DISCLAIMER: Murder in Suburbia and its characters are the property of ITV. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story deals with sensitive/darker themes, for which I apologize in advance for. Shitty things happening to me right now and it reflects on the story. No beta, all mistakes are mine.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
By Erin Griffin
Scribbs looked out the window at the grey clouds that loomed over Suburbia, her mind and heart heavy with her thoughts. It was all gone, that hope and that light. Scribbs had no clue what to say or do now. She had to be strong, though, she told herself as she forced her tired feet to move and her eyes to look to Ash, who sat broken on the couch. Her partner's head was in her hands and her shoulders shook. The blonde bit her lip as tears stung her own eyes. She crossed the room quickly and sat by Ash, her arms circling the brunette in comfort. She had been there when Ash had felt that something wasn't quite right, when the doctor had told them the news. All those weeks of joy and excitement were gone along with her words. She couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. Scribbs could have almost seen that coming, with the small amount of fear and confusion on her face as she frowned. Any dream of Ash being a mother shattered as the ride back was quiet, Scribbs trying anything to get Ash to speak. She wouldn't, and only then at that moment had she shown anything. Scribbs knew that Ash couldn't cry there in that office, though the blonde wanted to. All she could do instead was to get Ash's coat and guide her to the door. She wondered how to tell people, or if Ash would want to try to get pregnant again. It wasn't as if babies grew on trees. "I'm here," Scribbs said when she felt Ash's tears on her shoulder. They would get through this. Though each of them had been hit kicked, stabbed, and shot at on many occasions, this took the cake for being the toughest thing they had to go through together, and they would get through it together... She hoped. There was no other way. "I'm here," Scribbs said again, for lack of something else to say. A few of her own tears fell then, and she wished she knew what she could do, but maybe that was enough for now.
"I'm sorry," Ash said into Scribbs' shoulder, and then pulled back.
"You have no reason to apologize to me," Scribbs responded quickly, looking into the red eyes of her partner. Ash looked down into her hands and played with the wedding band on her finger.
"It's just- Well, it was your child, too, and I lost-"
"Don't. Kate, please-" Scribbs pleaded, covering the brunette's hand with her own, but Ash went on.
"I must have done something- or not done something to..."
"You're not at fault for anything. Not this. Nothing. It was just... It was something that happened that we couldn't control. Maybe it wasn't ready to be born or this is just something telling us that we aren't ready to have children in our lives."
"I was ready," Ash whispered. "I was ready since we began our lives together."
"I know it took me a bit to get to that same point as you, but I was ready, too. I wanted this child as much as you did, but these things happen," Scribbs said. "And it isn't your fault. I don't want you to blame yourself."
Ash had nothing to say to that as the room got quiet between them and the grey clouds outside got darker before the rain began to fall. Scribbs watched the sky before she looked back at her partner. The streaks on the brunette's cheeks paralleled the ones on the window, and Scribbs used her fingers to try and wipe her eyes. "I know it will take some time before we'd want to try again, but the option is still there. It is completely your choice. No matter what, Kate, I love you."
"I love you too, Emma, but I will need a lot more time."
"Of course," Scribbs responded, rubbing Ash's fingers with her thumb as her mind wandered a little bit. She didn't know what else to say as the silence threatened to swallow them whole, so she said nothing. There was nothing left she could do but hope and pray they could get through this. She had no clue what would happen to their marriage if they didn't.
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