DISCLAIMER: This is a love story about two consenting female adults. Can't handle it, don't like it, don't read it. We're just borrowing Dick Wolf's characters for fun; we aren't making any money from it.
AUTHOR' NOTE: When two writing heads get together in a round robin...
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
It's Gotta Be Love
By Katherine Quinn & Adrienne Lee
661 LOSING IT
"Why don't we eat there?" You point to a restaurant, one we must have walked by a dozen times. "It looks nice."
"No, Liv, no."
"Well, then let's stop somewhere and ask for directions."
"NO!" I can't believe we're lost. How many docks are there in this tiny island? We must have circled the damn island at least once by now.
I feel your hand on my shoulder, then your arm around my waist, and I just lost it. "I'm sorry." I sulk, flopping onto a nearby bench. "I'm sorry I got us lost."
"It's okay, Sweetie."
Why do you have to be so nice and understanding? "It's not okay. It's ruined."
"Our vacation. It's supposed to be perfect."
"So we can't find that one restaurant, but we get to see the coastline..."
"Since when did you become such an optimist?" I sulk some more.
"Come on, Sweetie," you sit down next to me, and pull me into your arms. "We can walk back to the hotel, order room service. We'll still have an ocean view, and we can make it romantic. We can even eat off of each other and no one would care."
"Yeah, but you would. Peanut butter, remember?"
"Come on... Let's see that pretty smile."
I just slump against your shoulder and sigh.
After a few silent moments, you pull away, and get up from our perch. "Wait here."
"Where are you going?"
"I'll be right back," you say, and run off.
I watch you disappear from my view and I turn my attention to the empty beach, trying not to think, trying not to cry. I know I'm overreacting. I just wanted this time to be perfect, and already, you had beers shoved in your face, we were stalked by looney researchers, and now we're lost...
Suddenly, I hear your voice, and I look up.
"Where did you go? And what have you got on your head?"
"A grass toupee." You grin, picking it up to show me, then letting it fall back into place.
I feel a smile tugging at my lips. "A grass toupee."
"Thought I could give it to the captain and tell him it's from you."
"You wouldn't dare!"
"Hmm..." You pull something else from your bag, and slide it on. "Do you think I should've gotten another one of these?"
What the hell! "You look like Groucho Marx with grass eyebrows, and mustache, and hair."
"I think Elliot could use some grass on his face. Or do you think we should give this to your boss? We can always go and get more."
"Shut up!" I laugh, pulling the gag glasses off your face
"Where'd you get those?" You ask, laughing, staring at the glasses which are just like those bought in any novelty store, except with island grass as the moustache.
"There was a store back there." I point over my shoulder. "I was looking in store windows while we were walking and I couldn't help but think of the Captian when I saw this." I say, pulling the grass toupee of my head.
"You're not giving him that."
"Of course not." I smile. "But that doesn't mean I can't put it on the wall at home and we can save it for a time when he really pisses us off."
"Yeah, right." You say, playing with the grass.
"I thought it was pretty funny."
"It is," you smile.
I plop down next to you in the sand. "I'm glad you're smiling."
You look away shyly, staring into the ocean. " I'm sorry we're lost."
"It's not a big deal, sweetie, we're lost on a beautiful island, sitting on a sunny beach. It's not so bad."
You smile at me. "I guess you're right."
"Of course I'm right. Look, let's go back to that place down the street and bring our food out here. We can have breakfast on the beach."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course, and we can try again tomorrow. I'm sure it's in my travel book."
You give me an evil look. "I guess I should have let you bring it, huh?"
"I didn't say that." I say, smiling.
"You didn't have to."
I stand up and give you a hand from the sandy beach. You wipe yourself off, and take my hand. "I'm letting you lead this time."
"Okay, it's right down this way." I say leading you off.
"I'm starving." You mumble.
"I know, you keep telling me. I wore you out Cabot."
You swat me on the arm. "I guess you did," you say quietly.
I let you pick a shady spot under a group of palm trees. We settle against the pile of big rocks, and lay out the things we ordered to go. Then sitting side by side, with our lunch boxes in our lap, we dig into our food.
"Do you mind?" You point at my container with your fork.
"You do know I ordered their house seafood combination dish, right?"
"I can't tell what's what in here. We could be eating sea anemones for all I know."
"Oh, well," you spear a piece of mystery meat, and push it into your mouth. "Not bad. You wanna try mine?"
"What did you end up getting?" I ask while scooping up a forkful of something and rice.
"Tastes like chicken. Maybe you can help me figure out."
"Hmm..." I try to discern the savory flavor while I chew. Then swallow. "It was bright in that restaurant."
"Yeah? Your point?" You raise your brows at me, and resume eating.
"You could see the menu."
"So what do you think?"
"I think it's chicken."
"So how come you don't know what you ordered?"
You shrug and grin. "Thought I'd be adventurous? Spontaneous? Out of control?"
I swat you on the arm, and go back to my food. Suddenly, I'm not so hungry anymore. So I close the lid, and sat the box aside.
You don't miss a beat. "Something wrong, Sweetie?"
I sigh, and lean into you, resting my head on your shoulder. "Nope."
Putting down your utensils, you loop an arm around my waist. "Then why aren't you eating?"
"I'll go back to it in a little while. Just want to enjoy this for now," I say.
"Ah, okay," you reply, sliding your food container close.
"You should eat, before it gets cold."
"It's okay." You smile, pulling me into your arms, cradling me in your embrace.
I sigh again, of contentment, then press a kiss to your cheek. "Thank you."
"Just for being you..."
664 The Sea
"For being me?" I ask, puzzled.
"Yeah," you sigh warmly. "I'm happy that you're here with me."
"I'm happy you're here too." I say, giving you a quick hug.
Your eyes are fluttering closed, the warm sunlight lighting your fair skin. " I could stay like this forever." You moan.
"Me too," I say, letting my arms wrap around you.
The sun feels oppressively warm, and I can feel the heat beating against my arm. It's hot, and I smile up at the sun, watching the ocean. The steady beating of the water on the shore provides a restful rhythm, as I stare out into the sea. The water is beautiful, a mixture of aqua blue and greens mixing together. It's a siren's song, and I'm not sure how much longer I can resist.
"Get up," I say, pushing you up.
"What are you doing?"
"Come on, let's go swimming."
"Liv, are you nuts?"
"Liv, are you nuts?"
"Sure, it's beautiful."
"We're not wearing bathing suits," You point out.
"We'll dry quick. It's gotta be 90 degrees."
"Fine. Then stay here, and I'll go."
"Fine." You say, pulling your knees to your chest.
I turn around and run down the beach determined that you'll follow.
I let the water lap against my ankles. "It's nice and warm Alex, come on." I shout back at you.
You stand up carefully and walk down the beach. "I'll watch." You say as I dive into the warm water
I watch as you wade into the water, and I think you're crazy.
"Come on, Alex," you call, from the blue ocean. "This is great. The water's warm."
"I'll just watch," I tell you, making sure I don't get too close to the edge. Maybe I should have left my sandals by the rocks.
"Come on, Alex!" The wind carries your shout and your laughter to my ears.
I see your head bopping in and out of the water. Sunlight reflecting off your light chestnut highlights. I can imagine your tee-shirt clinging deliciously to your body. Water gliding between us, pushing us together. Us frolicking like carefree mermaids, in my mind's eye.
Maybe I should join you.
Why the hesitation, Cabot? What happened to being adventurous? What's good for one goose is good for the other goose. It's not like you're going to turn into sea foam under the sun.
"Hey, Alex, look what I found!" You yell, holding up something.
"What is it?"
"Nah-uh! You have to come see for yourself!"
"Fine." I mumble, and stare at my sandals.
You yell again, "Hey, Alex!"
"What?" I look up. Oh. My. God. "Liv!" I call to you, "Watch out!"
"Behind you!" I say, and you turn, just in time to see the approaching wave. I watch, helpless, as it crashes over you, as you disappear under it.
As you stay gone from my sight.
"Liv!" I call, my heart pounding in my ears.
I feel my legs pushing me forward, I feel the water enveloping me.
God, please be okay, please be okay, I pray, while I swim out to the sea, to where you were before.
Then I feel something grab me, and I splutter, my scream muffled by the salty ocean.
"Gotcha!" You laugh, after you pull us both to the surface.
"Liv!" I throw my arms around you, happy to see you. Then it clicks. You set me up. You set me up! "I hate you!" My fists rain against your chest
"You don't hate me," I say, wrapping my arms around you, as I kiss you and taste the salty water on your neck, as I quickly slide my hands up your body. I feel it respond to me, your nipples hardening under my touch in the warm water. For just a second, I feel your back arching, and then I feel you move.
"Yes I do," you pout as you push yourself out of my arms, and away from my wandering hands.
Desperate to feel you again, I reach for you. "No, if you hated me you'd have let me drown." I insist as I follow you.
"You weren't drowning, you were just faking." You say, carefully and slowly staying just out of my reach.
"And you fell for it!" I laugh at you.
You quickly splash water into my face and swim away from me.
"Hey!" I shout at your back as I start swimming after you. "That's not fair!" I yell after you.
"Life's not fair," You yell back over your shoulder. I grab your ankle and you giggle.
"Gotcha." I smile as you try to kick you ankle.
"Not fair!" You yell.
"You just said life wasn't fair."
"That was when it was you," you laugh, as I pull you back into my arms and into my kiss.
You let me kiss you, let me touch you, and I feel you responding.
You moan and turn around in my arms. My feet on the sandy bottom, you wrap your legs around my waist and let me hold you.
"Isn't the water nice?" I ask you.
"Uh huh," you mumble.
"Aren't you glad I made you come in here?"
"I guess." You sigh, and then you start to giggle. "You're so wild."
"I am not."
"Yes you are, this island's good for you. You're turning into a rebel." You say, kissing my breath away
Under the heat of the sun, in the warmth of the dazzling blue ocean, I gaze into your laughing eyes, and drown in your carefree smile.
"Liv," I moan breathlessly as you slide your hands over my back, and press me tight against you.
"Alex," you whisper, your smile changing to feral to gentle as my body responds.
I can't believe I'm responding, after last night. All right, I can believe it, I'm just not sure I want to accept it. We're worse than horny teenagers.
Part of me doesn't care. This part of me would gladly spend the rest of my days with my arms about your shoulders, my legs wrapped around your waist, with your name perpetually on my lips
Your mouth covers mine, killing my thoughts. I taste the salt of the sea; I taste you.
And I whimper when you pull away, when you raise me further out of the water. We're only yards away from the shore, people can see us, I hear my reason caution. I hear my gasp as your lips close over my exposed flesh.
When did you unbutton my shirt? Do I really care?
"Liv " I arch my back, pushing my body into your mouth, clasping my legs around you. Wanting to grind against you, wanting to feel you touch me. Desperately. Wantonly. I try to move closer, but you hold me just out of reach. "Please?"
I feel a chuckle at the back of your throat, and I hold my breath. God. "Please don't stop, don't stop " I murmur, then groan when you let go, when my nipple snaps back. "Liv!" I protest, trying to restore our connection. When you don't comply, I plead, "Please, Liv, don't tease "
"Shh " You pull me back into the ocean, and turn me away from you. "Look over there. Can you see?"
"A cove, I think. According to the guidebook, there are many along the shore."
"You're not thinking what I think you are thinking "
"Don't you wanna?"
"What if it's not empty? Like, what if there's someone there? It could be a pirates' hang out."
"I don't think there are pirates in this part of the world, Alex."
"Other tourists then. And what if the tide comes in while we're in there?"
"We can swim out, it's not far from the shore." You slide your hands over my breasts, keeping me aroused. "Come on, Alex," you breathe behind my ear. "Let's go check it out."
"Fine," I sigh, in defeat.
"Yeah, well, you're turning me into a bad girl "
"You're not bad. You're just turning wild." I smile deviously.
"Mmm.." you moan into my ear.
"Your mom wouldn't approve, you know." I say, smiling as your face turns sour.
"Let's not talk about my mom," you whisper.
"I think she'd be happy for us." I say, letting my hand slip between your legs, smiling as you involuntarily grind into me.
"What? I think she would. Happy that her daughter "
"Liv. Stop." You say, as you kiss me deeply.
"Cove." I mumble, as I swim off.
You stare after me, and I hear you starting to swim behind me.
I smile, as I pull myself up onto the shore. A mere second later, I hear you behind me. "You swim quick for a girl."
"What's that mean? You're a girl too you know."
"Not like you."
"Whatever." You say smiling, crawling onto the warm sand next to me. "Just kiss me."
I lean into you, the warm sand against my body, your soft flesh on the other.
I slide on top of you, your back against the sand.
"Wait," you say, as I lean in to kiss you.
"You've got sand on your face," you say, rubbing it off.
"So do you?"
I lean in and kiss you and your back arches, the kisses grow more passionate, when you push me off of you.
"There's sand in my pants."
"Who cares?" I ask you, reaching in to kiss you again.
"It's really uncomfortable," you complain.
"This isn't such a great idea." You say, pushing me off of you.
"But it's romantic."
"It may be romantic, but it's impractical."
I sigh and pull away from you as you stand up, and brush yourself off.
"Great," I shake my legs, hoping gravity will help. When it doesn't, I start jumping up and down. "Great, just great," I growl.
"What are you doing?" You laugh, clearly amused.
I give you a dirty look. "It's really not so funny. I have sand in places I don't realize I have."
You just laugh harder.
"It's really not that funny. It's uncomfortable as hell."
"Here." You get up off the floor, and move towards me.
"Stay away," I yelp.
You just keep moving closer. Before I know it, you have me backed against the wall of the cove.
I push my palms against your chest. "Whatever you're thinking, I want no part of " Suddenly, your lips are on me, your tongue pushing into my mouth. My fingers find their way into your hair, pulling you closer. "Mmmm "
Then I feel your hands on my belt, unbuckling. Then your fingers on my button. Then I hear the purr of my zipper, feel the warm air touching my skin.
Pushing you away, I gasp, "What are you doing?"
"Helping you with your sand issue," you grin wolfishly, tugging on my pants.
"Liv I don't think it's a good idea," I protest, clutching at my belt, while a rush of excitement sweeps through my body. "What if someone shows up." I talk quickly, hoping to convince both of us. "It would be embarrassing. And dangerous."
"Let's get back into the water then," you breathe into my mouth, then suck a whimper right out of my throat.
Your hands back on my breasts again, kneading. Exciting.
My fingers in the silken strands of your hair again, pulling you close, while my pants flutter down my legs. "Liv " I breathe, when you pull away.
"Just watch the entrance, and be quiet," you mumble against my throat, sliding down the front of my body.
I should object, but I don't. Instead, I untangle my foot from the fabric, and ease my legs apart, welcoming your nearness.
Grains of sand, your tongue, they rasp against me, sliding over me. What was originally uncomfortable now sends pleasant thrills up and down my spine.
Your warm slick tongue glides gently all over me, chasing and catching the grains of sand; slipping sliding into intimate crevices.
"Liv," I moan softly, while I force my eyes open, and train my ears on any sudden noise.
The only sounds I hear are the soft sighs from your throat, and the shuddering breaths from my lungs. I tense, torn between the sensations you're creating, and my focus on our safety. Distracted.
"Liv," I whisper, my legs trembling.
"I want to " So badly, I could scream. But, "I don't think I can "
"Since when is sex only about coming?" I look up at you for only a second before gently returning my tongue to you.
"Oh God." You mumble, as your back arches harder.
"What was that?" I ask. Your fingers lace into my hair pushing me into you. Mind over matter, counselor?
"Since when is the only point orgasm?" I ask you again, pushing away from you only for a second.
I hear your deep sigh. Your deep intake of breath as I rub my tongue over you again. "It's not." You moan as I slide over you again.
"Okay then," I say pulling back.
You moan again, and I smile.
"Please." You moan into the rock.
"Shhh.." I scold you.
Your eyes are wild, fighting to stay open, but desperate to close, desperate to pay attention only to your body. I know what's in your way, watching the entrance, afraid that someone will find us in the middle of nowhere.
"Does it feel good?" I ask.
"I can't "
"You don't have to," I say, kissing you again. "Just let me love you."
You sigh, and I watch as your eyes close, finally. Your body arches as you give into me, give yourself to me...
Your hands draw me closer, your tongue slides over me. No, sex isn't always just about orgasm, at least it's not with you. It's all about loving you, and letting you love me.
Is it about giving in though? Giving up yourself to the other person so thoroughly?
Why do you have to keep pushing the line? It seems like every time I surrender a little bit of myself to you, you want more.
When will you stop?
Just how naked, how vulnerable do you want me?
Until you own me completely?
Then will I be absolutely everything to you? The absolute center of your world? Your universe?
Is there equality in this?
"Liv, I can't " I whisper breathlessly, my knees wobbling from the tension.
"Just let me love you," you whisper back, and close your mouth over me again, resuming your gentle, leisurely caress.
Instinctively, I press against your head, and draw you closer to me. God, I want to give in, to my body, to you. I look down, to see you looking back at me. I see the love in your eyes, in your deep, dark brown eyes. Will they always be warm like this?
If I give in completely, if I let myself fall, will you protect me? Will you catch me?
I watch you watch me watch you. I watch as you brush the sand off your fingers, and feel your hand stroke so softly, so tenderly up the insides of my thighs.
Forever, right? You promised?
Wildly aroused, I swallow the knot at my throat. Sighing lightly, I close my eyes, and step my legs farther apart. Letting you slide deep inside me. Letting you push me closer to the edge.
Moaning helplessly, I feel the familiar waves of pleasure lapping at me, crashing over me. I fist my hands in your hair, pulling you tighter against me. Bracing myself against your strength, I let myself get swept up by your gentle rhythmic thrusting
I concentrate on the touch of you, the incredible feeling, the merciless pleasure of you inside me, surrounding me. Taking me. Loving me.
I feel myself gripping at you, pulling your tighter, deeper into me. I feel myself convulsing in your powerful hold. I hear your name pound off and echo through the walls, through the cove.
I feel raw.
You move quickly up my body, holding me, clutching me to you. "I've got you, Alex, I've got you."
And I cling onto you. "I'm, I'm sorry I don't know, don't know what's come over me," I apologize in gasps, while tears stream uncontrollably down my face
You grasp desperately at my neck, your hands holding onto me, relying on me for strength. You wrap your body around me, using me to keep you up. You let me hold you close as you gasp in my ear, warm quick breaths, pants and sighs.
"I've got you," I whisper, as you hold me, as you wrap around me.
"You're so strong," you whisper, as you run your hands down my back, and back up over my shoulders.
"Thanks," I say blushing, feeling suddenly exposed to your gaze. Carefully, I rub sand from your back, from the places I've got hold of. You smile at me, shyly, while you start to untangle yourself, but I refuse to let you go, refuse to let you slink back.
You sigh and let your head rest on my shoulder. "I didn't think I was going to be able to "
"But you did." I finish for you.
"Yeah, I did." You say, gently kissing my neck.
"I know." You say.
"I love you." I whisper.
"I love you too." You say back, quickly.
"No, I mean. Never mind."
"No, what?" You ask, slowly, kissing my cheek as I let you go.
"It's not stupid Liv, what?"
"I love you a lot. That's not what I mean, I mean, I'm not sure " I want to explain. Explain that I want to say all the cheesy things that everyone says, but I mean them. I want to tell you you're my light and my world. I want to tell you that I want to wake up with you and go to bed in your arms. I want to tell you that I'll follow you forever, kissing you and holding you, supporting you and loving you, but it doesn't come out. All I can come up with is "I love you a lot."
"I love you, a lot, too," you say with a half smile.
Is that understanding in your eyes? Or amusement at my lack of words?
I sigh, and kiss you gently, hoping that tells you what you need to know
"So " I loosen myself from your tight embrace, wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, then pull my pants back on.
"So," you mimic, a smirk lingering on your lips.
Must you always look so smug afterwards? Still, I can't help but smile. "We got away with it."
"Yep. And I was right."
"It was, it still is, romantic." You press another kiss to my lips, your arms about my waist. "Just the two of us, in the middle of nowhere."
"True." I lower my eyes, and lace my fingers in your hair. "Too bad we can't stay here forever."
"Yeah." You rest your forehead against mine. "But maybe we could come back. Or maybe we could even live here, when we retire "
"When we retire?" I laugh. "I think you're way ahead of yourself."
"Don't you listen to our bank people? It's never too early to plan."
"We might find somewhere else we like better. Or I might. Or you might."
"Wherever you want to be, Alex, that's fine by me."
"I just want to be with you."
"And I just want to be with you, too."
"I love you," you say, then kiss me on the nose and let go. "Stay."
"Hey, where are you going?" I call after you as you move deeper into the cove. Then I watch you bend down. "What are you "
You just smile, and walk back with the rock in your hand. "You'll see." You wink, and wrap an arm around my waist, pulling me next to you. "What'd you think of this spot?" You point to the space where I was leaning against. Where you made love to me.
"For this." You grin and carve our initials with the make-shift tool, encircling the letters with a heart. "What do you think?"
"That's so sweet, Liv. So wrong, but sweet."
"Why is it wrong?"
"Uh, defacing nature?"
"The rock witnessed our love." You wiggle your brows, and give me your Cheshire cat grin.
I smile at you, as you stare at the heart I made on the rock. I feel like a child, happy to be in love.
"I like it," you finally announce.
"I'm glad." I say, happy in your approval.
You come over to where I'm sitting on the ground and plop down next to me. You hold my hand, and lean onto my shoulder.
"It's so peaceful," you sigh.
"Yeah." As I stare out into the sea.
"Do you want to go back?"
"Go back?" You ask me.
"Back to the beach?" I ask, "We left our food out there."
You lean into me. "I don't want to leave. Let the birds eat it."
I smile. "You're the one who was starving."
"Because you wore me out."
"But let me guess, now you're sleepy."
"But let me guess, now you're sleepy."
"Shut up." You say, hitting my arm.
"I just know how you are after you.."
"Shut up," you say again, laughing. "You know, you didn't christen the cave."
I look at you with disbelief. "What happened to being discrete?"
"Well it only seems fair," you mumble as your hand slips up my thigh.
"Fair to who?" I ask, pushing your hand back.
"Fair to me?" You say, kissing me deeply, leaving me wanting you all the more
Every time our lips touch, I feel this pounding in my heart. I feel so alive. I feel, so, so I'm not sure I have words for all the emotions I feel. Slow, and velvet-gentle, my tongue slides over your upper lip. With a soft sigh, your mouth parts, and I glide in, touching your tongue with mine.
I hear a high and needy moan. I feel your hands on my back, drawing my body down on top of yours.
Then your thigh rises between my legs. Then your hands grab my hips. I gasp, pulling away from our kiss. "Hey! It's my turn!"
I raise your arms about your head. "Do I have to make you do this every time? Here," I take the rock, and push it into your palm. "You can molest that."
"It's not my fault you can't control yourself," you quip.
'Shut up," I say, and slide my tongue back into your mouth.
Long, and sweet, and hot, I kiss you. Impatiently, brazenly, almost roughly, I jerk your shirt out of your pants, and push the fabric over your breasts. I drag my lips, my teeth, my tongue all over your luscious curves.
Licking, sucking, teasing you with my teeth, my tongue. Pulling needful moans and whimpers from you throat.
I want you to want it, I want you to want me, like I did, like I do you. I want to feel you wet and hot and spread open for me.
I want to hear you scream my name.
"Alex " You sigh.
I can feel your muscles straining, pulsing. I know you want to let go of the rock, and lower your hands. I know you want to touch me. If you had your way, you'd be yanking my clothes off again. You'd be pushing your thigh hard between my legs, and grinding against me, and it'd become a contest of who'd get the other one to come first. A contest I always inevitably lose.
And yes, it is your fault I can't control myself. "Yes, Sweetie?" I breathe, while moving from one pebbled peak to another. Flicking at you with the tip of my tongue before drawing you into my mouth.
Drawing a near hysterical shriek from you. "Alex!" You gasp, your spine arching helplessly.
I bear my weight down on you, to avoid getting accidentally thrown off. "Mmm?" I hum, letting the vibration tease your nipple.
"Please? I need "
"I know what you need," I breathe, sliding my hands over your thighs, your hips. Sliding my tongue slowly, firmly, around and around the circumference of your breast. Tasting the sand, tasting you.
"Baby? Please?" You're whining now.
And I smirk. "When is sex just about orgasm?"
You smirk at me, smugly. You know you have me right where you want me. "Since when is sex only about orgasm."
"Use my words against me," I say gasping as you roughly take my breast into your mouth.
"Now you know how I feel."
Now you have me, right where you want me. Right where I want you. The rock in my hand is heavy over my head, I want to touch you, I want you to touch me. You continue to tease me, watching as my body responds to you, watching as my eyes flutter closed and back open again as I try to concentrate on the sensations that are running through my body.
"Do you think we have too much sex?" You ask me, lying on top of me, smiling. Stopping your ministrations only for a second.
"You ask me that now?"
"Well, I want to make sure, we're not abnormal."
"We're fine." I say, desperate for you to not talk. To not talk and to continue what you're doing.
"Are you sure?"
" I moan, as your fingers slip into my pants. "Can we talk about this later?"
"Alex " I moan, as your fingers slip into my pants. "Can we talk about this later?"
"I think we should talk about it now," you say, slipping your fingers into my wet folds. "Don't you think we're too old for sex on the beach?"
"No." I mumble.
"Are you sure?" You ask, flicking your finger over me gently.
"Was that your answer to my question?"
"It could be," I moan, as you pull your hand away.
"I'm serious Liv."
"So am I," I mumble
You laugh, a warm laughter as you give in, pushing me quickly over the edge.
"Thank you," you pant, letting the rock slip from your hand.
"Letting me come?"
I laugh, and kiss you loudly on your lips. Then I pick up the rock, and push against your body. "Move over."
"What are you doing?"
"Marking the spot where I made love to you."
"What happened to defacing nature?" You blush, and reach for the rock.
I block your access with my arm, and edge a heart shape over an 'A plus O'. "There. What do you think?"
"I think we need to come back, and buy this cove, so other people don't see them."
"You're so silly."
"But you love me anyway."
"Actually, I think I love you more because of your silliness." I wrap my arms around you, and give you a deep hug. "You make me laugh."
You sigh lightly. "I'm sure other people made you laugh "
Where did that come from? "Not like the way you do. You make me happy."
"Yeah, but "
"Shhh No buts. I love you." I hug you tighter, and feel your responding squeeze.
"I love you, too, Alex Cabot."
I rest my head against your heart, and indulge in the soothing sensation of your fingers combing gently through my hair. I do wish we could stay like this forever
Unfortunately, my stomach decides to break the silence.
"How romantic!" You laugh, tapping me on the nose.
"Shut up! It's your fault anyway."
"Why is it my fault? You wore me out last time."
"Yeah, well." I kiss you on the lips, and hop onto my feet. "Last one back to the beach gets done next." I yell, and rush towards the entrance.
I let you run out of the cave, let you jump into the water and start swimming while I watch you, slowly.
I love you.
I love you more than I thought I could love another person.
And it's scary. Scary that one day, you could change your mind. Scary that one day, you might wake up and see what I see.
But what do I see? Not the same person I was a year ago. Not the same person I was even six months ago.
I've given up a lot for you. I've got a lot from you.
I stop my musing, stop it and jump into the water, taking one look back at the heart on the wall. Your initials and mine, circled with a heart.
Quickly, I turn around and swim towards you. Easily, and quickly, I can catch up with you.
I follow you, up the beach, and back to our food, which remains remarkably untouched. The beach here is deserted, obviously not the popular spot here on this little island.
I watch, smiling as you tear open the carton of food and start eating it, ravenously.
I laugh and you swat at me. "I can't blame you, I'm hungry too."
"It's about time you showed some effects from all the fun we've been having."
"I guess I'm just in better shape than you," I say, as your face sours.
"That's not fair."
"Sure it is," I say, leaning back into the sand, staring up at the sun.
"You better be careful Benson, I have the room key."
"You won't lock me out," I say confidently.
"How can you be so sure?" You ask.
"I'm pretty sure you want me around." I say, stretching slowly, the heat from the sand making me warm.
"You're so cocky."
"Have I ever let you down?"
You sigh and leave the question unanswered
You sigh and leave the question unanswered
Have you ever let me down? Well, hmm, shall we start by counting the times you people handed me unprosecutable cases? All right, we're on vacation, and we make a point to separate our professional life from our personal one
Then, how about the times you broke my heart?
No, I'm not going there.
I refuse to go there.
Not before, not when we were at the cave.
You have changed so much since then. You're a different person now.
Since your transformation, I can honestly say you haven't let me down. Far from it. You're everything I've ever wanted for a lover.
Hell, you're more than everything I've ever wanted. Much more.
Sure, on bad days, I still fear that you're going to get smashed, or you'll decide you want to go back to living one day at a time. Or worse, you'll decide we shouldn't be together But those fears don't seem as real as before.
Sometimes, they seem down right irrational, even to me.
Usually, when we have bad days at work, we just rush home, and seek solace in each others arms. Sometimes we talk, we listen to each other, sometimes we just let our love help us cope, let it heal us.
And when we have bad days because we spat, at the end of the day, when we're home again, when we sit at the dinner table, or when we lay in bed together, we're both ready to make up. Both ready to forget what got our panties twisted in a wad in the first place.
Yeah, you're right to be cocky, not that I'll ever admit it, and give you that satisfaction.
I love you so much it scares me.
And it scares me even more to admit that I might actually need you.
Just how much do I need you?
If you walk out of my life right now, will I eventually snap back like I did? Sometimes I feel like I need you to breathe, as unhealthy as that might sound
"Alex?" Your concerned voice interrupts my musing.
"Are you okay?"
"Penny for your thought?"
I look into your eyes, and smile. "Just thinking about how much I love you," I admit, and lean over to kiss you on the lips.
You kiss me, my question still lingering, "Have I ever let you down?"
Your face is silent, searching. You slide onto your back next to me.
You don't answer.
I stare into space.
I'm determined not to listen to the silence as my answer.
I'm determined not to listen to the silence as my answer.
Of course I've let you down.
I've let me down.
I've let me down.
I let things get out of control.
I let things get out of control.
But I brought it back under control.
And I've stayed in control.
I've begged for that control.
I've fought for that control.
And I've wanted that control to go away. I've wanted to sink back down. But I heard them, heard them when they told me that it wouldn't ever feel as good as the first time. That I was killing myself, that I was killing anything we could have had.
And then I remember last night, and staring at those beers. And I remember exactly how it felt to want them as badly as I did.
And I'm mad at myself for wanting it.
Mad at myself for after all this time, after all this work, that it still holds some appeal.
And I wonder if that will ever go away.
I can feel your head, heavy on my arm, and I remember why I did it. Why I made the choice. So I could lie here with you, the sun shining on us, your blonde splayed over my arm, your body next to mine.
And if I screwed up, if I did it just once, just once forgot, just once
this would all change.
And if I screwed up, if I did it just once, just once forgot, just once this would all change.
It would all be different.
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