DISCLAIMER: They're not mine, the characters that is. Almighty Joss owns them, he and ME, UPN, WB, whatever you wanna throw at me, I do not own them.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Just to clear this up, I'm not a native English speaker so if grammar errors do appear, I apologize.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SPOILERS: This is post season 7.
Eddie's Mini Mart. Well Eddie, you better have some cereal for me cause I'm not about to go to the 7-eleven on the corner. I have money I don't have a fortune though.
Alright let's enter. But first, where the hell is that bigmouth again? "Faith, yo, where are you at?" I glance around and check the street and spot her drooling against some window. It's either a store for two things: bikes or leathers. Perhaps a sex shop but she wouldn't drool there, she would've entered already.
I walk over to where she's washing the window oh-so thoroughly and shove her away from the window. "What the hell are you doing?" She looks at me like I've asked her how much two and two is. Yeah, she'd say five to that most probably.
She doesn't really verbally respond, as she points at the window she was looking through. I take a look myself and I swear if my eyes widen any more my eyeballs might pop out! Cradles? She was looking, no, drooling over cradles? I rub my eyes not really trusting those suckers right now and look again. Holy hell, they weren't playing a trick with me! She was looking at cradles! The kind where you put little babies in, you know. "You were looking at cradles?"
"No Smurf, I was looking at the porn magazines the dude hides behind the counter." She rolls her eyes and stalks off. Where is she going now?! Oh yeah, the store. Almost forgot about the actual reason we're here. We really should get going now before my wife throws another tantrum for being late. Hormones
"I don't think *he* has porn magazines cause the baby-store is owned by a she." She throws me a rather dirty look for that comment and walks into Eddie's Mini Mart.
"Then she has dirty magazines with naked boys in 'em. Whatever floats *her* boat, Smurf." She walks over to the counter. "Yo dude, where do you keep the cereal around here?"
"At the back." The guy didn't even look up from the magazine he's currently intrigued in. Rude much? Eddie should keep his costumers more satisfied.
We both stroll over to the back of the stare and I'm pretty sure we've both got the same expression on our faces: a little dazzled. I never knew there were so many kinds of cereal in the world. I look at Faith and she looks at me, both asking each the same silent question: which one to pick?
See this is a very important question cause pissing off pregnant women when you bring home the wrong thing isn't the best situation to deal with. Gimme a slimy demon any day but a pregnant woman throwing a box of cereal at your head cause she happens to not like that kind is something I don't exactly like.
"You think we should take the " Let's see, what says, 'You might be pregnant but you'll be having a beautiful baby afterwards.' Maybe Honey Pops. No bad idea; that will just lure out a reaction like: 'I want honey now, baby!' And I'm not about to go in search of a store twice. "Frosted Flakes?"
She gives me a raised eyebrow look and sighs. "Just the word frosted will lead to thinking about cold and that will lead to an entire evening of whining about how the living room is so chilly."
True. "Good point." I glance at the cereal again. "Special K?"
She strikes this pose, you know, one hand on the hip and the other in front of her in a gesture of disgust. It's quite funny, as she's dressed in her leathers and jeans jacket and here she is looking like a prim and proper chick. "I'm fat? Do you think I'm fat? You think I'm fat, don't you? Oh no I'm fat!" She offers this little scene in one of those squeaky voices, which just finishes her look right now. It seriously leaves us both in stitches. I wish I had my video camera with me!
After a minute or two practically rolling on the floor with laughter, we compose ourselves when people start eyeing us weird. Not that we care but running around in the graveyards at dark has given us enough raised eyebrows. I point at the Choco Pops box and she shakes her head. I'm not inclined to ask her why not though, because how funny her little performance was, don't think my stomach can handle a repeat of some sort. "Okay, last time I'm picking one: Fruit Loops?"
She eyes the box a little, turning it over in her hands, checking for messages or a possibly a picture of her cat who knows. Her mind is a mysterious thing. "Hrmm " That says enough, now doesn't it? "Better not. Makes the mind go loopy."
I roll my eyes and sigh. I ain't picking anymore then. Everything I've picked she said no to. "You pick something then, oh wise one. I mean, you seem to know this crap."
"Hey fruity loop, I do not. I'm just here cause you're wife asking for cereal triggered my fiancée begging me to go with cause she suddenly had a 'cereal craving' as well. So the way I see it, I'm her cause of you. That means you have to deal with it." She crosses her arms over her chest and cocks her hip, indicating she won the discussion. She hasn't but I'm not in the mood to burst her bubble right now. I'm only interested in finding the right cereal.
"Fine, miss let's-blame-someone-else." I grab the first best box I can get and look it over. Fruity Pebbles. What the hell is the difference between Fruit Loops and Fruity Pebbles? It's either going loopy or getting a fetish for pebbles? This weird stuff. I put back the box and run my hand through my hair. I think apocalypses are easier to solve than this. I look at Faith but she just raises her hands. "You know I'm not picking out your fiancée's cereal you know. You've asked her to marry you, now you're gonna take care of her; weird cravings and all."
She slaps me upside the head, which can be identified as being slayer slapped cause she didn't held back her extra funky powers. I glare at her and throw a box of Smacks at her. She catches it but we also catch Edie's attention. "Hey, no throwing with the merchandise! If you two can't behave I'm gonna have to ask you to leave!"
"Whatever Freddie." I yell out. "Moron." I mutter and hear Faith snicker at the guy. It surprises me she didn't answer him. Verbally or physically. She isn't usually this calm. Then again, she has surprised me already this evening, what with the cradles. I'm telling ya, one weird chick.
"Rice Crispies? They pop. Might make 'em smile." She shrugs. "You never know."
"Man, I'm grabbing a drink. This cereal deciding is getting me thirsty." And with that she's off to find a drink. It better not be alcohol cause I'm not dragging her home again after drinking an entire bottle of JD! Man, that night was the worst night of my life. I don't think it was hers though, you know, killed a guy is probably worse. Still, I did expect my bachelorette-party to have been a little different. Right. Being dragged off by Faith and the rest to a strip club where I sat all night with my hands under my ass and drinking water. There was no way in hell I was gonna get drunk the day before my own wedding. The others didn't feel the same way. And me being the sober one, ended up dragging the most smashed one home: Faith of course. In two hours she cleaned out an entire bottle of JD. I have no idea how she did it.
"Hey Smurf, you found anything yet?" I turn and look at the drink she picked out. Jack Daniels. Oh no no way in hell dude! I turn my head back to the cereal and the first brand my eye falls on is Corn Flakes. This suddenly seems like the best choice out of all the different kinds. Not too mention it would get us home soon and not give Faith any time to booze that all up. I remove the box from the stand and practically jog to the counter.
"That's a dollar twenty please." Eddie the ass says. I throw some change on the counter, knowing it's more than enough and get the hell out of there, not waiting for Faith to pay for the bottle of JD. I start walking back to our place and a few moments later miss JD falls in step with me.
"You think we got the right cereal?" She asks.
I shrug but don't respond with my mouth. I'm hoping she'll get the silent treatment. If not, that's too bad for her. She's my best friend but when she's drunk, she's the world's biggest pig. Deal it takes quite a lot to get her drunk but with her stomach she can actually take it all.
"Yo Smurf, 'sup? Cat got your tongue?" I walk a little faster but why I bother, who knows. I know she can keep up. Same kind of powers. And strangely enough we both got it from the same girl. "C'mon dude. If it's about the bottle of JD, don't sweat it, I didn't buy it." This makes me look at her very sceptical. She's wearing very tight clothing so hiding a bottle of booze in there is really impossible. "What? I didn't buy it cause I knew it would piss you off and would make you choose a damn cereal box so we could get the hell out of there."
She tricked me? She bloody tricked me? I cannot believe this. She does this all the time, tricking my ass with these lame ass tricks she comes up with and I keep on falling for them like a horse without eyes. One day I'll get her back one day! "You suck, you know that?"
She grins and drapes her arm around me. "Yeah, I do realize that. But still you keep on loving me."
I growl a little. "Not by choice."
"Sure thing, sweet cheeks." She plants a little kiss on my cheek and chuckles. Faith the big ol' softy. If vamps would see this side of the big mighty Slayer numero Two, her rep would be sooo dead. But that's who she is for us. I think she's the person who hugs people the most. I don't know, can't help but think she's catching up for her lost hugging period in her childhood. I don't mind. She's a great friend. A bad ass and a big mouth till the end, but she has changed. Not to the outside no way, but the people close to her have seen her change drastically.
"You're incorrigible, you know that?"
She snickers and bumps me with her hip. "Whatever you say. Let's get home. I'm expecting a phone call from B any minute now telling me to hurry my nice and delicious ass home."
"Nice and delicious ass?" I bend my upper body backwards a little and check out that 'nice and delicious ass'. Well she does have one and she knows it. We all know it. Even my lovely wife has commented on her ass; especially when it's covered with leather. This is basically any time a day except when she and Buffy have mysteriously disappeared for a few minutes. "If you say so."
She throws a death stare my way and huffs. Yeah, she huffs as well. "I know for a fact, Smurf, you just love that ass. And I'm also pretty sure your wife has checked me out more than once when I'm all ready to go out."
"Willow doesn't really have a thing for leather, Cubs." I might have no idea why on earth she started calling me Smurf, I do know why I call her Cubs. Most people think it has something to do with the Chicago Cubs but it doesn't. She's just so cuddly she reminds me of a cub. Yeah, I never said I'm sane in my head.
"She sure has. I've seen that secret red leather pants in your closet." She laughs and pokes my belly with her finger. "I do wonder when you wear it. Probably when B and me are out. Cause I sure as hell haven't seen you parading in it when we're out slaying."
Damnit she knows everything! I hid those pants so far away even I have trouble finding it! But apparently Faith hasn't got one ounce of trouble with it. Be damned winter coats! Not hiding my pants. I'm so sure she's gonna tease the crap outa me, begging me to wear them when we're out slaying. "Whatever, Faith."
We arrive home and mentally brace ourselves for the hormones squad. I never knew taking care of a pregnant woman could be this strenuous. I make Faith enter first as I'm sure Buffy's waiting beside the door, about to pounce her fiancée for the cereal. So I send in the one without the goodies first. Tactical move.
She goes in and bam, what did I say? She's covered in a mass of original slayer. Not really asking for the cereal. Wow, I'm shocked. No, they're actually making out, very heavy may I add, in front of me, blocking my entrance. "Okay, love bunnies, let the girl with the cereal go through." I push them more inside in the house, but it's not like they notice it. I roll my eyes at them and make my way over the kitchen, where I know my love is. See? I'm psychic. "Hey baby."
"Sweetie." She smiles at me, while her hands are unconsciously caressing her stomach. I don't know if it's some mother instinct or if it's a Willow thing, but every time I enter a room she starts doing that, just rubbing her belly like she's either calming down the kid in there or either remembering who she made the kid with. I hope it's the latter as I don't want a child who will cry and whine if I hold them. I've got Faith for that. "You've got my stuff?"
I grin and hold up the box. "Like I would've come home without it." I hold it for her take, but when she's about to wrap her hands around it, I pull the box back and give her a sly smile. "Kiss first."
She grins and leans in, giving me a very passionate kiss. It really went downwards. Guess she isn't the only one with hormonal issues. "Like I could resist that." She grabs the box out of my hands and starts making Buffy and herself a bowl of cereal.
Finishing the two bowls, she picks them up and heads back into the living room. I follow but we're both held up by an 'obstacle'. Two Slayers attached to each other for all eternity. That's gonna be an interesting delivery. Wow, they've separated! I'm shocked. I push them out of the hallway and into the living room, gently of course, and take my wife by the hand before plunging down in the comfy couch. But Willow has other plans for me, as she's holding up the bowl that's meant for Buffy and is moving her eyes between me and pregnant lady number two. Egh, great. I stand up and give Buffy her bowl. She takes it with a smile and cuddles in the protective arms of her lover. They are a cute couple.
Feeling a sudden sense of loneliness, I walk back to the couch and move Willow so she sits between my legs and I can hold her. I look over at Faith and wink at her. The flirtatious ass she is, she of course has to answer with sluttish wink. But the dazzling smile she gives me then makes up for it.
"We've got it good, don't we Smurf?"
"We sure do, Cubs. We sure do." I nuzzle my wife neck and can't help but have this feeling of real and pure contentment come over me. I know everything's going to be alright. Not only because Willow and me will make it no matter what, also because the two across the room are there for us too. We're one tight bunch and nothing can break up us.
Return to BtVS/Angel Fiction
Return to Main Page