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The Bright Fire Of Bridges Burning
She has no choice to to tell him, and she is scared, because she honestly doesn't know what to expect. Once upon a time, she had thought that nothing could ever intrude on their perfect little world, that they'd last forever. Now she's the one who's destroying it. How can she ever build a relationship on that legacy?
Already the doubts are eating away at her. She should have known better than to expect him to feel sorry for her.
He's been kind-hearted, funny, supportive all this time, qualities that had once made her fall in love with him. He won't yell at her or freak out, that's for sure.
Still, when she stumbles over the words like a lovesick teenager trying to explain that the world has shifted on its axis and nothing can ever be the same, his reaction is not what she expected.
"Are you crazy?" He's shaking his head as if he's just as disturbed by the coldness of the words as she is. "Tell me this is not true."
She takes a deep breath, ready to lie in order to end this painful moment, the shame that makes her face burn, then she exhales slowly. "I can't." Wasn't this supposed to be the end of all lies? "I'm sorry," she says. "I love you." It's still true though she feels like she has lost the right to say it, and he seems to agree.
"The girls do they know?"
A flash of irrational anger surges within, didn't he hear what she just said? Doesn't he actually care about what it means for the two of them, and why does he think this is the least bit easy for her? She nods, even if it's only half of the truth, her vision blurring, anger fading as quickly as it had come. "Can you ever forgive me?" she asks, stepping closer, carefully laying a hand on his arm.
With everything changing too fast, she needs him to be reliable, the man she knows and trusts, especially these days when she cannot trust herself.
He shrugs out of the touch angrily. "You say you need to go, to this woman, I suppose you have to. I can't deal with this now."
"I just wanted you to know the truth."
"And what kind of truth is that?" he asks, his voice rising on every word. "That what we have isn't good enough for you anymore, that you feel the need to experiment?"
"But" She opens her mouth to explain, that it's everything but an experiment, but he cuts her off.
"Go," he says, his voice softer, revealing the pain. "Just don't expect to feel particularly welcome around here. I hope she's worth it."
"Please, hear me out." How could she have ever thought that they'd all be happy and stay friends in the end? It's always so easy, no confusion when she's with her, because she believes they're meant to be. Here in her home that she's shared with him and the girls it seems like a crazy delusional idea indeed. She can feel the ground under her feet breaking away.
"I've heard enough," he says and walks away, but turns at the door. "You know, if someone else had told me this, I would have called them a liar. I believed in you. I guess I was wrong."
She stands in the middle of the living room, frozen, the silence resonating loudly.
All the family pictures in the room, all the smiling faces, seem to mock her, Liar! She feels the first tears trickle down her face as the impact of her decision, that honesty she's been so generous with, is beginning to hit her.
Nothing of this is hers any longer. She can't stay. She has nowhere to go either.
Except one place.
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