How Could You?
Sam was lying sprawled on the bathroom floor. This was the 4th night in a row she had come home from some bar drunk and unaware of the hurt she was causing.
It was about 2 in the morning and Sam had made such a racket coming in she even woke the normally un-wakable Cassie. Janet was furious. She could hardly deal with her own emotions and didn't need Sam acting like an immature teenager.
Janet ripped the warmth of the bed covers from her body exposing her skin to the cooler air of her bedroom. She marched to the bathroom where Sam was.
"God damn you. God damn you Sam. What the hell do you think you're doing." She screamed in a whisper.
"Mum is everything alright?"
Janet spun on her heel. She hadn't heard Cassie get up. Cassie's face was awash with disappointment and hurt. Saw was her mentor her hero and seeing her like this was killing her inside.
"Yeah honey it's fine."
"Do you want a hand with Sam?"
Janet had to appreciate that simple gesture. It almost made her cry at how grown up and mature Cassie was. Which was more than she could say about a certain Air Force Major laying semi-conscious on the floor.
"No it's ok sweetheart. I'll handle Sam. Just go on back to bed and get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."
"Ok mum if your sure. Love you." Yawned Cassie.
"Love you too. Night."
Cassie closed her bedroom door and Janet turned her attention back to Sam.
"Jaanet." Sam spoke unaware of her surroundings.
"Sam don't talk to me. I can't stand the sight of you right now!"
"Yeah well you and your hiccups can go into the spare bedroom! I mean it Sam I don't want you in my bed tonight."
"Jaannet." Slurred Sam. "I'm really really hiccup sorry."
"Yeah right. I'll see you tomorrow."
Janet stormed out of the bathroom with a glance back. Leaving Sam alone with her drunken hiccups.
"Morning sweetheart. You want breakfast?"
"So you're talking to me then?"
"I thought you were Cassie." Janet growled.
"Oh. Look Janet I'm really sorr .."
"Don't start Sam. I don't want to fight again,"
For 2 days straight every time Sam woke from her drunken stupor she fought with Janet about that reason behind it.
"Neither do I Janet. Just give me a chance to explain."
"Explain what? How you've been drunk 4 days in a row or how you've disappointed not only me but Cass too. You're not the only one to have lost Daniel. So did I, so did Jack and so did Teal'c. Hell everyone at the SGC loved him."
Janet was now washing dishes. Trying to give her hands something to do. But trying to get her hands to move was more difficult than she remembered. Sam moved a step closer.
"Yeah but no-one was as close to him as I was." She shouted, making Janet drop the dish she had just managed to pick up.
"And how would you know that? Cause you sure as hell have no idea about feelings." Janet shouted back.
Janet stopped shouting when she saw Cassie enter the kitchen.
"I'm gonna go now mum. I'll see you after school."
"Yeah ok I'll come pick you up."
"No it's ok ill get a ride with Dominic. Love you."
"OK bye. Love you too."
"Bye kiddo." Interjected Sam.
"Yeah whatever Sam."
Sam's heart broke into a million pieces with the sting of those words. She realised then the hurt she was causing.
"What the hell am I doing?" she asked herself.
"Well right now you're going to pack! I want you out Sam."
"WHAT! Janet no please." Sam begged on the verge of tears.
"Sam I mean it. I need time just go will you please."
"FINE." Sniffed Sam. "if you want me gone I'll go."
"Yes I do." Muttered Janet hoarsely. On the verge of tears herself.
Sam tore up the stairs and slammed the door to the bedroom she shared with Janet shut. She pulled out a suitcase and began frantically throwing clothes into it. She reached over to the nightstand to retrieve a photograph. It was of herself and Janet in New York. The day after she had gotten Janet back in her life. They looked so happy. Tears spilled freely from Sam now. Flowing down soft checks and spilling onto the photograph. Sam sank to the floor with a thud. Her legs unable to keep her up.
"What have I done?" she sobbed.
Sam jumped. Footsteps. It was Janet coming up the stairs. She couldn't let Janet see her like this but she couldn't move her legs.
"Sam? I heard a thud." Inquired Janet.
Janet entered the bedroom to find Sam huddled in a corner. Eyes red and swollen, shirt soaked with tears.
"I'm so sorry Janet. I've been such a fool. How could I do this to you and Cassie?"
Fresh tears spilled and soaked through Sam's jeans. Her knees had been pulled up against her chest.
Janet walked over and slid down the wall to sit besides her. Tears were falling from Janet too.
"I'm sorry I did this to you Janet. You don't deserve this and I don't deserve you."
"Oh Sam its nothing to do with deserving anything its common sense and knowing when your hurting someone. Cause not only have you hurt me but Cass too."
"I know." Sobbed Sam, she buried her head in her hands.
Janet snaked out her arms and Sam fell into them. All strength having left her body. `I'm sorry` was all that Sam could say. Over and over again.
"Sam I'm sorry for shouting at you, but I'm not sorry for what I said."
Sam's sobs stopped immediately and she sat upright staring at Janet.
"You mean ...you mean you still want me to leave?" whispered Sam.
"For a while. I just need sometime to get myself together. The last four days have been really exhausting."
"Then we'll see."
"We'll see? Meaning you don't know if you want me back." Choked Sam.
"No. it means we'll see how we're both doing in a few days."
"Janet I know how I'll be doing in a few days. I'll be a wreck. I can't live without you. Knowing what I've done to you and Cassie will kill me. I want to make it right but I can't if I'm not here. Janet please don't make me leave." Begged Sam.
Janet thought for a bit. She started to feel uneasy. She knew Sam was watching, waiting for an answer.
"Sam I I.." stammered Janet.
"Janet please." Sam pleaded again.
"Sam if I make a deal with you, promise me you'll stick by it."
"With all my heart Janet. I promise."
"OK go away for one night. See how it goes. Then you can come back, but sleep in the spare room. It's gonna take a little more than sorry to fix what you've done Sam."
Sam looked at Janet and saw she was as serious as a heart attack.
"I don't suppose I have a choice."
Janet removed her arm from around Sam and stood up. For once towering over Sam.
"Well you do have a choice. You can either do as I asked or you can leave for good it's up to you."
"Janet you know I could never leave you."
"Well then I guess you better finish off packing."
Sam stalled. "yeah I guess I better."
Sam got up and began unpacking her suitcase and instead packed a small rucksack. Janet decided, although it had to be done, was to hard to watch. So with heart breaking she trudged downstairs.
Sam appeared 10 minutes later. Janet stood up and walked Sam to the door.
"Well uh bye then." Sniffed Sam. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Sam I'm sorry for doing this." Sobbed Janet.
"Then don't do it baby-girl. I'll do anything. I'll stay in the guest room. Please Janet.
Janet bit her bottom lip and reached out for one of Sam's hands.
During those 10 minutes Janet had a lot of time to think. She thought about everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. She thought about how much she loved Sam and she thought about how she didn't want Sam to leave tonight, how she wanted to make love to her to make her scream in ecstacy.
"Drop your bag." Rasped Janet.
"Drop your bag and come to bed."
Sam didn't need telling again.
That whole night neither Sam nor Janet slept. It was filled with passion, lust and most importantly love. Sam apologised a few more times before Janet had turned to her and told her that if she apologised once more she was going to throw her into the garage.
Next morning Janet woke to find Sam's side of the bed cold but also found a note. Addressed to her in Sam's beautiful hand writing.
I'm sorry for leaving without waking you but you looked so peaceful I didn't want to disturb something so beautiful.
Last night was amazing. I felt part of you and I in turn could feel you inside me, inside my soul.
I have so many fears in me and when I'm with you I feel so secure. You give my life direction and make everything so clear.
Your like a candle on a cold dark wintry night.
You take me places I know I'd never reach by myself.
Baby-girl I'm sorry for I did to you and Cassie. Today I'm spending the day away . give you some time alone. I'll be back at exactly 10 pm tonight and I'll sleep in the spare room until you feel you can wake up with me in the morning laying next to you. Just remember that I love you more than anything ever and that I need you more that anything.
I love you baby-girl.
p.s. look in your top drawer. I'll see you tonight.
Janet wept as she read the beautifully written note for a third time. After the fourth she did as Sam had asked and looked in the said drawer.
Opening the draw slowly as to draw out the suspense and surprise till finally the drawer was open fully. Inside lay a small grey box with the initials JF on it and another note addressed to Janet.
Janet wrestled with her conscience about opening the box and note but her heart won and she promised herself she would wait for Sam to come home before opening them.
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