DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, Showtime, Gekko etc. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Originally written for the even angels LJ community.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

By kimly


It was only by candlelight that her body slowly reclined.

He swore the flickering light, the heat, even the simplistic scent of the melted wax aided in the meditative process. Fire hazard was all that filled her mind and was quickly replaced with a systematic review of the base's different suppression systems and the results of the diagnostics run on them.

She blew out a breath, annoyed, and resettled herself against the mattress, willing her mind to empty of all the thoughts associated not with HER. The sprinkler system issues quickly dissipated; all passed the litany of her own simulations only 72 hours previous.

One down, dozens to go.

Her current iteration of a human naquadah reactor was still giving her fits. Her present theory of physics simply fell woefully short of accounting for the subatomic reactions of the alien element. It had to be in the assumed conversion rate to achieve stability on the core. Unless the purity of the reactive agent was in question… She would need a report on the refining process to rule out contamination.

Damn. How did her head so quickly get filled with complex equations? She concentrated on keeping her breathing steady and not seeing numbers flash behind her lids.

But she had been much too busy lately. Sleep only came in fitful snippets when it came at all. She never got the chance to truly relax. The Ori had become as large a threat as the once mighty Goa'uld, and were more egotistical and annoying than the snakeheads ever hoped to be. Trying to find an anti-virus for their damned plague was easily taking half her waking hours. And she knew a vaccine would have already been discovered if only SHE was by her side. She wouldn't have needed to spend weeks of catch-up reading to become conversant in the human immune system. SHE would have been able to explain it in a matter of hours. They worked well together that way.

A profound melancholy settled deep in her chest whenever she thought of HER senseless death. She had been beaten, shot, whipped and zatted, yet nothing prepared her for the pain HER loss inflicted. Physical pain she had learned to deal with. But the emotional, even spiritual pain of having to live with only half her soul. Tears trickled from her eyes and into the hair at her temples as she relived the acute, naked pain of remembering the moment she first realized SHE was gone.

For all the years they had been friends without realizing the depth of their mutual attraction, she grieved. For all the missed dates and dinners and evenings alone because the fate of the world rested so often on their competence as scientists and solders, she grieved. And for all the hours of unrealized passion since HER life was cut unfairly short, she grieved. As she mourned the shortcomings of their relationship, she pictured HER so perfectly. In her mind's eye she was able to recall how HER eyes changed colors with her moods, how HER touch could soothe or arouse or simply befriend.

She felt the bed sag at her hip but kept her eyes closed. She didn't need her sight to recognize the touch along her brow to her temple comforting her troubled thoughts. HER voice seemed to speak directly into her mind, calming her battered soul, reminding her their love transcended death, repeating 'I love you', 'be strong', 'I'm so proud of you' and avowing SHE would be waiting.

He claimed the human mind was vastly underutilized and that by accepting possibilities, anything could happen. She wasn't so sure it was the mind's acceptance of the improbable. It seemed that if the heart loved so completely, the mind had no choice but to follow.

The touch was still at her temple, rifling through the short hair and HER voice was still echoing in her head, replaying all their favorite memories: their daughter, their friends, their triumphs, but always THEM. SHE bent and placed a gentle kiss upon her lips and she heard one final thought: remember me. She slid, exhausted, in a collection of ardent thoughts.

The End

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