DISCLAIMER: I don't own CSI, Catherine and Sara or anything CSI related. Hannah Jenkins is mine though.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Hustle and Flow
I love my mom. I mean, she can be a party pooper sometimes, but today she let me go to the zoo with Chloe and her mom's girlfriend. I haven't met her mom's girlfriend yet, but hey, how bad can it be? If she is boring, Chloe and I can just run away and tell her to meet us somewhere or something.
To top it off, my mom took me shopping earlier and got me this really cool new shirt. Now Chloe only has to convince her mom to buy the same shirt and we'll be like twins. How cool is that! When my mom drops me off at Chloe's place, Chloe's mom invites my mom in. I hate when moms do that kind of stuff, I mean they are only gossiping about us. In a way it would be totally cool if my mom and Chloe's mom became best friends.
While my mom and Chloe's mom are talking in the kitchen, Chloe is showing me her iPod. She tells me her mom's girlfriend gave it to her. Maybe my mom should get a girlfriend.
My mom leaves-but not without giving me a kiss and a hug- which, by the way, is totally embarrassing. I'm not five anymore. Just minutes after mom leaves, I get the surprise of my life.
Chloe's mom's girlfriend, whose name I still don't know, parks her car in front of the house. The car seems familiar but hey, I remember the weirdest things. As the woman steps out of the car, I could swear I hear my jaw hit the floor. Well, I'll be damned! Oops, I didn't think that. I kinda don't know what to do or say at the moment. How do I react? I already know her.
Man, I don't think I've ever been this shocked in my life. I always thought she was into her boss, or even into my mom. It really seemed like that sometimes. Oh. My. God. My best friend's mom is dating Sara Sidle, my mom's co-worker.
Don't get me wrong, Sara is very cool. Hehe, come to think of it, I think she is scared of me. Whenever I'm at the lab, she starts to stutter to my mom. Maybe she is afraid mom will ask her to watch me or something, I always thought it was hilarious. Somehow I think now that maybe she isn't afraid of children, since she actually offered to take us to the zoo. Or was it Chloe's mom's idea?
Chloe apparently said something to me because she is poking me in the side. I guess I drifted off or something. I mean, this is like shocking. Should I tell Chloe I know Sara? There is no need to, as Sara walks into the living room to get us. She suddenly looks sick, but I guess she is just as shocked as I am. Shall I just introduce myself and pretend I don't know her? Or shall I fake being sick so mom can pick me up? Mom would know what to do, I'm sure of that.
Chloe squeals and runs over to Sara to thank her for letting me come along. I guess she didn't notice the weird situation. Chloe's mom, however, is looking at me as if I turned into an alien. I can't help but stare at Sara in awe. Maybe she knows what to do.
Sara smiles at Chloe and gives her a hug. Not like the hugs mom gives me, but more like the hugs I give to Greg before I leave the lab.
Chloe takes Sara's hand and pulls her towards me.
"Sara, this is...," she starts.
"Lindsey Willows," Sara finishes. Chloe looks up at her in awe, finally she got the picture.
Chloe's mouth is hanging open as she looks at me. "You KNOW Sara?" She asks me in disbelief.
I can only nod.
Sara looks at me. When I look back at her, she smiles at me. Sara hardly ever smiles and I like the feeling it gives me. She is trying to make me feel comfortable. I like Sara.
The rest of the day seems to go by easily. It goes by without a hitch. I knew Sara was nice, but I never knew she was this nice. Chloe is so lucky that she has Sara. I wish she was dating my mom and not Chloe's. Sara bought us ice creams, but not in the way normal adults do. She just gave us the money and let us go to the ice cream wagon by ourselves! That was so cool! We got to pay by ourselves and Chloe and I were so proud.
I never thought Sara could be so cool. I just thought that since she worked at the Crime Lab she would be a nerd like that Grissom guy, but she is actually very cool. She knows a lot of things about the animals. It was like the first time in my life I had fun learning stuff. I'm so glad I'm not an elephant! Did you know they are pregnant for like, 22 months! My mom told me how she wanted me to come out after only 9 months. I can't even begin to imagine how an elephant must feel. I'm going to tell my teacher about this on Monday.
When we get back to Chloe's house I give Sara a hug and thank her for the great day. Chloe is all proud of her mom for having such a cool girlfriend. Well, I'm proud of myself for having a friend as cool as Sara. I have to find a way to convince her to spend some time with my mom and me. I'm sure my mom would love it.
Chloe's mom tells us we can play in the backyard for a bit. Chloe and I go outside, but I know what her mom is doing with Sara, it's not like I'm five! I don't understand adults. I mean, what's so fun about kissing? I kissed Ryan once and it wasn't anything special. It was like kissing my grandma, apart from the fact that Ryan is a boy.
Chloe tells me Sara promised to work on her princess castle with her. It's actually just a tree house, but who am I to judge?. At least Chloe HAS a tree house. Just as we are talking about Sara, she comes outside.
"Hey girls, are you two having fun?" She asks.
"Yeah, I was just telling Lindsey about the princess castle!" Chloe replies before I can say something.
Sara smiles and looks at me. "Do you want to help us with building it?"
I look up at her and nod. Did I say Sara is cool? She isn't just cool, she is awesome!
"Chloe, I have to go, I hope you had a nice day."
"I had a great day, thank you Sara," Chloe answers, giving Sara a hug.
Sara looks at me as if she doesn't know what to do. I hug her and tell her she should hang out with my mom and me sometime. Maybe I shouldn't have said that because she turns beet red. Maybe she likes my mom. Hehe. When someone likes someone else, they always turn red when you talk about that person.
Sara turns around to walk back inside but I stop her.
"Sara?" I ask. She looks at me like she is scared.
"What's up, Linds?"
"Do you want to hang out with me and mom sometime?"
"I'd love to, but I don't know if your mom wants to." She pauses to take a deep breath and then continues, "Linds, could you not tell your mom that you went to the zoo with me? She doesn't know about Chloe's mom yet."
I nod. "It will be our secret," I say to her. See? She treats me like a grown up. Of course I can keep her secret!
Sara winks at me before leaving. After she leaves, Chloe and I go inside to watch the new Barbie movie. I don't like Barbie, but Chloe does so I watch it with her.
Halfway through the movie mom arrives to pick me up. Thank God for moms! This movie is so boring.
We go home quickly, and on the way home I tell her about my day. I don't mention Sara at all, she will be so proud of me. When we get home mom orders me to bed right away. Oh well, you can't have it all. As I am getting ready for bed, mom is still talking to me. She is very interested in Chloe's mom's girlfriend, which is odd.
"So, what's her name?" My mom asks.
"It's Sara, mom!" Oops, I did not just say that.
I guess I did because mom looks at me like I grew two heads.
"Sara?" Is all she says.
Uh oh, I'm going to be in trouble. I just wanna go to sleep and never wake up. I won't survive this!
Shit. Goddammit. Motherfucker.
Sara is dating someone. And that someone is not me.
Suddenly Lindsey starts to cry. I probably upset her with my reaction. I gather my angel into my arms and whisper soothing words to her.
"I'm a bad person mom," she mumbles in between sobs.
I gently rock Lindsey back and forth.
"You're not a bad person, sweetie," I assure her, kissing the top of her head.
"I am. Sara is going to be so disappointed in me," she says before another fit of tears are rolling down her cheeks and on my shirt.
Damn Sara for making Lindsey keep this a secret. Of course she was going to tell me, for a child like her this is huge. Damn Sara for dating Christine Turner.
Lindsey's crying has subsided and she is almost falling asleep in my arms. Times like this make my heart swell, I love my little angel. I quickly walk upstairs to take Lindsey to bed. Today was a big day for her, she must be exhausted.
I plop down on the couch with a bottle of wine. I was going to the kitchen for just a glass of wine, but considering the situation, I might need the whole bottle. I thought that Sara would come back for more once she got her crush on me out of her system, but she is bedding some other woman instead of me.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I do want more from her than a good roll in the hay. A really good roll in the hay. I fill my glass again and empty it in about the same time. I need to talk to Sara. I only have to figure out what I'm going to say to her.
After I've finished the whole bottle of wine I decide to call Sara. I have to talk to her and it can't wait until tomorrow. I dial the number that has become very familiar. I hardly have to think about it. My finger just moves over the keypad as if it's the most natural thing in the world.
Normally Sara picks up after two rings, but now it takes longer. After the seventh ring, she finally picks up.
"Sidle," she answers with a raspy voice.
Shit, she is probably with Christine. I didn't think about that.
"Hey it's me". Smooth, Cath. Very smooth.
"Erm Cath, now is kinda not a good time," she says. Her voice sounds hoarse.
"You're fucking someone else, aren't you?" Dammit, Cath! It's out before I realize it.
"Cath, please," Sara pleads.
"Don't "please" me, Sidle! I heard all about it!" I shout into the phone.
"It's not what you think," she says. She almost sounds scared.
"Lindsey told me, Sara. Did you really think she was going to be able to keep such a big secret? She is just a little girl!" I shout as if I have to cover the whole distance between us with just my voice.
"Cath," she says again. "Hang on."
I can hear her discussing with someone even though she has put her hand on the phone. A woman. It's probably that damn Christine Turner. I hear noises and suddenly she is back on the phone again.
"Fuck you Catherine," she sounds very pissed off now.
"That is the problem here," I say, laughing on the inside at my very stupid joke.
"You're drunk, Cath," Sara almost hisses into the phone.
"Yes I am. But I'm very much aware of what I'm saying," I answer.
"I think we should talk when you are sober," Sara says calmly.
Ok, at least she doesn't sound pissed off anymore. That's a start.
"I want to talk to you now Sara," I try to sound as serious as possible. This can't wait.
Again I hear muffled speech on the phone. Sara is talking to someone.
"Look Cath, I'm kind of busy "
Before she gets a chance to finish that sentence I'm shouting in the phone again. "You are busy fucking someone else!"
She lets out a deep sigh and hangs up. I throw my phone away and start crying. What the hell am I crying for? It's not like I'm jealous. I mean, I can have everyone I want and I don't really want Sara, do I?
My life has taken a turn in a whole new direction lately. Normally if I'm not at the lab I'm at home, but lately I've been spending a lot of time outside of my house. First with Catherine, which ended up being a big fat mistake on my part, and now I spend almost all my free time with Christine and her daughter Chloe.
Chloe was a bit hesitant at first, but after I took her to the zoo yesterday she totally turned around. She thinks I 'hung the moon', to use the little girl's words.
I didn't know what was happening to me when I saw Lindsey standing in Chris' living room. Chloe asked if her best friend could come along and I had said yes, not knowing that Lindsey Willows was Chloe's best friend. When I saw the little Willows my first instinct was to run. I was actually going to, but Chloe was hanging on my leg before I regained my senses.
Lindsey was obviously shocked as well, but the little squirt regained her composure very quickly. Thank God, because it really helped stop the awkwardness. We ended up having a great day together. I've always liked Lindsey. She is a very bright kid.
I promised Chloe to help her restyle her tree house into a 'princess castle', but I had to go into work. Grissom had paged me. I reluctantly left Christine and the girls to go to work. I have to say, even though it was very awkward in the beginning, I'm starting to like this family lifestyle.
Now I'm driving to Christine's house. Fortunately helping Grissom out didn't take too long- it was my night off, after all. I should get a gold star for going in anyway.
This relationship is still very new and I feel my stomach doing summersaults as I'm turning into her street. I don't know if I could love her. I mean, love is a big word, but I definitely like her. I like being with her. I like the way she holds me. I like the way she kisses me, but most of all, I like how she is so patient with me. I know I'm testing her patience. It's been three weeks and I still haven't slept with her, even though we did get very close once. It just doesn't feel right yet.
I'm glad I got Lindsey to promise not to say anything to Catherine yet. She would be so pissed off if she had to hear something like this from Lindsey. I'm going to tell her myself, I just haven't gotten around to doing that yet. For some reason I haven't had much time alone with her lately. Not that I mind. I need to get over her. That's a lot easier said than done, though. I keep thinking of her, of our time together. She is such an amazing woman.
I shake my head to exorcise Catherine from my thoughts. As I get out of my car, Christine is already standing in the doorway to greet me. It's so nice to come home to someone who cares for you. I gently kiss my new lover on the lips before walking inside.
"Hey babe," she says with a seductive smile.
I love her smile.
"Hey," I reply.
I know she is up to something. The way her eyes twinkle, it just gives away everything. I like that about her, there is no secret side. She doesn't hide anything from me.
I hang my jacket up and walk towards the living room. Suddenly I feel Christine hugging me from behind, whispering something in my ear.
"Hmmm," she purrs, "someone is looking hot tonight."
I gulp. She does her sexy purr almost as well as Catherine can do it.
I turn around to kiss her. I have to get Catherine out of my mind. Her lips are so soft and they are very willing to let my tongue slide through, into Christine's sweet mouth. As I gently squeeze her ass, she moans into my mouth.
Christine pulls me onto the couch. I mumble Chloe's name in between kisses, worried we will wake the little squirt up.
"At her dad's place," Christine mumbles back before attacking my mouth again.
Oh, so we are home alone. Nice.
I slowly unbutton her blouse without breaking the kiss. Her skin feels so soft. I try to focus on the feel of her while I move my kisses down to her neck. This is probably as far as we have gotten before, necking like teenagers on the couch, on her bed, in the kitchen and in the pool in the backyard.
Christine moves up a little and looks at me. Her eyes are dark with desire and the look she gives me is sending shivers down my spine. I wish Catherine would look at me like that; not just with desire, but also with love. She smiles at me cockily while she unclasps her bra.
I just sit there, staring at her. She is beautiful. I'm about to move forward and taste the newly exposed skin, but I'm stopped by the ringing of my cell phone. The shrill sound of my ring tone is answered by two groans, Christine's and mine.
I'm turned on and agitated. I hope it's not Grissom calling me in again, because I will seriously kick his ass if it's him. Without looking at the caller ID, I pick up.
"Hey, it's me," the voice on the other side of the line says. Shit, it's Catherine.
I look at Christine, who is motioning for me to hang up. God, the way she looks at me.
"Erm Cath, now is really not a good time." When I address Catherine by her name, Christine looks up at me. I think I'll have some explaining to do after this phone call.
"You're fucking someone else, aren't you?" Shit, Cath is drunk. She couldn't have picked a worse moment to call.
"Cath, please," I plead, hoping she will come to her senses.
"Don't "please" me, Sidle! I heard all about it!" She shouts at me. I look at Christine, but fortunately she hasn't heard what Catherine said.
"It's not what you think," I try. I don't sound as confident as I wanted to sound. This catches Christine's attention. She looks at me questioningly. Dammit.
"Lindsey told me, Sara. Did you really think she was going to be able to keep such a big secret? She is just a little girl!" She shouts at me.
Shit. Lindsey. She knows. I don't think I've ever seen or heard Catherine while she was drunk. Why did she get drunk in the first place?
I sigh. I guess at least I can talk to Catherine now. Even though it's not the best moment, it was my fault for not telling her in the first place.
"Cath," I start. Then I decide that I do not want to discuss this in front of Christine. "Hang on," I say before putting my hand on the phone.
"I've got to take this call," I tell Christine.
She pouts at me. "Do you really have to? You're not being called in are you?"
"It's a personal matter, I really have to take this," I plead, hoping she will not get angry with me.
"Whatever," she says, buttoning her shirt.
I get up anyway and walk into the kitchen for some privacy. Damn you, Catherine! First you break my heart and now, when I've just started getting over you, you are doing it again! Who does she think she is?
"Fuck you, Catherine," I say, a little bit harsher than I had intended.
"That is the problem here," she replies. I can't believe she thinks this is funny!
"You're drunk, Cath," I almost hiss. I'm getting very close to being very pissed off.
"Yes, I am, but I'm very much aware of what I'm saying," Catherine answers. This only shows she is further gone than she thinks. She is making a complete fool of herself.
"I think we should talk when you are sober," I say. I do want to give her that chance.
"I want to talk to you now, Sara," she says as if it's the most urgent matter on the planet.
"Sar, what is taking you so long?" Christine startles me. She is leaning against the doorframe. She looks sad. I think she knows.
I hold up my finger. "One second, babe, I'm finishing up."
Christine sighs and turns around. Damn, I have a lot to make up for after I hang up.
"Look, Cath, I'm kind of busy ," before I can finish my sentence, she cuts me off.
"You are busy fucking someone else!" She shouts.
I sigh. There is no talking to Catherine. No matter how much I care for her, Christine is more important at the moment. I don't want to hurt her. I hang up without saying anything.
As I walk back into the living room, my heart is beating in my chest. I never thought something like this would happen to me. I actually feel like I am cheating, while Catherine was VERY clear in telling me she didn't want me.
"Hey babe," I say to greet Christine.
I can see in her eyes that it is no use. I guess I better start talking.
I'm seriously lacking in the talking department. I know that, hell, the whole world knows that. And explaining a situation like this is definitely something that I'm not going to do. Christine is just going to have to trust me on this.
"I've got to go," I say as I button up my shirt.
Yes, I was pissed off with Catherine. But I was also worried about her. Some part of me still cared way more about her than I should.
"That was Catherine Willows, wasn't it?" Christine asks. We both know the answer to that question and in her face it shows. She is angry. She probably found out I know Cath because of my reaction to Lindsey. I guess I look really guilty because when our eyes meet, she sighs.
"Where do you know her from?" She crosses her arms in front of her chest, another sign that she is angry. I've seen her do it when Chloe crossed the line.
"Work," I answer, while I look for my jacket.
"Did she call you about work?" She raises her voice, probably without even realising it.
"No," I don't feel like explaining right now. I need to help Catherine.
I look at Christine, preparing myself to say goodbye. I don't think I've ever seen her like this, she seems so angry.
"So, she calls you about a personal matter and you don't know how fast you need to get your ass over there?!?"
Okay, I think she is jealous. Does she know about Catherine's sexuality?
"She needs my help with something," I say calmly. I hope that if I stay calm, it will rub off on her. I don't want to fight.
"And what about me, Sara?" she asks, moving closer to me, "don't you know I need you here?" Her voice lowered. This time she sounded more desperate than angry, I have to admit that this scares me.
I'm at a loss for words. I didn't expect her to say this. Instead of saying something, I kiss her gently. For me it's a lot easier to say something with actions than with words.
Christine pulls back and moves her hands to rest on my hips. She looks up at me and smiles. I can see in her eyes she is still insecure, probably about where she stands.
"I'm sorry, Sara, I just..,"
I cut her off by placing my finger on her lips. "Shh," is all I say before leaving her to stand in the living room.
I look back once more before leaving. I take a deep breath once I get outside. It seems that this crisis has been averted just in time. I'm just going to help Catherine. I'm just going to talk to her and then I will return to Christine. I promised Chloe I'd be there in the morning to help her bake pancakes.
This whole thing suddenly got a lot more complicated. What if Christine finds out I used to date Catherine? Oh God, I hope Lindsey won't tell Chloe about that. I start to panic, but then I realize that Lindsey doesn't know. With a sigh of relief I park my car in Catherine's driveway.
As I stand in front of Catherine's door, all kinds of scenarios are going through my head. I have no idea of the state I will find Catherine in. I just know she sounded very drunk. Oh God, Lindsey is probably at home. I hope the little girl is still asleep.
"What the hell are you doing here."
I guess she noticed I'm here. She opens the door and lets me in. It's even worse than I thought. My heart sinks at the sight of her.
She is still wearing the same clothes as before, but only now they are wrinkled and stained. It looks like half of the wine she drunk ended up on her clothes. Her hair is messy, just like it always was after our extensive fuck sessions. But only now I know it's not from having sex. Her mascara is all over her face, she has been crying.
"I came here to help you Cath, you sounded like you needed someone," I say as I take my jacket off.
"I don't need anyone, Sara, I'm fine," she says. I would have believed it if she didn't slightly slur.
"Come on Cath, let's get you to bed," I say as I guide her to her bedroom.
There is no way I can talk to her now. Not that I had planned that, but we should at least wait until she is sober.
"Ah, trying to get me into bed already, aren't you?" She smiles that sexy smile of hers.
"Yes, I'm going to get you into bed, but just you, I'll be leaving after that," I reply. This would have been funny if I wasn't in so much trouble.
As I help her taking off her clothes, the smell of alcohol fills my nostrils. It's almost sickening, how much did she drink?
"Cath, you need to take a shower. You wouldn't want Lindsey to smell you like this in the morning," I tell her.
She laughs out loud. "What do you care?"
"Come on Cath, work with me please," I plead.
"I hate you, Sara, you know that," she says as she looks me straight in the eye.
It hurts to have her say that. I don't know where that came from all of a sudden. I just hope she doesn't mean it.
"Let's get you into the shower," I say as I help her into the adjoining bathroom.
How am I going to do this? She can't really shower in her underwear and I don't think it would be a good idea if I see her naked. Fortunately, despite the amount of alcohol she consumed, Catherine is still coherent enough to realise I feel uncomfortable.
"I can shower myself, thank you very much," she says as she makes her way to the shower.
"I'll be out here waiting, call me if you need anything," I say as I quickly get out of the bathroom.
What did I get myself into? When I heard Catherine's voice on the phone, it seemed like a good idea to come over. But now I'm actually here, I wonder what the hell has gotten into me. Why would I leave Christine, a woman who wants me for me, to help out Catherine, a woman who just wants me for the sex. I'm just looking for trouble.
Christine is not stupid, she will find out. I'm being unfair to her. But then again Catherine is my colleague and I'd like to see her as a friend as well, she needs my help. Everyone has their bad days, right? I'll just go back to Christine later and make up for leaving like I did.
As I sit on the bed, I feel like the walls are closing in on me. This whole room smells of Catherine. She smells so good. It was actually one of the first things I noticed about her.
I look around her room and see several pictures of Lindsey and Catherine, at the beach, at a theme park, at Lake Mead, at the lab's Christmas party. There is a picture of our whole team. There is one picture of her and me, talking at one of the parties we held in the lab, it catches my attention because I don't recall it being taken.
"That was last year when we celebrated Lindsey's birthday at the lab," her voice startles me. She sounds a lot more coherent than she did before. I guess the shower has sobered her up a little.
"I don't remember it being taken," I say, avoiding her eyes.
"Lindsey did it. She thought it would be cool to have a picture of just you and me," Catherine moves in front of me.
She smells so good. I can't help but look up at her and smile. I'm sure that Lindsey will become an investigator later, or maybe host of a dating show. But she certainly has a nose for those things.
"Thanks," Catherine says as she takes my hands into hers. She looks embarrassed.
I get up and smile at her again. She still has a huge impact on me, this is bad.
"No problem, you should get some sleep," I say as I guide her to the bed.
Not that she really needs the help anymore, but she still is a bit unsure on her feet. I have never seen her drunk before. Normally she is very good at keeping her composure and her liquor. Catherine Willows is a woman who knows her boundaries. She crossed them knowing she was going too far.
"Sara, I..," she starts. But I don't want her to talk right now. I shake my head and she stops talking.
"Not now, Cath, you are drunk," I take a step back while she crawls into her bed.
"Thanks for coming here, you didn't need to," she says. She knew I would come. That's probably why she called me in the first place. She knows damn well what effect she has on me. And she is not afraid to use that knowledge. Damn her.
"It's ok," I reply. Dammit Sara, it's not ok. She shouldn't be doing this to you. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow at work," I say as I turn around. I have to at least try to show her she isn't affecting me as much as she thinks she is. But damn I can't lie to her.
"Come here for breakfast?" She asks, looking at me as if someone just kicked her puppy.
"I can't," is my answer. She knows where I'll be going, and where I'll be in the morning.
"Oh yeah, you have to go back to fucking that other woman," it sounds crude. She might as well shove a dagger into my heart.
I try not to let it show though. She was the one who didn't want me. I shouldn't feel guilty for going to someone who does want me. But this time, I can't pretend it doesn't hurt me. I reached out for her. I helped her, even though she didn't ask me to. And this is the thanks I get?
A single tear escapes and rolls over my cheek. I refuse to let her win, not this time. The voice in my head tells me that she is drunk and she doesn't know what she is saying. But Catherine Willows always knows what she says.
"At least she cares," I say before leaving the bedroom.
I hear Catherine shouting things at me, but I'm not listening. I guess this means the end of our friendship. Or what was left of it anyway.
I throw my jacket on the couch. It looks like Christine has already gone to bed. I don't blame her, though. I've been a downright bitch to her. I can't believe I put Catherine before her. I'm such a sucker for that woman.
Before I go into Christine's bedroom, I check in on Chloe. The little girl was exhausted when we came home. Her empty bed reminds me that Chloe is at her father's place. I chuckle, who would have thought I'd be getting along well with children like this?
I quietly close the door to Chloe's room and head for Christine's. I hope she will still let me in after what happened. My sneaking around the house was for nothing because Christine is sitting up in her bed. I'm not sure yet if that is a good or a bad thing.
"Hey," I say, not really knowing what else to say. I feel really stupid right now.
"Hey," she replies. I guess she doesn't know what to say either.
She pats the spot next to her on the bed. She wants to talk. I can do that. I think I've sorted myself out just enough to be able to talk.
As I sit next to her, she moves closer and rests her head on my shoulder.
"Let's not do that again," she says before placing a kiss on my neck.
"Chris, I..," I start, I sincerely want to apologize.
"Shhh, baby, let's not talk," she says before claiming my mouth.
Ok, let's not talk then.
While her tongue is demanding access to my mouth, she is crawling on top of me. Before I know it she is straddling me. It just got incredibly hot in this room. I'm a bit hesitant in the beginning. We've done this before, only last time we got stopped by Chloe knocking on the door. Since Chloe is not around tonight, it might mean we will be taking a step forward in our relationship. A huge step.
"Chris," I don't want to do this if I can't focus one hundred percent.
"Shh, baby, I want you," she whispers, ignoring my plea.
"Chris," I say again, more insistent now.
She stops kissing my neck and looks up at me. What I see in her eyes worries me. She is scared. Does she really need me that much?
"Sara, what's wrong?" Even her voice sounds scared.
"Are you sure?" I ask her, but I'm the one who isn't sure.
Christine chuckles. "Sara, honey, I'm a big girl, I think I'm way past that," she says as she gently strokes my stomach. "Are you sure?" she asks me.
To be really honest, I don't know the answer to that. Yeah, I want to, she was definitely turning me on. But am I sure? No.
She raises her eyebrow. "Sara, are you asking me this because you are not sure?"
I feel myself starting to blush. Great. Now she thinks I'm not sure. Which I'm not. Dammit.
"I just. I do want to talk," I say. And I do. I don't want to walk around feeling like I'm cheating on either woman, because I'm not. This is driving me crazy.
"Look, Sara," she says as she rolls off me and sits next to me, "I freaked earlier. I'm sorry about that."
She looks me straight in the eye. Something I never really liked. No matter what I do, my eyes always give me away.
"Baby, is there something bothering you? What did Catherine want?" She is firing questions at me all of a sudden.
As I sit up more, she crawls onto me again. "Sara?"
"I'm not good at this," I say as I move my finger between us, indicating I mean relationships.
"Sara, baby, we've been doing fine. What do you mean?"
"I'm not good at talking," I say. I want to blurt out that Catherine is my ex-fuck buddy and that I'm confused, but I'd better not.
"That's ok. You know I'm not pushing you. You were the one who wanted to talk," she says as she takes my hands into hers.
She is so incredibly sweet. I wonder what the hell I did to deserve that. Not two hours ago I was treating her like shit.
"I'm confused." There, I said it.
Oh boy. What have I done? Now I'm going to have to tell it all.
"Sara, what happened to you? Why are you so scared of moving further?" Christine has taken my face into her hands and is looking at me intently.
Oh no. We are not going to take that trip down memory lane. No way.
"I just don't have such a good track record," I can hear my voice is breaking. I hope she will let me get away with this. I really do NOT want to go into my past.
Christine kisses my lips gently. "Don't worry about it, baby. I mean, look at me. I've got an ex-husband, which is probably the biggest mistake of my life. Apart from getting Chloe out of it," she says with a smile.
For a moment, she just looks at me as if she is trying to read my mind. "I know there is more than just a bad track record. I can see it in your eyes. But I won't force you to talk to me. You tell me when you are ready ok? And if that means no sex until then, we can wait. I mean, I can show you how I feel in other ways," she says, her hands gently playing with my breasts.
God, I really don't deserve this. She is way too good for me. I close my eyes and just enjoy the feeling. I guess we can talk about Catherine later.
"Hmmm?" I'm enjoying her touches way too much to answer properly.
"Why did Catherine call you?"
"She needed my help with something," I say, my eyes still closed.
Before I know it, she is kissing me full on. Her hands are in my hair, on my neck, my shoulders and my breasts. It's hard to keep track, but it feels pretty damn good. Suddenly she stops. I open my eyes to see what's up. She is looking at me, puzzled.
"How long have you known Catherine?"
"About 5 years now. We've been on the same shift since I came to Vegas," I answer. I wonder where this is going.
"So you know what she is like?"
What does she mean, "what she is like"?
"What do you mean?"
"Well, she has got a reputation," Christine is hesitating. I can hear it in her voice.
"What reputation?" Is she saying what I think she is saying? What the hell?
"I've heard she sleeps around a lot."
"What?!?" Ok, that didn't come out right.
"Well, I've heard things when I was picking up Chloe from school."
"And you are telling me this because ?" She is not going to badmouth my Catherine. Err, Catherine.
"Well, I wanted to know if it's true."
"I don't know. It's not like Catherine and I are best buddies. When I'm at work, I work," I can't let her know I'm pissed off.
"I was just wondering if it had to do something with her calling you," Christine looks straight at me again.
I look back at her. Where did this come from all of a sudden? What do I say? Fuck.
To Be Continued
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