DISCLAIMER: This is a love story about two consenting female adults. Can't handle it, don't like it, don't read it. We're just borrowing Dick Wolf's characters for fun; we aren't making any money from it.
AUTHOR' NOTE: When two writing heads get together in a round robin...
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

It's Gotta Be Love
By Katherine Quinn & Adrienne Lee

1121 WANT

What we had before, I want it back. What we have now, right now, as I kiss you almost savagely, as you paw at my breasts and push against me, I want to keep.

I want the soft, loving, careful, tender kisses and caresses, too.

I want all of it, and all of you.

"I want you," I thrust the words into your mouth, as I bury my fingers in you, taking your arousal.

"Hm?" You moan into the kiss, into my body.

"I want you," I repeat. Do you understand?

No tiptoeing around each other. No secrets. Nothing.

Just you. Raw. Honest. Good points, and bad points. All of you.

I want you.

And I want you to want me.

I want you to take me in your arms and hold me, and love me, and fuck me. I want you to keep me, and need me. All of me.

Do you? Will you? Forever?

I plunder your mouth, as you sink into me, filling me with your strong strokes.

We thrust, we kiss, we moan as we drive and chase each other towards one blinding orgasm.

No hesitation, no uncertainty. Free to take, free to give.

"I want you," this time I whisper, an urgent, desperate whisper, in between wet hungry kisses.

You twirl your tongue along the inside of my lips, mimicking your fingers in my sex. "Hm?"

"I want you," I whisper again, squeezing you to me, holding you close.

And I revel in the familiar feeling of you. How well you know me. How well you know my body. Do you know my heart?

Or more importantly, do you trust my heart?

Your pace changes again, pushing me closer and closer to the edge.

Taking a shaky deep breath, I close my legs against your hand, holding you still. "No," I sigh against your throat. "Not yet."

"But you feel so good," you whisper hotly into my ear.

I try not to blush, try to let go of any inhibitions. "But I want you first," I say, and take your mouth again. And when you surface for air, I kiss down your neck, and across your shoulders. I suck and lick and squeeze my lips around your nipples, then your breasts, until you squirm against me. Until you lace your fingers in my hair, and guide me further down your body…

"I love you…"

1122 Over

I love you…

I whisper in my head, not sure if I've managed to say it out loud. My breath is coming harder now, our kisses, our bodies pressed together. Our bodies are twining together, becoming one.

I moan…

You moan…

I love you…

I let my lips form the words, as you slide down my body. I miss the full contact with you, your lips on mine, but I watch carefully as you follow the curve of my breast with gentle kisses. There's a familiar look in your eyes, the glint in your eyes as you stare at my body that makes my heart beat a little faster.

I want you…

Your constant response…

My breath catches as you make contact with my stomach. It's a gentle kiss, but one filled with arousal and promise. You want me.

Your hands slide up my body while you slide to your knees in front of me.

You smile, as you kiss me, staring into my eyes.

A kiss, gentle, then probing.

Your fingers twisting in mine, holding me down while my body wants to push up.

My back arches, but you hold me still while you make love to me.

My eyes flutter closed.

"Liv," you whisper, and my eyes open with the loss of the sensation.

"Hmmm…"

"Watch."

I keep my eyes open, and you keep your eyes locked with mine while you deliberately push me over the edge.

1123 STILL

I love you.

I tell you with my kisses, I tell you with my hands.

I hope you hear me.

Your eyelids are drifting close, and I call to you, in a whisper, "Open your eyes."

"Alex?" You protest to the loss of sensation.

"Look at me," I tell you gently.

Your chest heaves, with passion, with want. Slowly, you obey, and lock eyes with me.

I smile, and lacing my fingers with yours, I resume my gentle probing.

You watch, in intent silence, while I slide my tongue up and down and around you. Tasting you, loving you. Once in a while, I pull away, to kiss you on your stomach, on the insides of your thigh. All the while, you watch.

I know it makes you hot to watch me, watch me make love to you. Watch me close my eyes and take in the scent of your arousal. And I smile like I always do when I first taste the sweetness of you. I smile for you.

I love you.

I hope you know how much.

Your thighs are trembling now. You fight your body's instinctive desire to push against me, to clamp around me. I shift my hands up, to cover your taut stomach, to feel the light quiver within. Building. Building.

Your fingers leave mine to grasp the edge of the couch, your knuckles white from the force. The strength in your hands, your strength, it makes my breath catch. The gentleness you show, when you hold me, when you love me, it makes me weak with desire…

But this is about you, your pleasure.

Slowly, I trace your sex with my tongue, holding your eyes in my embrace. Carefully, I slide all around, lingering, but never staying long enough.

"Alex? Please?" You plead, opening yourself wider, inviting.

I slip in, a little deeper, before pulling back again to twirl my tongue then close my lips around your flesh.

"Alex?" You whimper, wanting to close your eyes, your legs. Wanting to close your body around me, and hold me.

"Mmm?" I hum, letting you feel the vibration.

"Please? Stop…" You begin.

Immediately, I obey.

"Allie!" You yelp. "That's not what I… Stop torturing, please?"

I pull away, just a little, and breathe my response, "That's what you do to me…" I say, with a smile, knowing how this little game makes you wild…

1124 Release

"It's different," I gasp, while your smile grows and you give into me.

"It's not," You mumble against me, while you tease me further.

"Okay," I gasp, as you lean into me, letting your tongue flick over where I want you the most.

I groan, and you laugh. "Please?" I beg you.

You don't say anything back, but lock your eyes with mine. You lean forward carefully, slowly, your tongue extended. I feel it dancing carefully on the edge of my sex, while my eyes plead with you to give me what you know I want, what you know I need.

Your smile shines in your eyes. My eyes start to flutter closed, but I force them to remain open, force them to watch you, force them not to close so I can focus on the sensations rippling through my body.

Your eyes never leave mine, you stare at me while you make love to me with your tongue.

You taste me, tease me, push me closer to the edge.

Your fingers lace around my hips, holding them steady. I feel my knuckles straining, holding the couch, trying, forcing my body to remain still. My back wants to arch, to press you harder into me but…

But it's impossible.

My breath is faster…harder. Gasping for air, while my body starts to quiver, you keep up your relentless pace.

You push ahead, forcing me closer, forcing the waves of pleasure to ride through my body.

You turn more gentle when my body starts to tense, just giving me enough to keep the intense feelings, letting me respond to you, fall around you.

I gasp while you kiss your way gently back up my body, and finally let your weight fall on top of me, kissing me deeply.

"I love you," I whisper.

You kiss my neck while my body starts to recover. "I love you," you whisper back.

1125 LOVE

"I love you," you whisper, trying to catch your breath. "Love you, Alex…"

I can hear it in your voice, see it in your eyes, feel it in your touch as you cradle me in your arms. "Love you, too, Liv," I whisper back, letting my fingers drift along your skin, along the sheen of perspiration, and I chuckle.

"What's so funny?"

"You're warm."

"Yeah. You did it."

"Hm." I smile.

"Kept me warm," you mutter softly, kissing me on my face, tasting yourself on my lips.

I snuggle closer, wrapping my arms around your body, "I missed you."

You sigh, clasping me to you, reading my mind. "It's been a while…"

Since we made love like this. I nod. "Listen."

You do. "What? I don't hear anything."

"Exactly, it's so quiet. So peaceful."

"Yeah."

"I can hear your heartbeat," I tell you, pressing my ear to your breast, tracing heart shapes around your nipple.

Taking my finger in your hand, you stop my progress.

I hear a light rumble in your chest, and I ask, "What?"

"Nobody would believe me if I told them you're such a romantic."

I take my finger back, and tap you on your nose. "You should be happy, that only you see this side of me." Then I kiss you.

"I am," you smile, kissing me back, your hands drifting from my back to my waist, running up along my sides.

"Good," I say, my response ending in a whimper.

Your smile grows against my lips. "Listen."

"Hm?" I pull away slightly, and cock my ear. "I don't hear anything." What are you coming up with now?

"Not yet," you say, tipping my chin towards you.

I open my eyes, and meet your smoldering gaze. "What?"

"I'm gonna make you scream…"

1126 Happy

You laugh at me, and I smile.

"I'm serious." I say.

"I know you are." You giggle as my hands slide down your body. "I like the sound of that, actually."

"You do?" I ask teasingly.

We kiss, slowly, deeply.

"Yep," you giggle your response.

"It's nice to be like this."

"Naked?" You ask.

"No, happy. For once."

"We are happy, aren't we?"

"I am," I smile, and truly mean it.

"I am too." You smile, this time shyly.

"Good."

"Good." You parrot.

How long has it been since we've been like this. Since we've clung to each other, naked and glistening. Hung onto each other like we need each other to breathe.

Why has it been so long since we've done this?

Why has it been so long since we've wanted each other like this?

I flip you onto your back and you giggle.

Hovering over you, you stare into my eyes.

"What?" You ask, shyly. The intensity of my glare catches you off guard.

"I just, I, you're beautiful." I watch your face turn from mine, a gentle blush coming to your cheeks.

"Thanks," you mumble softly, "So are you."

1127 CAUGHT

"Not like you," you say, your fingers gently turning my cheek.

Suddenly shy, I keep my eyes lowered. Still, I can feel the intensity of your gaze. Somehow it makes my blush deeper. "Says you," I mumble.

"It's true," you smile against my lips.

"Why is everything different for you? Comparatively, between us?"

"Just is." You kiss me gently on my nose. "We're different."

I reach up, and wind my fingers in your hair, so dark, compared to mine. Your skin almost golden compared to my fair tone. "Suppose so. At least on the outside."

I'm not sure we're that different on the inside. Well, maybe some things, but right now is not the time to dwell on those differences. We're happy. Genuinely happy. Let's not screw it up by thinking or talking too much about it.

Your smile freezes on your lips, and softly, you ask, "What's wrong?"

I blink and brush my thumb across your lips. "Hm?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"You seemed, I don't know. Your mood changed?"

"Nope," I smile, and pull you to me, settling myself comfortably beneath your weight. "Still happy," I tell you, and mean it. I haven't been this happy, haven't felt this free, for a while. I actually feel like myself again. And you feel like you again.

"You sure?"

"Yep. Okay, maybe I'm a little impatient," I giggle, wiggling my body against yours, and reaching up to brush our lips together.

"So I see." You kiss me lightly, dotting kisses all over my face, tickling the sensitive spot on my neck with the tip of your tongue. Then you take my earlobe between your lips, your hot breath on my skin makes me shiver.

Moaning, I push my hands down your back, and arch my body towards yours. Somewhere in the haze, I hear my own voice, "Please? Liv?" I beg, wanting, needing your touch.

"Please what?" You breathe against my ear, the sultry tone of your voice warming my core. "Tell me."

"I need you," I tell you, closing my eyes, loving the feeling. I feel like I'm about to explode with need if you don't touch me soon. Yet, I relish the gentle way you're teasing out my passion, the control you possess to drive me out of control. "I love you," I whisper, turning my head, and kissing your hair.

"Love you, too, baby."

"Please…"

1128 Seriously

"Was it good for you?" I ask, with a smile and a gentle kiss to your neck. From the way my head is resting on your chest, I can feel your heart pounding, still recovering from your most recent climax.

"You're so cocky."

"It's because I'm good."

"Yeah, you are." You say with a smile, hugging me closer to you.

You carefully push my hair aside, away from my eyes, and I look up at you and smile. "You…are you really happy?"

"Yeah, Alex. I am."

"I mean, not just this second, but now? You feel better, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I just…I want to make sure. I was scared when, well, when you weren't talking, when we were both sad."

"I was a little scared too." I say, quietly.

"Why?" You say a little too quickly.

"I just, I was…I wasn't thinking right, and I sort of knew that."

You don't say anything, instead you run your fingers down my back and pull me tighter into you.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." I say, suddenly not afraid of the question I know is coming.

"Were you…did you think about suicide?"

"Yes." I say, "but I didn't…I didn't have a plan or try to do anything about it."

"I sort of…knew. But I'm glad you told me."

"You sure?" I ask

"Yes. I mean, I don't like the idea, obviously. I… I'm not sure… I'm not sure I could go back to living without you."

"Sure you could," I say with a smile.

"I'm not so sure," you mumble, letting your words drift off into the suddenly colder night.

1129 JEALOUSY

As quickly as we connected earlier, we both become sullen. Silence looms over us.

Is this it? Are we sad, again?

I'm beginning to wonder if we're manic depressive… Or at least I am…

Finally, I can't stand it any longer, I interrupt the air – I sigh.

"What, what would you do?" You ask, after another moment of silence.

"What?"

"If I killed myself."

"I, I don't know." I don't want to think about it.

"Let me tell you what I know you'd do." Before I can reply, you continue with a quiet laugh. "You'd kick my ass."

"No, I wouldn't," I argue. Then I see the crooked smile on your face, and I concede with a smile of my own. "Okay, maybe I would."

"But then you'll be sad."

"Yeah." Very sad.

"You might even be numb, dead inside."

"Yeah."

"It'll last for a while."

Where are we going with this? "Forever, I think."

"Maybe," you press a kiss to my lips, your smile still lingering. "Or maybe not. You're a strong person."

"I'm not so sure.  Not when it comes to you, not when it comes to... that."

"I am. But part of me would like to believe that you're not," you say softly, still kissing me gently. "Part of me would like to think that you'll pine for me, and wither away."

What? I ask you with a silent laugh. Somehow this is amusing, almost, and it shouldn't be.

"I wouldn't want you to find someone else. Wouldn't want another person to touch you the way I touch you, or make you scream the way I make you scream."

This time, I really laugh, and I swat you on your back. "Seriously, Liv."

"I am serious."

"So you're not going to kill yourself because you're jealous?"

"Yes," you nod. Then hug me tighter. "And no."

Holding my breath, I wait for you to continue.

"I wouldn't wanna put you through all that pain I know you'll feel immediately afterwards."

Oh.

"I want you to love me, not hate me."

Sighing, I respond, "I wouldn't… I'd just blame myself, for not being able to help you."

"Wouldn't want you to do that either. I want you to be happy, with me," you say, dusting kisses across my chest. "With us. And most importantly, with yourself."

Wow. "You've really thought about this, haven't you?"

"Not the actual deed, I never got to that point. But the repercussions, yes."

"I guess that's a good thing." It's a good thing, right? It at least lets me know how you feel, and somehow I'm less worried. Relaxing into your embrace, I add, with a smile, "I'm glad we're talking about this…"

1130 Talk

"I think we have to. Talk that is, I mean, isn't it far worse to not know?"

"Yeah. I think you're right." You say, slowly.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for, silly?" You ask.

"For the last few months. For the way I was acting."

"You were sick, sweetie."

"I know but…"

"There is no but. We worked through it. We got the help we needed so we could feel better."

"I love you, Alex. Even when we have stupid little fights, or when I actually felt miserable, what was most important, what kept me going was knowing that you loved me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." I say, giving you a careful kiss on your chest. "Even though, we weren't… ourselves. I still knew…"

"I did too… but I missed you. I missed this."

"I did too. In a way, now, it's like the last few months have been a dream. I mean, I feel so differently now. So much better. It's like I'm a different person, almost."

"I'm glad you feel better." You say, squeezing me tight to you.

"What about you?"

"I feel better too. Happier. I guess. I feel less, I guess anxious."

"That's good."

"Yeah. I think so."

I feel your grip tighten around me, and I search up for your eyes. You're smiling at me. A wonderful, happy, beautiful smile.

I look up at you and smile back, twisting against you, listening to your beating heart, feeling your warm body wrapping in mine. I never want this to end. I could quite happily stay exactly this way forever, never moving, never having to face anything but you like this again.

"We make a good team." I mumble.

"I think so too," you say with a gentle kiss to my head.

1131 PEACE

To have you in my arms, to be in your arms, our hearts beating together. Just us, just the two of us. "It's nice, like this."

"Yeah," you sigh, nestling your head tighter against my chest.

"It's so quiet." The clarity I feel, it's almost tangible. When was the last time I feel like this? I can't remember.

"I'm sure the ten feet of snow around us help."

"You're just going to keep doing that," I accuse with a smile. "All weekend."

"Yep."

"I thought I'm keeping you warm."

"You are," you say, your voice light and happy. Your smile imprinting on my breasts.

I just laugh a quiet laugh, and squeeze you tighter with my whole body.

"Mmm…" You sigh.

I let my fingers drift across your shoulders, up your neck. "Hmm?"

"Nothing. Just happy."

"I'm glad. Me, too." Gently, I caress your scalp, twisting your hair in my hand. "You know you could almost put your hair up in a bun."

"Right. Maybe I should get it cut."

"I think it's pretty. But you can, if you want to."

You laugh, and pinch me lightly on my thigh. It feels more like a caress. "I can, huh?"

"It's your hair. Besides, you looked hot with short hair, too. Really hot."

"Really."

"I fell in love with you, didn't I?"

"Are you saying you fell for my looks?"

"Your looks, and everything else about you. The whole package."

"Even the surly attitude?"

"Yep. Always like a challenge. Besides, I knew there's a soft gentle soul with a romantic bone in there somewhere."

You lift your head, to press a careful kiss to the hollow of my throat. "If you say so."

"I wish…" I sigh.

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"Sometimes I wish it'd last forever, times like this. When it's just the two of us. Without the worries of the world. It's so peaceful."

"Yeah?" You raise up on your elbows, and smirk at me. "If we get snowed in, you might just get your wish." Then you flinch, expecting me to hit you.

Who am I to disappoint? "Olivia Benson!" I swat you with my fingers. Then I wind them again in your hair, and pull your mouth down for a kiss…

1132 Fire

"You know, you're giving me mixed messages."

"Huh?"

"A hit and then a kiss. Which one do you really mean?"

"Guess," you say with a smile. You lean in to kiss me and give me your answer. "Besides, I'm not really hitting you. I'm swatting you lovingly."

"Ah, I see, the crucial difference."

"Indeed."

We stay in silence for a second, just listening to each other's breathing. Making that the focus of our attentions, when you shake me.

"Are you sleeping?"

"No, silly, it's you who always falls asleep."

"Yeah, but…"

"What do you want?" I say with a smile.

"You were going to build a fire."

"Before you ripped my clothes off."

"I didn't rip them. I removed them seductively."

"Semantics," I warn.

"Okay, fine, will you though?"

"Will I what?"

"Build a fire," You say with a laugh, as you nudge me to get me to move.

"I guess. Are you going out to get the wood?" Your look is priceless. "So I have to get dressed too?" I whine.

"I promise you'll be rewarded." You say, your eyebrows rising.

"Sounds good," I say, racing to get my clothes back on and face the winter snow outside.

1133 WAITING

I watch you race out the door. Impulsively, I blow you a kiss before you step outside. The smile on you face, it's brilliant. It warms my soul.

My body though, is cold. You make a good blanket, I should tell you when you get back. Lazily, I stretch against the sofa. Then a thought pops unbidden into my mind: I wonder how much DNA evidence is on this couch I'm lying naked in.

Yuck!

Quickly, I jump off the sofa, and pull on my shirt. Feels better to have something covering my nakedness anyway.

I hope Trevor doesn't bring his secretary, or whoever he's screwing at the moment, here.

Oh my god, Trevor!

I suppose I should call him, and let him know we're here. We don't want any misunderstanding. Certainly don't want him dropping by unannounced.

Especially while we're in the middle of… catching up. Something tells me we'll be doing a lot of that…

Easily, I locate the phone, and I dial. Just my luck, he's on his cell, so I leave a quick message. Hopefully, he'll retrieve it when he gets off the phone. Just to be safe, I leave the same message on his machine at home.

Then I dial mom's number. "Hi, mom."

"Everything's fine. How are you?

"Yeah, we're at Trevor's beach house.

"Yes, we were thinking about driving up to see you next weekend, if that's okay with you.

"Okay. Is Trevor there, by chance?

"Great, can I talk to him?

"Thanks Mom. See you next week. We love you, too."

Whew. I do feel better knowing he's not on his way up here. It's so natural to hear my mother give us both her love, and talk about us in plural. Didn't take me long at all to get used to it, did it?

"Hey, Trev…" I say, then respond to his nagging. "Mom did say to share.

"Well, it's not like you were using it…" I start to argue, then I hear you shuffle in, carrying the wood in your arms. "Gotta go. Bye!" I hang up quickly, and meet you in the foyer.

"Who was that?" You ask.

"Just Trevor." I brush the snow off your sleeves and pants. "Oh, by the way, I told mom we're driving up next week. And she says to give you her love."

Smiling, you nod your acknowledgement, then begin to peel off your hat and gloves.

"Let me make you some cocoa. Then I'll help you build the fire. Okay?" Without waiting for an answer, I turn.

Then I feel your hands on me, sliding under my shirt, and pulling me back. "Aack! You're freezing!" I yelp, struggling to get away…

1134 Firestarter

"I just wanted you to be aware that I was sacrificing by going out there. It has to be fifty below."

"It's not fifty below." You say with a giggle. "And there isn't even that much snow."

"Says the one who stayed inside."

You shoot me a look and pad into the kitchen, leaving me in front of the fireplace.

This would be a lot easier if I knew what the hell I was doing. But come on, right? I've seen movies. They just sort of pile the wood in there and light a match, right?

Hmmm.

After a few minutes of watching the flame fizzle out, I realize that there's something more to this than I'm figuring out.

"Allie?" I call to you.

"What?" You say, sticking your head back.

"How do you do this?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it won't stay lit."

You laugh and come sit next to me. "You have to use the firestarters," you say, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well how would I know?"

"I just assumed you've done this before."

"I grew up in the city. Where do you think we were lighting fires?"

"I guess I never thought about it. You know, it's something we don't really talk about."

"What, how I don't know how to light fires?"

"No, what it was like growing up."

"It kind of sucked, Alex."

"Well, I mean, I kind of guessed. I mean, I don't mean it like that…"

"I know what you mean. It's okay." I say, pulling myself closer to the fire. "What do you want to know?"

1135 CURIOSITY

Suddenly, I find myself tongue-tied. Maybe I wasn't expecting your reaction. Although I'm not sure what kind of reaction I was expecting. "What do you mean?"

"What do you mean what do I mean, Alex? What would you like to know?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I don't want to upset you."

"I'm not upset."

"You're not?" Could've fooled me. Your eyes, they are dark, even staring into the growing fire. "You are, you sounded like you were…"

"I'm sorry," you sigh, and leaning back a little, wrapping your arms around your knees. "I just. It was just an automatic response, okay?"

I scoot up next to you, to hold you in my arms, and rest my chin on your shoulder. "Let's just forget I asked."

"No. You wanna know."

"But…"

You reach over, and brush my hair behind my ear. Your touch lingering as you give me a sad smile. "You have a right to know."

Automatically, I deny, "No, I…"

You cut me off. "Yes you do. My childhood helped made me who I am today."

Looking at you, the darkness pooling in your eyes as you stare into the fire, I wonder if this is really such a good idea. "I suppose, but you don't…"

"It's okay, sweetie. I don't mind. It really doesn't bother me. Besides, it might be good for me to tell you. To tell somebody, especially you."

"Was it really that bad?"

You laugh a cynical laugh. "Which part? Being a bastard, a product of rape? Or having an alcoholic mother?" You must've felt my wince just now; you turn to me, your voice softened, "I'm sorry, baby. It's just… call it defense mechanism. I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay," I kiss you gently on your cheek. "I understand. I mean, not what you went through, but how you reacted to my stupid question. It was really stupid of me to ask that, and I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," you say, kissing me back lightly. Then you smile a careful smile. "So what do you wanna know?"

"I'm not sure what I should ask, if I should even…"

"Just start with the first question that pops into your mind," you coach.

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Okay…" I chew on my bottom lip. "How did you find out, how your mother got pregnant with you?"

1136 Answers

"Umm.." I say, not sure how to start.

"You don't have to tell me," You say, backing away from something I know you want to know. I could see it in your eyes when you asked the question. And there's no reason I shouldn't tell you…well, maybe there is one.

"You have to promise something first."

"What?"

"That you won't feel sorry for me."

"Huh?"

"I mean, Alex, I'm aware of how this story sounds to other people. It's one of those really sad, depressing kid stories, but I came out of it, well, I came out of it okay. Sort of. I mean, it's not like I sit around at night and think about this."

"I understand," you say carefully, diplomatically.

"I'm serious."

"I know. I, I really do understand."

"She told me."

"Just straight out?"

"Well, she was drunk. She had always made it clear, very clear, that it wasn't a welcome thing that I had some of my dad's features. And well, I never really thought about it. And then one night, when I was about thirteen, I was sneaking in the window of my bedroom one night and she was in my room, sitting on my bed crying."

I can feel your hand on my back, you move closer to me, and wrap your arms around my neck, letting me lean back into you while we both stare into the fire.

I take a deep breath, and continue. "I thought she was crying because I had left, trying to make me feel like a bad kid. But she started to tell me the story of my conception."

"Why would she do that?"

"She thought that she could save me from the same fate. But I don't think she ever thought what that would mean to me. That I was a horrible mistake. It made me feel so responsible for all the misery I knew she must feel. It made all her problems my problems."

1137 UNDERSTANDING

I listen to your story, to the tone of your voice. I can hear the underlying hurt, the regret, and I wonder what it must've been like for you. The worst I've ever known, was that my grandfather was an alcoholic, but my mom protected me from that, all of that. I can't even begin to compare…

Finally, I say, "That's a big burden for a thirteen year old to bear."

You shrug, and smile and small smile. "I lived."

"As cliché as it sounds…" I begin, stroking your side.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger. That's what you were going to say, right?"

"Well…"

"My mom really wasn't a bad person, at least when she wasn't drunk."

I just hold you tighter, and wait for you to continue.

"She made sure I have the best of everything. Clothes, education, moral values. She didn't want me to become like her."

"What do you mean? I thought she was a college prof."

"And a drunk."

"Oh."

"And she had a child out of wedlock."

"She was raped, Liv."

"I listened to the police tape, of her reporting the incident. She sounded… drunk. She was hysterical and incoherent."

"She was raped, Liv," I find myself repeating my last comment.

"I suppose." You shrug, obviously unconvinced. "Sometimes I wonder why she kept me."

"I'm glad she did."

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't have kept me. Sometimes I wonder if her life would've been different if I weren't born at all. Maybe she'd find a man, and have a real family. She wouldn't have to look at me, and relive her ordeal."

"Liv…" I start, but what do I say to that? If I were raped, I'm not sure I would've kept the child either, and I'm not sure why anyone would… But I guess it's not the fault of the child… Maybe they hope that something good would come out of something so bad. Something good did, in this case.

"It's all right, Alex, I've dealt with it."

Great, now you're consoling me. "It's not that. I just wish, sometime I wish I had met your mom."

"Why would you wanna do that?"

"I don't know. She was your mom, and she did give you life."

1138 Forgiven

"She gave you life," you say, hugging me tighter to you, and I can feel myself almost wincing. I don't mean to, necessarily. But the most precious thing she gave me, was marred by all the precious things she took away. My innocence. A mother who was loving, who cared for me.

"She gave me some life." I say, trying not to sound as sarcastic as it feels.

"But look at you, you made it, right?" You say, and I can tell you're trying to be supportive.

"Yeah."

"So, she wasn't perfect. My mom wasn't perfect." You say, rubbing your hands on my arms.

"Let's not go there," I say, knowing that I will always win against you in a battle of dueling family dysfunction.

"Sorry," you mumble.

"Don't be. I just, I guess in a way I'm still angry. A lot of it, I've let go, or I tell myself I have. I try not to think about it, but when I do, it just, it… I wish it had been different."

"Besides the obvious?"

"I wish, I wish we had been able to get along better. I wish, I wish I had been able to grow up feeling less alienated."

"We all wish that one sweetie. I think alienation is part of the childhood experience."

"I guess." I say quietly.

"Do you forgive her?"

"No."

"What would it take, do you think?" You ask.

"It would take things to be different. I don't know, Alex. Maybe one day, I will. But, I, just, I'm still angry. It's one of the things that I don't understand about you."

"Hmm?"

"You forgave me. I did the same things to you, I… I was just as drunk as she was. And you… you forgave me."

1139 CHOICES

"You forgave me, why?"

"Why not?" I ask, not sure how to answer your question.

"I wouldn't have forgiven me, if I were you."

You're not me now, are you? "I had a choice," I tell you, even though I'm not sure I really do. "I can forgive you, and keep you in my life. Or I can stay mad at you, and lose you forever." I'm pretty sure there wasn't a choice. Not a real one, anyway. But I continue anyway, "And I chose the former."

"I guess."

"I'm not saying it was an easy thing to do." Trust me, it wasn't, but living without you was harder. Much harder.

"But you're not angry with me?"

"No. Why should I be? You've stopped drinking."

You look down, fingering your bracelet. "I had a relapse."

"Once. Then you stopped."

"So?"

"That counts for something. At least in my book it does." I smile, and squeeze my arms around you. "Although I'm not saying you should do it again. I can't guarantee I'll react the same way."

"I don't expect you to. If I were stupid enough to, you know," you sigh, and sink your chin onto your knee before finishing your thought, "… Again."

"I'm sorry," I say, pulling your head towards me, and kissing you lightly on your temple.

"For what?"

"That you're sad."

"I'm not," you say, and try unsuccessfully to smile. It looks more like a grimace.

"So let's think about happier things?"

"Like what?"

"Like how we're going to scandalize Trevor? Maybe we can mark this place like we did in the cove?"

"You're crazy."

Maybe, but that got you to smile. With an impish grin, I suggest, "Just imagine our initials all over his house…"

1140 Growing

"Trevor'd just love that." I say with a gentle laugh as I look around and think of what this place'd look like if we carved our initials onto every surface we, well, celebrated on. I laugh some more as you get a glint in your eyes and I know you're thinking the same thing that I am. "He already looks traumatized enough when he sees us together." I finish.

"Yeah, it's kind of fun, isn't it?" You say with a smile. "Watching him squirm."

"Your poor brother." I say, laughing and staring back into the fire.

"You didn't just say that."

"What?"

"Poor Trevor? You…you Olivia Benson, are sympathizing with Trevor?"

"Yeah. We've put him through so much."

You laugh. "Like he's not a constant source of trauma for me."

"He may be, but we've given him his share. Remember that night on the washing machine?"

You laugh. "I've seen worse from him."

"I bet." I say with a chuckle. "Did he chase you around the garden?"

"I had to defend your honor."

"Oh, that's what that was," I say, squeezing your hands.

"I can't believe you," You say, kissing the back of my neck, which sends a shiver through my spine.

"I guess I'm growing." We sit in silence and stare into the fire. The warm flames dance in each other, giving off static cracks as the wood burns and settles into a mound of ashes. "Weren't you making hot cocoa?" I ask you gently.

"I forgot. I'll go get it." You say quickly, but I put my hand out and hold you still.

"Stay here."

"Okay." You say, resting your arms back around my shoulder and holding me tight. I could stay like this for the rest of my life…

1141 QUIET

Together we sit, in companionable silence. Only the crackling of the wood and fire is audible, and occasionally, the sound of wind. Before we know it, the sky has darkened to deep gray.

"What time is it?" I ask you, pushing your sleeve up your arm.

"Almost four," you answer while we both look down at your watch.

"Seems kind of dark outside."

"Snow in the forecast?"

"More snow?" I hear little warning bells go off, but I choose not to react. "Maybe we should turn on the TV."

"Maybe." You say with a smile.

Neither one of us move, except to snuggle closer together.

After another moment of quiet, I break the silence. "You know you might just get your wish."

"What wish?"

"Us getting snowed in."

"My wish, huh?"

"Yep," I smile, and sidle closer to you, kissing you on your neck.

"Aren't you worried?"

"About what?"

"Going back to work," you whisper, turning towards me, and returning my kiss. "For starters?"

"We could both use a vacation." I close my eyes, and lean into you. My body tingling to your gentle touch. "What are they gonna do? Come drag us back?"

"Your trial?"

"Continuance."

You tickle me with your nose, and laugh, a light laugh. "I can't believe you."

"What?"

"What happened to the conscientious workaholic?"

"I left her standing by the corner," I toss my head back, offering you my throat. "Facing the wall."

"I see. What about food?"

"We brought enough. Besides, there are dried goods in the pantry." Shifting our bodies once more, I sigh, "And…"

"And?"

I tug on your shirt, peeling it off as I pull you over me, and down onto the floor with me. I brush my thumbs over your parting lips. "You can eat me," I breathe my reply into your mouth, into our kiss…

1142 RUGGED

"That's real classy Alex." I laugh. "You can just eat me?"

"I don't have to be classy," you say, with a slow kiss to my neck.

"What are you trying to imply?" I ask with a laugh.

"I'm saying that you love it when I'm cheesy." You say, still seriously trying to pretend that it was romantic.

"I do." I admit with a smile.

"See?" You whisper.

"I'll remember that too, when we get snowed in ten feet of snow, and we have to go scourging for food in the wild."

"You and the ten feet of snow."

"Wait, let me correct that. I'll remember that when we get snowed in ten feet of snow and I have to go scourging for food in the wild."

"I wouldn't make you do it alone."

I can't help but laugh.

"Hey!" You complain. "I would help!"

"Yeah, I can see it now. You hanging out the window telling me which way to shoot."

"You make me sound so delicate," you pout.

"You are delicate, sweetie."

"I am not."

"Let me take you back two months? That morning you woke me up screaming?"

"It was a really big spider. I think he was planning on attacking."

"Sure he was."

"It had fur!"

"It did not have fur. It was tiny."

"Lot's of people are afraid of spiders." You complain.

"It's cute," I laugh. "I'm not complaining."

"You sound like you are."

"I'm really not," I say, turning to face you. "You know I love you. I don't mind killing spiders for you."

"That's sweet," You smile.

1143 LIGHT

"So where were we?" I smile up at you, sliding my arms around your back.

You kiss my nose and smirk. "You were being cheesy."

I arch up against you, molding my body into yours. "Well?"

"Well what?"

Why do we always do this? And why do I still blush whenever you look at me like this? "Are you going to?"

"Going to do what?" You whisper, your voice, your lips warm against my throat.

I close my eyes against your gaze. "Make love to me?"

"Wait, that's not what you said earlier. What was it?" You tease, caressing my thighs with your fingers, sending shivers down my spine.

Suddenly, I don't want to repeat myself. "Love you," I moan instead, and feel your responding chuckle vibrating through my flesh. "I do."

"I know." You kiss me softly. "I love you, too. But you haven't answered me."

"Answer you what?" I moan again, this time to your hands gliding up my shirt, and skimming across my skin. Your touch feathery light.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Make love to me," I sigh. "With your mouth."

"Like this?" You ask, your tongue winding its way down my throat.

I arch up, silently wishing for you to peel off my shirt. To cover my breasts with your lips. "Good start."

"What else?" You ask, continue to trace lazy circles, designed to drive me out of my mind.

"Liv," I protest, reaching for my own shirt tail. If you're not going to do it, I will.

But your reflex is faster; your hands hold mine captive. "Tell me," you repeat.

"I want to feel you," I almost whine.

You raise my arms over my head, and gaze into my eyes. "Then tell me."

That has the exact opposite effect, I want to warn you, but I find myself unable to speak. I'm barely able to breathe.

"Tell me" you whisper again, this time directly into my ears.

And I shudder… And I swallow. Hard.

I'm about to test my voice, when I hear a click. "What the?"

1144 Surprise

"Was that the front door?" I whisper.

"It can't be. There's no one out here."

I give you a look. "Since when have we had good luck with that?" I mumble.

"Hello?" A voice yells out, decidedly from the kitchen.

"No one there, huh?" I whisper, and I feel your hands on my arm.

"Don't," You say as I try to pull myself up.

"Well someone has to go find out who's in the house." I mumble back.

"Who the hell would be out here in the middle of winter?" You whisper back.

"That's what I wanted to know!" I whisper back. I jump to my feet, instinctively, and call out, "Who's there?"

"Trevor?" You ask me quietly, but I can't see the mysterious stranger.

"I'm, I'm Trevor's neighbor," a woman's voice echoes from the kitchen. "I thought he was…"

I turn the corner and look at the woman facing us. She looks terrified out of her mind. "He's, not here." I say, waiting for you to turn the corner behind me.

This time, she looks indignant. "Who are you?"

"Olivia Benson," I say.

"Are you dating Trevor?" she asks me and it's all I can do not to either puke or fall on the floor laughing hysterically.

I feel you behind me, and I notice that you took the time to tuck your shirt back in, even if I can still see the arousal flushing your face. "I'm Trevor's sister." You say, reaching your hand out, "Alex. We're borrowing the house for the weekend."

"Oh, so he's not here."

"Nope." I say. I'm not sure if I'm right, but she almost looks disappointed. I wonder if she waits by the window watching for him here. And I wonder how she must feel when she sees the endless procession of girl toys I imagine Trevor drags through this place.

"I was coming to warn him about the storm coming."

I look over my shoulder at you. "What storm?" You ask.

1145 STORM

Soon after the click, I hear a woman's voice. A woman who has access to keys to this house, a woman not mom, not Miriam. Who could it be?

The caretaker?

Maybe Trevor sent her to check on us?

Quickly, I throw you your shirt and you pull it over your head. Before I could stop you, you're half way out the living room.

"Wait up!" I whisper.

Maybe she didn't have keys. Someone could have easily picked the lock. Scenes from Misery flash through my mind. We could be dealing with a lunatic and you're not even armed!

You keep on walking. Obviously, you don't hear me.

I pull on my jeans and tuck my shirt in. Then I grab your gun and holster from the coffee table. Quietly, I walk into the darkened room, and I see you, talking to a woman.

Then I hear her asking you if you were dating Trevor, and I almost laughed out loud. Instead, I bite on the inside of my lip, and move up behind you, making a show of sliding the holster onto your body. It should be obvious to a blind man that you're not dating my brother. That you're armed.

Only then do I step up, and introduce myself.

Then I see it. The desperation in her eyes, that I've seen in countless women played with and gently dumped by my brother. Sometimes so gentle that they wouldn't even realize that's what had happened. I feel sorry for her.

She looks at us nervously now, wringing her hands. Now I feel bad about the gun, but it is the middle of winter, and she did come in without ringing the door bell…

I hear her mention something about a storm.

"What storm?" I ask.

"Haven't you heard? On the radio? There's a massive storm coming our way."

"No, really?" Shit. I turn to you. "Maybe we should get out of here."

"Did you come from the City?"

"Yeah? Why?"

"I don't think it'll be safe. Especially with the kind of car you have," she says.

She's right.

Oh great. Just great.

It's one thing to joke about it, or speculate when I thought there wasn't a real possibility. It's an entirely different matter when it suddenly becomes reality. "What are we going to do, Liv?" I ask, not intending to sound as helpless as I do…

1146 Suspicious

"What are we going to do?" You ask me, and I can tell by the tone of your voice that you're scared.

"It'll be fine, Alex, it cant' be that bad."

"It's supposed to be pretty bad." The neighbor throws in. I look at her and try to relay with my eyes that she's not helping. She doesn't seem to get the hint.

Instead I look at you. "We've got supplies, and enough firewood to last until the new year. We're going to be fine."

"I'm sure you will," the woman says. "And after all, I'm about a mile down the street."

"Can I ask you something?" I hear your voice from behind me.

"Sure," the woman says, nervously.

"Why are you here?"

The woman looks nervous. "Your brother and I, are friends. And, I, um, saw the light up here and thought he might be around. He, a, gave me a key so that I could come up and check on the place if the alarm went off or something."

You look at her suspiciously, but you don't say anything else.

"I'm going to…" she says, letting her thumb gesture towards the door. You nod at her and I follow her exit with a quiet goodbye.

"What's wrong?" I whisper, as she leaves.

"I don't like that."

"What?"

"That she has a key. It seems wrong."

"Well, who Trevor's gives keys too isn't our business. I mean, he gave one to you, didn't he?"

"Very funny." You say, swatting at me. "Seriously though, you don't think it's weird?"

"Of course it's weird, but, we have no idea. The only person to ask is Trevor, and to be honest, I'm not all that invested. I'd rather be with you." I say, reaching for you and kissing your neck.

"We can't," you mumble, "not right now, we have to get ready for the storm!"

1147 FRANTIC

"Relax…" You tell me, pulling me back into your arms.

I block your questing lips with my hand. "Relax? How can you relax at a time like this? What about the snow?"

"So we get a little snow. Let's turn on the TV and see how bad it's gonna be." Before I can answer, you flip on the portable in the kitchen. "It's just a storm warning," you shrug, and slide your arm around my hip, your fingers stroking my ass.

Okay, I wanted, want, you to want me, but this is ridiculous. I hold your hand still. "It's just a storm warning? Just?"

"Yeah? We have blankets, firewood, food, water, everything we need. It's not like we have a blizzard warning or anything."

"How can you be so calm?"

"You forget where I went to college. One year we had forty inches of snow."

"So you're saying?"

"We'll be okay," you push closer to me, your lips descending on mine.

I'm about to let you, then I remember, "Our fish! They're going to starve!"

You sigh, and pick up the extension phone and begin punching buttons. "I'll call El, and ask him to feed fish, and tell the Captain we're stuck, okay?"

"Okay," I agree, and wait for the line to connection, and for you to talk to Stabler…

"Happy?" You ask, after hanging up.

"Wait," I grab the phone from you. "I need to call Trevor."

"Why?"

"To ask about the neighbor and the key," I reply, counting the ringing in my ear. "Come on!"

"Just leave a message."

"I know," I say, and leave a message on mom's phone. Then I begin dialing again. You raise your eyebrow at me, so I tell you, "I'm trying his cell. Fuck!" The voice mail comes on. "Where the hell is he? Where are they?"

"He's probably taken mom out to dinner," you speculate, your voice full of certainty. "You know she'd kill him if his phone rings in the middle of it."

You have a point. "I suppose…"

"So…" You smile a slow smile. "Let's have fun."

"I'm not sure…" I feel my body tensing in your embrace. "I think I'm too nervous…"

1148 Panic

I feel you tense at my touch and sigh without meaning to. Why is it that every time we're happy, we end up with some problem? "It's just snow, Allie," I say, with a gentle kiss.

"But what if we can't leave. It could be days. What'll happen to my cases? I have court on Monday."

"Continuances." I smile, the same answer you gave me when I asked the same question.

"It's not that easy Liv."

"I know sweetie, all I'm saying is that it's just snow. It'll snow and they'll plow the roads and we'll be fine. In the meantime, we can be in here, nice and warm and enjoying each other."

"I'm still scared," you say, holding my hands in front of you.

"Okay, let's sit here and think about all the worst things that can happen."

You turn and look at me. "That's not helpful." You mumble.

"I know it's not helpful, that's the point." I say, with a hug. "We came up here to relax. Let's do that. We can watch a movie or something."

"Which movie?" You ask, and I know your tempted.

"Whichever one you want."

"I wonder what Trevor has."

"My guess is Debbie Does Dallas."

"Aw, he's classier than that." You laugh.

"Okay then, ET, the extra testicle." I tease you, and watch as you actually crack a smile. "See? That's better." I say, giving you a light kiss.

"I doubt he keeps that collection here," you laugh. "He wants to entice women, not gross them out."

"Hey, some women like that stuff." I shrug, and you look at me with wide eyes.

"You watch porno?"

"No, I mean, I have. So?"

"I've never seen one."

"Are you serious?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"You've never seen a porno?"

"No. I just, I never really…"

"The woman who took me dildo shopping has never seen a porno?"

"I said no," you blush.

"Well, that's it. I know what we're watching."

1149 SPEECHLESS

"We're not watching porno!" I argue, even though I can't deny the tinge of curiosity. How come I've never been curious until now?

"Why not?"

"Because!"

"Nothing ventured nothing gained," you smile gently, nuzzling my neck.

I push you away. "What does that mean?"

"It means we might learn a thing or two?"

Hm... "No!" I say, though not as forcefully as before.

"Come on, Allie, it'll be fun."

"Yeah, whatever, I'm sure he doesn't keep them here."

"We can go look in hjs closet," you smirk.

"That's lame."

"But it made you smile," you observe, and steal a kiss, before taking my hand, and moving towards the bedroom.

"Wait."

"What?"

"Let's make sure the door is locked." I still can't shake the unease about the neighbor.

"Here," you grab the nearest chair, and prop it under the knob, then check all the locks. "And if any big bad wolf tries to come in, we'll know, and I can blow him away with my big gun. Okay?"

"I think you're making fun of me."

"I think it's cute."

"Yeah, right. I'm acting like such a helpless female."

"Tell that to the next perp you put away." You try to cheer me up. "Besides, I thought that's why you have me around. To smash your giant spiders and protect you from your brother's girlfriends."

"Okay, fine." I can't help but smile. "Let's drop it."

"Done," you grin, and pull me along with you. "Ready to see what Trevor has in his stash?"

"You really think he keeps them in his closet?" I ask.

"Only one way to find out," you say, swinging open the door, and flipping on the light.

My jaw drops…

1150 Revealed

"What the hell?" I ask out loud, even though I didn't mean to.

"I can't believe he has these." You mutter.

"What are they?" I ask as you stick your hand out and run them over the shelves.

"They're, they're photo albums."

"Boring," I say, and try to shut the door. "Let's try under the bed."

"No, baby, these are from when I was growing up."

My interest spikes. "So you're in them."

"Of course." You smile, as you pull a couple off the shelf and plop down onto the bed, patting the seat next to you.

"Look, it's baby Alex." I smile, as I check out the picture of you taking a bath in someone's sink. Beautiful blue eyes seem to take up your whole head, you're smiling with soapy bubbles on your head and a yellow rubber duck in your hand.

"I guess I liked the bathtub, huh? You say, laughing at yourself.

The photo album is lined with picture of you doing all the typical baby things. Your first steps with your mother holding your hands. You sitting on the kitchen floor of your mother's house with a wooden spoon and pots and pans all around you, with a huge smile.

"I would never let my kid do that." I say with a laugh.

"Yes you would."

"No way."

"It's different when it's your kid." You say with a distant look in your eyes.

Together, we stare at the pictures, pictures of you climbing trees and smiling with that huge golden smile that I've loved since I met you.

"Why does Trevor have these?" I ask you.

"I don't know," you say quietly. "The last time I saw them, they were just in boxes. Mom was great at taking the pictures but never very good at organizing them. I wonder who made these." You say.

"Trevor?" I ask.

1151 MEMORIES

"Trevor?" I repeat after you. "I suppose… Who else could it be, right? But why?"

You shrug. "Maybe he's a sentimental schmuck?"

"We are talking about my brother, right?"

"You have a sentimental streak. Maybe he's just better at hiding it?"

"I guess… That's just so strange."

"Why? He's your brother, and he obviously loves you."

"But to put my baby pictures in albums? Hold on a sec," I tell you, and run back into the closet, and leaf through the remaining albums. "I'm in all of them," I mutter to myself. Then I feel your presence behind me, then your hand on my shoulder. With confusion, I turn to you, "I think he's got every picture ever taken of me in here"

"That's cool," you smile. "I get to go through all of them?"

"Sure…"

"What's wrong?"

"I just… Why the closet?"

"Maybe he doesn't want other people to know this side of him?" You shrug again. Then a glint appears in your eyes. "Think he's got your prom picture in there?"

"Probably, why?"

You smile your cheesy smile. "Just wanna check out the prom queen."

"Maybe later. If you're good." I smile back, and pat you on your thigh. Then I put the other albums back onto the shelf. Hopping onto my feet, I extend my hand. "Let's go check under the bed for porno."

You grab onto my sleeve, and prevent me from walking away. "Sweetie?"

"Yeah?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I reply without thinking. "Why?"

"You seem, distracted?"

I pull my arm from your grasp, and stand up. "Just thinking about the old days. That's all."

"You sure that's all?"

"Yeah?" I jam my fingers into my pockets, and lean back on my heels. "What else?"

1152 Weird

"I'm just. I'm not sure what these are for."

"Maybe he is going to give them to you someday, or something. Like a surprise. Christmas is coming."

"He's been working on them for longer than that. There have to be, what, ten books of them here."

"Alex, why don't you just ask him."

"I guess. I just, I guess coming here has been an interesting look into Trevor's little world."

"Yeah, pictures of you where his porno should…" I start the comment but stop. You stare at me with wide eyes.

"He's my brother, Liv. That's just wrong."

"I'm not saying he's in love with you. I mean, come on, baby. It's not that weird. He's just organizing the things for you."

"But why in his beach house?"

"I don't know, I'm sure he has a good reason though."

"I guess."

"So under the bed?" I ask, and you smile.

"I don't know, maybe he has pictures of my mom under there."

"Maybe. Won't know 'til you look, will you?"

You sigh. "I know where it is. If he has it, that is."

"What?"

"I know."

"You already?"

"I grew up with him." You shrug, as you step off the bed and slip into the bathroom and very quickly emerge with a drawer in your hand. "Success." You smile, as you dump it's contents onto the bed.

1153 ISSUES

"Jesus!" You exclaim, running your hand through the small mountain of porn. At first, I thought I had to ask for your help to carry the drawer back to the room.

"There's more in there," I point my thumb towards the bathroom.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I had to take some out to lug the rest in here."

"Look at this," you say, picking up an issue.

"Okay," I shrug, and take it from your hand, flipping through it, and staring at some of the pictures. "Ouch." I wince at the image of a man hogged tied to some contraption from the ceiling, weights hanging from piercings on his various body parts.

"Yeah," you scrunch your face

"Why?" Okay, this is my brother, right? Trevor? We didn't break into some strangers' house? "Are they all like this?"

You shuffle the pile. "No, some of it is more… normal?"

I peer over your shoulder. "I wouldn't call those breasts normal. They look like watermelons."

"Oh, here," you pick up a DVD. "Penthouse Pets."

"And men with equine sized penises, with other men!" I point at the one directly underneath. "What the fuck?"

"Exactly," you smirk.

"It's not funny. We're talking about my brother. He had… regular… stuff when we were kids."

"And I thought you haven't seen porno."

"Not videos. But I did look through some of the magazines."

"Let me guess, to read the articles?"

"Actually, some of the things I do to you, I learned from the articles," I smile a little. Then I turn back to material on the bed. "But this, this… I wonder if mom knows about this."

"I doubt it," you have the good grace to swallow your laugh. "Maybe it's research? I mean he's defended some real sickos."

"You think so?"

"Or maybe he's just being experimental. You know? Trying to figure out what he likes? They are varied. Look, here's one where they look like soccer moms."

"I guess… It's the most logical explanation," I concede. "So what do we do now?"

1154 Choices

You hold the tape out to me and ask what we do, and it's all I can do not to laugh. Your hand is shaking, and you swallow hard, as you turn the video cassette over in your hand, and put it in mine. I glance down at the back again. "You sure?" I ask, "You have lots to choose from."

"Yeah, I'm sure. We can go more extreme," you say, looking around, "if we like it."

"It's just kind of interesting to watch. It's kind of like a car wreck. You know that you shouldn't look but you can't turn your head and look the other way."

"How sweet that you want to share that with me." You say, with an ironic smile.

"It's all in good fun," I smile and give you a light kiss. You laugh nervously, and look back down at the pile in front of you. Carefully, you start pushing the extra porn back into the drawer you brought out. "You're nervous, aren't you?"

You look down at the comforter full of porn, and blush slightly. "I'm not really…I just don't know what this stuff is. I mean, I know what it is," You say, gesturing to the pile in front of you. "I just don't know what it means. I guess, I'm worried about my brother."

"Come on Alex. Maybe he got these in a three pack or something. Some of this stuff looks pretty cheap. And I mean, some of it doesn't look… that used." You shiver. "I know, bad mental picture," I mumble. "Maybe he doesn't really like that stuff."

"Maybe."

"And what difference does it make? If Trevor likes looking at naked men? You like looking at naked girls."

"Just one," you say with a smile.

"You get what I'm saying. Who really cares what turns your brother on? Besides, I doubt he left this here for us to find." I say, reaching out and putting my hand on your back.

"I just guess I don't know him as well as I thought I did."

"Maybe he uses this stuff on the girls he brings here."

"Or the boys." You say with an ironic smile.

"Or the boys." I agree. "You know, like I intend to use it on the girl I brought here."

1155 NEW

"You do, huh?" I watch you pop the tape into the VCR, and let you pull me into the bed with you.

"Yep," you say, settling behind me, and wrapping your arms around my waist.

I lean back, and press a kiss to your neck. "You know I'm quite willing."

"But you're curious," you kiss me back, working the remote with one hand.

Commercials filled with moans come on, and I try to keep my eyes closed. I try to focus on your kiss, but it's not working. You're right. I'm curious. "How'd you know?"

Without answering, you settle me back into your embrace, and drape your hands around my body. Meanwhile, I cross my arms in front of my chest, and I cross my legs at my knees. My body playing out what my subconscious insists - that I view the video with detachment.

This is about learning something new. Maybe it's about finding out what makes Trevor ticks.

Picking up the remote again, you fast forward the tape, explaining, "These can get really gross." Then you stop at the first scene.

I wonder what's going through your mind right now. What you said earlier, about three packs, makes me wonder if you're more familiar with this stuff then you let on. But how? And why? I really can't see you walking into an adult bookstore and buying or renting this stuff. Or is it purely information you picked up from your job? I mean, you know a lot about hookers, but I'm sure you've never…

Okay, stop, I tell myself, and I lean further back against you, molding our bodies together.

"Comfy?" You ask with a smile in your voice, after I stop wiggling.

"Yep," I sigh, and relax against you. "Can we fast forward?"

"Why?"

"Kind of boring, they're just humping. Let's get to the girl on girl bits." There's at least one according to the back of the box. And the thought of you and a man watching this stuff together is bothering me more than I'd like to admit.

"Take another perspective," you whisper, the husky undertone of your voice tells me much more than I want to know.

"What?"

"It's like your articles."

"Huh?"

"She looks like she's enjoying what he's doing to her."

"Yeah?"

"And I'm wondering if you'll like that, too, when I use the strap on."

Oh. Okay. Perspective. I uncross my arms to rest my hands on your thighs. Your very firm thighs that could carry you miles, to chase down perps. Same muscles you'd be using to do what the man on screen is doing…

Suddenly, the man and the woman on screen are transforming into you and me in my mind's eye…

Suddenly, I feel warm…

1156 Nervous

I watch as you cross your arms around yourself, and cross your legs. Even in my arms, I can feel how tense you are. I start to wonder if this really is a good idea, and I start to feel my heart pumping when the pre-show commercials start. I don't want them to scare you, to make you change your mind. Some of these things are going to be more extreme than what we're actually watching. Quickly, I grab the remote and fast forward, explaining to you that these commercials aren't part of the show.

It's something new. I don't know why I'm so insistent we even try this. Just for the idea to try something different with you. We used to do these things, I remember, thinking back to the time you brought me shopping at the toy store. We used to laugh together, and end up making love to each other with passion that's just starting to creep back into our relationship.

This is just me exposing you to the same thing. I'm not exactly a connoisseur or this stuff, most of my limited knowledge comes from searching perps apartments and being forced to surf through porn collections in the pursuit of evidence. Most of it was not my style, but every once in awhile, I'd catch something that wasn't as repulsive as I expected.

You are still tense, and I try to hold you closer to me, to remind you that I'm here with you. You lean back and carefully kiss my neck, and I can see that your eyes are closed. After a minute though, I watch your eyes open. For a minute you watch, and carefully look up at me.

"They're just humping each other," you complain, and I laugh.

"It's educational." I respond, squeezing you quickly.

"How is this educational?" You ask, with sarcasm in your voice.

"We could try this…" I say, letting my voice die out.

You look at me with a puzzled expression and then slowly I see understanding flickering behind your eyes. You turn your head back to the screen and I see the slow smile on your face.

Your hands uncross and slide down my thighs, which I flex carefully for you. Your smile grows, as I hold you tighter, carefully sliding my fingers against your stomach.

"You would…"

"I have," I say. "If you like it, we could…"

1157 EDUCATION

Brushing my hair back, you whisper in my ear, "Well?"

"Well what?" I whisper in response.

You hear the huskiness in my voice, I know you do. Instead of making some smart comments, or even smirk, you just begin tracing circles on my stomach, and nuzzle my neck.

I close my eyes, and again, I see us.

Together.

Making love like the people on screen. Then I open my eyes again. "You're right."

"About what?"

I fight my desire to move your hand lower, to turn in your embrace, and pull you over me. "It's like watching a train wreck."

"Yep," you say, but you're not even watching it. You're watching me getting turned on by the images you help feed into my head, and the ones on screen.

"Do you wonder, why these people do it? Sell sex? They look like they could be models."

"For the money? Desperate actors? Does it matter? It's not a illegal sex ring. They probably make more money in a weekend's worth of work that you and I do in a month."

"Probably." Maybe it's the job. Maybe I don't want to admit that I'm reacting to something so carnal. "It just seems wrong," I mutter. It's got to be wrong.

"Why? Do you remember that massage book we bought? With the explicit pictures?"

"Yeah?"

"You read it, and I enjoyed it."

And I remember the nights and weekends we gave each other sensual massages, that took away the stress from our jobs. That gave us back to us at the end of the day or week, and brought us closer together. Somewhere along the way we stopped. We stopped trying new things together; we stopped sharing. We withdrew from each other, and turned to therapists and anti-depressants...

"I suppose it's not very different…" I finally decide.

You smile against my neck, the curl of your lips tickling my skin. "Just watch… and think about us."

And I do. I uncross my legs, and relax further into your embrace…

1158 Need

Sex is curious when you watch it like this. It's so primal, so animalistic. We watch as super-sexual women moan at men, doing more things in one session than I'm sure I've ever experienced in my life.

I watch, as you lean back into me, your arms now running on my thighs. Your legs uncross, and I can feel your body relaxing. I'm sure it's my imagination, but I can feel your heart starting to pump, as you watch the images flickering across the screen with a suddenly more open mind.

I watch with amusement as the scene changes. A woman, coincidentally wearing only the skimpiest robe that's ever existed, answers the door to some kind of super sexual Mary Kay saleswoman. You turn your head and look up at me, but quickly turn your head back to the screen.

I take my chance, sliding my fingers up your body, higher than the slow small circles that I was tracing on your stomach. As I touch your breast, I hear your moan, and I know it's something that you've been waiting for.

I wait for you to look at me, but your eyes stay on the screen. My eyes, however, are on the light pink flushes on your face, the way your breathing has changed. I watch your eyes flicker closed as I run my fingers over you, but you open them slowly again.

I stay slow, but even through your shirt, I can feel your body responding to me. The gentle way you arch your back and let your legs slip wider apart.

"Allie?" I ask the air, as my fingers continue to tease you.

"Mmm.." Is all you reply.

"Whatcha thinking about?" I ask, with a smile.

"Guess," you whisper.

I lean in and kiss you on the neck, and you reach your hand up behind my head, pressing me into you. You turn your head and catch my lips with yours. In a second, you twist yourself around so you're on top of me, pulling me down the bed so that I'm on my back and you're on top of me.

I smile up at you, and you look at me with hazy eyes that betray your arousal. "I want you," you whisper.

"I want you too," I moan back, before you lean in and claim my mouth with yours.

1159 MIMIC

I kiss you, deep and hungry. You kiss me back. Our moans intertwine with the ones coming from the television.

I wonder what the women are doing.

And I raise up just enough to look back. To see them slowly undressing each other.

I don't have their patience. Apparently, neither do you. You and I don't have an audience to seduce or tantalize. Only each other. And I want you.

And you want me.

In scant seconds, our clothes end up in a heap on the floor by the bed. Your hands are sliding down my body, squeezing my ass, parting my legs while you push a thigh against me.

I match your hunger. My hands are on your breasts, my fingers are catching your erect nipples. I swallow your moans as you thrust your tongue into my mouth.

"I want you," I pull away to kiss down your throat.

One of your hands leave my hips to bring my lips back to yours. "I want you, too," you whisper before closing in. Your tongue twines with mine once more. Your hard thigh pressing harder against me, your hand on my ass pushing me down.

"But I want," you first, I try to protest, while my body moves against my will.

"No," you demand, arching against my palms while my fingers my hands caress your breasts.

I pull away once more and stare down at you, the desire in your eyes fueling the fire burning through my veins. It's been a while, but I recognize it – the heat we used to feel towards each other. Except this is different.

If at all possible, it's more urgent. Is this how a starving man feel when he sees food? So we finally found our way back to each other, and we're more desperate to keep our connection?

Your eyes leave mine, just for a second. Then you smile. "Allie?"

"Yeah?" I respond, moving in to take another kiss.

You stop me. "Look."

I follow your gaze to the scene on screen. The women are going down on each other, in a passionate 69. But we've never, but I've never…

"You want to?" You ask, your voice pulling me back, pulling me in.

And I smile, and reach down, to kiss you, lingeringly. Then I slide down your body, turning around half way. Gently, I lower my body against yours, wrapping my arms around your hips while yours wind around my thighs…

1160 New

You're all around me, but at the same time, you're on me, in me. I feel like you're everywhere at once, filling me up and making me feel whole. This is what's been missing. This passion, this need.

Very quickly I remember why I never really thought this position was a good idea. What you're doing feels so good, I forget my pacing. You do the same, when I manage to remember what I was supposed to be doing while we were posed liked this.

Instead, I lean back and let my fingers rub against you. I feel your head resting against my inner thigh, as you let your body grind into my fingers. Gently, I pull you off of me, and lie you back onto the bed.

You watch avidly as I slide down your body. I take your hands in mine, wrapping our fingers together. I watch as you turn your head to the screen. The girls too, have changed positions and one is now on her knees pleasuring the other. As I kiss you, slide my tongue over you, you moan louder competing with the sounds coming from the TV.

I feel you pull your hand from mine, feel you wrap it into my hair and let your hand press into me. You hold my head steady, carefully holding me in place, making sure I don't move and ruin your pace.

Your breathing catches in your chest, your back arches against me and carefully, I lace my hands over your stomach to keep you still. Keep you still so I can concentrate on giving you what you deserve.

"Baby, I'm gonna…" You gasp, without the last word. I speed my pace, and you scream your release before the rest of the sentence can come from your throat. I let myself keep you screaming, at least for an extra second by not letting up. You pull back and reach for my shoulders, pulling me quickly up your glistening body.

You reach up and kiss me, lean into me tease my lips with yours.

Your fingers reach down my body. "Your turn," you growl at me, with a primal sound. In a moment, you push yourself off the bed and into me hard enough to spin me onto my back.

You hover over me, and kiss me, as you slide your hand between my legs, teasing me mercilessly. Your fingers are slow and gentle, long strokes that drive me crazy. You're smiling, a smile that shows that you love the control over me.

I want you so badly. "I love you," I whisper as you start sliding down my body.

1161 DIRTY

You're in me, all around me/ At the same time, I'm touching you, tasting you. Something about this position, it seems more intimate. But also more distracting.

I feel your tongue, your fingers, licking, rubbing me, and I want to do the same to you. You push in, swirling around.

I feel your body stiffening under mine, and I feel mine shivering over yours. Our moans and ragged breathing compete with the soundtrack of the video. I'm close, so close, what you're doing is making it hard for me to concentrate on you, but I want you, and I try.

You're caught in the same spiral.

A particularly loud moan on screen catches my curiosity, and I look up from your thighs. You use that moment to raise my body. I'm about to protest the loss of contact when you roll me onto my back.

Then I feel your hands, your lips, your body sliding up my body, covering me with kisses and caresses. I catch your eyes. "Love you," I whisper.

You smile your reply, and ease your shoulders between my legs. "Just watch," you instruct, glancing at the TV.

And I find myself watching with half-lidded eyes, my vision blurred. I watch the two women and I see us, caressing and kissing each other. I feel your tongue, your lips, holding me, kissing me, long and loving and slow.

When you begin to thrust slowly inside, filling me, I let out a hoarse sigh of approval. And I feel your smile against my flesh… And you rasp over me, taking me, stroking the fire inside me, pushing me closer and closer…

One of the women on screen is coming gloriously now, while her lover encourages her with her whispered words, her fingers, her hands.

And I hear the same words flowing from your lips, just a split second behind. I feel the same touch from you, fiery, insistent. "I'm gonna," I mimic the sounds I hear, while my body shakes, and arches against you. Is it my scream ripping through the room?

It's definitely your smile I feel pressing against me, as you reach in and draw out another sharp orgasm, another sharp scream. You're relentless.

"I can't…" I pant, and tug on your shoulders. "Liv…" I moan, until you slide up slowly along my body, until we're face to face, and I can taste myself on your lips. "Your turn," I growl, and flip us, so my weight presses yours into the bed.

Immediately, I slip my hand down, I slide my finger deep, deep inside you. "God, you're wet," I moan, repeating what I heard earlier. "I love it when you're so wet for me…"

You moan in response, reacting to the dirty talk.

"You're hot, so hot," I breathe next to your neck, as I tease you slowly, as you push against me, pushing me further inside you. I oblige, still thrust in long slow strokes that make you want more. "You like that?"

Your nostrils flare, and your lungs heave in response.

"I take that as a 'yes'?" I smile, and laugh a small husky laugh. Is this how you feel when you have me so totally under your control? "Baby, you feel so good…"

"Allie? Please?" You whimper, your voice full of need. "Love you," you add, opening your eyes briefly before slamming them shut again, your body arching, and freezing as I slip from you.

"I love you," I whisper, and slowly kiss a trail down your body. "Love you, Liv," I breathe into you, sliding my tongue along you, pushing my fingers inside you…

1162 Warm

My body shatters in orgasm. A wonderful warmth fills my body, and you. My eyes flicker open as you pause for only a second before beginning your assault again. My fingers are twisted against your head, holding you where I want you the most. You moan against me, and I can feel myself tensing into you again.

Slowly, you push yourself up, your hair teases my thighs as you place a gentle trail of kisses up my body. You fall into my arms, your legs strewn over mine, while I try to recover my breath.

Gentle kisses shower my neck as you hold yourself close to me. The scene on the screen has changed, and slowly, you reach for the remote and mute the sound.

"So?" You ask with a devious smile.

"So?" I say, my breath finally not coming in ragged gulps. I turn slightly so I can look into your eyes. What I see there is the love that makes me feel whole. A shining blue that seems to warm only for me. You lovingly run your finger down the bridge of my nose, and smile.

"You look like you enjoyed yourself." You laugh.

"I did." I say, as you lean in and kiss me gently.

"Me too," you whisper as you gently rest your head on my shoulder. "Do you have any other surprises for me?"

"We'll see." I say, with a half smile. "I guess we'll have to start a collection." I say, gesturing to the screen which is starting to scroll credits.

You laugh. "Maybe one."

"So you… liked it?"

"Well, not as an every day occurrence. I don't think I'd watch it alone." You say, leaving the rest of the thought unspoken.

"Sure sure. Next thing I know you'll be the porn queen with a collection to rival Trevor's."

"I don't think so." You say, your eyes starting to close gently, as you adjust your body against mine.

"You sleepy?" I ask, gently.

"Mmhmmm."

"Go figure," I laugh.

1163 AFTERGLOW

"Shut up," I mumble against your neck, squeezing you tighter with my body, settling more comfortably against you. "You wore me out."

You laugh again. "So now I'm mattress?"

"Mmhmmm…"

"You mind if your mattress go away for a little bit?"

"Yes." I slide my leg over yours. "Where are you going?"

"We haven't eaten since breakfast."

"That's not true, we just finished, each other," I tell you, trying to fight sleep. But you feel so warm; this feels so good.

You laugh again, a light cheerful laugh. "You're so cheesy."

"You lie with dogs…" I smile.

"Are you saying I'm cheesy?"

"You know you are," I lean up to kiss you on your chin. Then a shake my head, trying to shake away the drowsiness I feel.

"Go to sleep," you say, softly, smoothing your fingers through my hair.

"But you want to get up."

"To make you dinner." You press kisses to my head. "But if you're not hungry, I'll stay."

"Stay…"

"Just don't be whiny when you wake up, and you're hungry."

"I'm not the whiny one," I say, aware of the whine in my voice.

"Sure, Sweetie," you chuckle. "Happy dreams."

I feel my body easing towards slumber, while my mind hovers in consciousness. "Love you."

"Love you, too, Baby."

I take another deep slow breath. "Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you making for dinner?"

You laugh again, a clear beautiful laugh. "I don't know, depends on what Trevor has? Or we can have what we brought?"

"Okay," I sigh, and slur, "Gimme a few minutes to wake up, and I'll help…"

1164 Ruminations

Within seconds of your promise to wake up, I can hear your gentle snore against my neck. I stare at the ceiling, and smile, thinking about how lucky I am. I have you, here with me. You picked me out, and loved me. And now, here we are together, content and tangled in each others arms.

My mind drifts to the neighbor, who interrupted us earlier in front of the fire. Why would she have a key? Why would she think that she could just walk in? Even if Trevor had been here and not us, knowing Trevor, he uses this house for entertaining. Might she not have walked in on him and someone else? I wonder if we should ask Trevor about her, but then again, we were not expected here, and really, she's his problem.

And what about the pictures? Why does he have every picture of you ever taken? It's just weird, and I know you thought so too. Though I tried to play it off, it kind of bothers me. But then, Trevor's always bothered me a little bit. My natural jealously towards him from the time I thought you were dating has made it so that I'm forever suspicious of his motives. Even though he's stopped being such a jerk to me all the time, he still has his moments when I want more than anything else to throttle him, and instinct which I keep under raps for you.

My stomach growls and I realize how hungry I really am. I'm sure you are too, though you let the sleepiness win and over take you. Very carefully, I slide out from under your hand, and pull my leg away from yours. I replace myself with a pillow in your grasp and in seconds you re-settle back into a restful sleep.

In the kitchen, I scour Trevor's cabinets for food. Finding a few things that I can use, I start boiling water and pull some of the vegetables we brought out of one of the grocery bags. I stare out at the sky, which is a menacing brown. The wind is blowing, and swirls of already fallen snow are dancing across the drive way, burying the car in a snow drift.

For a second, I think that I see something moving down the driveway, but soon I'm sure it's a symptom of my suspicious mind and overactive imagination. I turn back to the sauce I'm creating, and throw some vegetables into a sauce pan.

I'm flipping them, when I hear you in the other room. You pad into the kitchen, wiping sleep from your eyes. "You got up without me." You whine.

"I wanted to get dinner started sweetie."

You come over to me and wrap your arms around my neck. "Whatcha making?" You say, with a gentle kiss.

"Food."

"More specifically?"

"Good food?"

"Very cute," you scold me.

"Spaghetti?" I answer.

"Mmm…that sounds good. I'm starving."

"I told you that you would be."

"I know," you say. "That's why you're amazing."

1165 DINNER

We forgo the formality of the table, and take our dinner on the couch. I rest my legs on your thighs while you balance your plate on me. Our arrangement works out pretty well, I think.

"The sky looks kind of orange."

You follow my eyes to look out the window. "Yeah."

"It's kind of pretty," I comment, returning my attention to my food.

"Pretty?" You laugh. "It's gonna split open any minute now, and dump snow on us."

"We can build snow people."

"Yeah, right."

"At least it won't turn into yucky gray slush."

"I guess," you shrug, and twirl pasta around your fork.

"I wonder what's keeping him."

"Who?"

"Trevor, he hasn't called back."

"Dinner?"

"At this hour?"

"Maybe he had to drive your mom home?" You speculate. I can see something's bothering you, too. I wonder what. Are you as concerned about the neighbor as I am? Or are you actually worrying about the snow? Or the albums in the closet? What else?

"Oh fuck."

Your head snaps up in alarm. "What's wrong?"

"We only have tomorrow's meds."

"Oh." You start to smile. I can tell it's a practiced smile. So the thought had already crossed your mind. "We'll be fine, Sweetie," you reassure, giving my ankle a warm squeeze.

I refuse to yield to panic, so I try my own version of a smile. "You think so?"

"We're on vacation," you say, "No work pressure. Nothing. We'll be fine."

"I hope you're right," I try another smile; I'm more successful this time. Suppose if we're going to get off our pills, this is a good way to try. We were fine when we were on the island together, with just the two of us. And you've been given a clean bill of health by your doctors…

A slight movement on the other side of the window catches my eye, and interrupts my thoughts. "What's that?" I ask, my voice dropping to a whisper.

1166 Relax

"What's what?" I ask, alarmed, remembering the phantom that I had seen earlier while preparing dinner.

"There was something…" You say, pointing to the window.

I grab my plate and start to stand up, and you pull your legs off my lap. In a second, I'm at the window staring out into the calm sea of twirling snow. "I don't see anything," I yell to you.

"Are the doors locked." You ask.

"Yeah, and the chair's still there." I say, sticking my head into the kitchen to double check the locks.

"Good," you say, with obvious relief in your voice.

"I think, that maybe, we're paranoid." I say, as I plop back down onto the couch next to you.

"I really did think…" You start to explain, but I stop you.

"Look, that woman scared both of us. But she wasn't interested in us. She wanted the playboy. Besides, we're locked in tight. This isn't exactly Deliverance sweetie. We'll be fine. I'm sure if Trevor liked her enough to give her a key that he trusts that she can be respectful with it. Right?"

"I guess. I just don't understand why she would just walk in."

"Maybe he lets her. Or he's invited her to stop by whenever. I mean, like I said, she has a key. He had to have given it to her."

"Maybe he has bad taste in who he gives keys to," You say.

"Yeah, you're right, he did give one to you." I laugh.

"I'm his sister," you laugh. "Besides, if he really minded I wouldn't have done it. He just loves the opportunity to make fun of me, so really, I'm doing him a favor by brining you here. I just wish he'd call back."

"He's probably not calling you back because he knows he'd be interrupting. The last thing he wants is to have you answer out of breath and have to think of you and I…marking his bed."

"I guess." You say.

"Come on, Alex. Relax, you know I'm right."

1167 SPOOKED

Relax? How can you relax at time like this? I want to ask. Instead, I try to convince myself, you're right, "I guess…"

"Come on, Sweetie," you drape your arm around my shoulders, pulling me in, "Let's finish up dinner, and we can go mark his bathtub."

I laugh at your waggling brows. "We're not dogs."

"Cats mark their territories, too."

I back hand you on the stomach. "So that's why you leave hickies on me? To mark your territory?"

"Yep. That's why you mark me," you observe with a smirk.

"I don't," I start, then I smile. "Okay, you're right."

"And I love it when you do it," you say, then kiss me softly on my neck.

"You do, huh?" I cup your cheek in my palm, tilting my head to give you access.

"Mmhmm…" You hum, your hand now sliding from my shoulder to my back and down around my torso.

"Let's move away from the window," I suggest, torn between pushing you away, and hanging onto you.

"Why? There's no one outside. The nearest house from here is probably the neighbor's, and it's a mile away."

"I just…" I make up my mind, and push your lips away with my hand. You slip your tongue out, and lick my palm. "Stop that!" I yelp. Them softening my voice, I explain, "I think I'm going to try Trevor again. I'd just feel better if…"

You nod, your eyes, your soft smile relaying your understanding. And you set about clearing the dishes while I move towards the phone.

Just as I'm about to pick it up, it rings. I jump. Then I look down. "It's local."

Immediately, you're at my side, hitting the speaker button. "Hello?" You answer.

"Hi," a familiar voice drifts into our space. "Is this Alex?"

"No," you respond curtly.

"Oh, hi, Olivia. This is Veronica, we met earlier?"

"Yes, the neighbor. How may we help you?"

"I, uh, am I interrupting anything?"

"No, we're just clearing the dinner table."

"Oh, okay. I thought I heard screams coming from your direction earlier. I hope everything's all right."

"Screams?" You smirk at me. "It must've been the wind, Veronica."

"Oh, so it must be. I'm glad. I'm glad you're all right. Anyway, that's why I called."

"Great. Thanks for checking, Veronica. Have a good night."

"You, too, Olivia," she says, and we wait for the click.

"She couldn't have heard us," I start, unable to contain myself any longer. "She's a mile away. That's like twelve blocks."

1168 Scared

"You underestimate your own strength." I say, trying hard not to laugh while your face reddens.

"We are not that loud." You complain, crossing you arms and frowning at me.

"I'm not, but you?" I laugh.

"Olivia Benson. If I screamed that loud we wouldn't be able to keep an apartment."

"I've been meaning to show you that eviction notice for excessive noise-making during sex." I say, smirking.

"That's not funny." You say, blushing even more furiously.

"Alex, of course there's no way she heard us. I'm just teasing you."

"I know. I just don't like the idea of this woman."

"She's either hearing something else or she is totally imaging it.."

"Or she was standing outside." You mutter.

"She was not standing outside."

"What if she was? She could have been! Then she could have heard… and then, when she came in before, and saw your gun. She probably came back to check us out." Your eyes widen as the story gets more and more insane.

"Alex, come on."

"Liv, she could have been."

"Why, Alex?"

"I don't know. That's why we need to talk to Trevor."

"Then call him," I sigh.

"He's not answering." You say, and I can see the fear in your eyes staring to match the frustration that's coming from mine. We're stuck here now.

"Alex, we came up here to have a nice relaxing couple of hours. Let's just relax. We're safe, we're all right. I know it's scary, but I'm here. I'll protect you."

"But what if…"

"Please?" I ask, putting my arms around you and giving you a quick hug.

1169 SAFE

I search your eyes for any signs of concern. Finding none, I let myself relax into your embrace. Still, I grouse, "What kind of attorney is he? What if it were one of his scumbag clients calling? Needing to get bailed out of jail or something."

"He has a partner, right? And junior associates. I'm sure there are other people to call besides him."

"I suppose."

"Just relax, Sweetheart. Everything's gonna be fine."

"I hope so."

"I know so," you kiss me gently, covering my face with your smile. "Besides, I'm a cop, remember? A cop with a very big gun?"

"Yeah, except we're not dealing with a big bad wolf. People are more devious."

You just laugh, and pull me back to the couch. "Remind me to burn your crime novels when we get home?"

All right. I know I'm being silly. This all is just a product of my overactive imagination. I'm sure there's a simple, and reasonable explanation for the woman, the alleged neighbor. "What if…"

"Come on, Sweetie."

I can tell by the tone of your voice you're annoyed. So I sigh, and turn my eyes towards the clock. It's much later than I realized; I must have slept longer than I thought. "Mind if we watch the news?"

"Sure," you smile a relieved smile, and pick up the remote. "We should see if there's update on the snow anyway."

In silence, we listen to the area broadcasters, warning people against venturing out, and advising them on the various things to do to ride out the storm. There are no latest developments on insane asylum runaways or county jailbreaks. The worst news tonight were several incidents of non-fatal pile ups along area highways.

Nothing can go wrong, right?

After the news is over, and the late night show comes on, you ask, "How'bout some hot cocoa?"

"Um, sure." And I watch while you head into the kitchen. As hard as I fight against it, I retreat once more into my imagination; and I stare out the window.

There it is again. The flicker of movement. A dark shadow moving outside! It's not my imagination!

"Liv!" I scream, and rush towards the window.

I hear a clatter from the kitchen, no doubt from the kettle hitting the stove. Then you come running in. "What's wrong?"

"Look!" I point towards the shadow in the snow. "It's a…"

"It's a dog."

1170 Still Scared

"It's a dog." I mumble, looking out the window.

"It is not. Liv it's huge. It's a person!"

"Yes it is, Alex. Come here." I say, and you slowly get up off the couch. I turn around and put my hand out to you, and I watch as you nearly tip toe over to me. Instead of taking my hand, you hide your body behind mine, and I feel you wrapping around me carefully and peering gently over my shoulder. "Look." I say, pointing at what's clearly a dog running through the snow.

"Okay, it's a dog." You say and turn away quickly flopping back into the couch before I can grab you to hold you still.

"Okay?" I ask carefully.

"Okay. It's a dog." You say, with anger threatening your voice. "I'm overreacting. I get it."

"Allie."

"Stop calling me that," you bark back at me. Now I know you're upset, because gently, you've let me use my nickname for you more and more without scolding me. But when you do, it's usually because I've done something to irritate you.

"Alex." I correct myself. "I don't want to make you mad, please, let's not fight."

"We're not fighting." You say, angrily, curling your arms over your chest and pulling your knees up onto the couch, turning yourself into a tiny ball.

"Sweetie. Come on," I say, sitting next to you on the couch. "I just want to have a good time with you. What do I have to do to make you feel safe?"

"I don't know,"

"Look, let me at least shut the blinds. I'll double check the locks too, okay?"

You give me a half smile, and sigh. "I just wish Trevor would call."

"Call him again." I say, standing up.

"No, he'll…"

"Alex, you're making yourself miserable. Come on, the man has more phones than ATT. Call your mom, if you have to. She'll know where he is."

1171 KEYS

"Trevor?" Finally, the damn phone picks up. "Where the hell are you?" Before he could answer, I nearly scream, "Why the fuck did you not call me back?"

Then mom's voice booms through the extension. "Alexandra, watch your language."

"Mom!" I whine. "Can I, may I please talk to my brother alone?"

"Very well," she says, then I hear a click on the line.

"What's up, little sister?"

I can hear the smirk, and his arrogant superior than thou attitude in his voice. I don't have time for this crap. "Your neighbor came by earlier."

"Neighbor?"

"Veronica."

"Oh. That neighbor."

"How many floozy neighbors have you given your keys to?"

"What do you mean?" He asks, confusion edging into his voice.

"What do you mean what do I mean? Veronica had a key. She let herself in."

"She did?"

Fuck. "Yes, she did!" I bark. Now you're concerned, and you step up behind me, getting ready to hit the speaker phone button. I do it for you.

"I don't," he starts, then stops, adjusting to the reception before continuing, "I don't remember… wait, the caretaker was on vacation one time, and I had asked Veronica to check on the house for me."

"You didn't take your key back?"

"I must not have."

"What do you mean? You don't remember?"

"Look, Alex, I was… you know," his voice drops to a whisper, no doubt to keep mom from hearing. "I was an alcoholic back then. I don't remember a lot of things."

And here I thought he was just being a drama queen. "You really had a problem? I didn't know."

"Well, not a problem, problem, not like… uh, say, you didn't go into the closet, did you?"

I look at you, and I see the pain on your face, as if he's slapped you. I could kill him. So I take my pleasure in this, "As a matter of fact, I did, Trevor. Care to tell me what you were doing with my photos?"

I could hear his swallow, could imagine him dabbing his sweaty forehead with his pretentious handkerchief. "Is, uh, is Olivia with you?"

"What do you think?" Dumb ass.

"Look, it was, it was supposed to be a surprise."

"Trust me, it was."

"No, I mean, it was a, um, Christmas surprise, to, uh, um, Olivia."

You and I ask in tandem, "What?"

1172 Explanations

I stop listening when he is so generous to remind me that I'm the one with the problem, with the serious problem. With a sigh, I move away from the phone while you confront him with the photo albums. Instead, I grab the dishes from the sink and start washing them, trying to ignore his voice that still booms through the kitchen even though I hear my name though, and wander back to consciousness.

"They were a gift for Olivia." He says, quietly.

In concert we question his motives.

He continues to explain, "I thought that she might like them. Well, I mean, that you both might like them. You know how mom was with stuff like they, they've been sitting in boxes for years waiting for her to feel inspired. And well, I thought that since, since you were married now, that you might like to have them. You might like to share them with Olivia."

"I… thank you." Is all you say.

"Well they're not done yet." He says quickly, changing his tone, "so you can't take them yet."

"We'll leave them alone." You say.

"Thank you."

"But Trevor?" You ask. "Seriously, Veronica."

"Alex. She's just some woman, okay?"

"Do you think she's sane?"

"I don't know, I guess. She seems okay. I never caught her talking to her hand or anything."

"We're just a little jumpy," I interrupt into the conversation. "We didn't expect her to just show up."

"She was just probably checking on the place. She knows my car, she could have thought you were breaking into the place. Oh wait, you were, weren't you?"

"Thanks, Trev." You say, without letting him continue the thought.

"Yeah, thanks." I throw in at the end quietly.

"Umm… you're welcome." He says.

"Well, we're going to…"

"I don't want to know what you're going to do," he says. "Just have fun. And don't try to leave if it's dangerous."

"Thanks Trev. We've got to go. Night." You say, as you flick the speaker phone off.

1173 MARK

I stare at the phone for a second, and when I turn to you again, you've already gone back to the dishes. Slowly, I walk into the kitchen, and I wrap my arms around your waist. Your shoulder is tense where I try to rest my chin.

"Are you okay?" I ask you quietly.

"Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?"

I chuckle lightly. "I think you've picked up my habit."

"What habit?"

"See? You're responding to a question you don't want to answer with a question."

"Oh." You sigh, and wipe the last dish dry. Then you turn around, staring at the floor behind me.

"You need to move in about a foot closer," I say with a small smile, and glance down. "My boobs are here, not growing on my back."

"Alex," you let out an exasperated laugh.

"I'm sorry that I overreacted, about Veronica," I get the easier apology out of the way.

"It's okay, we were both jumpy," you repeat the line you gave my brother.

My insensitive brother who criticizes you and accepts you in almost the same breath. I don't get him sometimes. Why give you my baby pictures? Is that his way of giving me to you? That would've been his job had I married a man, in a traditional church wedding…

"I'm sorry about what Trevor said," I say, trying to catch your eyes.

"Why? It's true," you mumble, now staring at the wall behind me.

"It was," I tip your chin up, to kiss you softly. "But it's not anymore. You've been doing pretty good." That there's wine in this house doesn't seem to bother you.

"Yeah, well, one of these days I might, and then…"

"Shhh…" I silence you with a finger to your lips. "I know you won't. I believe in you."

"But what if…"

"We'll deal with it then, okay?" I smile at you gently. "We live one day at a time, right?"

"I suppose…"

"Hey, don't we have a bathtub to mark?" I remind you, with a cheerfulness I don't completely feel, that both of us need. "Remember what Trevor said? We don't wanna disappoint him!"

1174 Down

It just makes me mad. It makes me mad that all it takes from him is a stupid suggestion that I'm a loser, and the feelings of pain go flooding through me. I remember all the guilt and all that pain like it was something I felt mere moments ago, even if it has been months. I can't imagine a time when the guilt isn't the first thing I associate with the word alcohol.

And no matter what kind of happy drugs I pump myself with, I can't stop the guilt and bad feelings that are flushing through me. Your sad worried expression makes the pangs of guilt stronger. I stare behind you, and hear you crack your jokes and try to cajole a smile on my face. I want to push you away, but I can't. I know that's not healthy for us either.

We're supposed to be here for a good time. Not for you to be scared, or for me to feel like a failure. You tease me and ask me if I want to mark Trevor's bathtub, but his voice is still echoing in my head reminding me that I'll never be quite good enough for his sister.

You reach up and kiss me. "Liv, come back to me."

"Hmmm…"

"You're… not here."

"I'm just thinking."

"You can't let him get to you."

"Alex. It's… It's fine, okay?"

"Sweetie. I know you real well, and I can tell by your face when something's wrong."

"I… I… just…" I search for the right words to explain what's going through my head. "I hate that after all this time, he still gets to me like that. With one tiny suggestion, my mood, just, I feel… he makes me feel like a loser."

"You're not a loser," you say resolutely. "And besides, look at the rest of it. He made those books for you, all that work he put into them, he wanted you to have them."

"That is nice."

"It's not something he'd do for just anyone. He's sorry for how he treats you. He's just a giant jerk and not quite sure how to say that."

1175 MOODS

"Yeah," you sigh. "Maybe you're right…"

"Olivia Benson!" I act piqued.

"What?"

I cross my arms and glare at you. "Don't you know by now I'm always right?"

You shake your head, and try to smile.

"Come on." I rest my forehead against yours. "Let's go have fun," I nearly beg. Somehow my fear about Veronica seem so irrational, so trivial when compares to this. Somehow your unhappiness scares me more…

You remain quiet. A little too quiet. Guess happy pills don't always work.

I uncross my arms, and take you by the hand, pulling you with me towards the bathroom. Quickly, I push the remaining stack of porn away and into the corner. Then I pour the bath gel we brought with us into the tub. As the water run, I slide my hands over your body, peeling off your shirt slowly. I let my lips dance over your body, carefully kissing your exposed skin.

You still look like my brother had run over your puppy…

Finally, I ask, "Do you want me to stop?"

"I'm sorry," you sigh, and lean in to kiss me back, just lightly. "No."

"Good." I pull down your pants, and wait for you to step out of them. Then I remove my own tee-shirt. After dropping our clothes into the empty hamper, I lean up against you, touching my breasts with yours.

If I have to seduce you out of your glum mood, I will.

Gently, I smooth my palms over your shoulders. Like always, you flex your muscles for me. "Mmm…" I moan my appreciation, and smile when you relax a little. "I love you," I whisper, "My big bad detective."

You smile a blushing smile, but remain quiet.

I run my fingers in your hair, brushing it out of your eyes, so I can see into them. So I can read what's in your mind. They're still darkly troubled, just as I expect them to be. I don't acknowledge your emotion though. Instead, I kiss you again. Then I shed my remaining clothing, holding onto your arm for balance when I step out of my underwear.

Without another word, I take you by the hand, and lead you to the tub. Obediently, you climb in. Before you can move to the edge, I stop you. Using your shoulder for balance this time, I slide in behind you.

"Lean back," I instruct quietly, pulling you towards me until your head rests on my shoulder. Slowly, carefully, I graze my fingers along your skin. "I love you," I whisper again, and begin gently massaging your neck…

1176 Massage

Even after you apologize for your brother, I still feel the dark sadness inside of me, but more than that, I'm determined not to let it ruin our night. I try to pull myself out of it, try to smile, but I can still feel the gnawing in the pit of my stomach. The feeling of being a loser strong inside me.

After only a minute, you take my hand. "Come on," You say, as you give me a final kiss on the lips, gentle and slow. You pull me into the lighted bathroom room and start water pouring into the oversized tub. You put warm scented bubbles into the swirling water, and bubbles start forming on the surface of the water. I watch you turn back to me with a small smile lighting your face.

You kiss my neck, and slowly slip your fingers under my shirt, pulling it carefully over my head. You kiss my newly exposed collar bone, and slip your fingers under the button of my pants. With another careful kiss, you open the button and slide them down my body. You strip me of my underwear, and I watch as you pull your clothes off too.

You kiss me again, and then look into my eyes. With a careful turn of your head, you look deep into my eyes. I know you can still see the conflict swirling there, and your fingers lightly touch my arms. "Do you want me to stop?" you whisper.

Part of me does, but part of me in unmistakably turned on by this. Part of me understands that rejecting you right now would be a mistake. It would be giving into the belief that I'm not worthy of this. The conflict inside me must be evident to you, because you pull back and wait for my answer. "No," I murmur, as I obediently step into the water.

I expect for you to crawl in front of me, but you don't, instead hopping in behind me and letting me rest against your neck.

You kiss my neck, and hold me close to you. Gently, your fingers find my neck and start massaging it. I feel tension I didn't know I have start drifting away.

Between your careful circles on my neck and the warm soapy water, I start to relax, letting the feeling take me away. You whisper in my ear, how you love me. Asking me if your fingers against my neck feel good.

I moan my approval, and you slide your fingers below the soapy water and start your gentle circles on my lower back. I feel my eyelids getting heavy. You whisper in my ear that you love me as tension I wasn't aware I had leaves my body.

I could die happy, right now.

1177 DEEP

Finally, you're relaxing under my touch, your head weighing heavy against my neck. Slowly, my hands move around your body, to stroke your arms, gently, carefully, to sooth away the tension…

All the while, I tell you softly how much I love you, and why I love you. You're not a loser, I tell you without using those words, I show you with my caring.

I'm surprise you even let me do this. Usually I'm the one sitting in front, being doted on. Usually you're the one showing devotion, adoring me with your soft words and kisses and tender caresses. At least that was before…

Before, I don't think you would've let me do this. You would insist on being the caretaker. You still take care of me, but you're letting me take care of you, too. If nothing else, to prove to you you're love-worthy. Maybe this crisis was good for us…

Maybe one day soon, I won't have to do this. Maybe you'll believe you're worthy of my love without my reminders. And I can just do this because I want to, because it makes me happy to pamper you.

"Liv?" Softly, I whisper.

"Mmm?" You respond, with your eyes closed.

I think you're falling asleep on me. "Lean forward, just a little?" I push you gently to give you direction.

Now your head hangs forward; your shoulders are hunched; and your arms on your thighs hold you up.

Maybe it's the baby pictures, suddenly, I see my young self sitting in a similar position, growing drowsy from the warmth and my mom's gentle sponge. And I wonder how old you were when you had to learn how to wash yourself, and perhaps even clean up after your mother…

Carefully, I reach around you, to pick up the shower head, and turn on the water. Then I pull the stopper from the drain. Slowly, I wash the soap off of you, touching you chastely, rinsing you off.

Then I run the shower over myself. Then I nudge you, "Liv, Sweetie."

"Mmm?"

"Let's get out of the tub."

I watch you force your eyes open. I can tell you're still groggy, but you're relaxed, and I can't help but smile. You're so cute like this, so like a little kid.

Maybe it's what you said earlier… Again, I find myself wondering what it'd be like, if we had a child… Like earlier, I don't let myself get far; I know how you feel about children, and we can barely take care of ourselves…

Quickly, I climb out, and towel myself dry. Then I turn to you with a smile. "Wait here," I tell you, moving towards the bedroom. When I come back, your eyes are closed again. "Wake up, sleepyhead," I pull at your hands.

Finally, you're out of the tub, and I wrap you up in my thick terry cloth robe, before leading you to bed…

1178 Sleepy

My eyes are so heavy, but I can feel you pulling my hand out and helping me step out of the tub. I feel you run a towel over my back, while I fight with my eyes to keep them open. You slowly slide the towel over me, down my legs and back up, as you slip me into a furry robe that's immediately warm and comfortable. I give you a kiss, and you smile, but my eyes stay half closed.

"Sorry," I mumble.

"For what sweetie?" You ask, wrapping your arms around me and pulling me out of the bathroom with you into the bedroom.

"Being sleepy," I mumble, and I hear your laugh.

"Come on, baby. You don't have to be sorry for that." You say, pulling my hand, helping me onto the bed.

You lay back against the headboard and I crawl back into your lap.

I try to rub the sleep out of my eyes, but the hazy sleepy feeling sticks with me.

"Mmm….don't want to go to bed yet," I murmur, almost back to sleep.

"It's okay, baby. You can sleep if you're tired. It's getting late anyway." You explain, even though I know it's not as late as we usually go to sleep.

"I still owe you." I mumble.

"Owe me?" You ask.

"You massaged me, now I owe you." I explain back, surprised that you don't immediately understand.

You laugh, and rub my hair. "It was a freebie."

"No," I say, pulling myself up.

"Liv, it's okay. It makes me feel good to make you feel good."

"You did," I say settling back down against your warm chest.

"Good." You say, rubbing circles on my back. I can feel myself falling deeper into sleep.

1179 NIGHT

I look down at you, your breathing deep and slow, your head pillowed against my breasts. When was the last time you fall asleep before me, like this? I can't remember.

Like this, I'm free to watch you.

You with a small smile lingering on your lips. The little smile at the corner of your mouth that says so much about you – when you're angry and incredulous, or when you're smug and sure of yourself. I still remember the day I saw the hint of suggestiveness, and how my heart pounded in hope…

Right now, this little smile tells me you're content. Maybe you're even dreaming happy dreams.

I'm glad.

Carefully, I brush your hair away from your eyes. The little wrinkle you carry with you on your brow is gone now.

You look so innocent when you're like this; you look our age, maybe even younger than our age…

Maybe we should do this more often – go away together, just the two of us, and get away from it all.

It's not wrong of me to think this way, is it? We're still doing our jobs; we just don't spend every waking, sleeping, breathing minute working, like the way we used to. That's okay, right?

It's got to be.

Gently, I reach up, and peel the curtains back, just a little. Large flakes of white are still falling from the blood orange sky. I wonder what happened to the dog that was outside our window. Maybe it wasn't a dog, although I'm not sure there are wolves out here, by the beach. In any case, I hope it's safe and warm somewhere.

I wonder when the snow will stop falling, and for how long we're going to be stuck here. Although 'stuck' implies negativity; and I can't honestly say this is an entirely unwelcomed turn of events.

No, not at all.

I love being here, or anywhere, with you.

"I love you, Olivia Benson… Cabot," I whisper into your ear, and I smile. It's been a while since I called you that. But I don't think that's something we've forgotten.

Maybe it's even something we hold onto, to pull us through those dark nights? I know I did, at least in the back of my mind…

Slowly, I shift in your embrace, easing onto the mattress.

And I smile again when you wrap yourself tighter around me, sighing contentedly.

"Sweet dreams, Love," I tell you softly, before yielding to slumber…

1180 Wake Up

Like a child on Christmas morning, my eyes fly open to the sunlight peaking in the window. I sprint out of bed and jump to the window, staring at the piles of snow that are covering the window. It looks like almost a foot, but the snow drifts are piling and moving with each shift in the winds direction.

I turn around and look at you still asleep and I want you to see the snow too.

"Alex." I say quietly. If you answer, then I didn't quite wake you up.

You don't move.

"Alex?" I say again, a little louder.

Nothing.

I slowly sneak over to the bed. "Alex?" I whisper closer to you.

You still don't move.

I crawl into the bed next to you and lean over you quietly.

"Are you awake?"

You turn your head, but are obviously still asleep. You settle back into place with a quiet sigh, a slight smile on your face.

This time, I reach my hand out and touch your face.

"Alex?"

"Mmmmm…" you moan quietly.

"Are you awake?" I ask again, louder.

"No…" you whisper.

"Yes you are! You answered," I say, reaching over to you and giving you a kiss on the cheek.

"No I'm not." You moan.

I straddle your formerly sleeping form and kiss your cheeks. "Allie, wake up, it snowed!"

1181 MORNING

"It snowed!" You yelp in my ear.

Somewhere in the back of my head, I wonder if you're out of your mind. Of course it snowed. That's why we're going to be here for the duration, because of a winter storm warning. "I know," I moan, reaching blindly to pull you off of me. "Come back to bed?"

"Come on, you have to see this!"

"Liv? I've seen snow."

"But this is beautiful!"

God. "What time is it?"

"I don't know, it's light out," you announce.

I feel your weight lifting, feel you moving out of bed. Before I can respond, I hear the loud drag of the blinds. "God." I bury my face in the pillow in reflex. Then I hear you running towards me.

"Allie!" You're back, jumping onto me. "Come on! Wake up!"

I can tell I'm not going to win this battle. I open my eyes, to find you smiling down at me, full of excitement, almost kid like. "All right already," I respond with a smile, "I'm awake."

"Let's go outside!"

"What? Are you insane?"

"Let's go outside!" You repeat.

Okay, maybe I'm dreaming. "You want to go out there? Into the cold. With the snow."

"Yeah?" Evidently, you fail to see anything wrong with your suggestion.

"I thought we're supposed to stay indoors."

"We're not going to go far. Just outside the door."

"Why?"

"To play in the snow?" By now you're tugging on my arms, pulling me out of bed.

I glance at the window, and shiver at the thought of going into… that. Brrrrrr. "You really want to do this?"

"Can we, Allie? Please?" You drop your chin slightly and look up at me, your eyes wide.

How can I say no to that? "You're not playing fair."

You smile your cheesy smile. "But you'll go outside with me?"

Shaking my head, I sigh, "Yes, I'll go outside with you…"

1182 Snow Bunnies

You sit up on the bed and look at me with a questioning smile. "Come here," you say, and like an overgrown puppy, I jump back onto the bed, happy that you're finally moving.

You put your hand on my forehead. "You don't have a fever."

"I'm fine." I laugh.

"You? Miss - we're going to get snowed in, die, and never resurface to our regular lives again - wants to go outside and play in the snow."

"It doesn't snow like this in the city."

You look out the window with half closed eyes. "It's so bright out there."

"Yeah, it's beautiful." I say, going back to the window.

"What are we going to wear?"

"We're not going out for long. We can have a snow ball fight." I say with a laugh.

"I'm not having a snowball fight," you say, with as much dignity as you can muster.

"We'll see," I say, smiling at you, as I throw your clothes over to you, at the same time I strip off my pajamas and start dressing in jeans and extra socks.

You take a deep breath and letting me know it pains you, start pulling your pajamas off over your head. This is your way to let me know you're sacrificing and with your every groan, my smile grows wider. That of course, only causes you to complain more.

In a few minutes I take your hand and pull you towards the door.

"Are you sure?" You ask, as I open the door.

"Yep."

"Really sure?" you ask again.

"Yep."

I pull you out with me into the snow, and laugh, as you immediately cross your arms. "Come on Alex," I say, picking up some snow and threatening you with it.

"Don't you dare," You laugh.

"Whatcha gonna do about it?" I taunt, while you keep the same stoic expression.

"This," you say, as you charge me knocking me backwards into the snow drift behind me. You laugh, while you hover over me. "Winner, and still champion!" You shout, as you lean in and kiss me on the lips.

1183 FIGHT

"Oh yeah?" You lift your brows at me, grabbing a handful of snow.

"Don't. You. Dare." I warn, while you squeeze the white fluff into a lump with one hand, and reach for my collar with another.

Then you move, and I move to avoid you, and somehow our positions reversed, and I'm now trapped under you. This is bad. Really bad.

"Gotcha!" You grin, taunting me with the small ball of snow.

"That's not fair!" I whine.

"Oh? You didn't hear me complain when you charged me!"

"That's different," I say, watching you gather more snow. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" You laugh, growing the snow ball in your hand.

"You better watch out," I warn, grabbing a handful of snow myself.

"Yeah?"

"Two can play this game, you know?"

"That's great," you say, bouncing the white soft ball in your hand.

I try to snatch it without success. The best defense is offense, I decide, and rub my palmful of snow in your face.

"Why, Alex Cabot…" You menace.

Okay maybe that wasn't such a great idea. I cross my arms. "You wouldn't dare."

"Who says?"

"You hit me with snow, and I guarantee you'll regret it," I threaten.

"Whatcha gonna do?" You laugh. "Hold out on me?"

"I just might."

"Oh really?" You look at me, and at the snow ball in your hand, then at me again.

"Olivia Benson…" I warn again, while trying to throw you off of me.

"Decisions, decisions," you say, then slide your fingers under my jacket.

I struggle. "Ack!" Then I feel your hands just at the edge of my sweater. "Where's? What d'you do with the snow?"

You smile a mischievous smile, and lean down to catch my lips with yours…

1184 Caught

I reach down and kiss you. Slowly, my fingers sliding under your shirt as you squeal. The snow, left beside you, in the glove I carefully slipped off, gets left behind, and your eyes open when you realize it's just my fingers and not a giant snowball crawling up your shirt.

"Not fair," you gasp, as you unwillingly give up my lips.

"What's not fair," I ask, with a devious smile.

"You're using kisses."

"The best weapon." I giggle.

You pull your head out of the snow and lean up to reach for my lips again, when you suddenly stop.

"Did you hear that?"

"Alex, you're not going to start that again?" I ask, but then I hear it too. The unmistakable sound of something coming towards us.

My hand flies out of your shirt, and you sit up in the snow, wiping it out of your hair in a quick gesture.

"Who's there," you yell out, and we look at each other while we wait for an answer.

"Hi there," comes a voice.

I look at you and you look back at me. The neighbor. Again.

"What are you two doing up so early?" She asks, looking at us suspiciously.

"What are you doing here?" You ask, with rudeness permeating your voice.

"Just coming by to…"

"Why are you here?" You demand, not letting her finish. "Why do you keep coming back here?"

"I…ummm," she stutters as you take a step towards her.

"Alex," I whisper, grabbing your hand, trying to hold you back…

1185 STAND OFF

Maybe it's the adrenaline pumping fear, the desire to protect my brother, or as a result of being interrupted, or a combination of the three, I step towards the woman. "Why are you here?"

"I, uh, to find my dog, yes," she says, and takes out a whistle. Before I can stop her, she blows on it.

Great. Now Cujo's coming to rip our throats out. "Why you…"

"Alex," you move up behind me, holding me back protectively. "Your dog's missing?" You ask her.

"Not exactly," she says, "He's like the neighborhood watch dog."

"Bull!" I retort.

"Alex, Sweetie…" You try again to dissuade me.

I ignore you, and charge the woman, "You're trespassing on private property."

"No, I'm not, I have a key," she says and brandish the key-ring attached to the whistle.

"Trevor doesn't recall giving you a key."

"So he's here?" She asks eagerly, her eyes brightening.

"No, I called him, and he wants his key back," I lie, and extend my hand.

"How do I know you're telling the truth?"

"I'm his sister!"

"And I'm supposed to believe that? For all I know, you got your key the same way I did."

"That's gross!" I yelp.

"How do I know you two are not just waiting for him? He likes to watch, you know."

"Veronica," now you warn dangerously.

"That's it. I'm calling the police," I decide, and turn towards the house.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," she responds.

Your whole body bristles in alarm, I can feel it. "Are you threatening us?" You demand.

"No," she smiles a sickening smile. "I'm the deputy sheriff. So you see, I have every right to be here, if I suspect you're lying to me about your relationship with Trevor, and trespassing."

Suddenly, I see movement from the corner of my eye, and I turn, to see a large German shepherd loping towards us. He stops just next to Veronica.

"Sit," she says, and he does.

Well, that explains the dog outside the window last night, maybe. At least he's not foaming at the mouth. "Let's see some ID," I ask the woman…

1186 Trespass

Veronica looks at me with a half smile. "I don't have it on me." The way she says it reeks with challenge.

"Then you're trespassing," I say clearly. "If you're here on official business, you would have your ID. If you're here because you're just interested in finding out who Trevor talks to, then you need to leave."

You pull against my arm, which is holding you against me and not letting you charge this woman and her dog which is large enough to kill both of us in a single bound. She stares deep into my eyes, and I stare back. The electric charge of the stare flicks between us. I can see the challenge in her eyes, and I wonder what makes someone like this. This woman is obviously obsessed with your brother, but why?

"I'll be back. I'm keeping my eye on you." She says, as she takes the dog by the collar and starts to walk away.

"You stay away from us," you yell after her. And she turns to face us with a sick smile.

"Come on," I whisper to you, pulling you back inside and locking the door behind us.

I can see the flames coming out of your eyes as you stay, staring out the window watching her walk off until you can't see her anymore.

"Can you imagine the nerve of that woman?" You ask me angrily.

"Alex," I say, reaching out to you.

"I'm so angry." You say, pulling out of my embrace and going back over to the window.

"Don't let her ruin our day, sweetie. She's obviously got problems."

"Problems and a badge."

"She's probably bluffing, Alex. And even if she does come back, we're not doing anything wrong. Trevor knows we're here. She's the one who's trespassing. We can call the police. Chances are they'll know she's insane, show up and grab her."

"Unless she really is the deputy sheriff."

"Let's just forget it okay?" I ask, taking your hand.

"I can't, Liv. I can't." You mumble, as you turn back into the window and stare into the snow.

1187 PROTECT

"Come on, Sweetie," you come up and hold me by my shoulders, gently pulling me away from the window.

I refuse to budge. "I just can't believe…"

"Alex," you sigh. "Maybe we should leave."

"Right, and get stuck? There's over a foot of snow out there."

"Then what do you suggest we do?"

"I don't know," I sigh, letting my shoulders sag.

You take the opportunity to turn me around, and ease me into your embrace. "Would you like breakfast?"

"How can you think of food at a time like this?"

"We have to eat sooner or later?" You say, then you add with a smirk. "We need our energy if we're going to out run Veronica and her dog."

"That's not funny, Liv."

"Sweetie," you sigh again, the playful tease fading quickly from your eyes.

"I'm sorry," I relent. "I just, I don't know what happened between her and Trevor."

"You could always call him."

"Yeah, like he'd remember. And if he did, I'm sure he's not going to tell us. And I'm not sure we want to know." I wrap my arms around your waist, and rest my chin on your shoulder. "I don't know what they see in him."

"His looks? His money? I'm sure he can be charming, with the women he wants to seduce."

"I suppose."

Softly, you stoke your fingers through my hair. "You just don't see it cuz you're his sister."

"Do you?"

"No. But I'm in love with you, and I'm a cop." You laugh lightly. "It's my job to break his balls."

"I guess," I sigh again. I feel my body relaxing despite my concerns.

"I'm gonna protect you." You lay a gentle kiss on my head. "Don't worry."

"And who's going to protect you?"

"I'll be fine. We'll both be fine," you promise.

"But…"

"Shh…." You kiss me again, on my lips this time. And I let you. And I let myself respond to you…

1188 Creepy

You melt into my kiss, and I smile. "See, it's better." I say, with a smile.

You frown at me for a second and mumble, "I still don't like it."

"I don't like it either Alex, but we'll be okay. I guess you'll have to realize that your brother's some kind of stallion that women go nuts for." I say, and you frown at me again.

"That's so gross." You mumble. "He's my brother. I like to think of him as a Ken doll."

"I hate to break it to you, Alex, but I don't think that Trevor's celibate." I giggle, and you swat at me with an annoyed but undeniable smile on your face. "You know what the most disturbing part of that was?" I ask.

"Yeah, that he likes to watch." You respond, without a beat.

"Doesn't that creep you out?"

"Of course. It creeps you out and you're not related to him."

"It just makes me think of all the times we were at your mom's house…"

"Don't even go there." You say, quickly, cutting off my thought.

With good sense, I change the subject. "Breakfast?" I ask.

"Depends on what you're making?"

"What do you want?" I ask, as you turn in my arms and look around the kitchen.

"I don't know."

"Come on, sweetie. Gotta eat something." I see the smirk on your face and I add, "I don't count."

"We're getting predictable." You laugh.

"Just you, sweetie."

"I'm not predictable." You complain, as you turn around to face me.

"Umm…right." I mumble with a laugh.

1189 DIFFERENT

"Thanks for nothing," I mumble around a mouthful of breakfast, shaking my head.

"What?" Concern and dismay color your voice. "You don't like your food?"

"Food's fine. It's great."

"Then what did I do?"

"You put that thought into my head." Gah.

"What thought?"

"You know, us, at my mom's house."

You laugh. "You mean Trevor…"

I cut you off. "Shut up."

"Sweetie, I'm sure he didn't."

"Shut up!" I squeeze my eyes tight to force out the image. "Yuck." I feel so slimy. "I can't believe we share the same genes."

"Just half."

"Yeah, well, I can't believe I wanted you to, yuck!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Our baby. I can't believe… I hope it's from his dad's side. It can't possibly be from mom's. God. Yuck."

"You're being ridiculous," you state the obvious, with a smile. Then your smile turns wicked, "Or are you afraid there's a voyeuristic streak in there somewhere."

"Olivia Benson!" I throw my bread at you.

Which, to my aggravation, you snatch from mid air. Then your smirk grows. "Come to think of it, you do like to watch me…"

"That's different!"

"Is it?"

"Olivia Benson! You keep on, and I swear, you'll spend the rest of the time here sleeping on the couch!"

"Yeah? Then who's gonna protect you from the crazy lady and her dog while you sleep? Or do you expect me to drag the couch into the bedroom?"

"I hate you…"

1190 Tease

"Idle threat," I laugh, as you get more and more flustered. I watch you, laughing as you close your eyes and try to remove the mental image from your head. "You know, there's one way to settle this."

"What?" You ask. "Wait, maybe I don't want to know." You look at my eyes and try to figure out if you really want to hear what I'm going to say.

"You could call your mom and ask her if she likes to watch, that'd let you know if it's mom's side or not."

"I'm going to kill you." You mumble. "Ew. Ew. Ew."

"I was going to…"

"My mother doesn't have sex." You say, shaking your head at me.

"I'm pretty sure she does, sweetie. If she didn't, you wouldn't be here."

"That was thirty some years ago," you complain and look up at me. I'm about to remind you that your mother still dates, but you put your hand up. "I don't want to hear it," you warn.

"You're not being fair." I laugh.

"Why?"

"Your mother knows you have sex."

"She does not."

"Sure she does, Alex. She knows we're married. Plus, when we were staying there, we weren't exactly celibate."

"You're a jerk." You say, shaking your finger at me, barely containing a smile.

"Naw. You love me." I say.

"Nope." You say.

"Yes you do." I laugh.

"Obviously, I'm the one with the mental illness."

"Guess so," I say with a smile, poking my eggs with a fork.

1191 LEISURE

"Here, your pills," you come to me with a glass.

I look at you, then return my gaze towards the window. "I think I'm going to save them."

"Why?"

"I don't know." I shrug. "I might need them later?"

Surprisingly, you don't argue. Without another word, you drop them back into the pill box and pop yours into your mouth, washing them down with the water you brought me.

"It's snowing again."

"Yeah, it's beautiful."

"I suppose…" I suppose I'd be able to appreciate it more if we were stuck here with a possible lunatic on our tail. "I just wish…"

"What?"

"I wish my brother weren't such a womanizing jerk." When it comes down to it, he's the source of our current predicament.

"I'm sorry, Sweetie," you kiss me softly on my cheek. "But are you going to spend the whole day moping, and worrying?"

I reach behind me to cup your neck. "If I say 'yes', would you let me?"

"Nope."

"Didn't think so." I smile my defeat.

"I love you."

"Love you, too, Liv."

For several long moments, we remain quiet, both of us staring out the window.

"So," I say, leaning back against you.

"So…" You mimic, waiting for me to continue.

"What are we going to do?"

"About?" You ask, your voice tensing; you're probably wondering if I'm referring to the neighbor.

I turn towards you, loop my arms around your neck, and kiss you playfully on the nose. "What are we going to do today?"

1192 Fire

"Don't know." I mumble. "We have to clean up breakfast." I suggest, looking at the pile of pans on the stove and our dishes sitting on the table.

"It can wait," you say, lazily dropping your head onto my shoulder, pulling my arms around your shoulders. "I want to cuddle."

"We could just get it done and then cuddle." I say, still eyeing the work that needs to be done in the kitchen.

"Cuddle first, clean later." You say, looking into my eyes with your beautiful blue orbs sparkling gently. I can't deny you when you look like that. " Let's go vegetate." You say, with a careful smile.

"What do you want to do?" I ask, raising my eyes at you.

"Make a nice fire, cuddle up and watch a movie?"

"You'll fall asleep."

"I will not." You protest with mock shock.

"Sure." I laugh. "I don't think you've ever seen the end of a movie."

"I have so."

"Yep, there are two things guaranteed to put you out. A movie and sex."

"Why are you picking on me?"

"Because you're so cute?"

"Sucking up now?" You ask.

"Always darling. Lemme go out and grab some wood from the garage?" I say with a smile.

"I'll pick a movie." You say, running into the living room behind me.

Slowly, I move towards the garage to grab the wood for our fire. Happy to see you smiling, and happy to know that soon, again, I will be in your arms.

1193 GARAGE

Jesus. What's with all these sappy movies? And foreign films! More tools to seduce women? The more I delve into Trevor's private life, the less sure I am that I want to know him, or even be related to him. I suppose apples don't fall too far from the trees. His father's certainly a ladies' man. I wonder if that developed after he and mom divorced. I hope so, otherwise, I'd have to wonder about mom…

My mind travel back to our run in with Veronica earlier… I wonder what she meant by keeping her eye on us. I hope she's just doing her job as deputy sheriff. After all, we did just show up, and we've never been here before.

And I wouldn't be surprised if Trevor's never mentioned me. I rarely mention him.

I wonder what she's doing now… Spying on us? How?

Wait!

Jesus! How could I've been so stupid!

I toss the videos in my hand aside, and jump up from my crouching position. I race to the kitchen to put on my shoes, and reach for the door.

Oh, wait. I can't go out like this.

Sprinting now, I rush into the bedroom and grab your gun and holster from the night stand. Then I run back out, following your tracks to the garage.

"Liv?" I call for you from the opened door.

You don't respond.

"Liv, sweetie?" I try again, stepping further into the darkened room. "Come on, Liv!"

My imagination goes into overdrive. Has she kidnapped you? Are you lying here, in the dark, in a pool of your own blood?

"Liv! This is not funny!" I yell, while trying to find the light switch. Shouldn't it be hanging from the ceiling or something? "Liv! Where are you? Come on!"

My heart is pounding so hard in panic, I swear I can hear it in my head. It's getting louder and louder, like heavy steps. Almost as heavy as the gun in my hand.

Then I realize that's exactly what they are, steps, human steps. Treading through the snow. And I turn towards the noise.

And I see a familiar form, dragging something behind…

"Liv!" I yelp, rushing to meet you at the door.

"What's wrong, Sweetheart?"

I don't know if I should hit you or kiss you. "Where were you?"

1194 Solutions

I trudge into the garage when I remember the car in the driveway. If we have some psycho running around the neighborhood, I should at least run out and make sure we locked it when we came in. Not that there's much in the car worth taking, but she could get an address off the registration, and I don't really want her to know where we live. Even though it's paranoid, I can't help but feel more than a little alarmed that this woman keeps nosing around. But I also know that the chances of this turning into some kind of Stephen King novel are pretty low. Still, better safe than sorry, so I open the garage door and stumble out into the foot of snow.

I curse under my breath as I pull on the door handle and it opens in my hand. I look around the inside of the car, and it looks just like we left it. Nothing looks like it moved, change still in the ashtray. I pull on the glove compartment door and it's locked, which is good. All our things are safe. I lock the door and shut it, pulling it again to make sure it's stayed locked.

On my way back to the house, I think I hear you yelling. I look over the field and guarantee myself that the wind is playing with my mind. I follow my own footprints back into the garage and are shocked to see you with wild eyes staring at me, my gun in your hand.

"What's wrong?" I ask you, carefully.

"Where were you?" You ask, accusingly.

"I went to check the car. Alex what's wrong? Why do you have my gun?"

"I thought I…" you say, looking down into your trembling hand.

"Give me the gun, Alex." I say, carefully extending my hand to you. You put it in my hand. "Why did you get it out?"

"I thought you were… I thought she might be in the garage."

"Alex, sweetie, come here." I say, reaching out my hand to you. In an instant you're crying in my arms.

"We've got to leave." I say, as I stroke your hair.

"No," you sob. "We can't let her win."

"Alex, what happens if I get up to go to the bathroom tonight and you shoot me?"

"That won't happen." You sob.

"Alex. You don't have to be scared. You know what, let's call the police. Maybe we can make things better by announcing our presence formally. If she really is a cop, we can have her call Trevor and he can confirm we are who we say we are. Besides, I'm a cop too, and you're a district attorney."

1195 POLICE

"Assistant," I correct, with a hiccup.

"Yeah?"

"From Manhattan."

"So?" You cradle my face in your hands, brushing away my tears with your thumb.

I take a deep breath, willing the sobs to stop. "I don't have jurisdiction here."

"I'm sure the cops here won't hold it against you. We're law enforcement like they are."

"Maybe."

"Come on, Sweetie," you coax. "Let's go back inside, and make that call."

I let you take my hand, and lead me to the door. Then you turn back towards the garage.

"Where are you going?" I ask, the fear in my voice grating my ears. Why am I such a basket case?

Patiently, you smile, "The firewood?"

"I'll help," I say.

You look like you're going to say something, but you don't. Instead, you slide the holster over your shoulders and slip the gun in place. Then you take my hand again.

I fall in steps with you, feeling much better now that I know you're safe. Your presence gives me strength...

We fill our arms with wood, gathering enough to last a while. Then I walk with you back into the house, sticking as close to you as possible. I know I'm being ridiculous, but I don't fight it. Your proximity is comforting.

We drop the firewood inside the door, and move towards the phone. I stare at it with trepidation.

"Who do you wanna call first?" You ask, picking up the handset.

"Let's call the cops, and first out if she's one of them."

"Do you want to talk to them? Or do you want me to?"

"You go ahead," I say, and wait for you to dial.

You punch in the numbers, then extend your free arm. I move into the space, and lean into you.

And I wait…

1196 Fixes

Very patiently, I explain to the cop on the other end of the phone the situation we find ourselves in. They assure me that the woman down the road isn't actually a cop, and has been involved in the past. They promise to come over and check it out, as well as deliver her a warning to stay away from us. They also advise we change the lock, as even if they could get our key back, which they can't guarantee there's no assurance she doesn't have copies of it lying around.

With their assurance you hesitantly call Trevor, and explain what's going on. He tells you that you should definitely change the locks, and within an hour, a locksmith recommended by the officers is pulling into the driveway in a four wheel drive truck. He sizes both of us up and takes a look at the car.

"You two aren't going anywhere today." He laughs as he looks at our car piled with snow.

"We know." You smile at him as he changes the locks and installs a new bolt at the top of the door. I stand next to you washing the dishes you wanted to ignore earlier.

"We really appreciate you coming out with all the snow." You say, and I swear I can catch him flexing his muscles for you. It makes me want to gag.

"No problem," he says, leering at you suggestively. "Anything for a pretty lady." He takes the lock out of the door and lies it on the floor while he opens a stronger lock and starts to slip it into the newly created hole.

I can feel my blood boiling but this guy is definitely doing us a huge favor. A Sunday morning in the middle of a huge snowstorm? I need to keep my mouth shut.

You look over your shoulder at me, and look at my face for a second. I try to wipe the jealousy from my eyes, but you catch it, I'm almost sure.

"I'm going to go work on the fire." I mumble to you.

"Okay, sweetie," is your easy response, which causes the guy changing the lock to look at both of us with a questioning look. The look intensifies as you get up and wrap your arms around my neck giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.

Now the guy looks like his eyes are going to fall out of his head.

I smirk at him, and turn away from you. "I'll be back," I whisper, as I turn towards the fire.

1197 SMALL TALK

"I, uh, I haven't seen you two around here," the locksmith says, trying hard to focus on his work and not to stare.

"Actually, this is our first time up here."

"Just the two of you?"

"For now, yes," I reply as casually as possible. I know I'm paranoid, but I don't want anyone knowing we'll be all alone here.

"Oh, you expecting Langan after all?" He asks, his interest piqued.

I wonder if Trevor's proclivity is common knowledge. I don't even want to know what's in this man's head right now. "No. It's my brother's turn to spend time with mom," I offer, to nib any fantasies he might have in the bud.

"Brother?"

"Yes. Half-brother, actually."

"Really?" He glances at you then looks back at me. "So you two…"

Narrowing my eyes, I give him my coldest stare. "Yes?"

"So, uh, what do you do?" He changes the subject quickly.

Smart man. "I'm a prosecutor," I reply with a smile, "She's a detective." My smile lingers as you walk into the room. "Done with the fire?"

"Yep," you cross your arms, standing next to me, closer than is necessary.

I pick an imaginary hair from your shoulder, briefly touching you in the process. "Thanks, Love."

"My pleasure, Baby," you say, smiling a sweet smile.

The man clears his throat, and clap his hands together. "All done," he says, handing me a bill, paid in full via a phone call by Trevor.

"So we're set?" I ask.

"Yes," he nods, then adds, "If there's anything else I can do for you while you're here, you have my card."

"Okay, thanks," I reply, oblivious to his wink. "Drive safely," I say, and usher him out the door quickly, before you take away his ability to procreate…

1198 Comfy

"Did you see the way he was looking at you?" I growl, as you shut the door behind him.

"Don't worry, sweetie. You gave him enough fantasies for at least the rest of the week." You laugh. "You should have seen his face when I kissed you."

"I did see his face. I also saw the pile of drool he was standing in while you talked to him."

"Jealous?"

"Yes." I pout, and you laugh at my frown, kissing me on the cheek and pulling me into the living room.

"You're mine," I mumble, wrapping my arms around you tightly and holding you close to me.

"Come on, Liv, you know I only want to be with you." You say, kissing my nose.

"I just don't like the idea of someone like that looking at you."

"Says the woman who wants to have sex on a public beach."

"That was different."

"You keep saying that," you remind me as you pull me into the couch, crawling gently into my lap and snuggling into my body.

"What are we watching?" I ask, adjusting my legs around you, and getting comfortable.

"All he has is sappy romances and foreign films." You mumble. "We can just watch TV."

"I could watch a sappy romance." I offer, contrary to every taste I've ever had in movies, I'm actually in the mood for something with a smack of romance to it.

"You?" You look at me with question marks in your eyes. Usually, I'm the first one to groan and complain when you turn on something with string music and sappy sentiments.

"Sure why not?"

"Because you hate that stuff."

"Being here in front of the fire is putting me in a romantic mood."

You laugh and pull yourself out of my lap. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," I say, "pick one out."

You stand up and pull a movie off the shelf. "I'm not promising a cinematic masterpiece." You warn, as you open the DVD and pop it in, "But I did kind of want to see this one."

1199 ROMANCE

Oh my god. How do people watch this drivel? No, how do people write and direct and act in this drivel? I mean, there're sappy romances and there is… this. I'm loss for words to describe this… thing.

Meanwhile, you seem engrossed in it. You who hate the normal boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back movie, is totally focused on the screen.

Meanwhile, this movie's in my brother's collection. Judging by the cover, it's been well used. Even as a tool to attract girls, this is too much. What kind of women get sucked into this?

Well, you.

And possibly Veronica the disturbed.

I don't even want to begin to speculate what you two have in common… Capacity for obsessive love? Except yours is welcomed, and you know the difference between right and wrong.

Now that we have new locks, dead bolts and burglar bars installed on the front and back doors, I do feel a lot more at ease. Maybe we can finally enjoy our little get away

Soon enough, the weather will clear and the snow will melt, and we can get out of here. Back to the safety of the City. The safety of New York City, that sounds almost absurd.

"Hey," I twist in your arms, and absently the tip of my finger along the inside of your muscled thigh, tracing the contours of your inseam.

Your eyes are still focused on the television. "Hmm?"

"You think the police really went and talked to her?"

"Probably. Why?"

I shrug. "I almost wish they hadn't."

"Why?"

"I don't want her coming over here…" I sigh.

"She was told specifically to leave us alone, Sweetie." You lean down, and kiss me on my head.

"Yes, and how many calls have you responded to where restraining orders were violated?"

"Too many," you concede. Still, you don't seem worried, and you turn back to the movie. Almost immediately, you're sucked back into the story line.

"Liv?" I use my little girl voice on you.

"Yes, sweetie?" You ask with a hint of smile.

"I'm bored," I whine.

You laugh. "So go to sleep."

"No! You'll just make fun of me. Again."

"I promise I won't," you smile, and kiss me.

And I kiss you back, pushing my weight against you, pushing you down onto the couch.

You laugh again, looking up at me while I tug your shirt out of your pants. "Somehow I get the feeling I'm not gonna be allowed to finish the movie."

I only kiss you harder in response…

1200 Couched

You pull my shirt out of my pants with a quick move and a hard kisses. You push yourself onto me, heavily, with your hard kisses.

Instead of responding with your fervor, I pull my head back and kiss you lightly, and carefully.

You slide your hands up my shirt, but I stop you.

"What's wrong?" You ask.

"Nothing, just, just kiss me."

"I did," You say, reiterating your point with another hard kiss. Again I stop you. "Come on, this movie sucks." You whine at me.

"You picked it," I remind you.

"Liv," you complain.

"I said to kiss me. Just kiss me."

You smile at me. "So you want to lie here and make out like teenagers?"

"Something like that."

You kiss me lightly, and I smile into your kiss, keeping my mouth closed as you continue your light little kisses.

I love the feeling of your weight on top of me, the passion in your eyes, that slowly close as you get caught in the feeling of my lips pressing against yours. We cuddle into each other, small careful kisses that get more and less passionate.

Both of us close our eyes, feeling each other close, our lips connected, and our bodies wrapped in each other.

I let my hand slide up your torso, gently cupping your breast in my hand, with nothing further. You murmur a little and mirror my hand with yours. Very slowly I touch you, and you do the same, still with your lips on mine, your kisses alternating between deep and light.

You kiss my neck, another soft and gentle kiss. For a second, I hear music and look up.

"Movie's over," I smile.

"It's about time," you laugh before kissing me again.

Part 1201

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