DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are
property of NBC and Dick Wolf.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is the final part of the three part series "Coffee, Tequila and a splash of Gin". Thanks to Emma and Jessie for the betas.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
A Splash of Gin
"It's been awhile since we had a drink together hasn't it?" Abbie asked and poured Olivia another drink.
"Yes it has. Carmichael, are you trying to get me drunk?" Olivia asked accusingly but jokingly.
"Well, we can't let this great tequila go to waste now, can we?" Abbie asked, pouring herself a drink.
"No, I guess not," Olivia conceded. She raised her glass and said, "Here's to our neighbours down south for this wonderful concoction!"
"To Mexico," Abbie replied and they both threw back their drinks.
"However, you have always been able to drink me under the table, not to mention that you're staying here and I have to drag my sorry ass home," Olivia said. "Speaking of which, I guess I should call it a night too."
"Olivia, wait," Abbie said and quickly placed a hand on Olivia's arm to stop her from getting up and made up a quick excuse. "You are in no condition to be leaving now."
"It's okay Abbie. I'm pretty sure that I'm sober enough to take a cab," Olivia said, smiling.
"Look, Olivia," Abbie said, resigned to just being truthful. "I know I might be out of line here, but Alex is my best friend and I want to see her happy."
Olivia nodded, indicating for Abbie to continue.
"When you said you were interested in someone, were you talking about Alex?" Abbie asked, straight to the point.
"Do you think she caught the hint?" Olivia asked in reply and bit on her lower lip.
Abbie moved her hand from Olivia's arm and gave her a warm smile. "I think so, but in case she didn't, stay awhile and talk to her. Get to know her. Let her get to know you."
"Is she interested?" Olivia asked hesitantly.
"And here I thought you were a detective," Abbie joked. "Let me just say that ever since I bought her that tank top two years ago, this is the first time she's ever worn it."
"Remind me to take you out to lunch later to thank you," Olivia said, smiling.
At that moment, Alex returned and hung up her jacket. She blew into her hands, rubbing them together. "Phew, it's cold out there."
"Why don't you make some coffee, and Olivia and I will start a fire," Abbie suggested.
"Sure, knock yourselves out," Alex answered and went into the kitchen. She started to make some coffee while Abbie and Olivia put some kindling in the fireplace and worked on getting a fire going. By the time they got the fire going, Alex was getting some coffee mugs out. "Hey guys, what do you want in your coffee?"
"Actually, I think I'm going to call it a night," Abbie replied as she got up from in front of the fireplace.
"Oh, okay," Alex said, a bit surprised. She didn't think Abbie was going to bail on her, but truth be told, she didn't mind some time alone with Olivia. She just hoped that Olivia wasn't going to leave as well.
"I'll keep ya company," Olivia said as she came into the kitchen to get her coffee. "Unless you're tired and want to call it a night."
"No, I'm not tired," Alex said a little too quickly and then added, "Unless you're tired."
"No, I'm not tired," Olivia replied softly.
Alex poured them two cups of coffee and they took their mugs out to the living room. Olivia put her mug down on the coffee table and noticed that the first small log they had put on the fire was almost out. She went over and added a larger piece of wood into the fireplace and blew some air into the still hot ashes to get the fire going again. Alex sat down on the couch and sipped her coffee. Olivia came back to the couch and instead of sitting on it, she sat down on the rug and leaned her back against the sofa.
"There's lots of room here. You don't have to sit on the floor," Alex said, indicating the sofa.
"I just want to be able to get to the fire in case it goes out," Olivia explained.
"Suit yourself, pyro," Alex said with a smile, putting her mug on the coffee table and laid down on the couch, hugging a cushion.
Olivia looked over her left shoulder at Alex and smiled. "So..."
"So..." Alex said and smiled. "I'm glad you came over tonight."
"Me too," Olivia replied and took a sip of her coffee.
"Can I ask you something?" Alex asked.
"Sure," Olivia said and leaned back again.
"Why did you join the unit?" Alex questioned, fingers playing with one of the tassles on the cushion.
"To serve and protect," Olivia said lightly with a small smile.
"Yeah, but sex crimes is voluntary," Alex pointed out.
Olivia took a deep breath and nodded. "A long time ago, my mother was raped."
"I'm so sorry," Alex replied softly. "Did they ever catch him?"
"No. That's why I initially joined the unit," Olivia explained. She continued in a quieter voice, "To find the man who raped my mother. To find my father."
"Your father?" Alex echoed.
"I'm a product of rape, Alex," Olivia said looking into the fire.
Alex sat up and scooted down to the other end of the couch, next to Olivia. She lowered her chest to her knees so that her face was level with Olivia's. "I'm sorry about what happened to your mother, but I'm glad that you're here."
"Thank you," Olivia said with a small smile as her eyes started to get moist. "I'm glad I'm here too."
Olivia blinked back the threatening tears and took a deep breath. "So what about you? Why did you become a lawyer, against your father's wishes?"
Alex sat back up and reached past Olivia and picked up a picture frame from the end table. She laid down on her stomach behind Olivia and handed her the picture. The photo was of two young girls, arms around each other's shoulders, grinning at the camera. One was a blonde and one was a brunette and they both had ponytails.
"That was Amy, my best friend growing up," Alex pointed to the brown haired girl. "Our families were friends. We'd known each other since we were babies."
"You guys looked happy," Olivia said looking at the photo.
"We were, until the summer before high school" Alex continued. "That summer, Amy told me that she had been molested by a friend of her father's for over a year. She had told her parents but they didn't believe her and she didn't know what to do. I took her to the police and the guy was arrested. The next thing I knew, Amy was gone. Her parents had sent her off to a boarding school in England. Since Amy wasn't around, there was no witness and so the charges were dropped and the guy walked. Two months into the school year, I received a letter from her telling me that she couldn't take it any more. She was all alone and had so much hurt inside of her and I couldn't do anything to help her. She killed herself after she wrote me that letter."
Tears started to roll down Alex's face as she remembered her childhood friend. "After that, I swore that I would do whatever I could to help people like Amy. I decided to go to Law school and become a prosecutor. My father said that if I wanted to help people like Amy, I should go to Med school and become a psychiatrist. He said that if she had someone to talk to, some therapy, maybe she wouldn't have killed herself. He was so bent on my being a doctor that he couldn't see my point. I wanted to put away people like the man who hurt Amy."
"That's why you pushed so hard with the Cavanaugh case," Olivia realized.
Alex nodded. "When I found out about Sam's suicide attempt, all I could think about was Amy. I couldn't let Barnett get away with what he had done. I had to do everything I could to put him away. I didn't want to fail Sam." Alex wiped away the tears that had fallen down her cheeks and sniffed back the ones that threatened to pour out. "So, there you have it. That's why I became a prosecutor."
"I'm sorry about Amy," Olivia said, reflecting Alex's sentiments a moment ago. "And I'm glad that you're here."
"Me too," Alex said as she put the picture frame back onto the end table. She returned to her laying position behind Olivia, except this time she laid on her side, facing the detective's back, head propped up and resting in her hand.
"So how do you deal with it, the perversion and violence?" Alex asked, knowing that the detectives saw far more than what she saw everyday.
"I stay away from those S and M types," Olivia joked, turning to her right, knees drawn to her chest, side resting against the sofa.
Alex gave a small chuckle. "I'm serious, how do you go home and...go on?"
"I go rock climbing," Olivia replied simply.
"Rock climbing?" Alex asked. "I thought cops are the jogging type."
"A lot are, but I prefer climbing," Olivia explained. "See, the point of doing something is to get your mind away from the job, to stop thinking about it. When I jog, there's nothing to do except run and think. I can't turn off my brain. But when I'm climbing, I'm thinking about my next foot or hand hold so I don't have to think about work. What about you?"
"I like to cook. My grandmother was a great cook and I learned a thing or two from her while growing up," Alex replied. "And I watch movies."
"You mean 'action flicks'" Olivia corrected her with a smile.
"Yeah, action flicks," Alex said with a small grin.
Olivia turned to the coffee table and grabbed her mug. She took a sip before venturing into a more personal topic. Looking into her mug, she took a breath and asked, "Alex, can I ask you something?"
"Of course," Alex answered, her eyes never leaving Olivia's face.
"You said before that Jordan wasn't your first," Olivia started and then looked up at Alex. "So are you..."
Alex smiled. "Am I gay or am I bisexual?"
Olivia raised her eyebrows, gave a small smile, and nodded slightly to indicate her embarrassment at not being able to put her question into words.
"I guess you never heard the rumors about me then, huh?" Alex joked and then soberly continued, "To the world, including my family, I'm straight, and for the last couple of years, celibate. But between you and me, and Abbie and Serena, I'm gay."
"So then what was that date with Trevor Langan all about?" Olivia asked softly.
Alex chuckled. "I was wondering when you were going to ask me about that."
"Well, I'm asking now," Olivia said.
"It wasn't a date," Alex replied. "At least it wasn't for me, since I don't date men. But, I was getting tired of eating dinner by myself all the time, so when he asked me to dinner, I accepted."
"But...Trevor Langan?" Olivia asked, trying hard, but failing to hide her disgust for the defence attorney.
"Hey, I didn't exactly have a lot of men, never mind women, beating down my door for dinner companionship," Alex said in her own defense.
"Well, first of all, no one knows you're gay, therefore, the lack of women," Olivia explained, returning her mug to the coffee table. She turned back to Alex and continued. "Secondly, I don't know about your office, but the guys in the squad are either married or they're intimidated by you. Believe me, I've heard them talk and gawk, but they're all too scared to approach you. They figure that with your brains and looks, you're too good for any of them."
"And here I thought that no one ever noticed me as anything other than 'the bitchy ice queen'," Alex confessed, looking down at the sofa cushion.
"I noticed," Olivia said, almost inaudibly.
Alex looked up and saw brown eyes boring into her and a warm feeling began to spread in her chest. Her heart started pounding so hard she swore Olivia could hear it. Her mouth went dry and she reminded herself to breath. She had to focus to find her next words, which came out just slighty above a whisper, "You hid it well."
Olivia imperceptibly inched her face closer to Alex's and whispered, "I'm tired of hiding."
Alex swallowed hard as Olivia moved closer to her in an excruciating slow pace. She felt herself gravitating toward the other woman until their noses touched slightly. Olivia teased her by slowly giving her Eskimo kisses, and just when Alex was about to groan with frustration, she felt Olivia's lips touch hers. The kiss was tentative. Olivia waited for Alex to make the next move and the blonde did not disappoint her. Alex parted her lips and Olivia followed, darting out her tongue to taste Alex's soft lips. Olivia reached up her right hand to cup Alex's cheek and deepened the kiss. Mouths and tongues explored as they felt and tasted each other, slowly releasing over two years of want and need. Reluctantly, Olivia pulled away to catch her breath, but only enough so that their foreheads were still touching.
"Wow," Alex said breathlessly, chest heaving, her hand slowly caressing the other woman's arm.
"Not bad for a rookie, huh?" Olivia said smugly before she could stop herself.
Alex stopped dead in her tracks. After a pause, she pulled away and sat up. "Rookie? I thought you said that you dated men and women."
"I said that I'm open to possible relationships, be it with a man or a woman," Olivia clarified, at the same time, mentally cursing herself for having let her mouth run off without her brain. "It's just that I've never met any women who attracted me until I met you."
Alex shook her head and moved further down the couch, away from Olivia. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "I can't do this, Olivia. I told you before; I won't be someone's curiosity or experiment"
Olivia got up and sat down on the couch facing Alex, one arm draped along the back of the couch. She sat close to Alex, but not close enough to be in her personal space. She leaned in slightly and softly pleaded her case, trying not to sound too desperate, "Alex, this isn't some school girl crush. I'm not just curious and looking to try something new. I fell for you the day I met you."
"I can't get hurt again. I won't get hurt again," Alex said looking down, gathering strength to build up her walls of defence against the onslaught of emotions brought on by the woman in front of her.
"I won't hurt you," Olivia reassured her. "I'd die before I hurt you."
"Don't make promises you can't keep," Alex whispered, still avoiding eye contact. She knew that if she looked into Olivia's deep brown eyes, she'd lose her resolve. She had to stand firm and not let the other woman break down her walls.
"So that's it? I don't even get a chance?" Olivia asked, the hurt evident in her voice.
Alex shook her head slightly and swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. Olivia heard her heart break and hoped that Alex could hear it too. She had opened herself to the other woman and saw Alex do the same, and now nothing she could say or do could penetrate itself into Alex's heart. She blinked back the threatening tears and turned away from the blonde. "I guess I should go then."
Alex nodded and added quietly, "Yeah."
Olivia got up and headed to the door. She grabbed her jacket and turned around to see that Alex had followed her. Finally, Alex brougth her dark blue eyes up to look into glistening brown ones. "I'm sorry," was all she could manage.
"Yeah, me too," Olivia replied and with that, she walked out the door.
Alex woke up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and clattering sounds in the kitchen. She sat up on the couch to find that Abbie had placed a blanket over her sometime during the night. She ran a hand through her hair and saw Abbie leaning on the island counter, holding a mug, and watching her from the kitchen.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," Abbie said with a smile as she put down her mug and poured a cup of coffee for Alex.
She went into the living room and sat down on the couch at Alex's feet. Alex accepted the hot mug of coffee gratefully. "What time is it?" she asked before taking a sip.
"Just after ten," Abbie replied leaning her side against the back of the couch. "So how did it go last night?"
"I don't wanna talk about it," Alex said. She got up and headed into the kitchen. "You want some eggs for breakfast?" she asked, trying to change the subject.
"Sure," Abbie replied, following her. She perched herself onto a stool at the island counter, facing Alex who was busy rummaging through the fridge. "I take it things didn't go as planned?"
"Do you want cheese in your omelette?" Alex asked holding up a bag of shredded cheese, ignoring the question.
"What's an omelette without cheese?" Abbie replied in answer. "You're avoiding the question."
"No, I'm avoiding the answer," Alex said as she started to make them breakfast.
"Alex, It's me, Abbie," the brunette said softly, after hearing nothing further from the blonde. "Talk to me."
Alex sighed as she slid Abbie's omelette onto a plate. She knew Abbie would get it out of her one way or another, sooner or later. There was no fighting Abbie Carmichael. She handed Abbie the plate and started to make her own omelette.
"After you went to bed, we talked for a bit, got to know each other a bit more," Alex began. "Then she kissed me."
"She kissed you?" Abbie asked, mid-bite and smiled. "Did you kiss her back?"
"I was an active participant, yes," Alex confirmed. She placed her omelette on a plate and went to sit down beside Abbie.
"Sounds like things were going well," Abbie commented. "So what happened?"
"She's a first timer," Alex said looking at her plate.
"I see," Abbie said, taking a sip of her coffee. "And that's a problem for you."
Alex swallowed her eggs and replied, "Yes. I don't want another Jordan situation."
"From what I can tell, you're crazy about her and she's crazy about you," Abbie rationalized. Alex remained silent and so Abbie continued. "I can see how you change when she's around. You smile a little wider, you laugh a little louder. You're just a happier person when you're around her."
"Yeah, and then what happens when she decides she can't handle being with a woman?" Alex cut in, looking squarely at Abbie.
"You deal with it and go on with life," Abbie replied, looking softly at Alex.
"I have dealt with it before and I've moved on," Alex reminded her. "I just don't want to deal with it again."
"Man," Abbie said, shaking her head. "Jordan sure did a number on you."
Alex looked back down at her plate and pushed her eggs around with her fork. "I cared about her and it hurt when she left. I can't even begin to imagine how much it would hurt if that were to happen with Olivia." She looked up at Abbie again with wet eyes. "I don't think I could handle it, Abbie."
"So you'd rather remain miserable and alone and give up what will probably be the best thing that could ever happen to you?" Abbie asked.
"At least I'll still have my heart in one piece," Alex replied.
"Are you sure about that?" Abbie questioned her with a raised eyebrow. Alex knew Abbie was right. Her heart was no longer whole. It had broken the moment the detective walked out the door. She had convinced herself that the temporary pain that she felt was manageable and necessary in the prevention of further hurt and the humiliation of rejection.
Alex did not reply and returned to her breakfast. Abbie took the sign as the conversation being over for the time being. She suggested that after breakfast they go for a walk and perhaps some shopping and Alex agreed. Anything to keep her mind off of Olivia Benson.
Later that day
The two partners sat on the front steps of Elliot's home while everyone else was inside watching football and playing Monopoly. Kathy and Elliot had invited Olivia over for Sunday dinner in hopes of introducing her to one of Kathy's cousins. Elliot had resisted the idea at first but he eventually gave in. He knew that Olivia hadn't been involved with anyone in a while and he just wanted her to meet someone and be happy. Kathy had ensured her husband that she would invite a few friends as well so as to not make Olivia and her cousin feel uncomfortable about the "fix up".
Olivia had wanted to cancel on the dinner when Elliot called to remind her that morning, but she had accepted the invitation a week ago and didn't like to back out of her word. She needed to get her mind off of Alex and knew that that wouldn't happen if she sat at home all day and sulked. And so, that evening she found herself sitting at the Stabler dinner table with her partner's family and some of Kathy's friends and family. She smelled a fix up when Kathy introduced her to her cousin, Michael, but Olivia played it cool. She didn't say much during dinner and would politely, but succinctly, answer questions that were directed at her. The behavior did not go unnoticed by Elliot.
"So, you wanna tell me what's on your mind?" Elliot asked, playing with the label on his beer bottle.
"Nope," Olivia replied and took a swig from her own bottle.
Elliot counted on his fingers, muttering under his breath and then turned to her. "Oh, that time of the month, huh?"
"What?" Olivia asked incredulously. "Jesus, Elliot. We definitely need to get new partners because you know way too much about me."
Elliot chuckled. "Relax, Olivia. I have a wife and three daughters. I learned to count the days, for my own survival."
Olivia let out a chuckle and shook her head. "If you know my cycle, you might as well know everything about me then."
"I don't wanna push you. I just want to know that you're okay," Elliot assured her.
Olivia nodded and licked her lips. She trusted Elliot with her life. She knew that her partner wouldn't treat her any differently if he knew about her, but she had never felt the need to tell anyone about her private life. Most of what he knew about her he had deduced on his own or she had told him on a need to know basis. Tonight, she felt like she needed to tell someone, to vent, to purge her soul. Who better than her partner who cared for her like family?
"I met someone," Olivia began, looking down at her shoes.
"Do I know him?" Elliot asking, smiling.
"No," Olivia lied. It was one thing for her to come out to her partner. It was another to out Alex. "You don't know...her."
Elliot's smile froze and then faded. "Her?"
"Yeah, her," Olivia repeated.
Elliot cleared his throat and swallowed. "I, uh, didn't know you, um, played for the other team."
Olivia smiled at his cliched metaphor and replied with her own, "I swing both ways."
Her partner nodded, took a chug of his beer and shook his head. "Greedy sonofabitch."
Olivia looked over, prepared to berate him when she saw his smile. She slapped him on the arm and replied, "Jackass."
He contained his laughter to a minimal and said with a grin, "So, you in love or what?"
Olivia's smile faded and she said soberly, "I was attracted to her the first time I saw her. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her."
"So what's the problem? At dinner, you looked like your dog just died. She doesn't feel the same way?"
"She does, but she doesn't want to start anything or get involved because I'm...inexperienced."
"Yeah, I've only ever dated guys before."
"That's pretty weak."
"Well, she's done it before and it didn't turn out well. She dated a woman who thought she was gay, but then in the end, she decided she was straight."
"Hmm. Maybe she got burned bad that time."
"I think so. I tried to tell her that this wasn't just a crush or some curiosity thing and that I'd never hurt her but she just shut me out."
"Sounds like she got hurt pretty bad," Elliot said. "Well, you got two choices. Either you get over it and move on, or you can be stubborn, like I know you can be, and give her time, give her space, but don't give up."
"How?" Olivia asked.
"Romance her, woo her, whatever it is you single people do," Elliot said smiling. "Just don't give up."
"Sounds like stalking," Olivia said smiling.
"It's only stalking when the other person doesn't feel the same way," Elliot clarified with a grin.
Olivia leaned over and nudged Elliot's shoulder with her own. "Thanks, Elliot."
Elliot gave her a smile and nudged her back. "I just want to see you happy."
"I know," Olivia said and clinked her bottle with his and they continued to drink their beers in a comfortable silence.
As the days turned into weeks, which turned into months, Olivia and Alex remained professional in their dealings with one another at work. However, every once in awhile, Olivia would hold Alex's gaze a few seconds longer than necessary or stand a little too close, and every so often, the detective would catch the ADA's eyes on her when she thought Olivia wasn't looking. Olivia would occasionally invite Alex out for a drink, with or without the boys, but the ADA would always decline, but never without a hint of regret in her eyes.
After the Cheryl Avery case, Olivia came by to invite Alex out for a drink. At that point, Olivia was close to giving up on any kind of possible relationship with the blonde. She had had a rough day and figured that Alex probably wasn't fairing any better either. So as a friend, she extended the invitation. Like always, Alex declined. Then they were called to Bellevue.
After they wheeled Cheryl Avery away to surgery, Alex was in shock. She didn't know what to do and all she could think of was how she was responsible for what happened. She could've asked for Cheryl to be sentenced to a special facility but she didn't. Olivia sensed that Alex was probably mentally berating herself and a small part of her did blame Alex, but another part of her told her that Alex was only doing her job. There was nothing they could do for Cheryl Avery now, but she could try to help alleviate Alex from any of her self recrimination. Alex had already felt lousy about the Avery case before the gang rape. She could only imagine how much worse Alex must have felt, seeing Cheryl on the gurney.
"Why don't I take you home, okay?" Olivia asked softly, reaching out and touching Alex's arm.
Alex simply nodded, eyes unfocused.
Olivia drove them to Alex's apartment and the ride was silent the entire way. Olivia didn't know what to say and guessed that with the state that Alex was in, her words would probably fall on deaf ears. They reached Alex's building and Olivia parked the car. Olivia was still at a loss for words when she heard Alex's quiet and distant voice. "Will you come up with me for awhile?"
Olivia nodded and replied equally quietly, "Yeah."
They headed into the building and up the elevator in silence. Alex let them into the apartment and hung up their coats.
"Do you still want that drink?" Alex asked, heading into the kitchen.
"Yeah, whatever you've got," Olivia answered, sitting on one of the stools at the counter.
Alex opened up a cupboard under the counter and pulled out a bottle of gin and a bottle of club soda. She grabbed two tumblers and filled them with ice.
"Soda?" Alex asked, holding up the bottle.
"Yeah," Olivia replied, watching the blonde.
Alex poured the soda into both glasses and then added generous amounts of gin to both. She handed the glass to Olivia and held up her own glass. "Here's to doing our jobs," she said sarcastically and took a drink.
"Alex, it's not your fault," Olivia began.
"It is my fault," Alex replied. "I sent her to Rikers. I might as well have raped her."
"You were doing your job," Olivia told her again. "That's all any of us can do."
Silence fell upon them again as they sipped their drinks. Olivia kept her eyes on Alex but tried not to make her uncomfortable with her gaze. Finally, Alex put down her glass and braced herself against the counter with her hands. She looked up and into Olivia's soft eyes.
"You said to me that I didn't know what it was like to look at my body and know that it was a mistake," Alex began. "You're right, I don't. But I do know what it's like to be an outsider. To be ostracized for who you are. When I was a kid, I had an uncle named Alexander. I was named after him and he was my favourite uncle. He was only ten years older than I was and so we spent a lot of time together. In highschool, he realized that he was gay and he came out to the family when he was in college. Do you know what they did? They disowned him. His name was never mentioned again after that. I was the only one who kept in touch with him and I had to do it secretly for over fifteen years. Even when he laid dying in a hospital bed, no one else from our family came to see him. His funeral was attended by his partner, his friends and me. See why I never came out to my family?"
Olivia could only nod. There were no words she could say to take away the hurt she saw in Alex's eyes as the blonde told her story.
"When Jordan left me, it was a rejection of me, of my lifestyle," Alex continued. "It hurt, but I got over it because I realized that I wasn't in love with Jordan. That night after you kissed me, I didn't want to imagine how much it would hurt to be rejected like that by someone I really cared about."
"Alex, I understand now your not wanting to get hurt again," Olivia began. "I care about you and I hope with all my heart that someday you'll get past that fear. And I'll move on and hope that we can be friends because -"
"Just looking at you makes me happy," Alex cut her off.
"What?" Olivia asked raising her eyebrows, not quite sure she heard Alex's admission correctly.
"Just looking at you makes me happy," Alex repeated, looking into Olivia's eyes. "I think about you everyday. Everytime we talk, I can't wait to hear the next words out of your mouth. Everytime we're in the same room, I want to stand close to you, and smell your perfume. Everytime I see you, I can't help but think about that kiss."
"Alex, what are you saying?" Olivia asked, eyes fixed on Alex, one eyebrow arched.
Alex walked around the counter towards Olivia. She pulled out a bar stool and sat down, facing the other woman, their knees almost touching.
"As scared as I am about getting hurt, I want to try," Alex replied. "I don't want to hide behind my fears anymore. As pained as my uncle was about our family rejecting him, he never once regretted coming out and being who he was. If I don't give us a shot, I will regret it for the rest of my life."
Olivia swallowed hard. "Are you sure?" she asked softly, her eyes searching Alex's for any signs of doubt.
"I'm sure," Alex whispered and leaned in to touch her lips with Olivia's. She slowly pulled away to see a smirk on the detective's face.
"So you've been thinking about our first kiss, huh?" Olivia asked with a smug grin.
"After everything I've said, that's all you remembered?" Alex accused mockingly.
"I should've told you I have a talent for kissing," Olivia said as she leaned in and started to plant kisses on Alex's neck.
"Well then, Detective Benson, why don't we go and explore what other talents you might have," Alex suggested as she took Olivia's hand and led her down the hall to the bedroom.
The room was illuminated only by the moonlight that streamed through the blinds. As they entered the room, Olivia could see Alex grab something off of the dresser in the corner by the door. Olivia noted that she seemed to be pointing the thing at the opposite wall and then returned it to the dresser. Soft strains of sensual blues music accompanied by the soaring voice of a younger Etta James filled the room. She led Olivia over to the bed and sat her down. She crawled across the bed and rummaged through the drawer of the night table. Olivia turned to look behind her and heard a swift hissing sound and then saw a little flame. The flames multiplied, as Alex lit several candles, giving the room a soft glow. Alex blew out the match and turned her eyes to Olivia.
She crawled back over to Olivia and moved in for another taste of those full lips that she couldn't stop thinking about the last six months. Olivia parted her lips and Alex's tongue immediately began its exploration, enjoying the lingering taste of gin on Olivia's lips and tongue. The brunette reached up her right hand to cup the side of Alex's face and deepened the kiss, their tongues sliding, twirling, dancing. Alex reached down and tugged at Olivia's shirt, untucking it. Olivia pulled away and stopped Alex's hands with her own.
"Are you sure about this, Alex?" she asked and received her answer in the form of kisses along her neck and collar bone.
"Been." Gentle sucking on her earlobe.
"My." A lick, followed by a kiss in the hollow point where Olivia's collar bones met.
"Life." Alex's tongue invaded Olivia's mouth once again while her hands returned to the task of removing the detective's shirt. Olivia slid off her holster and badge and dropped them onto the floor. Once Alex removed the obstructing shirt out of the way, she snapped open Olivia's bra and slid it off. Olivia leaned into the blonde and laid her down across the bed. Olivia laid on her side, half of her length covering Alex's body, one thigh resting between the blonde's legs. They continued their kissing and nipping as Olivia shed Alex of her shirt and bra.
Olivia began her trail of kisses down Alex's neck and onto her chest. She took a nipple into her mouth and sucked on it gently, feeling a wave or euphoria sweep over her. She had no doubt it would be the first wave of many more to come that night. She licked a trail over to the other breast and ran circles around the erect nipple teasingly. Finally she took it into her mouth and gave it the same attention she had the other. Alex ran her fingers along Olivia's shoulders and into the soft brown hair.
Reluctantly, Olivia turned her attention away from the taut nipple and made another trail of kisses down the middle of Alex's body and admired the simple gold ring that adorned the lawyer's navel. She continued to plant kisses across the blonde's lower abdomen, caressing the little dips close to the hip bones. As she entertained the body beneath her with her lips, her hands removed Alex's dress pants and underwear. Once the blonde was completely naked, she slid back up to face her lover.
"I believe you have some clothes shedding to do," Alex said as she unbuttoned and unzipped Olivia's pants. She rolled over, pinned the brunette beneath her and began her oral assault on her partner's breasts. Olivia closed her eyes as she felt an increase in wetness between her legs. Alex quickly rid her of her pants and panties and admired the naked form on her bed.
"Olivia, are you okay?" Alex asked, laying down beside the other woman, one leg resting between Olivia's legs, and a hand gently stroking between Olivia's breast and hip.
"I'm naked and laying on your bed," Olivia said, opening her eyes and looking into Alex's dark blue ones. "How can I not be okay?"
"If I'm going too fast, just tell me, okay?" Alex said softly, moving her roaming hand to entwine her fingers with Olivia's.
"Are you always this chivalrous, counsellor?" Olivia joked.
"Only with you, Detective," Alex replied and captured Olivia's lips in a hungry kiss.
Alex let go of Olivia's hand and massaged one of Olivia's breasts, thumb and index finger rolling and pinching the erect nipple. Olivia moaned into Alex's mouth at the sensation and her hips instinctively began to rock against Alex's thigh. Alex got the hint and moved her hand down the other woman's torso and down one slender thigh. She moved her hand up to the juncture between Olivia's legs. She paused looking for an indication that she should proceed. Olivia moved her hand over top of Alex's and pulled her mouth away from Alex just long enough to say, "Touch me."
Alex slid her fingers between her partner's outer lips and took note of how wet she was. She massaged the slick folds and obviously aroused clit, which elicited a deep groan from Olivia. Slowly she slid her middle finger deep into Olivia's core and stroked her languidly. Then she added her index finger and began thrusting harder while her tongue darted in and out of Olivia's mouth, mirroring her hand's movements down below.
With one arm wrapped around Alex's waist and the other massaging one of the blonde's breasts, she bucked her hips faster and harder into Alex's hand. She began to feel light headed as she came closer and closer to orgasm. Alex continued to thrust harder and faster into Olivia's slick folds and felt hot flesh tighten against her fingers as the brunette cried out into her mouth. Alex began to slow her movements as she pulled her face back to gaze at the other woman. She pulled her fingers away, and quickly wiped them on a tissue on the night table. She rested her hand on Olivia's hip and smiled.
"That was incredible," Olivia finally managed to say after her breathing slowed down.
"You're incredible," Alex said with a smile.
"Oh, just you wait 'til I put my talents to use," Olivia grinned.
"It's okay, you don't have to," Alex said, tracing a finger along Olivia's jaw. "At least not tonight."
Olivia reached up and took Alex's hand in hers. "I want to."
"Okay," Alex whispered and Olivia rolled her onto her back and settled her body in the vee of Alex's legs.
Olivia slowly slid down Alex's body, leaving a trail of random kisses in her wake. As she reached her destination between Alex's legs, she looked up to see the blonde looking at her. "Are you sure?"
"I'm sure," Olivia replied and smiled. "I've been wanting to taste you for a very long time." And with that, she slid her tongue into Alex's folds.
Alex immediately shut her eyes at the sensation and threw her head back onto the bed. She ran her hands into Olivia's hair and bent her knees, drawing her legs up to give Olivia better access. Olivia slid one hand up to massage one of Alex's breasts while her tongue teased her clit. Primal sounds escaped Alex's mouth and Olivia responded by dipping her tongue as deep inside of Alex as she could. She continued to orally please the blonde with her newfound talent. Alex couldn't hold herself back any longer and started to rock her hips against Olivia's mouth. Olivia moved her tongue to circle Alex's clit as she slid two fingers into Alex's hot, wet flesh.
"Oh my god," Alex groaned as Olivia's fingers penetrated her and her tongue sent hot flashes throughout her body. Smiling smugly, Olivia increased the pace at which her fingers pushed in and out of Alex's body and continued to massage her painfully aroused clit.
Alex lost all coherent thought and let her senses guide her. She felt her stomach tighten as her walls gripped around Olivia's finger and she exploded, arching her back. Olivia continued her thrusting, letting Alex ride out her orgasm and finally slowed down and removed her fingers. She gave Alex's folds one last slow lick which caused the blonde to whimper. She crawled back up and laid down beside Alex, head propped up on one arm.
Alex opened her eyes and gave her a lazy smile. She reached over and pulled Olivia's face to her own and kissed her, tasting her own juices on the other woman's lips and tongue.
"Detective Benson, I believe that very talented mouth of yours has become my favorite body part," Alex said after she pulled away.
They slid under the covers and Olivia spooned Alex from behind, arms wrapped around the blonde. She smiled and whispered into Alex's ear, "Lucky for you, counsellor, I'm just getting started."
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