DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything, I'm just a fan borrowing the characters.
SPOILERS: Some spoilers for "Lazarus Syndrome" [1x15].
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Dark shadows flicker on the walls, burying my room in darkness. I'm lying on my back, unable to sleep because the events of the past few hours keep flashing before my eyes and I can't make it stop. They're haunting me, without pity, making me live through those desperate moments again and again. I made a mistake. A mistake that nearly cost me your life.
But you woke up, scared but unharmed. I can't even begin to describe my happiness and relief. I came so close to losing you and yet I'm still too afraid to admit what I truly feel. The irony in all this is that I'm not afraid of your reaction. I'm not afraid you'd turn me down or despise me the rest of my life. I'm afraid of myself, of releasing the feelings I've so desperately, tried to hide all this time. Feelings that would leave me exposed and vulnerable. It's against everything I am, everything I'm trying to be. I'm not supposed to be weak.
I can hear your footsteps before you open my door. My feral instincts registered your movements the moment you stepped into the hallway. A pale shade of light enters the room and then disappears again when you close the door behind you. For a while you don't move a muscle, you just breathe and let your eyes adjust to the darkness. Finally you take a hesitant step forward.
"Shal?" Your voice is uncertain.
"I'm awake," I sigh.
You walk slowly towards me, giving me enough time to flee in case I'm not ready for you to be that close. I stay put. Moving's the last thing on my mind as I watch you sit down on the side of the bed, your eyes full of something I can't quite decipher. For a long moment we stare at each other, both of us too scared to break the oppressive silence. Surprisingly enough you're the first one to speak.
"We need to stop doing whatever it is we've been doing these past months." You sound tired but your determined gaze never falters. I sit up and swallow.
"Emma..." It's ridiculous but I've never been so scared before in my life. No danger I've ever faced compares to this. You study me with your gentle eyes and if I didn't know better, I'd say you're reading me. When you carefully place your hand on top of mine I know I can't lie to you. I reach out, pulling you into a hug. The realisation hits me the moment you wrap your arms around me: I never want to let you go.
And I won't.
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