DISCLAIMER: The Facts of Life and its characters are the property of Columbia Pictures Television and Sony Pictures Television, no infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
We'll have a gay old time
Jo sighed happily as she kicked off her sneakers and propped her feet up on the coffee table. Mrs Garrett was out buying groceries and all of the other girls were engaged in various after-school clubs and activities; Jo had the place to herself. And she planned to spend her time doing absolutely nothing. She had a new motorcycle magazine and a cold soda to occupy her. She popped open the soda and sat back with the magazine open in her lap. Just as she was lifting the soda to her lips, the back door opened and footsteps entered. Jo closed her eyes and prayed that it was Mrs G, back early from the market.
"Ah, Jo, good."
Blair's dulcet tones were unmistakable and Jo's planned afternoon of peace was about to be shattered. Jo opened her eyes and attempted an intimidating scowl in Blair's direction. It had no effect whatsoever. Blair just nudged Jo's legs with her knee, indicating that she wanted past. Jo sighed in exasperation, like it would've killed Blair to walk around the other way. She made a big production of moving her legs and dropping them back into place once Blair had passed.
Blair daintily sat down on the couch next to Jo. Right next to her. Practically in her lap. And she was staring. Jo didn't look up from her magazine.
"Are you doing anything this evening?" Blair asked, sweetly. Jo hated that tone. It usually resulted in her doing something she didn't want to do.
"Reading," she muttered.
"Nothing important then. Excellent, I've arranged for us to go out to dinner with some people."
Jo lowered the magazine.
"And what if I had been doin' somethin' important?"
Blair dismissed the question with a wave of her hand.
"Then I'd have known about it, silly!"
Jo sighed in defeat.
"OK, so where have you arranged for us to go? And before you start, I ain't wearin' a dress so if it's someplace fancy you can just unarrange it right now."
Blair plastered on a smile.
"Oh Jo," she said, draping an arm around Jo's shoulders and shaking her head. "Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo. You won't have to wear a dress. In fact, I already have the perfect outfit in mind for you."
Jo's eyes widened and her body noticeably tensed. Blair tilted her head to the side.
"What? Don't you trust me?"
"With my clothing decisions? Not even a little bit," Jo answered without hesitation.
Blair pouted until Jo relented and leaned in to place a soft kiss on her protruding lower lip.
"OK, Diane von Fürstenberg, you better show me this outfit so I've got time to adjust."
Blair placed a hand over her heart and pressed her lips tightly together, closing her eyes. Jo looked at her in concern.
"Hey you constipated or somethin'?"
Blair threw both of her arms around Jo's neck and hugged her. She pulled away but kept her hands on Jo's shoulders.
"Jo, you just spontaneously used a fashion reference in the right context. And you even pronounced it properly! Do you know what this means?"
"No," Jo said, warily. "What does it mean?"
"It means that I am finally rubbing off on you," Blair exclaimed, and Jo was sure she saw the glimmer of an unshed tear of pride in her eye.
Jo huffed. She stood up and held a hand out to Blair, pulling her to her feet.
"Yeah well " Jo muttered, embarrassed. "I don't mind if you wanna rub off on me. In fact, I was plannin' on doin' a little rubbin' off later."
Blair gasped as Jo pulled her into an embrace.
"Jo, really, must you be so crude?"
Jo ignored the protest, she knew Blair secretly loved it when she talked dirty.
"Fashion designers is one thing, Princess, but I'm tellin' you this," Jo eyed Blair seriously. "The first time I catch myself flippin' my hair, we're breakin' up."
Jo watched in wonder as Blair rifled through her closet. She'd already tossed a white t-shirt and Jo's favourite leather jacket onto the bed. Now she was on the trail of a very specific pair of jeans.
"You know the ones I mean. The ones that really hug your a- your derriere."
"Blair, just who exactly are we going to dinner with and how come you want me to show 'em my ass in tight jeans?"
"For goodness' sake, Jo, I don't want you to show it to them, I just want you to look fabulous."
Jo reached past her and pulled out the jeans she'd been looking for. Blair nodded in approval.
"OK, but usually when you want me to look 'fabulous', you stick me in some frilly dress and high-heels. How come tonight 'fabulous' means stuff I actually like? Who we eatin' with?"
Blair moved to stand in front of the mirror. She shrugged nonchalantly.
"Oh, just Cindy. And her girlfriend."
Jo raised an eyebrow.
"Cindy has a girlfriend?"
"Yes. It's a rather recent development that I heard about through Tootie. I'm not entirely sure she's grasped the concept though. The girl she's dating is practically a boy, her head is shaved up the back!" she turned a knowing look on Jo. "Strange timing for them to be embracing their sexuality, don't you think?"
"Strange how?" Jo asked, shrugging.
"Well, is it a coincidence that after you and I go public with our relationship, all of these other so called 'gay couples' come out of the woodwork?" Blair turned back to the mirror and laughed. "I mean, I shouldn't be surprised. Where I go, people follow."
"Yeah, I can see the headline now 'Blair Warner turns whole school gay: Parents outraged'. We should alert Natalie," Jo said, straight-faced.
"Ha, ha, Polniaczek."
"And anyway, who are all these 'so-called gay couples'? This is the first I've heard of it."
"Well so far Cindy's it. But this is the start of it, mark my words," Blair said, knowingly.
Jo walked over to stand behind Blair and slid her arms around her waist, leaning her chin on Blair's shoulder.
"And why exactly are we going out to dinner with them?"
"I thought that we could give them the benefit of our experience. As Eastland's premiere gay couple, I feel it's our civic duty to show them how it's done."
"Show 'em how it's done, eh?" Jo asked, raising her eyebrows.
"Not that! Good Lord, we're not giving live demonstrations. I mean that we are role models for these girls and we have to take that seriously."
"So, I'm the butch role model, huh?" Jo asked, nodding towards the outfit on the bed.
Blair turned in her arms and flashed a dazzling smile.
"Well, I can't very well be, can I? I fly in the face of all of the stereotypes. But I feel it's important that they get a rounded view of things," she said, fiddling with the neckline of Jo's t-shirt. "Oh, and I think that we should let them know that our relationship is that we've that we have experience."
"What the hell do we need to do that for?" Jo asked, confused.
"So that they know that this isn't just a phase for us. That we are in a serious, committed, lesbian relationship," Blair stated calmly. "And that we're not just being 'fashionable'."
A light went on in Jo's eyes.
"This is like a competition to you, ain't it?" Jo asked.
Blair rolled her eyes, but didn't actually answer.
"You think that we need to be the best gays at Eastland," Jo continued, incredulously.
Blair looked at her and sighed.
"Well, if you're going to do something, you might as well be the best at it."
"Not this! This isn't a contest!" Jo blurted out, stepping away from Blair.
"I know that!" Blair said, turning back to the mirror. She continued in a quieter voice. "But if it were, then we'd win it."
Jo shook her head and smiled.
"You're really somethin' else, Warner."
"I know." Blair agreed.
"I goin' to take a shower," Jo said, gathering up her prescribed outfit for the evening.
"Oh Jo, before you go "
Jo turned back around to see Blair tying a rainbow scarf around her neck.
"Is this too much?" she asked, angling her head to show the scarf off.
"Uh yeah, a little," Jo confirmed.
"I thought so."
Jo watched as she untied it and tossed it on the bed. Dropping her own clothes to the floor, Jo approached Blair again.
"You know we have the whole house to ourselves. Are you really sure you wanna waste that opportunity?"
Blair turned to face her.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I'm just thinkin' that Cindy and her girlfriend are probably still gonna be gay tomorrow, or next week even. And they ain't gonna be heartbroken if we had to cancel on 'em tonight, are they? An evenin' spent talkin' about bein' gay probably isn't high on their list of stuff to do."
"Jo " Blair began.
"I'm just sayin' that we got a good coupla hours before anybody's due home," Jo continued, tracing a finger down Blair's throat and hooking it into the neckline of her blouse.
"And do you have something in mind for filling these hours?" Blair asked, her voice suddenly husky.
"We could play with the whipped cream again. This time without riskin' scarrin' Tootie for life."
Blair quirked an eyebrow.
"Yes, she hasn't been able to even look at a sundae since she walked in on us that time."
Jo leaned in and dragged her bottom lip over Blair's shoulder, up to her ear where she bit the lobe gently, eliciting a gasp and a shudder.
"You call Cindy. I'll get the cream from the fridge. Meet you back here in five minutes," she whispered.
Before Jo could move away, Blair had grabbed her and crushed their lips together in a kiss that left Jo breathless and slightly shaky. When they parted, Blair looked Jo in the eye, panting.
"Make that two minutes."
Return to The Facts of Life Fiction
Return to Main Page