DISCLAIMER: Birds of Prey and its characters are the property of Miller/Tobin Productions, Warner Brothers and DC comics. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
How Does it Feel
By jaguarin
Part Eleven
Barbara helped her sit up again and her hands moved slower. She felt the muscles of her abdomen contract when the towel brushed against them with gentle movements.
She was becoming aroused, she caught the redhead's hand when it was under her left breast. She raised it and kissed her palm softly and moved it toward her cheek. She was soft, very soft and her essence was unique.
She opened her eyes slowly. She was there, in all her beauty. Loving green eyes looking at her; long red hair smelling of oranges, falling over her shoulders. Her heart was aching, her eyes turned feral.
God! She loved this woman so much.
She lifted her hand and let her index finger touch the familiar face; she traced a perfect eyebrow and moved it down slowly over her cheek, the skin was soft. She stopped her finger next to her lips; her eyes fixed on them. She wanted to touch her lips… no, not just touch…taste them, lose herself in exploring her, caressing…
No way…
She moved her hand back and lowered her head, closing her eyes. What the fuck was she doing? She hoped Barbara hadn't noticed the desire in her eyes.
"Helena?" Barbara asked.
The brunette didn't respond. The older woman took her chin lifted her face.
"Hel?"
She couldn't hold it anymore. She leaned forward and hugged her, burying her nose in her soft red hair, scenting her. She couldn't fail her, she couldn't tell her how much she loved her. She wanted to freeze time and just stay here with the woman she loved.
"Are you all right?" Barbara asked again, concerned.
Helena moved back. "I… I gotta go…" She tried to stand, but Barbara held her down.
"You're drunk… put this on and lie on the bed." Barbara gave her an clean oversized shirt and some underwear.
"Those are mine?" The brunette pointed at the underwear.
"Yes, they're yours." The redhead helped her with the shirt.
"How I know that's mine and not yours?" the young woman slurred.
"I don't wear threads as underwear."
Helena thought about that while Barbara buttoned the shirt. It was hard to concentrate with her hands on her.
"True..." she finally said.
"Now, lie down."
Helena shook her head, the idea of sleeping with her was not good, she was drunk and turned on. "… I… I think I'll go… to the couch…"
"Lie down now." Barbara said firmly.
Knowing she couldn't argue with her, she obeyed again, resting her head on the pillow and covering herself with the bedspread, all the way to her neck, holding it hard and closing her eyes.
Shit, she could smell her everywhere. It was making her crazy. Maybe if she could just lie still, not move and let sleep take her. Focus, Barbara had taught her that.
Focus.
She felt the mattress sink and she squeezed her eyes shut. She was close to her.
Focus. Focus.
She felt Barbara's eyes on her. She opened her eyes again. The redhead was looking at her.
"Breathe."
The young woman exhaled noisily. "Sorry…"
"Something wrong?" Barbara asked.
"Uhm… no… why?"
"Why are you covered from head to foot. You have a death grip on the bedspread. Are you afraid that it will escape?"
"No, I'm seasick."
"I'd imagine so." The redhead turned off her light. "You finished off almost all the liquor."
The brunette laughed. "Yeah… I guess Jim is bankrupt after paying the bill."
Barbara laughed too. "Yes, but he deserves it, he taunted you."
"And I won fifty dollars…"
"What? You did…?"
"We had a bet…"
"You two are in trouble…"
"Great, just punish me tomorrow… I can´t defend myself right now."
Barbara remained silent. The brunette still felt the world moving around her and closed her eyes. Now, again with the Zen thing, focus on sleep, not on the soft smell of the redhead. She was alone, Barbara was not there. She was at her old place over the Dark Horse with the red neon light blinking in her living room all night..
"Hel?"
Crap. How was the Zen thing supposed to work if Barbara kept talking?
"Yeah?" the young woman slurred.
"May I hug you?"
Blue eyes snapped open.
Big double crap.
What?
"I… I can't explain…" Barbara muttered, "I just want to."
Focus, no touching. Just a hug.
Taking a deep breath, Helena rolled on her side and hugged her mentor. The feeling was amazing. The softness of the red hair under her fingertips; the solid strength of the bare warm skin; she buried her nose in red hair breathing her scent. Her nostrils flared. That scent followed her into her lusty dreams.
"I missed you." Warm breath whispered in her ear made the brunette shiver.
Helena rubbed her cheek against that firm shoulder and purred; her rumbling echoed throughout her body. She wanted that woman.
She kissed her shoulder and slowly turned her head and kissed her cheek. She felt the older woman tense in her arms.
Breathe.
Focus.
She rolled back to the bed. Her body was screaming at the loss of the warm body under her touch.
"Thanks for coming back…" Barbara said softly.
"Sure." Helena felt a great relief and turned on her side, turning her back to the other woman. It seemed as though Barbara hadn't noticed her arousal and she tried to move her mind away from the temptation to kiss and touch that woman.
"Good night," the red head whispered.
"Night, Barbara."
Focus, focus.
The brunette closed her eyes; enveloped by the warm feeling of being in Barbara's bed; of being so close to the woman that she loved so much.
It was as if heaven and hell had merged and come to rest in Barbara's bed.
"I'm not sure," the blonde said into the phone. "Just give me a bit more time, we've only been checking this option since a few months ago." She heard the doorbell. "All right. Done. See you."
The woman hung up the phone and walked toward the door. She was surprised when she saw that thin, young woman in the doorway. She put her right hand on the frame and glared at her.
"Where have you been?" she asked "I've been calling you. You don't return my calls."
"Well, I've been a bit busy," Helena smirked. "But if you want, I can stay tonight and show you that I missed you."
Josie took her hand and pulled her against her, kissing her softly. "I missed you too."
"What if you invite me in for a drink?" Helena suggested.
"What if we forget the drink and you come in and get to know my new bedroom?" She put her arms around Helena's neck and kissed her again, "I have great plans for you tonight."
"Love the idea."
Josie kissed her neck and shoulders. The brunette let the other woman be in charge. She was hurt, she couldn't have the woman she wanted, she never could and she didn't want to think about it. She wanted to forget, so she let Josie do what she wanted, so she could feel something other than the pain of not having Barbara with her.
Helena stared at the city below. Barbara filled her dreams and thoughts, everything reminded her. The woman was very sexy and she didn't seem to notice it. Her movements, her look.
Everything, anything turned her on.
She rubbed her eyes with her free hand. Damn, some times her hormones were so annoying. Barbara was far from stupid. She would figure out what was going on if she wasn't careful. She was angry with herself, she could have any woman or man she wanted. She wondered if all meta humans had the same sex drive as she seemed to experience. Well, whatever, her stupid heart had chosen the impossible. She would screw up her entire relationship with Barbara over that.
At which moment she had fallen in love? That wasn't in her plans. That had been so stupid. Now she had to work on forgetting the redhead.
She walked toward the pommel horse.
But how could Helena forget her? She was the light of her life. Everything about her was beautiful. Every fiber of her being knew that seeing Barbara everyday was as necessary as oxygen for her lungs... And like oxygen, she couldn't touch her. Just dream.
And it hurt.
She jumped on the horse pommel and began her routine.
Life was so unfair. It had hurt Barbara and her so much. Her desire for Barbara was killing her and it would kill Barbara too, if she knew. She couldn't break her heart.
After a long hour, she put her hands on her knees and bent over to recover her breath; she put a towel around her neck and went toward the shower. Hearing an insistent buzz downstairs, she stopped in the middle of the corridor and peeked over the rail. Barbara was on the middle of the ramp pushing the buttons on her wheelchair. The chair was making strange sounds.
"Come on," the red head growled.
"What´s going on?" Helena asked curiously.
"I don't know." The redhead pressed the buttons of her wheelchair, but it refused to move. "Something is malfunctioning."
Helena walked downstairs while Barbara kept fighting with her wheelchair.
"Damn," the red head growled, "It's broken."
"Where were you going?" the brunette stood next to her.
"I need to take a shower, I have an appointment at six with the doctor, he is going to remove my cast."
"Do you want a ride to the shower?"
The redhead exhaled, visibly annoyed, "Not fun."
"Come on, Babs," the young woman extended her hands to her. "I'll take you to your shower and then look for your manual chair."
"All right." The redhead raised her arms and moved them around Helena's neck.
The dark woman lifted her up easily. It felt so good to have the older woman in her arms. She was not heavy.
"I feel stupid," the older woman said.
"I feel like Superman rescuing the young lady."
Barbara couldn't avoid laughing. "Don't be silly."
"Well, I am."
The brunette went toward Barbara´s bedroom and sat her on the bench in the middle of the bathroom. She turned and opened the closet.
"What do you want?"
"My green dress please."
"I hate this," Barbara said unfastening the buttons on her blouse. "This always happens when I'm in a hurry."
Helena picked up a pair of green shoes and turned. The redhead had completely removed her blouse and began to undo her bra. Helena blushed and avoided looking at her, laying the dress next to her.
"I'll go look for you manual chair," the brunette said.
"Wait, I need you to help me to the shower bench. Please give me the plastic in the first drawer, I need to cover my leg in the cast."
Helena locked her eyes on the figure before her. She was incredibly beautiful. Her face, her perfect breasts, her abs… just amazing.
"Helena…" Barbara's voice pulled her from her thoughts, "I'm talking to you."
"Hmm?" she blinked.
"The plastic bag inside the drawer, I need to cover the cast with it."
"Oh, sure." She turned and opened the drawer. She was getting nervous, that was not good. She put the bag around the cast, doing her best to avoid looking at the redhead and stood up.
The older woman frowned and watched her friend. A hint of red color filled her cheeks, and it wasn't from the exercise she'd just finished. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah…" Helena looked at her feet.
"Doesn't look like it."
"Uhmm… I need to get your wheelchair."
"All right, just help me to the shower."
"Oh…" the brunette looked around, she took a towel and covered her mentor before putting one arm behind her knees and the other around her back.
Barbara held in her laugh, Helena was embarrassed to see her nude. She looked terribly cute when she blushed.
"What's going on with you?" the redhead asked.
"Taking you to the shower." Helena opened the shower door with her foot and walked inside.
"I know but…"
The brunette set her on the bench and stepped back, never looking at her mentor. "I'll get your chair."
The redhead nodded, Helena was really nervous, she couldn't believe it. She was acting like a teenager. She lowered her head and closed the shower door before turning on the water.
Warm drops fell on her skin. She closed her eyes. She needed to be careful, the poor girl was trying to hide her feelings and, without conscious thought, she was pushing her, trying to prove… what?
The guilt had started to hit her, she couldn't love Helena back; she was a wonderful and lovely girl, behind all her dark moods and her anger, was a generous and sweet heart.
Helena was young, strong, full of life, incredibly beautiful. How was it even possible that she looked at her like that? She was older… disabled. She hated to say it, but that was reality. What could she offer Helena with only half of herself to give?
And besides, she didn't date girls.
She was straight, totally straight.
Helena liked women and men, she was open about it. She didn't care, but she… she was different. She only dated men but she respected other decisions or preferences. Helena could date whoever she wanted.
Well, except the girl she had been dating lately.
She didn't like that girl.
Her protégée needed someone who really cared for her and wasn't just having fun with her.
She needed someone who knew her, who loved her and could care for her. She sighed. Maybe she was becoming overprotective. Maybe Helena was old enough and independent enough to make her own decisions.
Whatever.
It was late. She picked up the bottle of shampoo and poured some on her head.
Helena walked outside the bar after her shift. She put on her long coat to start a night of sweeps. Oracle had called her and Helena told her she'd be at Clock Tower in a few minutes. She turned her usual corner to jump to the next building when her sixth sense alerted her. She turned and looked around, her gaze stopped on a dark shadow below a stairway.
Her eyes turned feral.
"Hi, little one." The shadow walked toward the light.
"Josie?" Helena cocked her head. "What are you doing here?"
"I was waiting for you. I know you finish your round at this time." The woman walked toward her. "I looked for you all day again."
"Sorry, Josie…"
The taller woman put her arms around her neck and kissed her softly. "Where are you going?"
"I… well…" Helena tried to think of a good excuse.
"I know we just have sex, but… are you dating someone else?" The woman smiled at her.
"No, no, of course not, it's just, I can't now." Helena tried to move the arms around her neck.
"Why do you do this to me?" she whispered in her ear before biting her lobe, "Why do you take me and then disappear?"
"It's not that… I…" Helena gasped when the other woman rubbed her upper body against her. Damn. She wasn't wearing a bra.
"You like this?" Josie grinned.
"Josie… sorry… it's wonderful, but… I just… I have an appointment now…"
"So late?" The blonde slid her hand down Helena's shirt and took her firm breast in her fingers. The brunette gasped and opened her eyes wide. Josie smirked and kissed her roughly.
"Josie… I can't now…" Helena said breathlessly, that woman really knew how to turn her on. Before she could finish the sentence, Josie caught her lips again and pressed her thigh toward Helena's crotch. "God…"
"I can make you feel much better tonight."
The brunette trapped her lips and hugged her. She definitely liked this. Barbara came to her mind. Damn, she was waiting for her, she needed to be on time to start sweeps. Fingers opening the button of her pants sent all her rational thoughts screeching to a halt.
"I love your ears." Josie murmured, kissing her ear and pushing her against the wall. "So sexy."
Helena let herself get lost in the sensation. Josie was turning most aggressive and she loved it, her hands moved down her underwear. Dark, a street, yes, definitely exciting.
Suddenly, the young woman's senses alerted her. Her eyes snapped open. She saw a group of men at the corner of the street walking toward them. That was not good. She took the woman's head and pushed her back gently.
"Now what, dear?" Josie asked.
"We have trouble." The dark vigilante noticed three more men at the next corner.
Scared, Josie stepped back. Helena put her against the wall.
"Don't move," she whispered.
"Helena, no, wait."
"Stay there." The brunette walked toward the middle of the street and put her hands in her pockets.
"Are you and your friend lonely?" one of the men asked.
"No, really no, we are fine." She turned her head, the other men were behind her. "But you and your friends look lonely."
"Yes, maybe you can help us have some fun." The tallest man took her arm and grinned.
"Sure." She hit him hard on his face. Turning, she stretched her leg and kicked the man behind her. She hit another guy with her elbow and jumped easily over the other two.
She fell behind them and tapping their shoulders, she hit them in the face simultaneously using both fists. Another thug tried to hit her with a chain that he had in his hand. She ducked and grabbed the chain, pulling it, a gun fell to the ground. Another man took her free arm. Using the chain she hit his legs. Crying in pain, the man released her.
"Who's next?" she turned, grinning.
Three men were running toward her. Maybe she had opened her mouth too soon. She flipped back landing in a emergency stairway.
"That was rude." She jumped down, landing on two of them. Rolling, she crouched on the ground, preparing for her next attack. The men on the ground scrambled to their feet and ran down the street. The only one left standing turned quickly and followed them.
She stood up and wiped her hands. "Bad guys, bad fighters." She walked toward Josie who watched her, stunned. "Are you okay?"
"How did you do that?" the blonde asked in surprise.
"Practice." Helena took her hand and started to walk "Let's go. It's not a good idea to stay here."
"That was incredible," Josie said, following her, "Those jumps... no one can do that."
"I can."
"It was amazing! You flew!"
The brunette turned and kissed the blonde roughly, pushing her against the wall. She didn't want her thinking. After a few seconds long and sensual strokes, Helena moved back breathlessly. "You make me fly when I'm with you." She whispered, "Can we go now?"
"Yea… I promise you a wild night." Josie smiled.
They walked together to Josie's apartment.
Helena hummed, resting her head on the elevator door. The "ding" announced her arrival at the Clock Tower the next afternoon. She peered out. The place seemed to be empty, Dinah was surely in and Barbara too. That was good, her mentor was certainly really pissed after her disappearance last night; she didn't want to do it, but Josie was very persuasive.
Sounds, images and feelings twirled around her mind. Josie was an excellent and wild lover, exactly what she needed. The woman was really demanding and loved having control; she didn't know how she managed to leave her tired, exhausted, but happy; she couldn't say she would forget her lovely redhead in the love making, she often fantasized she was with her and not the blonde woman.
She changed her clothes and walked into the gym. She was surprised to see the redhead exercising on the bars. The muscles of her arms were incredible. Helena watched as she lowered herself to her chair. She looked at her speechlessly; those damn pants that she wore were pasted to her legs and made her look stunning. Her t-shit was soaked with sweat and her nipples were clearly visible under the cotton. Her mouth was suddenly dry.
Damn, she wondered if Barbara knew she was hot.
Red brows drew into a frown while green eyes rose to consider the young woman with silent intensity.
Helena knew a lecture was coming.
The older woman wiped her face with a dry towel. "I see you've finally decided to grace us with your presence."
"Sorry..."
"I called you all night, we had work to do and you never answered." The redhead glared at her. "You said you'd be here at ten, we had an important mission."
"Something important happened." Helena stared at her feet.
"Something important," Barbara repeated.
"Yes."
"More important than stopping those drug dealers?" the older woman asked, wheeling toward the center of the training room.
"I said I was sorry, I was busy." Helena started to feel annoyed. She hated being lectured.
"Sure…"
"I have a private life, too."
Barbara tilted her head and studied her. She noticed a bruise on the brunette's shoulder. Clearly, it was from teeth. She felt her blood burning in her veins. "Oh, I see, rough night."
The brunette noticed where Barbara's eyes were fixed. Shit.
"Listen…"
"Your lover knows how to keep your mind on bed." The redhead wheeled toward the locker where she had the sticks.
"Well… she is good." Helena mumbled. That was a truth she couldn't deny. Her eyes stopped on green. She was sure that if the redhead's eyes were knives, she would be dead now.
Part Twelve
"Is it too much to ask for you to give me just a little respect?"
"Sorry… Look, I was coming here last night when she intercepted me outside the bar. We were talking and a group of men attacked us… She was scared and I took her home… and there… well… you know."
"No, I don't know," the older woman said, putting on her gloves.
Helena rolled her eyes.
"That woman is not good for you. Do you know anything about her? About her past? Do you know her name?"
"Barbara, I know I can take care of myself, okay?"
"What are your plans with this woman?"
"We don't have any plans, we're just having fun."
"Just having fun… You should at least choose better. I saw that woman. She looks older than you and her way of dressing… I can't believe it, she was almost naked. You need to choose someone better."
"She is not good enough for me? So who else? Who will it be? You?"
Barbara turned, wanting to berate her. "Don't be insolent."
"Maybe you are jealous," Helena smirked, walking toward her.
The redhead threw a stick to her that the young woman caught with her left hand.
"Smartass," Barbara growled, wheeling toward her.
"What? I'm beautiful, strong…" She leaned over the redhead. "Sexy."
A sharp pain on her knee made her grunt, she hopped backwards. The redhead had hit her hard with the stick.
"Dammit. What's wrong with you?" she said, rubbing her knee.
"What's happening to you? Now you turn irresponsible because of your night time adventures?" The redhead raised her stick and the brunette stopped it with the one in her hand.
"It's my life! I can do whatever I want with it." She turned and hit her. The sound of sticks crashing echoed in the room.
"Agreed, but it doesn't mean you should be irresponsible." The redhead's hands moved quickly and tried to hit Helena's legs. The brunette jumped in time and, spinning around, she swung her stick.
Barbara lifted her arm and blocked it.
She was pretty damn fast for a human. They exchanged blows with the sticks; Helena ducked several times to avoid the impact of the long piece of wood. Barbara seemed to be reading her mind. She jumped back to take a break and circled her mentor.
"Now, having a personal life is being irresponsible?" she asked, wiping the sweat from her face.
"You need to set your priorities." Barbara followed the younger woman with her gaze. How could she tell Dinah that she loved her and then sleep with someone else? She was pissed. What game was she playing?
"All right. What if I begin to give my personal life priority?"
"I'd agree. And I hope you do it with the right person."
"Well, I'm looking for that person. What's wrong with that?"
"Interesting, the places where you look… " She twirled the stick in her fingers and swung the weapon at the brunette. "Where did you meet her?"
The young woman blocked the impact and struck back, unsuccessfully.
"Who cares?" she growled.
"I imagine not… she's certainly not an intellectual." Barbara wheeled back.
"I don't date intellectuals, it's boring."
Barbara was offended and hit the brunette. The girl twisted and attacked again with several blows and changes of rhythm with her stick, but Barbara stopped all her attempts. Finally, she put her stick against Barbara's. Their faces were inches apart.
"It will be interesting to discover in whose bed you will find it." A brow arched in question.
Annoyed, Helena pushed her back, her mouth twisted into a furious sneer, eyes glittering with barely contained fury. "Don't talk to me that way, I'm not a whore! You don't know…" She bit her lip to avoid saying anything she'd regret.
"I don't know what?"
Helena knew it was best to shut her mouth. She stared into green eyes. The woman was breathing heavily, drops of sweat running between her firm breasts. The woman was gorgeous; she wanted to jump on her, kiss every inch of her body, touch… take her.
She closed her eyes a few seconds. Barbara was making her crazy. She shook her head and threw the stick to the floor. How could she say 'yes, I'm fucking a girl because I can't love you and that is killing me?'
"You don't know anything," she muttered, walking toward the exit. Barbara didn't know, she would never know.
Barbara fixed her eyes on the thin figure, "Every time you want to go have fun when we're supposed to be working, remember that in our business, we don't lose money, we lose lives."
The young woman didn't say a word and disappeared behind the door.
Excellent, the brunette thought to herself, walking toward the shower, Barbara was really angry with her and she was right. She had ignored her duty, but she felt caged, her feelings toward Barbara were like a burning knife buried in her skin.
She was in hell, she sighed heavily and massaged the back of her neck, rubbing muscles turned to cement by tension.
Crap.
She closed the door of the shower..
Barbara insulted her. What the hell was she thinking? It really had pissed her off. She was a person with feelings. She was not some hormonal teenager. Barbara's problem was that she just thought in numbers, files, data. How could she be so smart, but so blind? She hit the wall with her fist in frustration.
Why couldn't Barbara see her as a woman? Why was all this so hard? Maybe she had been a real son of a bitch in another life and she was paying now for all her sins. It was so difficult to be near her without saying 'I love you', without touching her. She had tried to forget, tried not to dream of exploring her skin with touches and kisses, to lose herself in a sea of sounds, pleas and pleasure.
She rubbed her eyes with her palms.
Life had never been easy for her and it seemed it never would be.
Dinah typed at the keyboard, finishing her homework. She was saving money to buy her own laptop. Barbara had offered to help her, but she had refused. She wanted to earn it on her own. It made her feel good to help with her own expenses.
Helena had returned to sweeps, she'd asked to go with her, but Barbara wanted her to rest another week. The tension between her sweeps partner and her guardian over the last few days had been more than evident. They argued almost everyday.
She looked through the corner of her eye. Barbara was working silently at her computer and in an obvious bad mood, she had been fighting with the brunette over the comm. As usual, Helena had disobeyed her orders, this time during a bank robbery.
The redhead pressed the enter key on her keyboard. Her eyes flicking back and forth, she scrolled through the data on the screen. Helena's attitude was really pissing her off. She was dating who-knew-what-kind-of-whore. She wanted to hit her on her head to make her react.
Helena's words echoed in her mind. 'I don't date intellectuals, it's boring.'
Exhaling softly, she reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. She reached down, slim fingers touching her unfeeling thigh just above her knee. She continued exploring slowly, pressing with her fingers. There were hints of sensation, but it was impossible to tell how much might be real and how much was just a phantom reminder of her old life.
It was amazing how something she couldn't feel could hurt so much, as much as Helena's words. 'She is not good enough for me? So who else? Who will it be? You?'
The 'ding' of the elevator alerted her to Helena's arrival.
"Can you explain to me exactly what you were trying to do?" she shouted without giving the brunette time to step out of the elevator.
"Stop a bank robbery."
"I asked you to wait."
"They would have killed the hostage!" the brunette answered, exasperated.
"You were reckless."
"I rescued her! What's wrong, Barbara? Lately, everything I do is wrong! Nothing pleases you!" She waved her hands.
"You are being reckless!" the red head glared to her.
"I'm doing my job."
"Your job is to do what I say, I'm trying to keep you alive, as well as any civilians!"
The young crime fighter shook her head and lifted both hands closing her eyes. She was tired of all these fights. "Barbara, please… Just a second, just a second."
She lowered her hands and fixed her eyes on her. The redhead saw her look was not one of disgust, but was tender, open. She relaxed a bit.
"All this is because of Josie?" Helena asked almost in a whisper, "It bothers you that I'm with her?"
Barbara clenched her jaw. She remained still, not knowing exactly how to answer.
"Why does it annoy you so much?" The young woman took a step toward her. "I'm trying Barbara, I swear to you, I'm trying…." The next words died in her mouth. How could she tell her she was trying with all her soul to forget her, to not love her, so that things could be as they were before… and it was so difficult. "I'm not a hormone driven slut that runs from bed to bed every night."
"Helena…"
"I'm not." The young woman interrupted her, "I'm sorry if you think that of me. I'm sorry if you don't trust what my mother and you taught me."
That was a direct punch to her solar plexus. The redhead, now speechless, felt horribly guilty and ashamed of herself.
"I'm sorry." The brunette turned and stepped off the platform.
The redhead felt guilty, she had hurt her. She was being overprotective of the younger woman and had judged her harshly. After all, Helena was an adult and had her own life. She lifted her eyes and found pale blue ones looking at her.
The blonde imagined what the latest argument had been about: Helena's latest affair.
"I was an idiot right?" Barbara said, letting her eyes drop. She stared at her hands as she moved them to rest in her lap.
Dinah nodded, turning her chair toward her guardian. It was strange that Barbara would make a mistake, she always kept a cool mind and was an analytic person. But she was human and could fail. She watched her mentor pinch the bridge of her nose with her fingers.
Barbara knew she was letting her personal feelings interfere with her thinking. She was being rude and unfair with Helena, but the relationship between her protégé and that woman disgusted her. She didn't like her, there was something about her that…
"She loves you Barbara," Dinah said.
"Sleeping with another woman?" the redhead mumbled with anger in her voice. "What kind of love is that?"
"She is trying to forget you," Dinah said softly. "She is trying… you know it. Helena has her own ways of dealing with things, you know her, it's her way of trying to patch her hole."
"Patch her hole?" A red eyebrow lifted to the sky.
The teen blushed. "Yeah, to patch the hole she has in her heart because she knows loving you is impossible, she told me."
Barbara felt her heart sink. That was so sweet.
"You said you could never love her the same way," Dinah continued, "You always tell me you want to see her happy. Let her try to find her happiness."
The older woman shook her head slowly. Dinah was right. She had to let Helena live her own life; she needed to support her. Unrequited love wasn't pleasant. She needed to support her, at least to make things easier. She pressed the forward button and her chair advanced down the platform.
"I don't know, I'm not in the mood." Helena said into the speaker of the phone. "All, right, all right… I'll see you there in one hour."
She put the phone in its place and stared at it a few seconds. Maybe she should end the relationship with Josie, she was becoming possessive and Helena didn't like it… On the other hand, she did help distract her from thinking about Barbara. Why was it so hard to keep the older woman out of her mind? Why was it so hard not to smell her everywhere?
Crap.
She took her coat and walked toward the door of her apartment and opened it.
"Barbara?" she asked, surprised when she saw the redhead with her hand up, ready to knock on the door. What was she doing there?
"We need to talk," she said.
"I can't now… I…"
The redhead didn't listen and wheeled inside the small apartment. The brunette rolled her eyes. She wasn't in the mood for more lectures.
"Listen, Barbara, I…"
"I came here to apologize."
Blue eyes blinked "What?"
"I've been unfair to you." She played with her fingers. "I think… I'm getting old… I'm being overprotective, and you are old enough to make your own decisions." She lifted her eyes to Helena. "I'm worried about you, that's all, and I don't want to keep fighting… I don't like it."
"I don't like it either." She sat on the coach in front of her and lost herself in those marvellous emerald eyes. "I didn't want to bother you. I'm just trying to have my own life."
"I know." She felt a knot in her throat. Why was it so hard say it? "You can… bring her home whenever you want."
Barbara could see the bright gleam of interest in crystalline blue eyes.
"What?"
"Well, she's your girlfriend. You can bring her home if you want."
"She is not my girlfriend." Helena said instantly, kneeling next to the redhead.
Barbara let her gaze slide down over the younger woman's frame, she couldn't say why, but she felt a big relief inside.
"I just... I can't explain," the brunette muttered, hoping to wave the subject aside.
"I don't care if she is your girlfriend, Helena," Barbara insisted, grabbing her hand.
"I'm telling you the truth, she is not my girlfriend. She never could be."
Barbara found herself pinned by tender blue eyes.
"I'm sorry for the other day," Helena said "I didn't mean… I admit it, I was hormonal… I'm sorry. I guess there was a full moon or something," she joked.
Barbara laughed lightly. Helena reached down, catching one of her hands in her own, twining their fingers together.
"But I'm not a slut…" she whispered before meeting emerald eyes again. "I don't want you to think that..."
"I didn't mean to say that, I'm sorry." Green eyes closed for a long moment, and then she straightened herself, took a breath, and looked up. "Forgive me, I was just angry… forgive me. I was so stupid."
"No, you are wonderful." Helena held her hand between hers.
Barbara smiled lightly, Helena was like a damn puppy dog that always melted her. She had a sweet side that she always hid; she was afraid of being hurt as she had been after her mother's death. She appreciated that the young girl would be so open and sincere with her.
"Thanks, Helena; thanks for forgiving me."
"Always…" the young crime fighter whispered, ducking her head, her lips brushing Barbara's forehead. So close to the full red lips. She knew it would be so simple to brush them with her own, kiss softly, she could scent the delicate flesh at her temple. Warmth coupled with the faint salt of skin filled her senses, inflaming them. All she had to do was duck her head a little farther to taste the mouth that was driving her half mad with want. She could kiss and press past soft lips, explore deeply while her hands touched and caressed.
But that was not possible. She moved back.
Barbara marveled at the bright blue eyes glowing; it was love. No one had ever looked at her with that devotion. She felt her heart ache. She knew what Helena was feeling for her and she knew she couldn't love her back. She didn't want to hurt her, she had suffered enough. She reached out to hug her. The young woman hugged her back.
"I love you, Barbara," Helena mumbled in a barely audible voice.
The words weren't dismissed by the older woman. Her hands felt a soft vibration under her hands. Helena was purring. She felt tears running down her cheeks, Helena was so sweet; and she couldn't... she couldn't keep lying to her.
"I'm sorry…" she mumbled, sobbing, "I'm sorry, I can't…"
"Hey, easy… What's wrong?" Helena asked, disconcerted.
"I'm so sorry. Forgive me, you're wonderful."
The brunette moved back and studied that lovely face carefully, trying to read what was going on.
"Barbara, what's wrong?"
"I'm sorry, Helena, I love you but… I'm sorry if I can't love you more."
Helena froze, what had she just said? She felt her heart beating so fast that she though it would explode in her chest. The blood drained form her face. She stood up.
Shit.
Double shit.
"You know," she barely whispered.
Barbara looked at her. "Helena…"
"You know… who told you?" Blue eyes opened wide, frightened.
The redhead lowered her head.
"He told you?"
"No. He didn't say a word about it."
"Then how do you know?"
"Don't ask me, I just know it," Barbara whispered. She knew she had to choose her word carefully because she could hurt her young ward so easily.
Helena felt annoyed and stupid. She turned, brushing her hair back with both hands.
Shit, shit.
She knew.
"How long?" the brunette asked softly. Her hands opened and closed in balls.
"It doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters!" Helena was silent for a brief moment, still angry. Barbara knew her deepest secret and she was furious. Her pupils elongated. "How long have you known?"
"Calm down."
"You should have told me." She turned her back to the redhead and began to pace.
"No, I wanted you back with us. If you knew that I knew your feelings, you never would have come back."
"Dammit." She couldn't face her, it was too much. She turned toward the door.
"Helena!" Barbara held her by her wrist, startled to see the flash of pain on that lovely face. She couldn't let her run away. "Please, don't go. Don't be ashamed of your feelings."
The dark haired head ducked. "I'm sorry, Barbara… I didn't want this. I don't know when it happened…" She lifted her hands and pressed them against her eyes. "I… didn't want to disappoint you."
"Look at me." The redhead pulled her against her, looking for her eyes. "Please look at me."
The brunette sighed, shy blue eyes were barely visible behind dark bangs. She expected rage or at least anger, but Barbara's expression was sad.
"Listen to me," Barbara said sharply, fingers gentle as she drew Helena's chin up when the girl would have looked away. "No, you haven't disappointed me… you are wonderful, sweet, gentle; anyone would be proud to be loved by you." The hand under Helena's chin trailed up, brushing loose bangs back from her forehead, the gesture tender.
Helena felt her heart ache. She wanted to run, she wanted to cry, she wanted to disappear. The redhead's thumb brushed the young woman's temple, her touch incredibly gentle, achingly aware of the texture of soft skin and hair.
"Thanks for loving me," she whispered to her. "I don't want to hurt you. I love you so much, but I can't love you the same way you love me. Please don't go."
Barbara saw the moment's debate in expressive blue eyes.
"Promise me," she said. She didn't want Helena to leave.
Helena sighed. What else could she do? She was cornered, Barbara always cornered her. She always knew how to do it, how to leave her with no way to escape or hide. At least she hadn't pushed her away or shouted at her that she hated her, as Helena had expected. In some way, she was relieved.
The young woman sighed and nodded. The redhead pulled the dark woman against her and wrapped her arms around her.
"Thanks."
The young woman buried her nose in the soft hair. She wanted to cry, scream, run… and she couldn't. Being in love with Barbara was a curse, she could be next to her, but not touch, taste, she couldn't explore that soft, pale skin… it killed her. But killed her more to be far from that wonderful woman, her heart was bleeding a slow, painful death. She was lost.
She was lost anyway…
Part Thirteen
The older woman brushed her face against those small, but perfect breasts. She opened her mouth and kissed the soft flesh and darted her tongue out to taste it. The brunette under her closed her eyes and buried her hands in the other woman's hair, guiding her to the spots that turned her on.
The blonde rubbed her body against her, knowing the young woman loved it and moved up. Helena gasped before her lips met the other woman's. Even as her body moved, drenched in sweat and wild, she couldn't quite escape the memory of jade eyes and fiery hair, couldn't quite evade the emotions that still burned in her heart no matter what she did. In an attempt to drown that image, she kissed her partner roughly, wanting to consume her.
"Hey, easy little one…" Josie murmured, smiling.
"I want you…" Helena purred.
"Helena, tell me…" Josie bit her earlobe gently, while her fingers caressed her waist. "What else can you do?"
"Mmm?" The young woman arched under the contact.
The blonde moved her tongue inside Helena's ear and started to thrust inside her slowly. "As a meta…"
"I don't know," the young woman mumbled, lost in the sensations.
"You don't know?"
"… I don't know and I don't care…" Her hands moved along the thin body in front of her.
"You are like a wild cat."
"I am…" The brunette found the other woman's mouth and softly nipped her lower lip.
"And do you have ultra sensitive cat hearing too?"
"Yeah…. And, like cats, I love rubbing," Helena laughed lightly, rolling to be on top of the other woman.
Josie gasped at the sensation of fingers pushing deep inside her. She started to move slowly, until she found the rhythm with the small dark haired woman above her. Helena growled when the other woman's hand found her inner lips and started to move inside of her.
A few hours later Helena walked down the street, she was close her apartment. Her steps echoed on the lonely sidewalk, where small drops of the recent rain had fallen. She didn't want to go anywhere after Barbara's visit, but the blonde had been insisting on seeing her and well, she couldn't sleep anyway. Barbara didn't hate her, but, at the same time, her words were clear and firm. She couldn't love her.
She would never be hers.
It hurt.
Why had she fallen in love with her, knowing that she was so damn straight? That was really the stupidest thing that she'd ever done in her entire life.
Suddenly, she heard a "woosh" sound. Before she realized what was happening, a net fell over her. She rolled and barely escaped. She put a knee on the ground. From out of nowhere ten big thugs appeared.
Crap. She had been so distracted in her thoughts that she hadn't heard them. Seemed as if she would have a bit of action that night. Exactly what she needed. An escape for all her frustration.
"Hi guys." She smirked and jumped toward the first two men in front of her.
Barbara sat in front of Delphi, but her gaze was distant, wondering what else to do. The whole thing about Helena's feeling was a confusing jumble in her head, she was well aware that her protégée used the image of superficiality to shield her most private thoughts, and knowing that the shield had broken had made her distant.
The girl was a real case of complexity, far more fascinating and enigmatic than she could have imagined. She was dark, dangerous and, at the same time, gentle and sweet..
The last month Helena had been with Dinah almost all day, avoiding being alone with. They went everywhere together, shopping, movies, they even watched TV at nights. The redhead tried to make Helena feel comfortable. Things seemed to be normal again, but she sensed Helena becoming distant.
She was disgusted by it. She hated the distance.
She raised her eyes to the upper level of the ClockTower where her two protégées were watching an awful horror movie.
Helena stared at the TV, seemingly distracted, with Dinah next to her. Her mind was in another place. She had been avoiding Josie, who'd been demanding more and more attention from her. Like the blonde, she didn't want a romantic relationship, but the sex was great and it helped distract her from thinking about Barbara.
The woman really turned her on with any movement or word. Her scent made her wild side emerge, wanting to pounce on Barbara and take her, taste her body, touch her skin, kiss those perfect lips.
She sighed and closed her eyes.
"Are you okay?" Dinah asked, looking at her.
"Yeah. 'Revolt of the Zombies'. Remind me who chose this movie, you or me?" she asked.
"You. You're the only one with such terrible taste in movies." Dinah crossed her arms.
"Well, 'The Brain That Wouldn't Die' was worse than this one."
"Next time, I'm picking the movie. This sucks." Dinah scratched her head. She knew Helena was trying to forget the redhead. Helena was not a very communicative person, the only person that knew her feelings, the only person that she trusted and opened her heart to was Barbara; and now, the link was broken. Not because her mentor had closed the door, but because Helena wanted to keep her far from her thoughts and heart.
Helena was fierce and independent, but as any wild cat, at the end of the day, she liked coming back to a home where she could feel safe and secure. She liked to be close to someone she loved and, since that was now impossible with Barbara, she was like a lost kitten, not knowing where to stay or rest.
"What are you doing?" Barbara called from downstairs.
"Trying to survive one of Helena's movies." Dinah said loudly.
"It's not so bad," the brunette shouted, "This is a low-budget potboiler from 1936 that probably seemed very cool to audiences of the time..."
"Key phrase: 'audiences of the time'."
"The story concerns the search for the secret of mind control... ostensibly to create an unstoppable zombie army... but later as a means for one character to win the woman he loves," the brunette read from the back of the DVD case. "Wanna watch it Barbara?" She looked for the DVD remote on the coffee table.
"Don't you dare start this stupid movie again," Dinah growled, using her TK to levitate the remote out of the reach of Helena's hands.
"All right you two," Barbara said "Time for sweeps."
The two women went toward the building where the alarms indicated a robbery. It was near the Dark Horse Bar. Before arriving, they separated. Dinah climbed a building next to the place while the brunette walked along the street.
The place was quiet and silent. They checked around and couldn't find a trace of anything. The alarm had come from an office which seemed to be okay at first sight. The brunette looked up, she was at the back door.
"I can't see anything. You, Dinah?"
::Clear up here.:: the teen's voice was heard. ::I'm inside.::
::Alarms are disabled. You can go inside, Huntress. Use the back door.:: Oracle said.
"Got it." The brunette kneeled and began to work on the lock.
A scream made her turn her head. A man was yelling.
"Someone is in trouble." She looked around, "Seems as if it is near here, could you hold on a minute, Dinah? Be right back."
::Yeah.::
The young woman heard another scream and ran toward an alley a few meters from where she was. She arrived a few seconds later. One man was holding another that seemed to be bleeding.
"Please help!" the man said when he saw her.
"Oracle, we need an ambulance here," the brunette said, walking toward them. Her senses were on fire, danger was near.
::On the way.::
"Someone assaulted us," the man explained. "He is bleeding…"
"Help is coming. Where did he go?" Huntress asked.
The man stood up and pointed at the end of the street. "He went that way."
Helena looked back. The man behind her lassoed her with a restraining loop around her neck and pulled. She hit the ground roughly and took her hands to her throat, trying to break the cord around her neck. The man lying on the ground moved quickly and grabbed her hands, but she used them to push him back.
::What's going on?:: Oracle asked.
She threw herself forward in a shoulder roll, launching the man behind her, that was holding the restraining loop, directly at the wall. From nowhere came another man and kicked her in the gut. She hit him back. Another man caught her left foot with a lasso and pulled her down. The brunette fell backwards, but she moved quickly. She leapt off the ground and kicked both legs out to full extension, hitting the two men in front of her. Another rope wrapped around her left arm. She pulled her arm and hit the man that was on the other side of the lasso.
"Hold her down!" a man yelled.
"Shit! She moves wildly!" other one said.
"I said, hold her down!" The man held the end of the restraining loop that encircled the brunette's neck and pulled it roughly.
She gasped. Another one caught the rope that was still tied around her arm and pulled. The young crime fighter moved her free hand toward her throat, trying to relieve the pressure around her neck. A man jumped on her, tackling her to the ground. Crap. It was hard to think without air in her lungs. She struggled, trying to free her self.
"What's going on men? She is just a girl!" a deep voice shouted.
"Damn girl! She broke my nose!"
The brunette pushed back the thug in front of her; she needed to breathe, the asphyxia was overwhelming her. Oracle was saying something to her, but she couldn't understand a word. She gasped, choking. Another rope trapped her right wrist. Two more men were over her...
The man holding the restrain loop increased the pressure on Huntress' neck. Her vision blurred, but she managed to hit the man next to her with her elbow, a hard blow on her head left her seeing stars. She gasped trying to take air to her lungs.
Suddenly the men over her were gone.
She heard grunts and yells of pain. She turned, Dinah was there pushing back two thugs with her TK.
::Huntress, are you all right?:: Finally, the redhead's voice was clear in her ears.
"Cough…" The brunette lowered her head, trying to recover her breath.
::Huntress.::
Dinah kneeled next to her partner, who was still coughing and removed the cord from around her neck. She'd descended the building using the emergency stairs when she heard the fight over the comm. She saw eight men over her partner. Her friend was on the ground and couldn't fight against all of them. Oracle knew it and had turned on the automatic alarms of a jewelry store on the corner knowing it would get the attention of the police and interrupt the thugs. Dinah, then, used her TK powers to throw several objects at them.
"She's okay, Oracle." She patted her partner's back. "Who were those men, Huntress?"
"I…cough… don't know…"
"Seems as if they were looking for you."
"I'm… cough, becoming popular."
::Police are near.:: Oracle said ::Move girls.::
"Yeah, I hear them. Come on, Huntress, we need to go." Dinah helped her to stand up.
"They were waiting for you," Oracle said, turning her chair toward the brunette.
"Please..." the young woman growled, rubbing her neck.
"Don't 'please' me." She lifted the restraining loop that Dinah picked up "This is not a coincidence. And you told me that someone tried to trap you with a net the other day."
The brunette sighed.
"What kind of friends do you have?" Dinah mocked, crossing her arms.
"Ha, ha, ha…"
"The attack was near the Dark Horse, too." The redhead turned and pressed a button, a big map popped up over the current window. Two red points were blinking. "One was two blocks away and the other one, four. Maybe someone is following you. The false alarm was just a trick to trap you."
"No one follows me," Helena said defensively.
"You said the same thing when Dinah came here for the first time," Barbara smirked.
"All right, all right," the brunette waved her hands, "suppose someone is following me, why?"
"That's what we need to find out, and I'm worried because we don't know if they know that you work there, but I suspect they do."
"You mean… the Dark Horse?"
"Again with the secret identity issue?" Alfred asked, walking onto the platform with a tray of tea and cookies.
"Don't start," the brunette said.
"If someone is following you, he will try to catch you again."
"I'll be ready."
Green eyes locked on her. She didn't like this. "I'll keep an eye on all the emergencies, I don't want anyone surprising us again."
"Maybe this would be useful, Miss Helena." Alfred handed her an "El Gato" WWF mask.
"This is not funny."
The butler, amused, smiled. Dinah took it in her hands and examined it.
"I think it's great."
"You have a big mouth, little bird."
"All right," Barbara said, "I'll do some research and try to figure out what we need to look for."
"Well, gotta go." Helena gave the mask to Dinah. "It's all yours."
"Where are you going?" the redhead asked.
"I have things to do." She walked toward the elevator.
"Maybe she wants to look for another mask." Dinah grinned.
"You aren't going anywhere. Come back here," Barbara said.
"Uh… sorry… I can't, really." Helena smiled lightly. "See you."
Barbara stared at her. She was still avoiding her. It hurt her. She wondered if telling her she knew her feelings had been a good idea. Whatever, too late now. She couldn't change the past.
"Helena, come back here, that bruise around your neck is pretty bad." She wheeled toward the infirmary.
"But…"
"Ten minutes..." she glared at her.
The brunette sighed and followed her, removing her coat.
The feeling of soft fingers touching her bare skin was heavenly. The brunette, her eyes closed, was lost in the moment. Barbara's touch was gentle and soft.
The older woman cleaned the bruised neck of the younger woman with alcohol. She wondered how the hell Helena could be purring with that on her bare flesh.
"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked, concerned.
"Marvelous…" the young woman mumbled, smiling. She wanted to stay there forever, with the sensation of the redhead on her, her fingers gently brushing her hair back, her long fingers caressing her skin.
"You are weird sometimes." The redhead put antiseptic on the wound. Surely it hurt like hell, but Helena didn't move and kept purring.
"I'll put a bandage just for today, you can remove it tomorrow." Taking a bandage, she put it over her neck.
"Uh uh…"
"All done," Barbara said, moving back.
"Mmm?" Helena growled in disappointment.
"It's done. See? It didn't hurt."
Dazed, Helena lifted her head and touched her neck. Shame she hadn't broken her arm. The time it'd take Barbara to care for her would be longer. She stood up and took her coat.
"Helena, I want to talk to you."
Uh. That sounded bad, really bad.
"Uh… Sure," she said, not convinced. "What's up?"
Maybe Barbara changed her mind and wanted to kick her ass; or maybe she realized Helena couldn't avoid watching her all the time or... maybe she realized that she was really sexy; well, indeed she was, she had a great body and…
"What's going on, Helena" The redhead's question brought her thoughts to a halt.
"Huh?" Blue eyes were pinned by intense green.
"I said what's going on?"
"Going on?"
"Helena…" Barbara pinched the bridge of her nose "We talked about this the other day. I told you I'm happy, I'm really happy that you are with us… and you… you've been acting weird…"
"Me? Please!" the brunette laughed nervously.
"You know what I'm talking about," Barbara said, gently touching her arm.
The combination of that damn touch and the look melted her. Why did Barbara have to be so sweet with her? It disabled all her defenses. Helena stared at her in silence. Now what? Tell her she was just trying to avoid feeling what she was feeling for her? That she was dying to kiss her from head to toe and to bury her nose in that perfect neck?
"Helena, I'd like for everything to be as it was before," Barbara explained softly.
No shit.
"We almost never talk."
The brunette moved her hand back. The withdrawal hurt Barbara. She looked at the young woman, who was avoiding her eyes.
"Please, what's going on? It hurts me more to see you avoiding me all the time," she said, lacing her hand with Helena's again. "I don't want you to feel bad. I want us to be friends."
"Barbara, I'm sorry." Finally, the brunette found the courage to find Barbara's eyes. The full moon made the redhead look like a vision. An angelic vision; she was so beautiful; raising her hand she cupped her cheek.
"We are friends, we will be, forever," Barbara said softly. In some way, her own words hurt like hell "You are a wonderful person and I have a lot of things to be grateful for. You rescued me. I'm who I am thanks of you."
"Why did you break up with Dick?" Helena asked abruptly. She needed to know.
After exactly thirty seconds of silence, enough time to consider her answer, Barbara spoke.
"Because he wanted another Barbara, the one that was, the one that died when Joker shot me years ago. He wanted a woman that lived alone, that didn't have more responsibility than his own. He couldn't understood that now I have Dinah, and I have you."
She smiled at her protégée and squeezed her hand. Helena was drowning in a sea of green.
"We survived many things," the redhead continued "our pain, us… he couldn't accept it. No one can make things between us change. No one."
"He's your happiness."
"No, he isn't. Sometimes things looks that way, but it was just an illusion. Not everything you see is real."
"And sometimes," the brunette added "things that you can't see are real. Thoughts, feelings..."
Barbara frowned.
"You will find some one that loves you, Barbara, and accepts you as you are."
She leaned down and kissed her check. Moving back, she found again those marvelous green irises that made her crazy.
Her thumb moved slowly, tracing the older woman's chin. Her index finger moved too and followed the contour of the redhead's lips. They were so soft, she wondered how it would feel to be caressed by them. She wondered how they would taste..
She closed her eyes and leaned in, kissing the lips softly. Her tongue darted out shyly and tasted the soft skin in front of her. The older woman moaned and opened her mouth slightly. The brunette asked for entrance with soft, slow strokes. Barbara's tongue welcome her with a light touch. She was in heaven. It gave her the courage to explore her. She deepened the caress.
"Hel?" Barbara's voice echoed in her ears.
The brunette's eyes opened slowly.
Barbara was staring at her. She was dreaming. She hadn't kissed her, all of it had been her imagination.
She looked at her hand, her fingers were still on the redhead's lips.
Shit.
She moved her hand back and turned, knowing her eyes were no longer blue.
"I'm sorry."
Barbara had seen her eyes, she knew she was aroused. "Helena, wait."
Barbara tried to stop her, but the brunette disappeared behind the elevator doors.
"Please, Helena!"
The older woman felt her heart pounding in her chest, Helena's touch had been electric, a shiver ran through her skin when she saw blue eyes morphed to glowing cat eyes caressing her; she was caught by those marvelous feral eyes.
She'd been certain that Helena would kiss her…And she would kiss her back.
But the spell had broken suddenly.
Kiss her back?
She shook her head. Christ in heaven, the hormones of her young meta ward were affecting her.
Part Fourteen
Helena was resting her back on the small balcony of her apartment looking at the stars above her. She was drunk, hard to do, but she was drunk again. Second time in a month, a record. She poured herself another shot and swallowed it all at once
Barbara was still a burning pain in her heart. She was trying, quite unsuccessfully, to get the redhead out of her thoughts and heart. She brushed her hair back. She just wanted to stop thinking, stop feeling.
Josie had been calling her almost everyday, she'd been ducking her calls all week. She was not in the mood for her; luckily, she didn't know where she lived. Being in love with Barbara was like dying a slow death everyday, like being thirsty in a desert, staring an oasis that was merely a mirage. She poured another glass and lifted it to the sky.
"For you."
She swallowed it and closed her eyes.
"What are you doing?" a voice said.
Drowsy, the brunette narrowed her eyes and turned her head. She sighed and poured another glass.
"What are you doing here?" she asked Dinah, who was standing behind her.
The blonde showed her a special instrument to unlock doors. "I'm smart. Why haven't you answered our calls the last three days? Barbara is worried about you."
"She sent you here?"
"Yes."
"I was not in the mood for work."
The blonde sat next to her. She knew what her friend was feeling.
"It's Barbara?"
Helena stared at her glass. "Yeah…"
"She doesn't hate you. She knows, and she said she wants you with us."
"I know… But it's hard to be with her every day and… well… you know. Hide my feelings from her. Restrain myself from touching her, not tell her how much I love her… Shit." She poured more liquor.
"That is not going to help you to solve things." Dinah pointed at the bottle. "And I'm sure it's not going to make you feel much better."
"Well… at least I can sleep like a log after the tenth bottle." The brunette laughed.
"Come on, Helena, stop this." The teen took the glass from her hand.
"I love her, I'm in fucking love with her…"
"You need to move on, Helena… she will never… love you back. I mean, she loves you, but not like you love her."
"I know." The young woman rubbed her eyes. She didn't want Dinah to see her crying.
"Let's get you in your bed," she patted her shoulder and stood up. "You need to start patrolling tomorrow. I have your "El Gato" mask ready."
"That is not funny."
"It is to me. Come on, up you go."
Barbara stared at her computer screen. She was confused, the last few weeks had been very confusing for her. Knowing about Helena's feelings for her and confronting the younger woman about it had made her analytical mind work and explore feelings and thoughts deep inside her. Feelings that she couldn't accept, they were against all her beliefs.
She always had visualized her life in a different way, being a crime fighter, later marrying, having children, having a happy family… and yet… nothing seemed to be going as she planned. She lowered her head and looked at her legs.
She moved her hands and rubbed her thighs slowly.
The Joker had stolen an important part of her life. He changed all her dreams and goals, but not her resolution to keep going… well almost, until Helena had shown up, giving her a strong reason to not surrender.
Helena was an important… an indispensable part of her life, she corrected herself.
Indispensable.
How indispensable?
Answering that question scared her.
The elevator's doors opened and Dinah walked inside, hugging herself. The redhead rubbed her eyes and put her glasses on the desk.
"Dinah, where have you been? It's late."
"Helping a friend."
"A friend?"
The teen stood in front of her.
"Barbara, what do you feel for Helena?"
"Excuse me?" Barbara asked, surprised.
"You were just a ghost in the Tower when she was gone! When she came back your face changed, you were happy; it's impossible to miss how you change when she is near or when she is far."
"Wait a minute…"
"Jealousy has been killing you since you found out she was dating Josie. Barbara, please! Who are you trying to deceive?"
"Dinah! What are you trying to say?"
"I'm not trying to say anything, I'm trying to get you to open your eyes and see your own feelings."
"If you are insinuating that I love her, you are wrong." Barbara began to feel uncomfortable with the conversation.
"Why?" Dinah asked.
"Because I don't and… and… she is a woman!"
"Is that the whole problem? She is a woman? So what?"
"There are rules and…"
"You have uptight moral issues…" The blonde finished her sentence.
"Dinah!" the redhead almost shouted.
"Whatever, but it's a shame you close the door to happiness just to follow'rules'." The blonde shook her head and walked toward her bedroom.
"You don't understand."
The teen stopped and turned to look at her mentor.
"Yeah, and maybe you should stop and think that there was life before rules and there is life after them too."
She disappeared down the corridor, leaving the redhead lost in her thoughts.
The former Batgirl stared at the red signal on her screen. Helena's movements. Her young protégée had a rough night. A building in one of the poor areas of New Gotham was on fire. The young crime fighter had helped people that were trapped on the top floors.
She'd disappeared for three days, as she always did when she was sad. She sent Dinah to look for the brunette. Knowing some one was hunting her, it was best to be sure she was all right. She couldn't sleep last night, staring at the blank ceiling of her room.
She couldn't get the image of the brunette out of her mind. She was really happy when she was close. She wondered if there was any way to have things back as they were a few months ago. It was stressful to know what her protégée was feeling for her…
How would it feel to love another woman? How would it feel to love Helena? Sometimes the question died in her mouth. She didn't want to hurt Helena more, but she still wanted to ask her:
How does it feel?
::I told Barbara it would be dangerous to send you there after your hangover.:: Dinah said, smirking.
Barbara blinked and turned her mind back to her computer.
::Why?.:: Huntress asked.
::You have still enough alcohol in your body to make the building explode.::
::Ha, ha.::
"Are you finished? No more people inside?" Oracle asked.
::Yes, I'm coming back home. Is there any pizza?::
"No, but I'll order one." Barbara smiled, she was a big kid. The image of Helena's tender look last night appeared in front of her eyes. Her eyes were feral, but it was still full of love; she'd never seen any one look at her that way, so open, full of hope.
It was like the look she had months after Selina's death. One night Barbara found her crying alone in her room. She wheeled inside and stopped next to her bed. She'd talked to her with a soft voice and, suddenly, Helena jumped on her and wrapped her arms around her with force, the girl was desperate, devastated after her mother's death.
She hugged her back, and after long minutes of smoothing her hair, the brunette finally lifted her eyes. It was the same look she had seen in her a few weeks ago.
Love.
After that heartbreaking look, Helena had embraced her, sweetly, softly, holding her tightly, as if she didn't want to let her go, but keep her there forever. It made her nervous. Her dear protégée was looking at her as a woman, not as a friend. She didn't deserve that love and devotion because she couldn't love her back in the same way.
Helena was a woman, and so was she.
The sound of the elevator doors opening pulled her from her thoughts. The young, dark woman stepped out of the elevator wearing just her black pants and her t-shirt. She was covered in dust and ashes.
"Where is your coat?" she asked, surprised.
"Missing in action," Helena grumbled.
"We need to buy fire proof coats," Dinah said, noticing she was burned. "Are you okay?"
"I think so… Just a bit tired."
Barbara did a quick visual analysis of her protégée. The skin on her face, arms, shoulder and chest was red. "You're burned…"
Helena looked at her arms. "Not exactly… Looks like I went to the beach," the brunette joked.
The redhead wheeled toward her and examined her closely. "Go take a shower, I'll put some cream on your skin so it won't hurt tomorrow."
"I'll need to put this on expenses, all my clothes are destroyed"
"No way, I told you not to wear expensive clothes on duty. Go shower."
"But I look cool."
"Go." Barbara smiled.
The redhead waited for her protégée in the living area. She knew the TV was a good weapon to keep Helena still. The brunette sat on the couch in a t-shirt and shorts. Barbara transferred herself to the couch and Helena sat in front of her while she put some antiseptic and cream on her burned skin.
Barbara was grateful that her protégée was okay, she would heal quickly, but it was best to take care of her and not leave everything to nature and her meta cells. She found herself getting lost in the sensation of the firm, soft skin under her fingers, Helena was firm but delicate at the same time, she really had a great back.
The feeling of Barbara's hands was wonderful, as always. Helena loved it when her mentor touched her. When the older woman finished with the front of her body, she laid face down over the redhead's lap, closing her eyes.
Shit.
Barbara's scent was stronger there. She felt heat running through her veins at high speed, arousing her in a second.
She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to calm her instincts.
The older woman lifted her shirt up and applied cream on her back with circling movements. Slowly, her fingers massaged her spine.
Helena bit her lips. Barbara was so not helping her control her emotions. The scent of her mentor was unique, tempting, and her brain hadn't missed it, sending signals to her whole body. Her sex was throbbing. Maybe all this was a bad idea.
Barbara noticed her young partner's breathing speed up; the brunette rocked her hips forward suddenly and then remained still. The lithe body was tense under her fingers.
"Helena, sorry… Did I hurt you?" she asked softly.
Fuck! She definitely wasn't helping with that melting voice. She could pounce on the redhead at any moment and seduce her.
"I think I need to go home." The brunette sat up abruptly.
"Why don't you stay? You look exhausted, after your hangover from yesterday and the extra work today; I bet you are wiped out."
"Thanks, I am, but I don't want to bother you." Helena swallowed, thinking that a good cold shower would be useful right now.
"You never bother me." The redhead's voice was warm. She examined her protégée, who paced nervously in front of her. Something was wrong.
"Hel?"
The young woman closed her eyes, fisting her hands. She took a deep breath before turning slowly toward the redhead and asking, almost in a whisper, "Look at me, Barbara…. What do you see?"
The redhead was suddenly pinned by an intense and predatory gaze. They were face to face, Helena's hands resting on the arm of the couch.
The brunette wanted to take the older woman, without asking, lose herself in that magnificent body touching, tasting. Her scent was everywhere; it was like a powerful drug that enflamed her senses. Her eyes morphed to an aroused gold.
"Tell me, I want to know." She lowered her face. "Do you see a kid? A stubborn crime fighter? Or maybe you see something you don't want to see?"
"I don't… want to see?" Barbara swallowed.
Helena's answer, whispered in her ear, made her shiver.
"A woman."
The brunette moved back, closing her eyes, trying to control her self. What the hell was she doing? Barbara would never love her, she couldn't tell her. She stood up, feeling her heart breaking again, she couldn't dream of her, she didn't have the right to do it. She didn't deserve it.
"As you said, I need to rest," she said, stepping back.
"Helena, look at me," Barbara said.
"I gotta go."
"Helena, look at me."
The brunette turned, she was not in the mood to deal with this. The redhead trapped her wrist and pulled her roughly toward her. Helena put her hand on the arms of the chair to stop herself from falling to the floor. The redhead kept tightened the grip on her wrist.
"I said look at me!"
Helena took two deep breaths. Her tension was evident in the muscles of her arms.
"Please." Barbara said softly.
The dark head lifted slowly. Under rebellious bangs, she could she golden eyes still glowing, regarding her. Helena was aroused. She couldn't hide her desire for her.
She gasped, feeling her cheeks invaded by a warm blush. She was hypnotized by feral pupils; it was like being under a magic spell that hit directly at her core. Shit… she loved that woman.
Wait a second.
What had she just thought?
She was in love with her? But Helena was a woman…
Helena read the confusion in the redhead's eyes and, ashamed, turned her head.
"Fuck, I'm sorry," she growled.
"Helena…" Barbara tried to organize her thoughts and feelings. And it was pretty confusing because her brain was indicating one way and her heart was beating faster, urging her to go another way.
Her young ward turned, annoyed. "What part don't you fucking understand?" she shouted in frustration. "I'm in love with you! I want you! Every time you touch me I lose control! Your smell arouses me! Your voice, your fucking voice, turns me on! I just want to jump on you and take you!"
Barbara listened in astonishment.
"I'm just trying to keep my distance so I don't hurt you and … and…" Helena balled her fists, "and stop feeling what I'm feeling for you."
She moved toward the elevator without saying a word. Barbara watched her go, confused.
She felt her heart break. She lowered her head and closed her eyes. A tear escaped her eye.
Why was it so hard?
Why was it so hard to accept that she was in love with her.
She loved her. She had been trying to deny it, but she couldn't anymore.
She was in love with Helena.
Part Fifteen
A lot of interference. Oracle could barely hear the woman's explanation, but the word 'sound' gave her a good idea as to what was happening. She couldn't detect any sound, but she knew that Huntress could hear frequencies that normal humans could not; she turned and checked her protégées receivers.
She opened another window.
Bingo.
She found the sound, it was a very low frequency level. The graphic on the screen showed it was at a dangerous levels for the brunette. She knew that when intense sound waves were combined with excessive low-frequency vibrations, the effect was tremendously painful to humans. In Huntress' case, it would be worse.
"If you can hear me, get out of there!" she shouted in the mic. "Huntress!" She opened an alternative mic, her other protégé was in her bedroom and the dark woman needed back up. "Dinah, Huntress is in trouble, hurry!"
Josie crossed her arms and released the button. She took her cell phone and dialed a number.
Huntress moved restlessly on the floor, moaning. That fucking sound was breaking her ear drums. She needed to find a way to escape. Oracle was saying something to her, but she couldn't understand well, the sound stunned her.
"I got her, hurry," Josie said, watching the brunette.
The brunette tried to attack, but Josie saw it and hit her with another low frequency wave. Helena hit the ground crying, trying unsuccessfully to block the sound with her palms over her ears.
"Bad movement, honey, you are mine." Josie sighed.
Barbara picked up her laptop, after worriedly checking Huntress' vitals. She knew some sound levels could produce a heart attack, and her protégés was having an irregular heart beat. She put her comms on and moved toward the elevator, followed by Dinah.
"Huntress, can you hear me? Hold on, we are on our way!" she said, pressing the elevator button to the basement.
"Hurts, little one?"
Josie sat on her couch, crossing her legs, observing the brunette. Helena was curled up in a tight ball, trying unsuccessfully to cover her ears and block the painfully sharp sound. The sound completely defeated her. Her eyes fluttered open and her body shook uncontrollably.
"Sometimes it's a disadvantage to have meta-abilities, no? Thirty more seconds and I'll fry your brains out. It would be a good lesson for you."