DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and its characters are the property of NBC and Dick Wolf.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SERIES: Part of the Holiday Shorts series.
Holiday Short - Halloween
By sunsetwriter
"I can't believe we have to go to this thing," Olivia grumbled to her partner.
"I can't believe we let Munch go get costumes for us," Elliot replied.
"Well, it's not like we've had time to get them ourselves. And I still think this is a ridiculous way for us to spend our time. I mean whoever heard of a 'Precinct Costume Party' anyway? We see enough freaks on Halloween without turning into them ourselves." She noticed the strange look on Elliot's face and realized the reason for it a little too late.
The captain's voice came from directly behind her. "It's a morale booster, Detective, and from what I just heard, a much needed one. You will go and you will enjoy it. That's a direct order from the Chief of D's. Understood?"
Olivia looked sheepish. "Understood, Captain."
"Good. I don't like it either, but we don't have a choice."
Elliot chimed in to support his partner. "Can we at least get a heads up next time he goes to a Team Building workshop or whatever the hell it was he went to? I got vacation time I need to take."
The captain tried not to smile. "Make an appearance, act like you're having fun, and then you can leave." He turned back to Olivia. "You really trusted Munch to get your costume?"
Olivia's eyes widened. "Yeah. Didn't you?"
The captain actually smiled. "I'm not crazy, Olivia." Then he turned and retreated back into his office.
Olivia looked quickly at her partner. "OK, letting him get our costumes was a bad idea."
Elliot shrugged. "You heard the captain, we don't have to stay long. How bad could it be?"
Olivia's response was cut short by Munch and Fin noisily returning to the squad room, large, overflowing shopping bags in hand. The most noticeable thing was a large scythe protruding from one of bags.
Olivia spotted it and looked at her partner. "Dear God, please tell me that's plastic."
Fin dropped the four bags he was carrying on Munch's desk and Munch put down his single bag containing the scythe. "Thanks, Fin."
Fin rolled his eyes. "Happy to be the hired help. We should make a movie – black guy drives around crotchety old Jew. Oh, wait, they already did that."
Munch ignored him as he started looking into the bags. He picked up one bag and placed it on Fin's desk. "Here's your costume, if you can call it that."
Elliot gave Fin an amused look. "What is it?"
Munch answered. "Gangster."
Fin rolled his eyes again. "I told you sta, it's Gangsta." He turned to Elliot. "Gangsta rapper."
Munch stopped and looked at Fin. "And I told you, Gangster might actually be considered a costume for you. Gangsta – not so much."
Fin huffed. "More original than the grim reaper get-up that you got."
Olivia was slightly encouraged. These costumes didn't sound so bad. "So what did you get for us?"
Munch smiled and Elliot knew immediately that they were in trouble. Munch rummaged around in one of the bags and then looked at Olivia. "Well, considering the late date that we went for costumes, we had to take what they had left. But," he paused for a beat, and looked over the rim of his glasses, "we found the perfect costume for our own warrior princess."
Olivia's eyes widened. "No way, John. You are not dressing me as a princess."
"My dear Olivia, I wouldn't dream of it. I said warrior princess." When he got a blank look from Olivia, he continued. "Xena, Warrior Princess."
Olivia's chin dropped and Elliot snorted. "From that TV show?"
"The very one," Munch said smugly. "Complete with plastic chakram."
Olivia frowned. "She was Jewish?" All eyes turned to Olivia. She raised her hands and shrugged. "Sorry, what's a chakram?"
Munch pulled a round plastic replica of Xena's chakram from the bag. "The chakram was Xena's weapon of choice."
"Looks like a frisbee to me," was Olivia's reply.
He shook his head at the female detective. "Did you not watch the show?" Munch asked as he put the plastic weapon back and placed the shopping bag on Olivia's desk.
"No."
"Huh, I thought all les-" He stumbled on the word when Olivia began to glare. "-ser warrior princesses like you watched Xena."
"Well, not me." Olivia reached into the bag and pulled out the breastplate from the Xena costume. "You expect me to wear this?"
"Not that alone. There's a leather dress that goes beneath it."
"More like a mini-skirt," Fin added. Olivia continued to glare.
Elliot chuckled. "Didn't Xena have a side-kick?" Olivia turned slowly to look at her partner who began to follow her train of thought. "Oh no. No, no, no. I'm not-"
Munch interrupted. "Not to fear, Elliot." He plopped another bag on Elliot's desk. "You are going as the very he-man Incredible Hulk."
Fin smirked this time. "Complete with tattered clothes and green body paint." Elliot glared at Fin. "Don't look at me, I'm just drivin' Detective Munch."
Munch continued, "No, the fair Gabrielle must be, first and fore-most, female. She's blonde, sharp-tongued, and completely enamored with her warrior."
During Munch's description of Gabrielle, Olivia had become distracted by the tell-tale click of Jimmy Choos approaching the squad room. Munch turned to Fin and said quietly out of the corner of his mouth, "And her timing is impeccable."
Alex entered the room and looked around at all the shopping bags. "Did I miss a sale at Bloomingdale's?"
Olivia shook her head. "If only." When Alex gave her a questioning look, she continued. "Munch went and got us all costumes for this stupid Halloween party we have to go to."
"And as an adjunct member of this squad, you are planning to attend, aren't you, Counselor?" Munch questioned the ADA.
"I'd love to, but I haven't had time to find a costume."
Munch smiled. "I guessed as much and took the liberty of getting one for you too."
The wheels began to spin in Olivia's brain and her eyes widened as she shook her head. "Muuunch…"
Alex seemed amused by Olivia's actions. "Do I dare ask?"
Munch continued smiling. "Well, our dear detective Benson is going as the ever charming, and oh-so-daring, Xena: Warrior Princess." Alex's eyebrows skyrocketed. "And you, as a woman of such eloquent words and fair complexion, seemed well suited to go as her gal-pal, and poet bard, Gabrielle." He picked up the final shopping bag with a flourish and held it out to Alex. "It was a two-for-one special at the costume shop."
Olivia propped her elbows on her desk and put her face in her hands. What was she thinking letting Munch pick out her costume? And now he had included Alex in this debacle. Olivia braced herself for the verbal assault she felt certain that Alex was about to launch toward Munch.
"You've got to be kidding," the ADA began. Olivia couldn't help but peek through her fingers to witness the tongue-lashing she knew was coming. Much to her surprise, Alex broke out into a wide grin.
"I loved that show. I'm game if you are Olivia." The ADA accepted the bag and placed it on the corner of Elliot's desk.
Munch smirked and Olivia dropped her hands to her desk and stared unbelievingly at Alex. "You can't be serious."
Alex began looking through the contents of the bag. "About what? Liking the show or wearing the costume?"
"Both?"
It was at that time, that the ADA pulled a green bra-like garment from the bag and examined it. Olivia was speechless. Alex looked at her and smiled. "That show was about as far from being a lawyer as I could get. It was my guilty pleasure after a long day in court." She looked back down at the garment in her hand. "This really looks like the one Gabrielle wore." She walked over to Olivia's bag and peered inside. She reached in and pulled out the breastplate. "Oh my God. This looks like the real thing. And there's even a Xena wig!" She looked at Olivia, who looked completely stunned. "You don't have blue eyes, but with you wearing this costume, I don't think anyone will notice." With that, she picked up both bags and gave a sideways nod of her head. "Come on, Liv. Let's go try these on." She turned on her heel and went in the direction of the ladies room.
All eyes turned to Olivia, who sat motionless for a moment. Then she slowly stood and followed Alex. As she passed by Munch she shot him a look and said quietly, "You are so going to pay for this."
After both women had exited the squad room, Elliot turned to Munch. "Were those really the last costumes they had?"
Munch simply smiled as Fin answered for him. "Ol' skinny ass made me drive to five different costume shops to find those outfits."
The End