this, it's the only way to make sure your friends will learn to trust me again."
She closes her eyes and leans back a bit.
"Faith all that really matters is that I trust you."
"Do you?"
"Of course I do. Faith look at me."
She doesn't open her eyes. I let go of Faith's hand against my heart and put my hands on her chin, lifting her head so our eyes meet, if they weren't closed.
"Faith just look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't kill those girls."
She opens her eyes and stares into me.
"I didn't kill them."
She's telling the truth.
"Then you didn't do it and we won't go through with this."
She leans in again and kisses me lightly. I get so caught up in us that I don't notice someone standing a few feet behind Faith.
"Did um… did you guys want um… some tea or something?"
Faith turns around and panics.
"Hey uh… Buffy and I were just… I was just um…"
"Did you want tea or coffee?"
"I'm g-good."
She looks at me.
"Buffy?"
"We're okay Tara."
Tara smiles at us and goes back to the kitchen.
"I'm sorry B I know, I know you wanted to tell your friends yourself and all that, I shouldn't have kissed you like that, but maybe it's for the best I mean…"
"It's okay Faith, she already knew."
"Hun? How did she find out? Did you tell her?"
"No… it's uh, kinda complicated but she actually kinda helped me figure out how I really feel about you."
She looks at me for a second.
"Then I guess I owe her big time."
She smiles at me and I smile back.
"Buffy if you're willing to go through with this then I'm willing to go through with it too. I'll do it for us."
"Oh Faith…"
I lean in to kiss her.
"So did you decide what to do?"
I turn to look at Anya sitting down across the room. I straighten up uncomfortably and so does Faith.
"We decided to go through with it."
Giles comes in to the room and sits down.
"Excellent, then as soon as Xander comes back we can begin."
Willow and Tara come back into the room and sit down, Tara in the chair and Willow on the arm rest.
"So… what did we decide."
Anya answers for us.
"They're gonna do it, which means we probably won't get murdered in our sleep."
Faith glares at Anya for a second before turning around and looks at the door.
"If Xander doesn't get back here soon I may find I've got one more murder in me."
You and me both, Faith you and me both.