DISCLAIMER: I don't these characters, if I did they'd be living happily with each other fighting crime and changing the world for the better. The songs have the recording artist who sang them, I don't know who wrote them though, but major props to them.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SERIES: Alex & Olivia: The Soundtrack.
Frustration
'Cause by now I really bet they are.
By Barbara Gordon
Carolyn Dawn Johnson "It's Complicated"
Olivia tossed and turned in her bed, but couldn't quite seem to find a relaxing position. Finally after half an hour of restlessness she got out of bed and headed towards the kitchen. Fixing herself a cup of hot tea, in the hopes that it would relax her, she sat on her couch sipping the beverage and thought about her day and tried to figure out why she just couldn't get some sleep. Turning on a small radio that was in her living room she turned the knob until she found a clear station, she didn't feel the need to turn on her bigger stereo system tonight.
The station picked up was a country music station, which didn't matter much to Olivia she actually like some country songs. She didn't immediately recognize the song just starting, but the opening music sounded nice enough.
I'm so scared that the way that I feel,
Is written all over my face,
When you walk into the room I wanna find a hiding place,
We used to laugh, we used to hug,
The way that old friends do,
But now a smile and a touch of your hand,
Just make me come unglued,
It's such a contradiction, do I lie or tell the truth,
Is it fact or fiction the way I feel for you,
That was the problem wasn't it? Olivia thought to herself, I'm become far too obvious for comfort. She thought that she could control her growing feeling for Alex, in fact she thought she had, enough to reach out and offer her friendship and not get burned. She forgot that there were many ways to get burned, not all of them unpleasant. And so Alex and Olivia became friends, but it became far too easy for Olivia to turn their little get togethers into dates within her mind. Being with Alex made it that easy, ever since that first touch to continue to reach out and touch some more.
It's so complicated, I'm so frustrated,
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay,
Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel,
Oh, I want you to know,
But then again I don't,
It's so complicated.
So far she knew that Elliot had suspected, even thought that Olivia and Alex had been dating. He was very surprised to find out that they weren't. During one of their meetings with the ADA, Elliot's comments were starting to get Olivia a little nervous, enough that she had to do some fast talking to get them to leave Alex's office, and once outside she told Elliot the truth. They were just friends and nothing more. His next revelation was even more surprising. Sometimes when the three of them got together for lunch, he felt like the third wheel, which is why he thought they were dating. According to him, from an outsiders' point of view, that being him and various waitresses, they 'both' acted like a couple.
Just when I think I'm under control,
I think I finally got a grip,
Another friend tells me that,
My name is always on your lips,
They say I'm more than just a friend,
They say I must be blind,
Well I admit that I've seen you watch me,
From the corner of your eye,
Oh it's so confusing I wish you'd just confess,
But think of what I'd be losing,
If your answer wasn't yes.
He even got Olivia to admit to knowing that Alex sometimes watched her; which was why she became more conscious of what she wore to work every day. She sure as hell wasn't dressing her best for John Munchs' benefit! Olivia sighed, that was the problem though she just shouldn't assume that Alex was interested in her. Her job taught her that a lot of time assumptions were wrong, especially in SVU, plus she had a friendship she didn't want to lose for the world, to think about now.
It's so complicated, I'm so frustrated,
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay,
Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel,
Oh, I want you to know,
But then again I don't,
It's so complicated.
To think, she finally finds that one person she can actually see herself growing old with, but she can't seem to figure out if it's real or just her imagination.
I hate it 'cause I've waited so long for someone like you,
Should I say it,
Should I tell you how I feel,
Oh I want you to know,
But then again I don't,
It's so complicated.
Selena "Dreaming Of You"
Making it home around eight, Alex fixed herself a light dinner, showered, and relaxed on her sofa flipping channels idly letting the day ease off her shoulders. An hour after finding nothing on television worth watching she prepared for bed. She hoped that this time she would actually get a good nights rest; as much as she loved how Olivia fit her jeans, she needed some sleep. Hoping that a little music would help her she turned on her radio/alarm clock on and tuned it to a LiteRock station. The soft longing musical notes drifted over her as her mind caught up to the lyrics.
Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up late and think of you and I wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too
Alex sighed just what she didn't need, but something about the singers' expressive voice held her in their shared longing.
'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me
In the months after her initial crush she had come to know the beautiful Detective, and Olivia's offer of friendship had warmed Alex in a profound way. Early on she had hoped to have at least gained her respect, and really have earned the friendship that had been offered to her. It was a treasured gift that she held deep within her heart
Wonder if you ever see me and I wonder if you
Know I'm there (Am I there)
If you looked in my eyes would you see what's inside
Would you even care
Did Olivia know how Alex felt, was she being obvious to her like that waitress at their favorite coffee shop hinted at. Alex had been so petrified at the thought that the waitress might say something to Olivia that she when she had been so adamant of their friendship only; she felt ashamed when an understanding look crossed the waitresses face. When ever she went back to that coffee shop alone; her new confidante whose brother was gay and had gone through the same thing encouraged her to just hang in there.
I just wanna hold you close but so far
All I have are dreams of you
So I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you
I'll be dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me
Now if only she could stop her daydreaming, maybe Liz wouldn't get on her case so much about spacing out in her office.
Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that
You came up to me and said
I love you
I love you too
I'll be dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming with you endlessly
The End